100 Things Aboot Me

First of all, it wasn't easy to think of 100 things aboot wee me.


So, its taken a while to write this post and I wanted to keep it for my 1000th post but it came and went but here it is!

Sorry, its so long.  I'll be fucking blown away with surprise if anyone reads it to the bitter end.

1. I was born in Kilmarnock in Scotland. Where they make the Johnny Walker whisky. I detest whisky.

2. I stabbed my sister with a pencil when I was about 7 years old and she still has the piece of lead in her arm.

3. I prefer cats to dogs. Dogs slobber and shite everywhere.

4. I am obsessed with Jack White.

5. I so badly wanted a puppy when I was growing up that I started behaving like one and used to walk around on all fours barking at everyone. I have a very convincing dog-bark.

6. I had to be rushed to the hospital on my very first day at primary school to get 4 stitches in my knee because I fell on a sharp stone.

7. I've been married to My Boerewors aka Wonderful Husband for nearly 14 years.

8. My Boerewors and I moved in together after dating for only 3 months.

9. I have done the BIG SWING in Graskop and almost had fekking heart failure.

10. I have two beautiful, incredibly different and active wee lassies.

11. Until I met my Boerewors, I was NEVER going to get married or have children.

12. One of my school friends stood on my middle finger and broke it on my tenth birthday.  Thanx Lauren!

13. I bite my nails (this is an old post, I not longer bite my nails) 

14. I always wanted to be a journalist or have a career in advertising.

15. I can speak fluent knit (K2tog, K1,P1)

16. I can't sew for shit.

17. I HATE ironing and will avoid it at ALL costs.

18. I can read people pretty well and can generally tell when someone is fibbing.

19. I fart - loud - and I admit it.

20. I love the word FUCK - it is so expressive and I use it often.

21. When someone stands too close to me in a queue I want to freak the crap out! It drives me insane. It's called Personal Space, Fuckers!! Take a fucking step back!

22. I love Vlogging

23. Easter isn’t complete without half a dozen Cadbury's Creme Eggs.

24. I have five tattoos and I'm in the process of having a half-sleeve done.

25. I have a pierced tongue.

26. I have a big-ass industrial-sized dish washer that I got for nothing from a friend and its the best and fucking ugliest thing in my kitchen.

27. I couldn't live without my friends. They are very dear to me and I tell them how I feel often.

28. I would rather go through natural childbirth WITHOUT drugs before I suffer toothache.

29. I have walked with the elephants and ridden one too.  What an incredible experience!

30. My favourite sandwich is chicken mayonnaise with crispy bacon and avo on Health Bread - toasted.

31. I craved strawberries and jammy doughnuts with my first pregnancy and with my second it was beef crisps.

32. I turned into the Goodyear Blimp when I was pregnant (both times) and I looked like a walking Easter Egg. It wasn't pretty.

33. The Wicked Witch of the West had NOTHING on me when I was preggies. I was the Biatch from Hell on speed. I released the flying monkeys daily.

34. When I was a wee lass I lived in or is it on, my roller skates. You know the ones with the four chunky wheels with the big stopper at the front? I would put them on the minute I got home from school and not take them off until bed time. I did everything in my skates.

35. I love to karaoke but can’t sing for shite.

36. I took typing at school because it was an easy and a "cop-out" subject. I was a lazy little git at school.

37. I am a proud natural red-head.

38. I believe in the death penalty.

39. I'm addicted to Sheldon Cooper - if I don't get my dose of The Big Bang Theory, I get VERY pissy.

40. I want to die having known my grand-children.

41. I have done white-water tubing (geckoing) and absa lootly loved it.

42. I still have my appendix.

43. I am interested in many subjects and it makes me appear fickle and flighty.

44. I secretly wish they celebrated Halloween here in South Africa so I could dress up more.

45. Camping is one of my favourite things to do. I love being outside, getting dirty and being away from the hustle and bustle.

46. I wish I liked cooking more, because of all the mess I have to clean up afterward. I'd probably cook more if someone was washing up for me as I went along.

47. I yell out “Bless You!” when strangers sneeze in public.

48. I hate rodents. Vermin MUST be exterminated.

49. I love the smell of coffee but don't make me drink it. Yuk! I'm tea Jenny - no milk either.

50. My first car was a Ford Escort in baby blue with a white vinyl top and I named him Clifford. I loved that car and it was a 1.3 that only ever ran on three cylinders.

51. I am pro-choice.

52. I hate wearing knickers with pants.

53. My work is important to me. It keeps me sane and I get a lot of joy out of being efficient.

54. I enjoy skinny dipping.

55. I prefer my toilet roll to roll out over the top not from underneath - if its from underneath a someone else's house, I will change it just to piss them off.

