Friday, 31 December 2010

Happy Hugmonay!

Haggis, Whiskey, Auld Lang Syne...lets go first-footin' with our lump o' coal, freshly baked short-bread, a bottle of whiskey and a slice o' the ol' black bun.

Lang may yer lum reek!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

 


Sunday, 26 December 2010

Our South African Christmas

Two very excited girls on Christmas morning
KK getting on top of things
Megan excited to be getting her Nintendo DS XL with every accessory imaginable.
KK very impressed with her Hello Kitty Kitchen
Gift opening aftermath
In the car on the way to the In-Laws. 
Megan with the Nintendo firmly in her ears, KK with her new dolly
KK opening more gifts from Ouma and Oupa and Aunty Ronel and Uncle Petrus!
Werner and Megan chuffed with their stash
Morne and Werner
Ouma - my mother in law thrilled with her recipe book from Ronel
Ronel looking on
Oupa (my FIL) and yours truly.
Everyone settling down outside to a wonderful Christmas feast in the blazing sunshine 
Someone always lands up getting thrown in the pool
A very happy Daft Scots Lass
 What a brilliantly PERFECT Day!!!

Last Christmas, in my stocking there was an Odour-Eater!

Hiya me lovelies.

Meet a funny pair of Singing Scottish Socks.   Yeah, you read right these two stinky Fuckers even  have their own fucking Channel on YouTube.!  Can you believe it?  What other shite will people think up to post of YouTube? 

Presenting The Singing Scottish Falseto Sock Puppet Theatre

 

Friday, 24 December 2010

When I was growing up, we had a petting zoo, and a heavy petting zoo - for people who really like the animals a lot!

Recent my sis and I and our off-srping visited the Johannesburg Zoo

We had a lovely time and the weather was gorgeous.  I got burnt to a crisp.  Here are some of the photos.

My girls in the push-car
One of the baby chimps
The Monkeys
The Lion
The Family
Wee CJ aka Claire Jane
All the Cousins
Feeding the Giraffe
Mother and Babe
Polar Bear
My Girls
White Rhino
Urangutang
A crowd gathering as we fed the giraffe
The Daddy Chimp masturbating. 

Forgive us our Christmases, as we forgive those that Christmas against us.





Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Mail your packages early so the post office can loose them in time for Christmas!



Have yerself a British Little Christmas...

Brussel Sprouts
Christmas Crackers
Wizard of Oz
Over-cooked Turkey
Trivial Pursuit
Afternoon nap





Monday, 20 December 2010

Every Christmas, I feel like a little child. But we always have turkey.

Photobucket

 
"Five Mother Fuckers"


Day 30 - The 30 Day Blog Challenge

Topic - A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days.


me and my mum

I made it!  Its the last day of my 30 Blog Challenge and I can't believe I made it.

The three good things that have happened in the past 30 days:

  • I have discovered I love vlogging!
  • I went on a brilliant wee seaside holiday to visit my mum and dad which did us the world of good.
  • I can make honey out of dog shite.  In other words, I can make a post from nothing and make it half-interesting...
I thoughrougly enjoyed the Blog Challenge (not sure you feel the same)

Normal transmission will resume shortly.

Sunday, 19 December 2010

Wee Red Riding Knickers - Part 4

Little Red Riding Hood wriggled out of her skirt and slid her pretty red thong down her thighs as the werewolf continued to gape at her. "I've always dreamed of being ravaged by a really fit werewolf."



"B-but I'll eat you, you silly child!" he stammered.


"Yeah, but whatta fucking way to go!" She squealed as she straddled him, flinging her arms around his neck and grinding her crotch against him.


"Come on, you animal!"


The werewolf needed no urging, and with a growl of unholy lust, ripped off her skimpy top and crushed his snarling lips against her breasts.


"J-just a minute," she said, "there's something you should know before you — uhh...mmm...yes — oh fuck yeah..."


