Sunday, 31 January 2010

I could make living from My Dreams...

Yeah, I have weird dreams, epic dreams, dreams were I’m the director of casts of thousands and I call all the shots.


Wishful thinking? Affirmative.

My dreams are extremely vivid and I can remember my dreams most mornings when I wake up. I look forward to going to bed at night so that I can have another weird and wonderful adventure.

In my dreams I can fly, I can ice-skate, I’m a rock-star and can sing my little lungs out. I dance like Ginger Rogers and can woo anyone with my sensual violin playing. One wiggle of my hips and all the women want to be me and all the men want me. I can pretty much do anything my warped little mind concocts in my dreams.

I don’t need to use recreational drugs to be transformed into a wicked world of complex plots that are all shot in full colour, panning the surroundings with wide angled lenses. I simply close my eyes and lay my head on my plump duck-down pillow.

I’ve blogged about this before.

Remember a while ago, I told y’all that my favourite part of the day is when I get into bed at night and I rest my head down and start drifting?  I love those dozy last seconds before you fall into slumber and then my bonus it when I get whipped off on all sorts of thrilling quests - all over the world - and beyond.

Last night, I was a famous Gymnast performing in the Olympics. I was super skinny and ultra fit with dozens of cute figure-hugging sparkly lycra unitards in my tog bag. There was not a dimpled butt cheek in sight. My abs were like a wash-board and my bum shaped like a cute little peach, which a bullet could bounce off of.

I was strutting and prancing around the Olympic stadium knowing that I was going to win. Watching the crowd watch me.  Everyone went silent as I walked past and I knew that my competition had nothing on me. I’d been training for this moment since I could remember. I was a fine tuned machine.

I took to the beam, spinning and leaping through the air like a butterfly, so graceful and strong. The crowd went ape-shit when I finished and I was standing their back arched, hands in the air, so smug and totally satisfied by their wild applause. My attitude reminded me of those popular girls at school we all hated – you know that ones....the pretty girls that no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t penetrate their posse. I loved and hated myself at the same time oozing confidence.

Waiting for the results to appear on the score board, I smirked to myself knowing I would get the perfect score and get the Gold. When, the numbers appeared on the score board my mouth hung open in shock. I was stone last!

Did the judges not watch my performance? Did they not know I was the best? Did they not see my cartwheel to a handstand, full turn and then double somersault dismount off the beam? Were they all fekking blind and stupid?

I was livid! I couldn’t contain myself. I started ripping the place apart, flinging chairs, hurling cups at the judges and stormed out of there only to fall down a flight of stairs and literally snap my ankle at the bottom.

So here’s just one of my adventures that I live through every night. Wanna come with me?

By the way. Why do people say cats are clean animals? Aren’t they covered in cat spit?

A Birthday Party

Kaylin was invited to a friend's birthday party at a local indoor party venue. 

Killian had a Ben 10 4th birthday party and everyone enjoyed the cake and Ben 10 party bags filled with toys and sweets.

Killian on his Birthday Throne

nNathan tuck ing into his Party Bag
I let Megan phone a friend to take with to the venue because she wasn't actually invited to the birthday party.
Megan chose Wade who has just returned from Australia after a 6 month sabatical with his mum and dad.

They were so excited to see one another again. 
Wade talked non stop and Megan was happy to see an old friend.

Here they are waiting their turn to slide.


Kaylin, Alyssa and Nathan 
Christopher

Kaylin on one of the rides

Megan and Wade shoving each other to be the centre of the lens

Trampoline
Wade amongst the balls
Friends

Megan and her beloved Pickles

Saturday, 30 January 2010

Smile Pickles

Some Arb Pix from This Week

We have been focusing on family and trying hard not to think about our horrid circumstances with my Boerewors' job on the line. It's hard but I have the most amazing little family.  I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful little girls who make me smile every single day and friends and family who really care. 

Thank you for all your messages and prayers.  You have no idea what it means to me.  This weekend we will be chilling at home with my wee family and recharging my very flat battery.

