Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Traffic Meltdown on the Way to the Neurologist

I sobbed like a blithering idiot.  The tears spilled down my cheeks and dripped off the end of my nose.  My mascara streaked my cheeks and I didn’t care.  I was crying and howling loudly and moaning in between howls.   The noises surprised me.  I felt utterly traumatised.  

My chest closed up, I was having trouble breathing and my heart felt like it was being crushed by a thousand steam trains.  I cried like I haven’t cried since I was a wee lass!  My emotions totally overwhelmed me and I couldn’t control it.  My sadness and disappointment chewed me up and vomited me out again.  If felt totally over-powered by my regurgitated misery and it spilled out all over the place.  I couldn’t contain it.

Luckily, I was in the cocoon of my car and wore over-sized sunnies to hide the blood-shot puffy eyes and smudged make-up!

I was exhausted before I even got there.

What am I talking about, I hear you say? 

Well, let me tell you the tale…

Most of you know, I had a long-awaited appointment with the Neurologist for our Kaylin scheduled for yesterday.

I arranged for Kaylin to go to work with her dad when he left at 6am.  My reasoning behind it  was, if I ran late in bad traffic, R could take Kaylin to the appointment and we could meet up there. So while waiting for me to get there, R could fill in all the paper work and do all the necessary payments etc. After all, we had waiting three months for this appointment and I REALLY didn’t want to miss it. 

Anyhoo, what transpired was a sobbing, blithering idiot. 

I left home at 7am to be at the appointment at 9am.  By 8:30 I was getting anxious and I knew I wasn’t going to make it.  I was still stuck in bumper to bumper traffic and so I phoned R to tell him to go straight to the hospital without me.  As I watched the minutes tick by, I was getting more and more worked up because I was going to be late and miss everything!   

I knew R had everything under control but I’ve never wanted to be somewhere else so badly in my life!  This was the future of my little baby girl we were talking about! 

Just then my Tom-Tom navigation conked out on me.  Battery died and on top of that my cellphone was beeping to tell me that the battery was low and I didn’t have a charger for either!  My anxiety was mounting.  Not only was I going to be horribly late, I was going to get lost because I didn’t know the area and hadn’t asked for directions because I have the Tom-Tom. 

Fucking Typical!

I called R and he told me they got to the hospital and they’d started the EEG.  I felt sad that I couldn’t be there to hold my wee lassies hand while they attached scary electrodes to her head with special glue.  I wanted to be there to hold her hand while she cried, I wanted to soothe her nervousness and tell her everything was going to be okay. 

I couldn’t.  I was stuck in traffic and lost!

I told R about the batteries dying and he said his phone’s battery was low too.  I didn’t know how I was going to find the hospital if I lost contact with him.  Then we got cut off.

That was it for me.  I lost all control and thats when the sobbing started, uncontrollable sobs!  The ugly cry where you can't catch yer breath.

I had been in the traffic for over two and a half hours!  I didn’t know where I was and my car’s petrol gauge was on empty.  I received a message from R giving me directions which just confused me because my sense of direction is fucking non-existent.

I eventually got off the highway and found a garage to fill my car with petrol.  At the petrol station, the petrol attendant took one look at my Panda Eyes and got very concerned, he asked if I was okay and I brushed him off in return for directions to the hospital.  He was very helpful and concerned and even asked if I needed a glass of water.  Didn’t he understand all I wanted to do with be there for my wee lassie!?

I got back on the road and followed the directions the petrol attendant had given me.  Thank God, he knew what he was dealing with – a directionally challenge emotional half-wit – and made them very simple for me to follow.  Also, thank God for all the Sunninghill Hospital signs along the way.  I wouldn’t have found it otherwise.  I was too wound up!

I had to park about three days on horse away from the hospital but no horses to be found, so I did a wee bit of speed walking all the way in my five inch wedge heels to the doctor’s rooms.  I caught a look at myself in the lift’s mirror as I walked in and quickly erased the black lines from under my eyes down my cheeks.  I was a mess!

Needless to say, I didn’t ask half the questions I wanted to.  It took me forever to calm down and my heart was racing for a long time. 