56. I'm incredibly short-sighted.

57. I did the ABSA Relay race for eight years in a row (even when I was pregnant both times) until it was "discontinued". Cheap bastids!  Now I do Jacaranda FM Sisters With Blisters and 702 Walk The Talk.

58. I have baskets and bowls all around my house with general shit in. I know it annoys everyone, but at least I know where to find things.

59. I spent an entire day in a string bikini playing volley ball without sun-screen. I got such bad sun stroke, I thought I was on my way out. Seriously, death would've been better looking than my lobster skin sitting below a ice-cold shower.

60. Chocoholic

61. I did drum majorettes for three years in high school. Short skirts and busbies. Halt, check, 1, 2...

62. When I was little I wanted to be a ballerina but my folks couldn't afford dance lessons. I had a neighbour who went twice a week and I'd rush over to her house after she got back from her lessons and she'd teach me what she did in class that day. I'd squeeze my feet into her tiny ballet pumps (she was almost two years younger than I was) - it was very sad.

63. I get along with my Mother-in-law and love her very much.

64. I love musicals and love watching Sound of Music and Wizard of Oz over and over.

65. My breasts were silicone-enhanced almost 5 years ago. I still love the twins.

66. I enjoy playing board games that involve general knowledge - I'm not a great player but I still love it.

67. I don't drink enough water.

68. I have a very keen sense of smell. I can smell onions and Toffee from a mile away.

69. Naked hand-stands and cartwheels are fun!

70. I'm looking my age now. I see more and more wear and tear everyday. Crows feet, plenty sagging and drooping.

71. I only drink beer for burping competitions, which I generally win.

72. My favourite colour is orange. I will buy anything if it's orange just coz I love the colour. I wear it, I eat it, I drive it, I would have everything in orange if I could.

73. I ADORE pretty heels. I have a regular Friday feature on my blog called Fridays Shoegasm.

74. Kiss me on my lower back and I'm yours forever.

75. I love crystals and gems. My favourite is amethyst. I believe all crystals have healing powers and I have several books on the subject.

76. Music feeds my soul and I love everything from classical to heavy metal rock.

77. I am officially a skydiver.  I jumped out of an aircraft at 12000ft and plummeted to the earth at 200kph.  It was a fucking rush of note.

78. The Russian Ballet company came to South Africa and it is the best ballet performance I have ever seen. They were incredible and literally took my breath away.

79. I'm quite a good ice skater.

80. I own a Grammar book, a thesaurus and a dictionary and all three stand on my desk at work. I have never used them.

81. I can dance for hours on end. This "Tannie" can "skut her biscuit".

82. I can peel potatoes at lightning speed but only with a potato peeler.

83. I cry at Dr Phil and Oprah. I cry at the movies a lot. I cry at some commercials for heaven's sake. I'm a real blubber bucket.

84. I hope to someday visit Italy and Europe as I crave the architecture and history of the place.

85. I own a rubic cube but only my husband can solve the thing in less than a minute.

86. Bono from U2 was my big fat crush when I was a teenager. I hoped someday to kiss Paul Hewson full on the mouth...

87. I have the ugliest feet. I have hideous bunions and my toe next to my pinkie toe is so badly bent it looks as if its looking around the corner. Must've been all those fucking pointy heels in the 80s.

88. I was never officially proposed to. We just decided mutually that it was a good idea. I secretly wish it could happen all over again so I could have ONE romantic moment.

89. I have NEVER been skinny, even though I'd love to be. Even in matric when I was 16, I had a good figure but never weighed less than 53kg (as an adult) and I'm only five foot.

90. Farting at work is not an issue for me. I have a special spray on my desk for such occasions and everyone knows that when they smell my vanilla spray, that I've farted. Hey! What would you rather smell?

91. I had various moles removed from my body and face. I was worried that I'd end up looking like the Wicked Witch of the West with hair growing out of her facial moles.  They were disgusting.

92. "Charlotte's Web" made me sob.

93. My parents have been married for 47 years. That's a fucking miracle!!

94. I have a weakness for trendy colourful handbags, sunglasses and shoes. I must have a dozen pairs of sunglasses. Accessorize, gurls!

95. I love waterless hand cleanser and always keep some in my handbag.

96. I had a sympathectomy when I was 27 for hyperhidrosis. Are you googling yet?

97. I once killed a boyfriends hamster by mistake by leaving him out on a sunny balcony in his plastic ball for an entire afternoon. When I went to put him back in his cage he was stiff as a board. I felt like shit.

98. I think Billy Connolly and Ray William Johnson are hysterical and they never fail to make me chuckle out loud.

99. I laugh VERY loud and when I get a giggling fit I can't stop myself...It happens often.

100. I consider South Africa my home even though I was born and stayed in Scotland for 10 years.


18 comments:

SusieQTpies said...

Oh wow! That is a crazy list. I can see why that would take forever- 100 things! Awesome.

