Saturday, 5 January 2013

The Frustration Aggression Hypothesis

When I’m frustrated, I get forceful and assertive, then I say things I regret and I’m riddled with guilt and I cry.

It’s frustrating when you live so far from your family. You feel helpless when something goes wrong or there is a crisis and you can’t be there.

My parents live 700km away, by choice, and recently both my parents have been very ill. My mum has acute osteoporosis and has had back surgery as well as emphysema. My dad has recently been diagnosed with emphysema and possible liver disease. They are still awaiting the final blood tests.

I know they shield me from a lot of their illness details and they can do so because I’m so far away. When I phone, they constantly say “I’m fine. Don’t worry” but I get frustrated and I do worry.   They're isolated and only have each other to rely on.

 They also don’t seem to question their doctors or their medical aid about what they’re entitled to or what their real benefits are. I only want the best care for them and I feel they’re not getting it.

I wish I could be there for them in some way. My hands feel totally tied. Not only do my parents have their ill-health to worry about, but their pride gets the best of them. They won’t ask for help, they will never ask for assistance, be it money or an extra person to be there when they can’t care for one another.

Just feeling discouraged and frustrated and wanted to share....

“To conquer frustration, one must remain intensely focused on the outcome, not the obstacles.”

12 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I'm sorry, Lass!! My parents live many miles from me as well. Whether they need help or not, I find a way to help, even if it's just showing up for a week and helping around the house.
Do you have other siblings or relatives that live close to your folks?

YeamieWaffles said...

This breaks my heart to read Lass, I can understand your pain and it's such a shame that you can't be there with them through these difficult times. Hopefully things work out soon, love you Lass!

David Macaulay said...

having folks an 8 hour flight away in the UK, I can certainly relate to the frustration, aggression thingy

J.Day said...

That is frustrating. It's always hard being so far away from family. ((hugs))

middle child said...

Do you have any brothers or sisters that live closer to your parents? How often do you see them? The biggest obstacle is how no one wants to lose their freedom or be a burden. And you have to walk the fine line of respect so you don't risk losing all communication with them. I've been through it and while it is difficult, try to support them as long as their minds are clear.

BamaTrav said...

It's hard to be away from you parents. I went through the same thing. Out of curiousity, where are you from and where do they live? I take it you are Scottish from your blog name, I know, I am great at figuring out the obvious. Hope you get to feeling better. xo

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Sorry about your parents' ailing health and your understandable frustrations. Sending good thoughts that things will look up in the new year.

xoRobyn

Slyde said...

im sorry to hear about this.. it must be hard. my dad lives on the other end of the country and i only get to see him once a year if im lucky, so i know how you feel...

JoeinVegas said...

Not much you can do if they don't want help and you're so far away. Sorry.

The Glebe Blog said...

It's an auld Scottish trait never tae grumble when yer no right yersel. 'A'm aw richt' is a Scottish standard.
Am an auld git masel, but ah aye tell the weans the same thing. "Dinnae worry aboot me, tak care o' yersel.
We've got a lot to be thankful for these days, back in 1900 the average lifetime was 47 years, in 2007 it was up to 78 years.

I can understand your worry though.
All the best to you and yours for 2013

Lovely Light said...

SO sorry you're going through this. It is very tough and hard to feel so helpless. My hubby's father is 94 and when we saw his at Christmas in the USA, we realized it will probably be the last time we see him alive. I was a very emotional time. Hubby's sister, who takes care of their father, doesn't keep us updated, and will only tell us about health problems when he's already been admitted to the hospital!

squatlo said...

My own mom's emphysema became chronic toward the end, and one of my high school friends had become her primary care physician at that time. She would act fine during her visits to his office, tell him everything was great, then bitch to my sister (an RN) with all of her complaints. When we asked why she was sugar-coating her reports to the doctor, she told us "I wanted him to feel like he was doing good!"

At that point he told her he loved her, but she needed to find another specialist... you can't lie to your doctor...

I wish you the best in this ordeal. It's a tough road, but you can do so much for them. You'll see... there will be opportunities to step up and help, so keep your chin up and offer a hand whenever you talk to them.

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