I sobbed like a blithering idiot. The tears spilled down my cheeks and dripped off the end of my nose. My mascara streaked my cheeks and I didn’t care. I was crying and howling loudly and moaning in between howls. The noises surprised me. I felt utterly traumatised.
My chest closed up, I was having trouble breathing and my heart felt like it was being crushed by a thousand steam trains. I cried like I haven’t cried since I was a wee lass! My emotions totally overwhelmed me and I couldn’t control it. My sadness and disappointment chewed me up and vomited me out again. If felt totally over-powered by my regurgitated misery and it spilled out all over the place. I couldn’t contain it.
Luckily, I was in the cocoon of my car and wore over-sized sunnies to hide the blood-shot puffy eyes and smudged make-up!
I was exhausted before I even got there.
What am I talking about, I hear you say?
Well, let me tell you the tale…
Most of you know, I had a long-awaited appointment with the Neurologist for our Kaylin scheduled for yesterday.
I arranged for Kaylin to go to work with her dad when he left at 6am. My reasoning behind it was, if I ran late in bad traffic, R could take Kaylin to the appointment and we could meet up there. So while waiting for me to get there, R could fill in all the paper work and do all the necessary payments etc. After all, we had waiting three months for this appointment and I REALLY didn’t want to miss it.
Anyhoo, what transpired was a sobbing, blithering idiot.
I left home at 7am to be at the appointment at 9am. By 8:30 I was getting anxious and I knew I wasn’t going to make it. I was still stuck in bumper to bumper traffic and so I phoned R to tell him to go straight to the hospital without me. As I watched the minutes tick by, I was getting more and more worked up because I was going to be late and miss everything!
I knew R had everything under control but I’ve never wanted to be somewhere else so badly in my life! This was the future of my little baby girl we were talking about!
Just then my Tom-Tom navigation conked out on me. Battery died and on top of that my cellphone was beeping to tell me that the battery was low and I didn’t have a charger for either! My anxiety was mounting. Not only was I going to be horribly late, I was going to get lost because I didn’t know the area and hadn’t asked for directions because I have the Tom-Tom.
I called R and he told me they got to the hospital and they’d started the EEG. I felt sad that I couldn’t be there to hold my wee lassies hand while they attached scary electrodes to her head with special glue. I wanted to be there to hold her hand while she cried, I wanted to soothe her nervousness and tell her everything was going to be okay.
I couldn’t. I was stuck in traffic and lost!
I told R about the batteries dying and he said his phone’s battery was low too. I didn’t know how I was going to find the hospital if I lost contact with him. Then we got cut off.
That was it for me. I lost all control and thats when the sobbing started, uncontrollable sobs! The ugly cry where you can't catch yer breath.
I had been in the traffic for over two and a half hours! I didn’t know where I was and my car’s petrol gauge was on empty. I received a message from R giving me directions which just confused me because my sense of direction is fucking non-existent.
I eventually got off the highway and found a garage to fill my car with petrol. At the petrol station, the petrol attendant took one look at my Panda Eyes and got very concerned, he asked if I was okay and I brushed him off in return for directions to the hospital. He was very helpful and concerned and even asked if I needed a glass of water. Didn’t he understand all I wanted to do with be there for my wee lassie!?
I got back on the road and followed the directions the petrol attendant had given me. Thank God, he knew what he was dealing with – a directionally challenge emotional half-wit – and made them very simple for me to follow. Also, thank God for all the Sunninghill Hospital signs along the way. I wouldn’t have found it otherwise. I was too wound up!
I had to park about three days on horse away from the hospital but no horses to be found, so I did a wee bit of speed walking all the way in my five inch wedge heels to the doctor’s rooms. I caught a look at myself in the lift’s mirror as I walked in and quickly erased the black lines from under my eyes down my cheeks. I was a mess!
Needless to say, I didn’t ask half the questions I wanted to. It took me forever to calm down and my heart was racing for a long time.
So, now I need to phone her and ask her some of the questions and concerns I still have, especially with the ECG and the medication she recommends for her.
The doc told us that her EEG was normal – no abnormal brain activity. However, KK is quite high up on the ADHD scale. We had a questionnaire to complete, which we went through quite extensively and she recommends that any child that gets a score of anything above 6 out of 18, could really benefit from medication. Kaylin is a 13 out of 18! She did say that Kaylin would be able to focus and concentrate better with the meds and not alter her personality in any way. She said their will be a gradual change and we will all have to also adapt to that change slowly. I just thought she didn’t really go through many alternatives, other than putting KK on meds.
She also mentioned that KK has low muscle tone but that she doesn’t think Occupational Therapy is necessary as long as we encourage sport and activities – she recommended swimming as KK already does Monkeynastix and Champ Sports at school. KK not only has the hyperactivity but also has anger and aggression issues, which we have another medication for. This will help her cope with her frustrations. It will also help increase her appetite, which Strattera will decrease so she said the two work hand-in-hand together.
I know I need to phone her now that I’ve calmed down and have all my questions answered. I still feel pretty emotional about the whole day.
We started Kaylin on her meds last night. I will be monitoring her very carefully and take it one day at a time. I don’t want to medicate her to make our lives as parents easier. I want to do this to improve Kaylin’s frustrations because of her hyperactivity and poor concentration.
Poor wee button was so proud of herself for taking her capsule. She has never taken a pill before. All her meds up until now have been in a syrup form. I handed her glass of water told her what to do and was rewarded with a beaming smile from KK.
Only time will tell if it is the right thing…