Monday, 30 April 2012

Zzzzzzz Music and so it ends

Oh Em Gee, Plonkers.


The A to Z Blog Challenge is officially over...we've reached the end and I can't believe I made it and stuck to it.  You Plonkers have been amazing to put up with my drivel for the last 26 days.


The final letter and usually one of the most difficult. The Letter Z


My theme of Mottos versus Insults also comes to an end.


My last Motto is


Zealous


Having boundless energy and enthusiasum, is infectious. There are very few people I know that I could describe as zealous.  Having such passion and committment normally  goes hand in hand with either someone who is a wee bit cooky, or a youngster.  They both seem to have energy that is endless and they put everything they've got into a task.


My Last Insult for the Challenge is

Zoaf

And for those of you who don't know what a Zoaf is, it is a Turkey's Penis.  Yip, Meleagris gallopavo's teeny weeny willy.  Hey don't feel bad, I also didn't know that there was a name for a Thanksgiving Bird's DingaLing.  Strange but True.  Believe it or Not.  Does that mean every anmimal has a specific word for their cock-a-doodle-doos?  And if there is a word for their penises, is there a word for their fanny's too.

Now don't forget to come back and check out my A to Z Blog Challenge Reflections Post on 7 May.

Happy Monday, Plonkers
Photobucket

No theme for Monday Music Moves Me today - its a Freebie so I thought I'd stick with the letter Z and feature those rocking dudes with the bangin beards.



A different kinda twist on a song that is EVERYWHERE at the moment. I love when artists do this.  They take a popular song and make it their own. It shows true artistry and originality.  I'm crushing on the dude with the beard.



Sunday, 29 April 2012

Put a bit of VROOM in yer Make-Up Bag, Bitches

Are you looking for something Xtraordinary for your Mother's Day Goodie Bag?


This may not be the perfect Mother's Day gift for your mum, but perhaps a saucy wee surprise from your hubby isn't a bad idea?


Check out the juicy new range from EdenFantasys. It's called The Screaming O Studio Collection and no woman should be without at least one of these wee gems in her handbag from this steamy collection.


They have the cutest wee vibrating lipsticks that will have you pouting like a Ho in seconds, compacts and blush brushes that will leave your titbits tingling and mascaras and lip glosses that will defintely put a horny twinkle in yer eye and a wry smile on yer dial. 

Gone are those embarrassing moments when your wee tikes pulls our your sex toy from yer handbag and announces at top volume in a very busy shopping mall that mummy's big worm is buzzing. 

With these disguised discret wee power toys, no one will ever know the difference.

Now, if that doesn't rock yer boat or if you think you have enough vibrating friends, then head on over and check out their 50% clearance on spring sexy lingerie and clubwear, which need no batteries.

Hey Plonkers, if you're a real Bargain Bin Bitch like I am, and 50% off is not enough for your moth-eaten purse, they're also having a 70% Off clearance sale on thousands of their other quality items.

Here is your chance to WIN a $55 Gift Certificate from EdenFantasys.

Saturday, 28 April 2012

Why Y

A to Z Blog Challenge has only two more days left.

Only the letters Y and Z left, Plonkers. 

It's kinda bitter sweet, actually.  You know when you get to the end of a really good book and you don't want to put it down but yet?  When you get to the end of the book, you want to read it all over again but not know the ending? 

I feel a little like that today.  The challenge is almost over and what a ride its been.

Today's Motto is


Yearning

This is a yearning belly dance which is actually so beautiful. 
Thought I'd thrown that in there for you Plonkers





and today's Insult is


Yobbo


For those who don't know what a yobbo is: a Yobbo is a Plonker with no class, no fashion sense - a bit like the Walmarters. You know, those rotund chicks whose thongs you'd rather NOT see pop out the top of their jeans? Those Plonkers that wear string t-shirts and stink like shite. Yobbos are loud, swear alot and usually drives crappy old rusted car from the 70s.


So, do you know any yobbos? Use the word, it's a fun one.


Happy Long weekend.

Friday, 27 April 2012

X marks The Spot



A to Z Blog Challenge has three days left. ONLY THREE!

Can you believe I'm almost there? 

I have almost made it, Plonkers.  Holy Crapiloa, I never in my wildest dreams I thought I'd make it to the end.  But wee bites, baby steps, gets you there.