She sighed deeply as the werewolf licked her belly and began circling her pert, pink nipples with his rough tongue.


"Look - I really think you should..." she began again as he took one nipple into his mouth and began to suck hungrily. She arched her back and spread her long legs as his enormous manhood grazed her thighs. The werewolf eyed her suspiciously as his curved talons idly stroked her breasts and belly.


"Are you trying to tell me you're not a virgin?" he asked.


"No," she moaned. "You're the first."


"Bit loose for a virgin, aren't you?" he asked.


"I ride a lot."


"Horses?"


"Wooden pony...uhh...actually," gasped Little Red Riding Hood. "Don't stop now."


With that, she thrust her pelvis violently upwards and locked her thighs tightly behind his back. "But don't say I didn't— uhh...oh...god...yes—warn you. Oh, your fur is so sexy against my naked skin. Fuck me like an animal!"


"You little slut!" Laughed the werewolf, raking her back with his talons as his fangs fastened on her neck, ready to rip open her throat the moment his lust was satiated. Little Red Riding Hood began to buck and writhe beneath him, urging him to greater efforts. The werewolf wrung cry after cry from her throat until she stiffened and climaxed with a long, drawn-out moan. Which is more than he did. No sooner had she relaxed than his snout opened in an ear-shattering howl of pain and shock.


"Well...I did warn you," she giggled as she rolled out from under him. "Quick! Grandma, skin the fucker before he can change back!"


His scream trailed off into an animal whimper as he staggered up, clutching what remained of his manhood, his face contorted with indescribable anguish. "Y-you bitch!" he screamed. "Y-you evil little slu—"


The rest of his words were abruptly cut off as the grandmother, who had been hiding behind the curtains, snapped his neck with one powerful blow and wielding a curved butcher's knife, proceeded to strip the skin off him with practised skill.


"Gosh, that was brilliant," gushed Little Red Riding Hood. "Much better than riding my pony. I'm SOOO wet. Is it always this good? No wonder everyone wants to do it all the time."


"Do shut up, Jennifer," said her grandmother as she pulled the skin off the werewolf with a distasteful grimace. "This is positively the last time I have anything to do with your strange fancies. Why can't you be content with a faux fur coat like any normal teenager?"


"Sorry, grandma," said Little Red Riding Hood, sitting down on the bed and swinging her pretty legs to and fro. "It's WEREWOLF fur. Even Paris Hilton doesn't have a real werewolf coat. Gemma and Stacey are gonna be sooo jealous when I come to school in a real werewolf fur."


"How did you know he hadn't eaten me?" asked the grandmother as she flung the bleeding corpse aside and laid the skin across the back of a chair.


"I could see your feet sticking out from under the curtains when he was shagging me. Anyway, everyone knows a werewolf is no match for a vampire, especially one as clever as you grandmumsy." And with that, Little Red Riding Hood flung her arms around her grandmother's neck and kissed her madly.


"Now, stop that Jennifer. You know it gets my blood up."


"Oh, bite me, grandma, you know you want to. Please! Just a little nip below my left ear, or maybe on the inside of my thighs..."


"I think there's been quite enough biting for one day," she said, gently disengaging herself from her granddaughter's passionate embrace and kissing her cheek fondly.


"Shall we smoke the spliff and drink the Brandy now, grandma? I do so love getting off after getting off."


"Not until you tell me what you did to the werewolf."


"Pussy teeth."


"Pussy teeth?" repeated the grandmother.


"Yeah," giggled Little Red Riding Hood, bending down and pulling a fiendish looking set of metal teeth from her pussy that would have made a piranha jealous. "I got them in the market. Serve the stupid wanker right for thinking a bloke could outwit two clever bitches like us."


"Ah," chuckled the grandmother. "Didn't I always say you'd fall in love at first bite?"