Kaylin, Gillian and Megan before school today
Pickles
KK
Kaylin playing with goggles and face mask.  A MJ imperssionation...
Megan with her 2010 Soccer World cup Bafana Bafana Tee on
Pickles pondering over a book
 
My girls and Pickles

Friday, 29 January 2010

Freaky Friday - Episode 10 - Pranks

Theme : Pranksters


Did you know there is an "art" to pranking?  I said, pranking, not spanking... aka Prankonomy.


"There's a sucker born every minute."

"Take or be taken."

"Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see."

These aphorisms are so ingrained in our life, they're practically commandments. And for good reason: We are a credulous people.  A hoax, we are taught, is an invasive, aggressive stratagem - a nefarious short-circuiting of our natural social instincts, a hack of Trust itself, a deterministic, zero-sum shell game with a clear winner (the prankster) and loser (the gull).




















Ways to Annoy People in the Office:


  • Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that. 
  • Email your boss the message: I know what you did last vacation. 
  • Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) 





And who could forget JackAss?


Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O, Wee Man and his crowd of weirdos...


This is my favourite clip from Jackass movie.


Thursday, 28 January 2010

Chocolate Heals All Wounds

If you know anything about me at all, its that I'm the world's most dedicated Chocoholic.

So let me just say this is THE competition for c'est moi.

Head on over to Being Brazen and take a peek at her chocolate giveaway.  No, wait! What am I saying??? On second thoughts, just go to The Chocolate Club and bloody well buy yer own.  I've had a rough week - that's the under-statement of the decade!  I've had a fekking week from hell and back and haven't really felt like blogging about the depressing details.  Everyone else in Bloggerville seems to be so happy, content and chipper so I didn't want to piss on anyone's battery. 

So Back Away from the Chocolate....This giveway is mine!  All mine!  *evil chuckle*.


Members of The Chocolate Club are introduced to new, unique flavours each month and receive fine chocolates, beautifully presented and delivered direct to their doors (by courier) on a monthly basis. To become a member, just go HERE and sign up. Your first month is free and after that you will be billed R169 a month.



Look at this little orgasmic package including a mouth-watering and intruiging little rarity called Vodka Surprise.  Hmmmmmmm bring on a case of those babies!


Tuesday, 26 January 2010

A Sparkling Elegant Valentines Prezzie (and won't break the bank)



Head on over to Environmental Booty and get your Valentine a bottle of this gorgeous scent that lasts and last.

Sweet P's Organic and Vegan scents not only come in this stunning crystal heart container, they are inexpensive and contain no animal by-products!


I cannot think of a better gift to give or receive for Valentines Day.

The presentation is Eco-beautiful that contains essential oils which will last and have beneficial properties. Essential Oils-contain natural preservative action and produce real changes that our bodies recognize & process safely. Wow, all that in a scent? Yes, all that and more…

Just waiting for my arsehole to fall out...

My dad was in a car accident on Monday morning (see previous post) and is in Port Shepstone hospital. Mum doesn’t drive and I’m more worried about her being on her own dealing with all of this. Her landline was out of order yesterday which made it even worse for her.  She felt so alone and isolated because she couldn't get to my dad.  Thankfully my dad's CT scan came back clear but they wanted to keep him because of his high blood pressure and his head injury.  Waiting to hear the outcome of the blood tests the paramedics took.

Secondly, I get a call yesterday from my Boerewors to say he’s been suspended pending an investigation and he has no idea what its all about. His job is on the line and he has no clue what its all about.   Labour lawyers here we come!

Thirdly, Megan is desperately unhappy at school and is acting out. The after-care teacher asked her what is wrong and she said she's bored.  I had to chat with her last night to try and find out whats up with her. She's battling to fit, I think. Because they don't understand she's always played with boys (Megan is a die-hard Tomboy) and finds it difficult to fit in with the girls. They don't know her that well yet to know these things and she's finding it difficult to make friends and find her space at school.  Its making her very unhappy.  She said she's too shy to make new friends.

Our home was flooded over the weekend again with all the rains, luckily a good friend, Percy, came over and fitted a circuit and bouy attached to a pump that kicks in and drains water when the level gets to a certain point.  Thank you Percy!