Today's Motto is

Xtraordinary




I'd like to hope that at least ONE person thought this of me when I'm dead and gone and the worms are chewing the flesh off my bones.

and the Insult is

Xrated

It's not really an insult but I was stumped and distracted by the letter X.

I did a post a while ago called 10 Things that make me giggle about Porn and I even included "5 Gigs of Porn" when I sung my very own version of The 12 Days of Christmas song in December.


I love all things dirty, risqué, naughty or below the belt. That kind of humour makes me giggle every single bloody time. 

Most people don't want to go below the belt (especially on their blog) for fear of what people may think of them.  Some think its cheap but it fucking funny.

I reckon, we all go below the belt, so why do we have to be so decorous about it?  I guess I'm just a wee bit more gauche than most. 

Happy Friday!

It wouldn't be the same without a pair of Hooker Heels for the weekend.  So staying with the Xrated theme...





Dildo Heels brought to you by Lady Gaga


Thursday, 26 April 2012

Wanker or Wankee?

And the A to Z Challenge continues. 

We are on the last stretch now, Plonkers and I've met so many Wonderful Bloggers along this journey.  You guys are frikken rockin' this challenge.  

Thanx to all the new visitors for stopping by and leaving comments, or not.

Today's Motto is 

Wish


I wish a lot.  On a daily basis.

It usually starts by Aspiration Wish under my breath.

Whisper to myself: Geezo, I wish those two lassies would stop fucking bickering.

Then usually followed by a silent Prayer Wish.

Prayer: God, please let them stop fighting and give me strength!

My wishing then progresses into a longing and smart Request Wish.

Raising my voice: I wish you girls would stop fighting, please!

Girls Giggling: Sorry, mum!

By then I’m getting aggravated and my voice crescendos into a displeased Demand Wish.

Shouting like a rabid banshee: You girls better stop it or I’m getting the wooden spoon!

My wish is now a demand and my face has turned a pretty shade of fuchsia. My veins are about to explode and I am bordering on fucking heart failure. I stomp towards the kitchen frantically digging in the drawer for a sturdy wooden spoon to smack bottoms with.

My Infuriated Wish is genuinely fugly, Plonkers

Foaming at the mouth: What don’t you understand about “ stop fighting!”??

Both girls get speedy smacks to the bum with the wooden spoon and a few minutes later I’m riddled with guilt and brought to tears.

Amongst the tears, snot and sniffing, I think to myself : All I wished for was for them to stop bickering.

Not matter what type of wish, my wishes hardly ever come true.


Today's Insult is a level 2 Insult.

Wanker

Everyone does it, whoever says they don't is a fucking liar! It takes a Wankee to know a Wanker.  

To call someone a Wanker is not that bad of an insult but its such a fun one to say.  Go on give it a try.  Say it out loud.


That wee man choking the monkey is distracting you isn't he?  Yip, that's what a Wanker is supposed to do.  Mission accomplished.


Here's a good one for a t-shirt.




Wank Out

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

The Great Wall of Vagina



There are some who think my A to Z Blog Challenge theme is getting a wee bit tame.  I suppose they may be right...sorry to disappoint you my Plonkers.  I still have another week of this challenge to go before its back to A Daft Scots Lass business as usual.

Today's My Motto for the letter Vee

Visualise

Visualising something helps for a goal or a dream to manifest in your mind.  Once you can "see" it and you can imagine yourself being there, picturing yourself in that moment - living it already, it helps to make your dreams seem more achievable.  I surround myself with pretty things or images of beautiful things that I love in order to remind myself of what my goals are. 

Check out my Vision Board that I have pinned on my wall right in front of me in my office.





My Insult for Vee

Va-Jay-Jay

There are plenty word variations for a woman's genitals and plenty of them are pretty insulting.  It is, after all, our Happy Place.   The list for insulting words used for our women bits is pretty much endless.... Furby, Muffin, Turkey Purse, Fishy Slit, Fire Bush, Coochie, Fanny, Cookie, Love Garden, Pussy, Moot...

However, this dude has an entire fucking exhibition entitled The Great Wall of Vagina in celebration of how different our fanny's are.  He has plaster cast dozes of Va-J-Js and created it into panels of Fanny Art.  And you Plonkers thought one fanny looked pretty much like the next one, right? 

Wrong

Great Wall of Vagina Panel

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Utter Pish

The A to Z Blog Challenge brings us the 21st letter of the alphabet.  The Letter U.  My Motto versus Insults theme continues...one week left, Plonkers!