So, now I need to phone her and ask her some of the questions and concerns I still have, especially with the ECG and the medication she recommends for her. 

The doc told us that her EEG was normal  – no abnormal brain activity.  However, KK is quite high up on the ADHD scale.  We had a questionnaire to complete, which we went through quite extensively and she recommends that any child that gets a score of anything above 6 out of 18, could really benefit from medication.  Kaylin is a 13 out of 18!  She did say that  Kaylin would be able to focus and concentrate better with the meds and not alter her personality in any way.  She said their will be a gradual change and we will all have to also adapt to that change slowly.  I just thought she didn’t really go through many alternatives, other than putting KK on meds.

She also mentioned that KK has low muscle tone but that she doesn’t think Occupational Therapy  is necessary as long as we encourage sport and activities – she recommended swimming as KK already does Monkeynastix and Champ Sports at school.  KK not only has the hyperactivity but also has anger and aggression issues, which we have another medication for.  This will help her cope with her frustrations. It will also help increase her appetite, which Strattera will decrease so she said the two work hand-in-hand together.

I know I need to phone her now that I’ve calmed down and have all my questions answered.  I still feel pretty emotional about the whole day.

We started Kaylin on her meds last night.  I will be monitoring her very carefully and take it one day at a time.  I don’t want to medicate her to make our lives as parents easier.  I want to do this to improve Kaylin’s frustrations because of her hyperactivity and poor concentration.

Poor wee button was so proud of herself for taking her capsule.  She has never taken a pill before.  All her meds up until now have been in a syrup form.  I handed her glass of water told her what to do and was rewarded with a beaming smile from KK.

Only time will tell if it is the right thing…

Monday, 29 August 2011

Caption My Photo Competition #20

Toozday means its Caption My Photo Competition!  Remember if you've got any photos that you want captioned email them to me at and I'll use them. 

Caption it and make me slap my thighs with laughter and, as an added bonus, you could win a wee something from A Daft Scots Lass!

What are these Swans saying?

Monday Music Moves Me


Happy Monday Music Moves Me. Here are this week's toonz

Sunday, 28 August 2011

Carry On Carrying On

Last week I bought four Carry On Movies hidden in the Bargain Bin at Game. Well, spotted Daft Scots Lass!  

I couldn't have been happier! Although I couldn't really afford ALL of them, I closed by eyes and hauled out the debit card with overdraft.  I couldn't let this opporchancity pass by.

I adore the Carry On films and I only have to look at Kenneth Williams to burst out laughing.  I love this kind of slap-stick comedy and I watched Carry On Girls that day, while my hubby played football with the girls outside!

Well, almost the entire film with intermittent interruptions from Kaylin asking me for the 532nd time to play "intendo".  Megan joined me when she heard me laughing uncontrollably, to see what was making me cackle like an old whore.  We particularly enjoyed this scene.

I can't wait to watch the rest.

Saturday, 27 August 2011

And The Winner Is...

The Winner of this week's Caption My Photo Competition CopyBoy 

Congratulations!  Here's what he cleverly captioned:

"Dang these Kryptonite communion wafers"

Email me at so I can send you a wee something.

Friday, 26 August 2011

Friday Feature #5 and a Shoegasm

Meet pretty and lovely Sidney.  
She and G  have been a couple for 13 years.  They share an awesome blog called My Mother-In-Law is Still Sitting Between Us.

In May 2010, G's mother passed away but he had not stepped foot into his childhood home for more than 18 years.

His parents left him a legacy of clutter and neglect that he now must handle. G has been planning for this for years, since he was his parents’ only child. We live 2 hours away from their home, so we are managing this project remotely and hands-on, jointly and independently, learning and SPENDING a lot as we go. We have great friends, family, and professionals supporting us, but we are not utilizing them as resources as much as we should. 

Give them a visit and you too can help out with people in similar circumstances who have started Hoarding Hurts.

Sidney, G's Mum and G
[making lunch: farfalle, peas, sauteed tomatoes, oregano, garlic]

"Feta?" [handing him a chuLnck]


[nom nom noming quietly]

"Phew! That is sharp! Or old... How old is that feta?"

