Thursday, 10 March 2011

The Top 10 Not-So-Hot Bitches

My buddy El Jefe (he finks he's kewler dan me) wrote a wee guest post for us today. 

Yay, Go Jefster!  

So, off ye go and give him some love and pop in for a visit over at El Blog de Steve aka The Boss aka El Jefe.  He actually has more aka's than a dog could shite!

The Top 10 "Not-So-Hot" Actresses 
by The Boss

I recently posted a picture of a muscular Cameron Diaz on my blog. A friend of mine told me he loved the pic and that he thought she was so hot! I almost gagged! I do not find her the least bit attractive. Dude, you have some weird tastes or something. And my buddy was kind of a wimpy guy. Why would you want to go out with a chick that could kick your ass? You are asking for trouble. She asks a question and you answer wrong -- WATCH OUT! Your ass is goin' down!

Anyway, this got me to thinking about actresses that alot of guys think are hot, but I do not find very attractive at all. I came up with 10 of them in no particular order. See if you agree with me on these:

1. Cameron Diaz 

She has big muscles, which in itself does not make her ugly. I actually like a girl that is fit and in shape. If you have too much muscle, then it is a problem, Female bodybuyilders are not all that attractive. Probably because the steroids they take make their boobs shrink and their face look like a guy. Anyway, there is something else that makes Cameron Diaz look bad to me. It is the fact that she looks "old". Actually, she looks older than she really is. I look at her and I see a lady that looks like she is in her upper 50's or lower 60's. She is starting to get wrinkles in the face. Her body looks good around the shoulders and arms, but what about the rest? Is her tummy and butt getting wrinkled? Does she have stretch marks from working out? These are questions that I want answers too. She just doesn't do it for me. 

2. Renee Zellweger 

First, a fun fact: I went to school with Zellweger. She was taking classes at the University of Texas the same time I was attending school there. A friend of mine claims that we had one mutual friend and were at the same party several times. I have no idea if he is full of it or not. I guess she wasn't hot in college or I would have noticed her, even if it was before she was a star. She looked OK in Jerry Maguire, but not "HOT" This chick goes from anorexic looking to pudgy to frail to fat to normal and back to bulky in a matter of a month. What is up with that? Is that healthy? And her look is just so...boring! She always looks like the plain girl next door that was a little nerdy and very boring. 

3. Sarah Jessica Parker 

My foot (complete with in-grown toenail) is better looking. I hate anytime I ever have to look at her. As a matter of fact, I feel ill anytime I have to think about looking at her. Excuse me while I go to the bathroom to puke. 

4. Hilary Swank 

Not the least bit attractive! I cringe to look at her. She is a great actress, but she will never win any beauty contests. EW!!! Apparently she grew up around the Mount Ayr and Creston, Iowa area. I have several students who are her cousin. That is cool, but she still is kind of ugly. Sorry, I am just being honest...

5. Nicole Kidman 

I have just never seen it in her. She is average looking to me. Not "Hot". I hear people talk of her "intense" beauty and her "sexiness." I do not see it! Maybe it is the red hair but I have reddish hair and people aren't swooning all over me saying how sexy I am!!! By the way, I think she dumped Tom Cruise and is now with Keith Urban because she looked even uglier with Cruise, but with Urban, she looks ok. Let's face it, Keith Urban is no Tom Cruise. 

6. Drew Barrymore 

Not hot at all. She can look sexy in a trashy kind of way sometimes, but definitely not Hot. Not even when she went through her slutty stage was she "Hot." She is not a great actress and she talks funny too. And her past kind of freaks me out too. She was smoking before she hit 10, doing Coke (Yes, the blow!) before she was a teenager and she supposedly lost her virginity at age 12 or 13. WOW! I bet there are street hookers in NYC who were 25 before they had done all the things she did before hitting her teenage years.

7. Maggie Gyllenhaal 

A couple of years ago, she was listed as one of the Top 50 Hottest Actresses by People. WTF!!! HOW? She is Ugly! A complete Dog! Wasn't she in Batman or Spiderman or something like that? What freakin' superhero would want to go out with her? I mean you are a super hero for Christ's sake! Go for a model or other hottie, not Maggie "Bow-Wow" Gyllenhall. 
8. Kirsten Dunst 

Almost as bad as Maggie Gyllenhaal. Not much to look at with her. Plain and can put on the pounds just like Renee Zellweger. 



9. Kristen Bell 

She looks great when she is the only chick in the movie. But when she is in a scene with another average or good looking actress, she looks terrible. It is a pretty good optical illusion - I don't know how she can look so good when she is by herself but look so bad when she is with others.



10. Uma Thurman 

I hear her name from time to time on the "Hot" list. She is a good actress, but when it comes to looks, she doesn't have it. No attraction here. She is like an ugly stick.

Of course, many of you will say "Who are you to judge?" That may be true. BUT...I am your average 30-something dude that makes up middle America. So I think I am more than qualified to judge.

14 comments:

David L Macaulay said...

would agree with a lot of these, maybe not Nicole Kidman

The Angry Lurker said...

Agree but not 1 and 10 even though you're reasoning is valid, I'm a man get over it.

Brian Miller said...

i have had a crushom way back on kidman from way back, but i agree on most others....

G-Man said...

First 7....Right On.

Last 3...Are You Crazy?


Jillie Bean....Turkey Purse?
Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tigress said...

Pretty funny and agree

Tigres

Sausage Fingers said...

I have to agree with all of them...
but If I was young and single I would not kick any of them out of bed for eating crackers.

PBJdreamer said...

funny

and I agree

and I took a University course with Brad Pitt and he was ugly.

Sun in streaks in his hair and a rat tail. He always reeked of weed and had that squinty smile.

not attractive to me


that is all

A Daft Scots Lass said...

@PBJdreamer You lying toad!!

Eric said...

Dibs on Renee Z then!
She is fantastic, I would rock that world regardless of how unkempt or whatever the daily fluctuation of body size. Um, but don't tell her I said that.

Yeah, the others, I agree.

Comewhinewithme said...

This is weird...i actually agree with you on 9/10. I've always loved Hilary's special look. However, why is it that the media has such an urge to call ALL acctresses beautiful? It's totally wrong! Some of them are alright but plain boring!

Thank, Q said...

First of all, I'm jealous that I didn't think of this post first! LOL! Great job! And I agree with pretty much all of your Top 10. If any of those women worked at a Wal-Mart instead of Hollywood, then no man would pay them any mind.

ONLINETRAVELFORUM said...

NIce list.They are really not good looking. How they will be hot?????

Steve Bossenberger said...

Thanks for letting me guest post! Glad everyone liked it. Looks like most agree with me. And I have to agree with Sausage Fingers, I think most young single guys would just love to have a girl in their bed, so they probably wouldn't kick them out. Most would be good for a one nighter, maybe even two. Not sure if I would want to be seen with them much though. That's just me...

Joker_SATX said...

This list is Dead on Balls Accurate!

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