Today's Motto

Unique

Firstly, I have a Scottish accent and I live in South Africa, so that makes me unique right off the bat.  I talk differenty to everyone else here.  Secondly, I am a red head, which has made me stand out like a beacon since I can remember.  And Lastly, I am 5 foot nothing, so most people think I'm a fucking midget when they meet me for the first time .  Going to concerts is a bitch! 

I talk loud, I laugh loud and in general I'm no skrinking violet, so people either love me, or they hate me. Either way, they remember me becaue I'm unique.  Thank Fuck!



Today's Insult is a Scottish one

Utter Pish

This is a popular phrase used in Scotland. 

It's one of my favourites. 

It can be used as an adjective, meaning inadequate, displeasing, or of poor quality. 

For example : I'm not drinking that, it's utter pish. 

It can also be used as a verb, as a variation of piss. 

For Example "Am awa' fur a pish".



Tuesday means its Caption My Daft Photo Competition also, so here is today's image to caption.  Be sure to be creative and you could win one of my Daft Scots Lass tattoos! 

WhoofrikkenHoo, Plonkers!

Ready?  Have Fun!

Monday, 23 April 2012

Trust in me...

The A to Z Challenge continues after our second pause. 

Today's letter is the letter T and The Motto is

Trust


Today's Insult


Turd  - the alternative to Shite.

When you call someone a Turd as an insult, its probably a level 1 insult.  Level 1 being the first rung of the ladder and the most mild of insults.




You can even order Turbs, Nerds and The Total Absurd for Kindle at Amazon.com.  Best 8 bucks you'll ever spend!


Monday Music Moves Me's theme is One Hit Wonders

Sunday, 22 April 2012

Sunshine Blog Award



A Huge Thank you to Dan from Curmudgeon's Complaint for awarding me this Blog Award.  His blog is funny and his writing is sarcastic, original and at times a little twisted.  Just the way I like it.  He always comments on my blog and has The Best captions for my Caption My Photo Competitions.


The rules of the Sunshine Blog Award are simple…


#1 Thank the person who nominated you with a link back to their blog.
#2 Answer a few questions about yourself.


Favorite pet's? I have two puppies and a cat.  I would say I'm a cat person but now that I've had both, I think I'm more of a small doggie person. Their unconditional excitement cannot be bought!


Favorite color? Orange


Favorite movie? Sense and Sensibility


Favorite music? Jack White


Hair color? Ginger


Favorite sport? I don't play sport but to watch on telly, it would be NHL.  Those blokes are rough and tough!


Blogs I recommend for this award?


YeamieWaffles from Matthew's Blog


My Inner Chick


Joshua  from Vive Le Nerd


Mark from Our Simple Lives


Alex from Alex J. Cavanaugh


These Plonkers deserve this award because I love their blogs and they always comment on mine!!  Use it or loose it, Plonkers...




Saturday, 21 April 2012

If at first you don't succeed - try to hide your astonishment.


The A to Z Blog Challenge is on the last stretch now.  One more week to go. 

Today's Motto is

Success


If I inspired just a couple of people during my piddly lifetime, then I'm happy. Success is unique to each individual.  To some, its fortune and making lots of money, to others, its fame and becoming well known for something or other - achieving your own goals. Success is a personal thing, everyone's perspective is different. 

What is your definition of Success?

Today's Motto is

Skank

aka Slag aka Slut aka SuperSkank aka Skankalicous aka SkankAssHo.

They're all over the place but the Jersey Shore Skanks are the most entertaining.  They're all about showing the most amount of fake tanned skin, truck loads of eyeliner and mascara, short skirts and cheap heels. 

I love finding them at parties and chatting to them about aerospace engineering and then watching the dazed and confused expressions on their faces...Fucking Priceless.




In life there exist two classes: first class and no class.

Friday, 20 April 2012

R-E-S-P-E-C-T



The Mottos are still versing The Insults around these parts.  So, which one do you think is winning the A to Z Blog Challenge so far?


Today's Motto


Repsect



But Aretha said it best!!!



Today's Insult is


Runt


m. the stupid little fucker in the office...example: if that runt asks me to send one more poxy email on his behalf, I'm gonna tell him to get fucked.  You get the picture, right?



Typical example of "The Runt of the Litter"

A Daft Scots Lass

I couldn't resist puting these babies in for Joshua this week - R2D2 shoes! 