However, we're living in what looks like a squatter camp.  My lapa is a mess, the grass and garden is so saturated in rain water that I have to put my Wellies on and squelch through the mud to get to where the cars are parked.  Its a nightmare. 

I have not had a good few days…and a person can only handle so much.

Asking for positive karma and prayers (thats all)

Sorry I haven't been reading or comment on your blogs.

Monday, 25 January 2010

My Dad was in a Car Accident

At 8pm last night my Mum gets a call from the Paramedics to say my dad has been in a car accident. 

They took him to Port Shepston Hospital for a head injury, cracked ribs and his knee has been torn open.  My mum doens't drive but even so, not having a second car, she had to get someone to take her to the hospital to see my dad.

By the time she got there, my dad was in the ER.  She said when she got there she got such a fright when she saw all the blood.  You bleed pretty bad with a head injury, so she wasn't prepared for all the blood.  She says his face looks terrible - all swollen and grazed.  Mum went with him to x-ray to make sure he has no fractures.  Everything looks clear but they need to keep him for observation with his head injury. 

He is in a normal ward for now and mum is going to see him again today after the doctor has been around to re-asses his situation.  She needs to take his eye-glasses because my dad's blind as a bat without them and they were completely smashed in the accident.  Mum is now stuck on her own with no car and unable to drive!  I wish I could be there for her - she is 700km away.

My dad says he was pulling out of a petrol station after filling up, when a mini-bus hit his car on the side.  It doesn't matter who's fault it was because the Paramedics took blood on the scene and my dad was well-over the blood alcohol limit.  I'm so glad he's okay but I'm angry that he was drinking and driving - again.  Perhaps, this will be a wake up call for him...

The car is a complete write-off and because of him being over the alcohol limit, the insurance won't cover him anyway.  So, he'll have to fork out money to buy a new car - another wake up call.

I know I sound harsh, but my dad has had a drinking problem for years and he has never admitted to it.  He could've had hurt or killed someone else in the other vehicle and then it would've been a lot more serious.  We're talking manslaughter then.  Luckily the little girl that was in the other car only sustained minor injuries and is at the same hospital as my dad is (so we can keep an eye on her situation too).

What a way to start a Monday morning!   When your phone rings at 5:45am - you know something is wrong and immediately you go all cold.

Will keep you posted.

Monday Male


Meet Bob (not his real name) from NoWriter, JustAnOverthinker who is another interesting Scotsman who's blog I love to visit.

Oh great thanks to Gillian and her Monday Male, I have a chance to talk about myself in a new arena, just the excuse I need. I suppose those of you who don't know me might wonder who I am. In the blogging arena my alter ego is known as Scotsman and my blogging home is No Writer, Just An Overthinker.

 
As you might guess from that I am Scottish. I can be found living in the Good Ole U S of A in a State where the people rarely understand my accent. The reason for living there? Well that comes down to having met a Chilean woman, only the second Hispanic I ever met, what happened to the first? Well as nice as he was he just didn't do it for me.

What else can I say about me? I'm a protestant Glasgow Celtic fan, which to the rest of the world probably doesn't mean that much but if you were from Glasgow and knew the history of the place it might go some way to explaining why I no longer live there. I have two step kids, one six, one a couple of weeks shy of being four who both have been converted into loving their 'chips' but on occasion think I'm too 'Scottish.' Kids!

I started blogging because I wanted a book deal, a movie deal and a biography deal. Actually that's a lie, that sounds like too much pressure and commitment for someone with no writing skills. I blog because its fun and I occasionally need an outlet for the pish that rolls around inside my heid.


Now to the questions that Gillian set, I was hoping for multiple choice but nae such luck.

1. Where were you born in Scotland and when did you leave to go to the good ol' U S of A?

I was born in Glasgow in the year of the snake a few hours after the King of Rock N Roll died and moved to the USA last year not much more than a few months before the King of Pop died. Sounds egotistical but I might be bad luck to musical royalty.

2. Are you a true Scotsman in the sense that you're stingy with your money or will you, on occassion, buy someone else a pint?

I'm careful with my money but if I've got it I'll spend it. Though you won't find me in a bar in Utah very often, thanks to the Mormons its kind of hard to find one.