"You tell me."

[just waiting, knowingly]

"Uh-oh. It's passed its date a little."

"And it is sharp."

"I don't know... Do we get rid of it?"

[just waiting, knowingly]

"What do you think?"

"I think it's just sharp."

"I don't know..."

[ceasing her lunch prep, taking and closing the feta container. Putting feta into trash.]

[removing from trash]  "Wait!! No!!  You can't DO that!"

[this cycle repeats three times]

"Hmm... Yep, it's bad."

[final trash deposit]

[after an hour of stewing, she loses her shit]

"I am upset with you."

"What? The feta was *bad.*"

"Yes. I gave you my opinion when asked. I heard the date. I made an evaluation. I threw it away. I did what you wanted."

"No! No, you didn't."

"Yes. I gave you my opinion when asked. I heard the date. I made an evaluation. I threw it away. I did what you wanted. Three effing times."

"No, you didn't *smell* it."

[just waiting, knowingly][realizing that he was not the only kooky one]

[thinking she was just upset that he was leaving, to return to his hoard]

[she went with Parmesan instead]

[end scene] 

Pink Platform Sandals for Summer $39.99
Spring multi-coloured Sling Back Platforms $39.99
Cute Summer Wedges $17.99
These adorable blue wedges are a bargain at only $9.99 at AmiClubWear
AmiClub Wear $9.99
Rust Satin Ruffle Platforms $7.99
Have a Brilliant Weekend, Plonkers!

Thursday, 25 August 2011

10 Things I ♥

Happy Spring Day!  To all those who live in the Southern Hemisphere today is officially the first day of Spring and beautiful, sunny and summery day it is too.

Belly Laughs

Delicious Cupcakes made by CocoJo

Vintage Photographs

Afternoon naps in the Sunny Spot

A Delicious Lemon Sorbet

Beach Holidays

Puppy Breath

Inspiring Quotes

Beautiful Tattoos

Cute Sunglasses

Bloggers Ink Challenge Winner Is...

The votes are all in and a record breaking number of votes was cast.  Thank you to all wonderful Plonkers that entered and thank you to all the shameless promotion on your blogs that made it so successful.

Congratulations to BatCrap Crazy aka Duckalicious *quack quack*who won by a bee's ball hair, hawt on her heels was The Accidental Somebody and third was Crazy Dazee .

Daffy please email me so that I can organise your First Prize Foul Mouth Shirt.  Whooohoooo!

Now go enter my Caption my Photo Competition for this week!

Kissing a man with a beard is a lot like going to a Picnic. You don't mind going through a little bush to get there!

The Girls wanted to have a family picnic in our garden.  We figured it was a good idea now that its a wee bit warmer and the sun was shining

The girls being silly

Oh Yeah the sunshine is making us drunk with silliness

Megan and A Daft Scots Lass

Megan wasn't expecting a Wet Willy!

Cheezies on a Cracker

Hubby on the verge of having a nap

Kaylin drawing

Megan brought her toy gun and I was doing my best Charlie's Angel pose

Ah yes, relaxing in the Sunshine

Megan being Bad Ass

Even our kitty Pickles joined us
A Daft Scots Lass soopa happy that summer is on its way.

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

When I Were A Wee Lass...

Janie, Mum and Daft Scots Lass
I have been dedicated a lot of time to writing recently. 

No Plonkers, unfortunately not for the blog but I decided about three weeks ago to do a Biography.  Certainly not with publishing it in mind, but more of a journal type format to pass on to my kids and grandkids about funny stories of their daft old Scots Granny, who loved to laugh, swear and be silly. 

I have tons of stories to tell, not only from when we were living in Scotland with our large, extended dysfunctional family, but our adventures of when we immigrated to South Africa.  How our wee family had to adapt to a new culture, a new climate, a new country and all the exploits we got up to in the process.

Like I said, I have so many funny stories about all the brilliant and embarrassing stuff I've done in my life so far.  I don't want them to go unremembered.  Is "unremembered" actually a word?  I think not.  Anyhoozer, I thought I'd scribble stuff down and have it printed, bound and one day on my death bed, hand it to my grown up, married daughters or grand children to read and hopefully enjoy.

