|A Daft Scots Lass on her wedding day. |
Dress by Biji Couture
Married people, especially men, live longer, heal quicker, have less depression, vices and illness, earn more and are happier.
Is that because there is always a wee wife standing by in the appropriate sexy outfit?
Anyhoo, you’ve heard them all, I’m sure. Jokes like
“Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Master’s”
“Marriage is something that puts one ring on a woman's finger and two under a man’s eyes.”
or my personal favourite
"Marriage is not a word its a sentence".
There are a bazillion of them and they all play on the idea that the men who are foolish enough to wave goodbye to their carefree bachelor days and submit to "the old ball and chain" are getting a raw deal.
The jokes are pretty fucking funny, but the reality is quite different. In fact, both sexes benefit enormously from the institution of marriage but men benefit more. Obviously!!
Both men and women gain significant health benefits from being married. They live longer, heal quicker, and have less illness.
Married people also tend to earn more money and to build more wealth than single people.
Overall, however, men tend to benefit much more from matrimony than women do.
Let’s break it down, Dawg:
Let’s break it down, Dawg:
We’ve known about the longevity advantage since the 1850s, when a British epidemiologist (are you googling yet?) called William Farr examined French records and found that the single and the widowed died much younger than their married peers (and the widowed died younger than the single).
However, since then, more sophisticated research has shown that the longevity benefits of marriage are much greater for men. Studies show that single women have a mortality rate that is 50% higher than married women (that is, in a given year, single women will die at a 50% higher rate than married ones), which is pretty significant. Single men, however, have a mortality rate that is 250% higher than married men – a much greater difference.
Lets put another way, that ain't so fekking statistically loaded - Research indicates that nine of ten married men and women who are alive at age 48 are alive at age 65, while only eight of ten single women and six of ten single men make it to that age – a disproportionate benefit goes to married men.
Put THAT in yer pipe 'n smoke it, Plonkers!
Married men are half as likely to commit suicide as single men and one third as likely as divorced men.
Single men drink and smoke more than married men and married and single women and take more drugs.
Many studies have shown that married people report greater levels of happiness and satisfaction with their lives than single people do, but, you guessed it, men once again do better than women.
Overall, then, men benefit much more than women from the trip down the aisle.
While both sexes enjoy significant benefits, the gap between single men and married men, in terms of health, wealth, and happiness, is much greater than the gap between single and married women. A large-scale, multinational study involving the World Health Organisation found that marriage reduces the risk of most mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, for both sexes. This study echoes findings from many similar, but smaller studies over the years.
Yet again, however, men seem to get more of a benefit. Lucky, bastids!
In the words of Shakespeare’s Benedick
“Prince, thou art sad; get thee a wife, get thee a wife.”