And of course it would not be Friday (yipeeeee Friday) without a Shoegasm from A Daft Scots Lass
Christian Louboutin Velvet Nude Corset Heels *sigh* (Did I mention my 40th birthday is approaching in June, Plonkers?)

Thursday, 19 April 2012

She couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner



The letter Q is always a difficult one in any blog challenge.  But this, for me, was actually an easy one. Did you Plonkers check out my video I did for the A to Z Blog Challenge?



Today's Motto

Quiet Time

As a working mum of two wee lassies, I constantly multi-task and play many roles.   I am a nurse, a therapist, a negotiator, a judge.  I play, I shout, I sing, I plead, I bribe, I discipline - but most Mum's wouldn't change it for the world!  I am one of them.


With all this said, I know I certainly don't get enough Quiet Time.  QT meaning a half an hour to yourself to do whatever YOU want to do.  It could be reading a book in your favourite chair, taking a candle-lit bubble bath, practising yoga or mediation, even prayer. 

We all have different ideas about Quiet Time but, for me, essentially it means taking time out and doing something for ONLY ME.  Having my hair done, doing my nails, shopping ALONE and not for groceries, these are my QT treats.  Pity that no one can gift you Quiet Time.  I need to make time for Quiet Time.

Today's Insult is

Queef

This is a word I only discovered a couple of years ago. I never knew it existed.  I knew what it was, I just didn't call it that.  It was always a Fanny Fart in my eyes.  I love this word and I enjoy calling random bitches, Queef Queens.  Half of them don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, which makes  all the more funny to me.  I thought of inserting a Queef You Tube video here but some of them are really fucking disgusting so I'm going to save you the horror. 

Here's the animated version instead.



GIFSoup

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

RIP to our wee Lucy-Loo

It's a  heartbreaking and an incredibly sad day for us.

Our wee puppy, Lucy fell in our swimming pool yesterday while we were at work and didn't make it.  

Lucy-Loo (as we called her) was so full of endless energy, unconditional puppy kisses and loads of love.  I'm trying to stay strorng for the girls.  How do you explain to them that part our our wee family has gone - its devastating.

We are all going to miss you so very much, Lucy-Mouse!





Persevere Plonker


The A to Z Challenge is on its way downhill now and today is the letter P.  My theme remains Motto versus Insults.

The Motto for P is

Perseverence

I strive to continue to achieve goals that I set for myself.  I don't set huge unrealistic goals, I set small goals.  It works better for me when I set bite-size goals.  tt doens't seem as difficult to hang in there and achieve them when they are smaller.  Failure is less likely to happen and I believe that all those bite-sized goals will add up and before you know it you've achieved way more than what you excpected.  Even when difficulties creep in and things are not going your way, it is your perserverence that helps you carry on and push through. 

When I feel like quitting, I have a saying "This too shall Pass" and it always does. 

Not everything will go according to your timetable, not everything will go as you planned but hang in there and things will get better.  Don't give up. Persevere.




My Insult for today is

Plonker

The term plonker started out as a reference to someone who was forever drunk on cheap wine (cheap wine is nicknamed plonk) this person was usualy a homeless person, or poor person.  Today the term plonker is a very light hearted insult. Its not even seen as an insult, its like calling someone a wally. Its in no way ment maliciously. you call someone a plonker when they say or do something stupid. On my blog I call my Followers, Plonkers, affectionately of course.










Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Ooooh La-Laa Offensive Optimisim

Its Day 15 of the A to Z Blog Challenge which means its the letter O.

Now we normally associate this letter with the Big O but that is an entirely different post and wouldn't really fit in with my Mottos versus Insults theme.  So today's Motto is

Optimisim

I wish I was more optimistic and yes, this is a word that I would ideally want to be used when someone describes me but, unfortunately I am more of a Realist.  I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm a pessimist, but I believe that if I expect the worst, I won't be dissapointed.  It's kinda worked for me so far, but I really wish I could see the glass half full.  Know what I mean?  I guess I shouldn't wish something I'm not, right? 

I'm not your bubbly giggly-girl.  In fact, I wasn't a giggly girlie-girl, even as a teenager.  I was always sullen and took myself very seriously.  I thought I knew everything but now that I'm all "grown up", I don't take my self seriously at all anymore.  In fact sarcasm is my modus operandi and humour is my medicine.  I have lots of positive energy, just not in the ditsy bubbly kinda way...


 

It was hard to find an insult starting with the letter O.

Offensive Gestures

I just depends on which country you're from






but my favourite is


LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails