Friday, 23 April 2010

And you thought the French were bad drivers!

Here are some hard and fast rules for surviving driving in South Africa during the 2010 Soccer World Cup.

1. Never indicate - this will give away your next move. A real South African driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you
and the car in front of you, this space will be filled by at least 2 taxis and a BMW, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.


3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign.  No one expects it and it will only result in you being rear-ended or hi-jacked.

5. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS and EBD kicks in, giving you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's a good way to check if the people entering the highway are awake.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a guideline. They are especially not applicable in South Africa during rush hour. That's why it's called 'rush hour....'

8. Just because you're in the right lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a South African driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

9. Always slow down and rubber-neck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre. Never stop to help - you WILL  be mugged.

10. Learn to swerve abruptly.  South Africa is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to the government, which puts holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keeps them on their toes.

11. It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green. This prevents storks from building nests on top of the traffic lights and birds from making a shit on your car.

12. Remember that the goal of every South African driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

13. On average, at least three cars can still go through an intersection after the light has turned red. It's people not adhering to this basic principle that causes the big traffic jams during rush hour.

Now guys go out there today and make South Africa proud!!!

5 comments:

Bernie said...

OMG I don't think I could ever drive in South Africa or I am not sure I would even want someone driving me in South Africa....I have to say though I did get a smile from your advice on driving there........:-) Hugs

janie said...

to all of those of you who dont live in S.A. and think this is an exaggeration...you are sadly mistaken..VERY WORD IS TRUE...how sad.

cat said...

That freeking motorcyclist that almost bumped into me this morning was reading this for sure.

Brian Miller said...

apparently those rules are being adopted at various points here in the states as well. lol.

KrippledWarrior said...

I'm beetingthat bikers have a very low survival rate in SA.

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