3. What is the best thing about being married to a Chilean woman?

Oh thats easy, milk chocolate nipples. They are better than Tunnocks Tea Cakes any day of the week.

We are surprisingly very similar despite our upbringing so its probably a close run thing between my poor attempt at picking up Spanish and my lack of dancing skills that give my new family the most laughs.

4. Why do most men refused to ask for directions?

Men like the scenic route. Dr Livingstone wasn't lost, he was exploring, meeting new people.

5. As a Scotsman - Celtic or Rangers?

I was never a season ticket holder due to not having the time to take Saturday's off work so I never saw a Celtic vs Rangers game at Parkhead. However when I was younger and a student I did work at Ibrox for a season and a half as a match Steward. As a result I did take in a couple of Rangers vs Celtic games. I spent most of the game looking up to into the stands with my back facing the pitch so instead of enjoying the game I was looking at around 15000 very angry Rangers supporters while their team was getting beat. Any time I heard the words "He's a Celtic fan!" I would shrink a little more into the neck collar of my jacket until I determined that the person shouting was pointing at me. On those match days the walk to Buchanan Bus Station after the game seemed to take a little longer.


Why the rivalry between the clubs? I don't know. Could be its not helped by the fact that they are the two biggest clubs in Scotland, the Ireland connection and the fact that young people are inventive when it comes to keeping warm on a cold Scottish night.

6. What would be written on your gravestone?

Here lies a few bones and lots of hungry creepy crawlies looking for their next meal to feed on.

7. If you had a movie made about yerself? What would it be called and who would play your role?

What Did He Do? A first time actor I had never heard of and wouldn't hear of again.

8. Does it matter to men whether she has natural or fake boobs?

It matters to me that my wife has some very fine natural ones.

9. Who is your alter ego and why?

Other than blogging I'm too lazy to have an alter ego, now give me the remote to the tv - oh wait there are more questions?

10. What do you think would make men and women live happily ever after?

Not even bank managers believe in fairy tales anymore.

11. If you could have a super power for a day, which would you choose and why?

It would be nice to be able to click my finger and instantly have the dinner of my choice laid out in a plate before me. What do you call that power? Greed or a restaurants worst nightmare?

12. Do women pre-judge men on their outta wrapping?

Of course. My wife thought I was flaco (that's Chilean for skinny) and anorexic, but this flaco like Dr Jekyll hides a secret and is actually a chancho (that's Chilean for pig) by night.

13. Do blondes (I'm talking women naturally) really have more fun?

I don't know about the fun element because I've never really been attracted to blondes.

14. Do you belive in love at first sight?

I don't believe it works for the blind.

15. A threesome. Who would your two women be and why?

I ain't a juggler and despite living in a the US I don't feel the need for a lawyer, a psychiatrist or depression pills, I'm happy with one woman at a time thanks she more than keeps me happy.


Is that the end of the spotlight?

Thanks Gillian for the opportunity to borrow your blog for a bit, but now I need to get off the brown leather chair and do some real work.

Sunday, 24 January 2010

Fiona and Ronel


You'll be glad to know that I took Megan The Glen Shopping Centre today and she shopped at Toys R Us with her birthday money.

She finally decided on a SOS Station with three Police vehicles and a garage with a roller doors on either side.  It even has a CB / walkie-talkie that she can talk into. 

She's been Alpha, Bravo, Charlie-ing all afternoon.  Thanx again for sharing her birthday with us.

Roger that?

Over and out.


Kaylin, Pinkie, Megan and wee Pickles



Kaylin, Megan and Pickles



Saturday, 23 January 2010

Dyno Day Porters Ford Germiston

We spent the morning at Porters Ford in Germiston with The Orange Beast (our Ford Focus ST) and the Ford ST Owners Club and Team ST where they put on a massive Dyno Day for all the members.

It was great to see some of the old faces again because its been quite a while since we went to an event and so many new faces too.  I felt OLD! 


All the STs queuing up for the dyno



Megan rockin' on



Turbo aint enough for this dude!
Bring on the Nitros (wot a cute wee button too)
His cabby pulled 271kw on the wheels (without the Nitros!!)
Go Jacques


Another Nitro Dude, Koos!