I forgot to mention earlier when I left a comment but I have a book suggestion for you: Friendship Bread: A Novel by Darien Gee. It has been in the USA since April and just released in AUS two weeks ago.
The author is a sweetie and I know she would love to see some blog reviews from down under!
When you have time check out her website because she has a Kindle giveaway for USA/CAN/AUS/NZ which is often unheard of: http://www.friendshipbreadkitchen.com/pantry/win-a-kindle
Nice meeting you and I will say HI on twitter and Facebook! xoxo SusieQTpies at Scraps of Life

hollyjb said...

"2. I stabbed my sister with a pencil when I was about 7 years old and she still has the piece of lead in her arm." When I was 10 or 11 I was stabbed in the leg at Girl Guides. It was an accident, but I still have a blue spot there.

I also absolutely LOVE musicals!!!!

I too bit my nails. I have stubs. That's it.

I caught your 'Cuz I'm a Redhead' video on the CCC page. Loved it! FYI, I've never had an issue with redheads and honestly didn't (and still don't to a degree) know stereotypes like those (and others) existed.

Lauren said...

Some major lols in there! Walking around like a dog, hahahaha! Thanks for all your blog comments, appreciate them. May nick this list idea and credit ya x

Alistair said...

An Ayrshire lass? Who'd a thocht it.

Me tae!

Eh - no the lassie bit tho'

Cheers.

Loved the list!

S P Mount said...

Now that's what we writers call an FBI list. And we psychologists know exactly who you are and want to help after we help ourselves, if ever, and we nosy bastard tech geeks are watching you now through the little camera in your computer! LOL. Anyway, it was delightful to see the name Kilmarknock, my very first job was there in a deli called Hannah's that was there forever, very famous, your ma will probably know it, just round the corner from the Johnny Walker distillery. Got the bus there from Dreghorn every day.

Mary Sullivan Frasier said...

Finally got a couple to read this (yes, all 100) and I have to say that with the exception of a few things, we could be sisters from another mister. (or something like that...)

I've burned myself so badly on vacation that people have gasped as I was boarding the plane. ...at least I hope that's why they gasped. ;~)

Nice to have had this chance to get to know ya better!

Dr. Nice Rack said...

> 65. My breasts were silicone-enhanced three years ago.

OK - I will not censure myself :->

After "The Emancipation" by the suffragettes, it was discovered that the sum of a woman's IQ and bra-size is a constant.

"This calls for wisdom. If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number, for it is a woman's number. Her number is 128."

Now I am not saying that when you upgraded to a 38D your IQ dropped, but let's just say that you have now probably reached your full quotant.

Curmudgeon said...

Going through your blog. Lots of funny. You know my Gran asked my Grampa if he would like to have her get breast enhancement once. He said "That's like putting a chandelier in a ghost house. I guess it's better than looking like a windsock on a still day.

Jeremy Bates said...

im part Scottish.. middle name maclennan.......... but i dont believe in the death penalty :)

Anonymous said...

Intriguing post – thanks. You constantly write a fascinating article. Thanks once again – I will come again.

Kerina said...

Found you blog by accident :) and quite enjoying it.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Glad you're enjoying Kerina! Will visit soon.

Anonymous said...

I love you. Seriously. If it wasn't for PMM sprouting shite I wouldn't have seen you there's a silver lining in everything.
I'm half Aussie half Scottish, alcoholic and gave myself a title cause I wanted one. I also dreamed of doing ballet and am not ashamed to admitting to forcing it on my petite five year old because I never could. About 80% of your list could be me. It's ridiculous.
Looking forward to reading your blog from now on!
Cheers
Lady Moss
Rainbow Lane

Kristine said...

Awesome list!! Snagging and will eventually get my shit together and get it on my blog! LOL

Have a kickass weekend!!

Ida Chiavaro said...

So many similarities, so many differences. How wonderful. Congratulations on getting through the challenge.

Click said...

Stopped by your blog through your A to Z Reflections post and (because I live in Scotland) had to check out this list.

Number 88 made me smile because that's what happened with me and Mr Click. We'd not been going out long and realised that we kept on talking about being together in the future and having a family so it was just sort of decided that as we were always married in these scenarios so we should probably get married at some point. :-)

Click said...

Stopped by your blog through your A to Z Reflections post and (because I live in Scotland) had to check out this list.

Number 88 made me smile because that's what happened with me and Mr Click. We'd not been going out long and realised that we kept on talking about being together in the future and having a family so it was just sort of decided that as we were always married in these scenarios so we should probably get married at some point. :-)

Click said...

Stopped by your blog through your A to Z Reflections post and (because I live in Scotland) had to check out this list.

Number 88 made me smile because that's what happened with me and Mr Click. We'd not been going out long and realised that we kept on talking about being together in the future and having a family so it was just sort of decided that as we were always married in these scenarios so we should probably get married at some point. :-)

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