I've started incorporating a lot of the adorable stuff my girls did as toddlers that I kept in a journal.  If you're a parent, you'll know the slide-splittingly funny stuff toddlers say and do that make cleaning up those teething nappies worthwhile. 

Oh you know the nappies I'm talking about!  The ones where the sloppy shite has literally exploded out the back of the nappy, saturating the white terry babygro to a muddy light brown.  The shite has ventured further north into babies now shite-matted hair.  The paint-stripping quality reek that emerges from your bouncing baby is enough to turn any fucking bulimic green! 

Added to that, your Precious has slept through the entire explosion and has been marinading in the stench and excrement for the last hour.  The congealed shite has you peeling the babygro off your babes delicate skin like a fucking banana.  Any attempt to wipe off the shite becomes Mission Impossible.  You run a warm bath in which to dunk your Munchkin in the middle of the night.  This has her completely confused and frustrated and will undoubtedly swap her days into nights - AGAIN! 

You actually consider calling the fire-brigade to haul in their heavy duty, high-powered hose to complete the job, but I don't think they do domestic house calls for this sort of thing in the wee hours of the morning - in the dead of winter - when it'll freeze the nips off any Hooker!

After playing patta-cake and singing her every lullaby you know, you finally crawl back into bed.  The entire fiasco stole two hours of your precious slumber down-time and all you can think about is sleep.  Then, lying there try to fall asleep, you notice that YOU smell like the inside of a fucking Arab's sand-shoe AND you have shit embedded under your fingernails.  

Any mum would just say "Fuck It, I'll worry about that tomorrow".

Oh yeah, we laugh about it now, but it wasn't in the least bit funny when we were wearing our pajama top as a gas mask and covered up to our elbows in mustard chunky cottage cheese baby shite.

Sorry I got a bitty side-tracked.  

Yes, my Biography will also have an entire Chapter dedicated to "Conversations with Megan" and "Conversations with Kaylin" and yeah, I've mentioned a lot of these dialogues here on my wee bloggy.  It includes things I've noted over the years that I didn't want to forget because I knew, when the girls were big enough to appreciate it, they'd love to read all about what they were like as wee yins and how they made their Mum cackle like an old whore with a carrot up her bum.

I already have 25 000+ words down and that's just the stuff I've nicked from my blog.  I now have to start putting it all together so that it makes sense and has more of a fluid story-line.  I also want to get the time line right, you know in chronological order so that the reader doesn't get confused by my jumping around.  I tend to do that when I talk and I tend to write like that on the blog but I think it might be a wee bit confusing, especially for someone who doesn't know ME.

I'm actually really excited about it.  Not that I think its gonna be anything spectacular for anyone other than my family to read, but because they'll at least tap into my personal jokes and idiosyncrasies that most people find really odd and a wee bit crass. 

Och well...nevertheless I'm still excited about it.  I'm still toying with the idea of using photos to go alongside the stories in the book.  I have endless gigs of photos that I've kept from when we got our first digital camera way back in 2000 besides, I will never be able to choose just one or two images per chapter.  My pictures would be another fucking addendum on its own.  Mmmmmm still not sure what to do there.

So, do you think I'm completely daft for embarking on this project?  Its definitely not a small task and not one that I'm sure I'll be very successful at. 

Who gives a rats arse, right?

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Caption My Photo Competition #19

Toozday means its my favourite day of the week on my Bloggy.  It's Caption My Photo Competition time.  Whoooohoooo!!!

What about this Whooper to caption? 

Go for it!

And for those of you who have previously won, I'm still waiting for you to send me your pictures, wearing my awesome Daft Scots Lass tattoos. 

What's wrong with you Plonkers?

Sunday, 21 August 2011

Monday Music Moves Me


Join me in linking up with Dolly for Monday Music Moves Me.  Enjoy the Tunez!!

Remember there is only three more days to vote in the Bloggers Ink Competition.  Go vote for your favourite - its up to you guys


Related Posts with Thumbnails