Megan being silly in front of the dyno machine


Some other Fords showed up!
I still love the shape of the wee Anglia


The highlight of the day.
They had the Ford RS on display and she was gorgeous!


Hmmmmm naaais


Pretty little thing


Megan and Kaylin thought she was cool too.


Megan rockin' next to a Black ST


Ford Mustang.
Vroom! Vroom!


A true muscle car


How To Go Green Use Yellow

Aside from making a scrummy home-made Lemon Meringue Pie, fresh lemons have many cleaning-related uses that can cut down on the use of chemicals in our homes.

Skip the toxic chemicals found in the majority of store-bought products and get straight to the power of Mother Nature?

Using lemons to help with your cleaning is easy and effective. As we learn more about the devastating effects of toxic chemicals on our health and the environment, cleaning with kitchen ingredients is becoming fashionable and earns you some green points!

Lemons have antibacterial and antiseptic properties, making them ideal for cleaning your home. They also help to remove stains with their mild bleaching power.

A Stain Remover

Many of us will remember trying to get streaks in our hair by putting lemon juice on it and sitting in the sun! You can do the same on white clothing. Dab a little lemon juice on stains, leave to work for a few moments, and then wash as usual. Hang the clothes outdoors to dry on a sunny day to allow the sun to add its bleaching effect too.

If the stains are well soaked in, make a paste from fresh lemon juice and crème of tartar. Apply the paste to the fabric and leave in the sun for an hour. Then wash as usual. Keep an eye on the clothing, as lemon juice can be very powerful!

You can pre-soak white clothing in lemon juice if it needs to be brightened. Slice up a lemon and place in a large container. Pour boiling water over the lemon, cover and leave to reach the desired temperature. When cool enough add your clothes and soak them for an hour before washing as usual.

Alternatively, put ½ a cup of lemon juice in the rinse cycle of your washing machine and hang your clothes in the sunshine to dry.

Clean Kitchen Surfaces

If your kitchen work surfaces have marks on them, put a few drops of fresh lemon juice on, leave for a few minutes, and then rinse and dry.

Smelly Dishwasher?

If your dishwasher starts to smell musty, run the machine empty, apart from 1/4 cup fresh lemon juice in the soap dispenser. This will freshen up the machine, help kill bacteria and remove musty odours.

Grimy Chopping Boards

The antibacterial effect of lemons make them perfect for disinfecting chopping boards. Apply fresh lemon juice to the board, allow it to soak overnight and rinse off in the morning. This will remove any odours from chopping garlic and onions as well as removing bacteria.

Sinks

To clean bathroom and kitchen sinks, make a paste from fresh lemon juice and salt. Dip a sponge into the paste and rub around the sink to remove stains. Porcelain sinks in particular will love this treatment and sparkle beautifully!  Rub your taps with Lemon peel to make them really twinkle.

Lime scale Build Up

Lemons can help dissolve hard water deposits and soap scum. Rub a cut lemon around your taps or around your sink, leave to work for a few minutes, and then rinse.

Keep a plant mister in the shower room with a mixture of the juice of two fresh lemons and water in it. Wipe around the shower panel and tiles with this mix after showering to prevent lime scale building up.

To prevent lime scale in your kettle, put some fresh lemon peel in the bottom, top up with water, bring to a boil and then leave overnight. Rinse well in the morning and your kettle will be lime scale-free.

A Furniture Polish

Combine one part lemon juice with two parts olive oil for a nourishing wooden furniture polish. This will add shine and bring out the natural beauty of your furniture.

Brass

Make a paste from fresh lemon juice and bicarbonate of soda (baking soda). Apply this paste to any brass fixtures or fittings in your home, such as door handles and light switches. Rub gently with a soft cloth and buff until it shines.

Copper

Give your copper pans a brilliant shine with lemon. Cut a fresh lemon in half, dip it in some salt and use it like a scouring pad. If you have copper pipes in your bathroom or other copper materials in your home, these will benefit from the same treatment.

