Thursday, 2 February 2012

Secret Admirer vs Stalker

With Valentine's Day coming closer, I thought I'd slap you Plonkers with this yin.

Have you ever had a secret admirer?  Well, I suppose one would not know because it would be secret, right?  Well, pardon my ignorance or is it plain fucking stupidity....  

Let me put it another way, shall I?  Have you ever found out about someone who has secretly admired you and wanted nothing in return except to admire you for afar?  Someone who has sent you anonymous flowers, wee notes or gifts?

Were you flattered or creeped out?
When does a secret admirer become a full-fledged stalker? you think it's possible to want to just admire someone from afar? Wouldn't you be secretly wishing for the admiree to reciprocate at some stage?  Standing in the wings, living in hope that they may one day be found out and accepted? Are they just cowards hiding behind annoymous?

I have a story.

Let me take you back to the early 90s. I wasn't involved with anyone particular at the time.  You know how it is in your early twenties, playing the field and testing all the goods.  That was me.  I surprisingly got 24 long stemmed red roses for Valentines Day with a note that said "This card has a Mark on it".  

Cryptic, eh?  *Cue Twighlight Zone music*

My ex's name was Mark, so I called him up and thanked him for the flowers, feeling a little confused as we'd been broken up for a good year and a half and were not really on talking terms.  Mark said "Oh Okay" and we continued the conversation, catching up on what had been happening with each other since we broke up.  He asked to meet me for lunch and we made a date to meet.  The day of the lunch, I wasn't sure what to expect.  The roses told me one thing and he showed me another.  We enjoyed a friendly lunch and parted ways with a hug and not making plans to see one another again.  A wave goodbye and that was that.

I was left thinking WTF??

I was stumped.  Why had he sent me roses?  Why had he asked to meet me for lunch?  It wasn't until a few weeks later that I fit all the puzzle pieces together. 

I got a phone call from another Mark (a friend's boyfriend) who asked me if I'd received his flowers and note, because he hadn't heard from me.  I told him I had received flowers but that they were not from him.  

The penny dropped.

It wasn't my ex that had sent the flowers - it was my friend's boyfriend!  I was a little taken aback about it because he was the last person I would've expected to gone behind his girlfriend's back and take such a chance!  Turns out he had a crush on me since he met me and want to test the waters to see if he could have his cake AND eat it.  FuckKnob! 

However, I made it quite clear that I wouldn't ever get involved with a friend's boyfriend, that we would only ever be friends and that would be because he was my friend's BOYFRIEND!  He abruptly ended the conversation like a wee dog running away with his tail between his legs, rejected.  I never heard from him again.

My question, after that was, why on earth would my ex take credit for someone else's gift?  I was angry at first and then embarrassed.   I'm still left wondering why he suggested we meet for lunch that was all a wee bitty odd, awkward and strange, to say the least.

Perhaps he thought I was making a up an excuse to see him again?

I'm still stumped.

Do any of you have any stories to share about a stalker or secret admirer?


Lesley at Fabulously Flawed said...

I got a letter in the mail once, when I was about 22...23...that said I Love You and was attached to a photo of me in a parking lot getting into my car.
Ick. Nothing after that though.

Christine Macdonald said...

I do!

When I was stripping in Waikiki, I had a customer actually follow me home to sneak a mixed tape (yes, I am that old) in my mail box. It was full of guitar rock ballads.

Creepy, but cool at the same time.

He asked me out to the Marine Corp Call and I think I said YES - but backed out. I'm such a cliche.

Great reading you again.



G C said...

I'm embarrased to say I stalked a girl once. She was in my college biology class. I would purposely sit near her and even followed her to her car. Throughout the semester, Mr. Creepy (Me) would leave notes and cards on her windshield. I even had a dozen roses delivered to her job--yes, I followed her to where she worked. Eventually, she found out it was me--I don't know what it all played out. We did go out on dates, but nothing materialized. Thinking back, I think I might have creeped her out and she just give me a few dates just because. :/

Eve.E said...

luckily I haven't had any strange happenings around valentines day, it has always been lovely and relaxing with my hub. after all who needs one particular day to tell someone how they feel???

IndigoWrath said...

Yep, as beings bright enough to walk erect go, us fellas are pretty stupid. Maybe your Ex thought you were hitting on him? Sounds lame, I know. (Please see the first sentence again)

cyn said...

sadly i have too many creepy tales to tell -- i have always been a weirdo magnet.

but ya didn't ask the important question -- how many of us have been the stalker?!?! ha!

i admit to once spying on a boyfriend -- i was 19 & so insecure & totally got busted & denied it up & down... lol!


junebug said...

What a wanker!! Why would he even think that was a good idea?

I don't remember any secret admirers. :-( However, in high school I had the same boyfriend all four years. I worked at the Mall and one day I was walking out to my car in the dark of night. I opened up my car and the driver's seat was full of roses. I screamed bloody murder, as if, it was a pile of dead rats. I'm not real sure why I screamed but I'm not good with surprises. My boyfriend was lurking nearby and dying of laughter. Not exactly the romantic moment he meant it to be I'm sure.

YeamieWaffles said...

I love how your morals prevented you from dating, what an absolute jerk that guy was to try and get involved with two women at once. I guess the difference between a secret admirer and a stalker comes in how intense his gifts and presence is as well as how handsome and non creepy he is when he finally reveals himself haha!

Mark said...

We "Marks" like to stalk.

Mary Sullivan Frasier said...

In my twenties, the mayor of our fair city (who was married, by the by) developed a "thing" for me. He'd call me at work and even send police cars to sit outside of my house and watch my comings and goings. Sooooper creepy.

I finally told him that I was recording his phone calls and would hand them over to Mrs Schmuck or (horrors!) the press if he didn't cut it the frig out. It worked. I never heard from him again.

My Inner Chick said...

--Your friend's boyfriend? What an Asshole.

When I was dealing blackjack in the Bahamas, A dozen roses were delivered to the me, and of course, I thought Mr. Liverpool sent them...

As I walked in the breakroom that night, one of the Bahamian girls stopped me: "Did you get the flowers?" she asked w/ a large grin.
I hesitated for a long time...
and finally said,
"Yes. Thank you so much."
...What the hell was I supposed to say?
but I still think it was kind of sweet.

Copyboy said...

Friend's boyfriend? In the states thats super creepy.

Not So Simply Single said...

I've had a secret admirer, who would leave stuff on my front door. I got a cool angel once from whoever it was...

Then I had admirers who were jerks and suffocated the shit out of me. They were no secret, but their admiration made me fucking crazy.

(so that is my excuse for being crazy I think! HA!)

Wreckless Euroafrican said...

Sadly, I don't know that I have ever had a secret admirer.... :( Does that say summing about me?


shrink on the couch said...

My secret admirer unveiled himself in my yearbook under his senior picture ?!? I had a steady boyfriend for the past few years and the admirer was in the friendship group. I just thought it was odd and a bit creepy. And no, I wasn't especially happy to read it but I was flattered.

Anywho, not as exciting as your story or as perplexing as the ex- taking credit for the flowers. Was he still feeling a little possessive after 18 mos of being broken up? That's all I got. A remote guess.

shrink on the couch said...

Oh and in case you didn't read my post about a very bizarre stalker experience, here's the link...

Babes Mami said...

One of my exes had his cousins follow me around to keep tabs on me. As soon as I found out I left but they kept following me. Creeeepy.

mustafa deen said...

i hve been secretly admiring this goddess of beauty in my office since 2 n a half years n still hve no guts to say " HI " n insipte of knowing that she has no boyfriend....i think i shud kil maself,,,,wat a loser i cud be.....


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