After they'd drunk all the Brandy and smoked all the spliff, the grandmother got out her deluxe Rabbit vibrator and was soon happier than she'd ever been. As for Little Red Riding Hood, she said to herself: "If I'd listened to my mother I'd have missed the chance to lose my virginity to a really fit werewolf and blag this wicked fur coat. Gosh, it's been such a brilliant day!"

Day 29 - The 30 Day Blog Challenge

Topic : Something you could never get tired of doing.

I would never get tired of looking at the ocean. 

I've spent the last four days down at the South Coast, Palm Beach, visiting with my mum and dad and its both lovely to spend time with them and be able to visit the ocean, watch the waves and spend time with them and the girls on the beach.

I missed my Boerewors and although it was a great few days by the sea side, it was GREAT to get home...


Palm Beach, South Coast, Kwa Zulu Natal, South Africa


I'm at the seaside.  Yipeee!

My girls at Palm Beach
My mum and dad, me and the girls

On the Twelth Day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
Twelve nymphos mating,
Eleven virgins waiting
Ten colonels spanking,
Nine schoolboys cranking,
Eight nuns assenting,
Seven monks repenting,
Six queers consenting,
Five dutch caps;
Four birth pills,
Three condoms,
Two IUDs,
And a call girl calling on me.

Saturday, 18 December 2010

Day 28 - The 30 Day Blog Challenge

Topic - Your Favourite Movie

Sense and Sensibility...with Emma Thompson playing Miss Dashwood.  A beautiful and heart-warming story.

Here are some of my favourite scenes.



Friday, 17 December 2010

Day 27 - The 30 Day Blog Challenge

Topic - A picture of you last year and now and how you changed since then?



Well you be the judge....

Here's two pictures of me a year ago at this time - Christmas time - and the only physical difference is that I've since cut my hair with a fringe (aka bangs)  to cover my forehead wrinkles (its cheaper than botox).  And I've had The Big Ass Mole on my face removed.

I don't think I've changed much physically. 

Perhaps packed on a few more pounds and a dozen or so more wrinkles and arse dimples, but otherwise I look pretty much the same.

I have changed on the inside a lot though.  I've been through a LOT this year.  2010 certainly has been an eventful year with my Boerewors losing his job, twice and not knowing how we were going to pay our bills sometimes and us nearly giving up on our marriage.

I've realised a lot of things about myself that I've been suppressing for fear of being judged.  I've finally opened up and let it out and I can't tell you how liberating that is.  I feel like a new woman, empowered and confident.

Our wee family has grown much closer together after all the hiccups. 

We're now on the right path is its awesome!



One with The Big Ass Mole that I haven't Photoshopped out.

I nearly always photoshopped my mole out of pictures because I detested it so much.  Ugly Fucker!  But now I don't have to!  My stitches came out yesterday and its healing beautifully!

Thursday, 16 December 2010

Day 26 - The 30 Day Blog Challenge

Topic - A photo of somewhere you've been to

Namibia 2003


A Namibian camping trip for 3 weeks - everyday in a different location.  It was a wonderful trip and an experience I will NEVER forget.  Ocean on the one side of the road and the dunes on the other.  Its truly spectacular.

You can read about my previous posts about it here

Namibian Sunsets the most beautiful in all the world!


A Daft Scots Lass and Megan at Fish River Canyon

Another Namibian Sunset

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Day 25 - The 30 Day Blog Challenge

Topic - What's in your purse?

My purse is where I keep my money and my credit/debit cards but I'm sure this topic means my handbag because the Yanks call it a purse.

So here's whats in my handbag (I would've done another VLOG but I know no one would watch it)

  • Make Up Bag
  • iPod, earbuds and charger
  • Letter to Santa from Megan (haven't posted it yet)
  • Deoderant
  • Lighter and Fags
  • 2 memory sticks
  • Hair brush
  • Tissues
  • A Car Freshener
  • Bills
  • Waterless Hand Cleanser
  • Ultima Fat Away
  • Three Pens
  • Scrunchie and clips to tie up my hair
  • Some dirty tissues
  • Car Keys
  • Purse 
But Who the Fuck gives a fucking rats arse about that, right? My grovelling apologies to bore you to fucking tears and very nearly slitting your wrists, here's a vid that brough me to tears in a different way!!!