Air Freshener

Lemon leaves a fresh, uplifting scent in your home. Either chop up some fresh lemons and boil them in a saucepan of water with the lid off for half an hour, or put half a fresh lemon in the oven after you have finished using it. The residual heat from the oven will release the aroma into your kitchen and get rid of stale cooking smells.

Alternatively, make up a spray bottle of the juice of a fresh lemon topped up with water. Keep in the fridge and spray liberally around your home for a zesty scent.

Quick Tips

• To get more juice out of a lemon, make sure they are at room temperature, or warmer. (Warm in the sun or a microwave for a few seconds)

• Remember that lemon juice is a mild acid - don't get lemon juice in your eyes!

• Lemon juice goes off surprisingly quickly. Keep any fresh juice in the fridge and use within 4 days.

• To remove the smell of fish from knives and chopping boards, rub them with lemon peel.

• To remove odours from plastic containers, fill with luke warm water, pop in a few slices of lemon, and leave to soak.

• To make your wok shine and prevent it oxidising, boil some lemon peel in it.

Friday, 22 January 2010

Freaky Friday - Episode Nine

As long as I can remember I've been reading the Guiness Book of World Records.

My dad was a collector of The Guiness Book of World Records annual editions and my mum was never stumped as to what to buy him for Christmas every year. When I was really little I loved carefully paging through the large hard cover book looking at the pictures and the freaks of course.  Later on, when I could read, I studied all about the photos I practically memoried and it opened up a whole new Freaky World.

So, now as an adult (kinda), I have carried on the tradition and still buy The Guiness Book of World Records for myself.

Therefore I am a atop with useless information...and my own wee freak at dinner parties.  I have yet to purchased my blue shiney 2010 edition.  They cost a small fortune in SA these days.





Lee Redmond (USA), who has not cut her nails since 1979, has grown and carefully manicured them to reach a total length of 8.65 m (28 ft 4.5 in) as measured on the set of Lo show dei record in Madrid, Spain, on 23 February 2008.  Her longest nail is the right thumb: 90 cm (2 ft 11 in). 

Now you may say, whats to freaky about that, right?  Can you imagine doing the simplest of tasks with those claws?  Wipin' yer arse after a no. 2?  or trying to tie or your buttons or lace your shoes?  hmmmm rather limiting when it comes to DIY if you KWIM?




You try and eat a 12" pizza in under two minutes!

The fastest time to eat a 12" pizza is 1 min 45.37 sec and was set by Josh Anderson (New Zealand) in an event organised by Scopa Ltd in Wellington, New Zealand, on 22 March 2008.



Here is the worlds oldest stripper!  Why would anyone wanna see this bloke nekkid is beyond me but thats the beauty of The Guiness Book of World Records.  There are all sorts of freaks in this world...

Bernie Barker born July 31, 1940 in the US of A of course is a regular performer at Club LeBare, Miami Beach, Florida, USA and  began his career in 2000 at the age of 60 as a way to get in shape after recovering from prostate cancer.  He worked as a stripper until he passed away in March 2007. During his stripping career he won over 30 contests.


Geezo, I am still kicking myself to this day that I missed his show.



This cute pooch holds the world record for the most tennis balls held in his mouth by a dog at one time.  Augie, a golden retriever owned by the Miller family in Dallas, Texas, USA, successfully gathered and held all five regulation-sized tennis balls in his mouth on July 6, 2003.

Altogether now.....awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww


Most prolific mother ever.  You thought Kate Gosselin was a SuperMom?

The greatest officially recorded number of children born to one mother is 69, to the wife of Feodor Vassilyev (b. 1707–c.1782), a peasant from Shuya, Russia. In 27 confinements she gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and four sets of quadruplets. 
 
Guitar Hero World Record Freak (I love playing this song on Legends of Rock)
 



The record for the most sheep shorn manually with scissors or handblade in 8 hours is 50 by János Marton of Hungary.

Marton completed his challenge, without any breaks, on April 26, 2003 at Hódmezovásárhely Animal Husbandry Show, Hódmezovásárhely, Hungary.

I'll bet this guy could be hired to carve your pumpkin at Halloween.

Give him a call at 0800-i-don't-just-sheer-sheep.

That's all folks.

Over and out.

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