 

I laughed so hard I nearly peed my knickers!

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

You can't say Cunt in Canada

Day 24 - The 30 Day Blog Challenge

Topic - A photo of something that means a lot to you




Hey Plonkers!  

My Acer laptop means a lot to me because without it I wouldn't be able to blog.  Well, I would because we have three other stand alone PC's in the house but with my laptop I can blog anywhere in the house and I'm mobile.

Its where I store all my photos, music and its where I surf the interwebs and watch YouTube.  I addicted to YouTube.  I love it.

Anyhoo, this maybe the shortest fucking post I've made for the 30 Day Blog Challenge.  There are tons of other things that mean a lot to me like my family, my hubby, my girls, my friends but I've blogged about them before in the Challenge so that wouldn't be fair....

Its time for my wee laptop to shine.  Shine, Bitch, Shine !

Love your fucking screen off, Lappy.  Mwah (I just kissed the screen)

Sunday, 12 December 2010

Day 22 - The 30 Day Blog Challenge

Topic - A letter to someone who has hurt you.

Mum and Dad

It wasn’t easy having to grow up so fast.

Listening to my your constant fighting, the anxiety of not being able to predict your moods or know what I was coming home to after school or calculate how drunk you’d be.

I feel I missed out on a lot. 

I often had to drag you to bed - passed out, I often had to keep you from physically killing each other, I often had to clean up broken dishes and patch up your wounds. I often had to make sure you got to work the next day and help you cover up black eyes and cuts.

You weren't  there for me as a young teenager. Like when I had my first kiss, my first date or when I needed help with school work (which suffered because of the volatile circumstances). On my matric farewell (prom), Dad, you forgot to come and collect me and I nearly missed the entire evening, which meant everything to me at the time.

All these things made me sad, agressive and quick to move out of home at 17 years old and start my own life. Not really knowing what to do or where to go.  Its been a struggle to find my place in life, therapy and friends have helped. I can now express all these things without feeling ashamed and worried that I will be judged for YOUR behaviour and YOUR choices.

Growing up in a home with two alcholic parents was tough but its made me who I am today. I have forgiven you both for all you did. The neglect, the unstable environment, the physical and mental abuse.

I will not forget but I have forgiven.

Saturday, 11 December 2010

I got goosebumps!!!

Photobucket


The Sweet Voices of Angels



Day 21 - The 30 Day Blog Challenge

Topic - A photo of something at makes you happy


Being silly, my silly family members and all its sillyness.  Crazy is relative term in our family.


I love to make people laugh, I love to see them smiling and having a good time.  Our wee family love to be silly and do it often.  We don't feel the need to worry about what other people think about us being silly - thats just how we roll. 


Our Motto:  As long as we're having a good time and giggling thats all that matters.  Live in the moment and throw yer knickers in the ceiling fan if you want to. 

I also love slap-stick humour and hence I love anything to do with bloopers, especially people being stupid and getting hurt.  I find it hysterical and cackle like an old whore at Carry On films

A Daft Kaylin
A Daft Boerewors
A Daft Megan and A Daft Scots Lass





So, on Thursday I fly down with the girls to go to the South Coast to see my mum for four days. I'm not sure if I'll have internet access along the way. Only access to my blog will be from my cellphone. So I guess I'll switch on automatic comments posting with no moderation so that I can read all the published comments as they come in.


I will still try to schedule my 30 Day Blog Challenge stuff so that I still make all my daily blog posts...so that you don't get too many withdrawal symptoms.  Oh I know you're going to...I see the DTs kickin' in already...


Stop with the retarded hand gestures...its confusing! Just suck it up and leave a comment!

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