So, its taken a while to write this post and I wanted to keep it for my 1000th post but it came and went but here it is!
Sorry, its so long. I'll be fucking blown away with surprise if anyone reads it to the bitter end.
1. I was born in Kilmarnock in Scotland. Where they make the Johnny Walker whisky. I detest whisky.
2. I stabbed my sister with a pencil when I was about 7 years old and she still has the piece of lead in her arm.
3. I prefer cats to dogs. Dogs slobber and shite everywhere.
4. I am obsessed with Jack White.
5. I so badly wanted a puppy when I was growing up that I started behaving like one. I used to walk around on all fours barking at everyone. I have a very convincing dog-bark.
6. I had to be rushed to the hospital on my very first day at primary school to get 4 stitches in my knee because I fell on a sharp stone.
7. I've been married to My Boerewors aka Wonderful Husband for nearly 18 years.
8. My Boerewors and I moved in together after dating for only 3 months.
9. I have done the BIG SWING in Graskop and almost had fekking heart failure.
10. I have two beautiful, incredibly different and active wee lassies.
11. Until I met my Boerewors, I was NEVER going to get married or have children.
12. One of my school friends stood on my middle finger and broke it on my tenth birthday. Thanx Lauren!
13. I bite my nails
14. I always wanted to be a journalist or have a career in advertising.
15. I can speak fluent knit (K2tog, K1,P1)
16. I can't sew for shit.
17. I HATE ironing and will avoid it at ALL costs.
18. I can read people pretty well and can generally tell when someone is fibbing.
19. I fart - loud - and I admit it.
20. I love the word FUCK - it is so expressive and I use it often.
21. When someone stands too close to me in a queue I want to freak the crap out! It drives me insane. It's called Personal Space!! Take a fucking step back!
22. I love Vlogging
23. Easter isn’t complete without half a dozen Cadbury's Creme Eggs.
24. I have five tattoos and a half-sleeve.
25. I have a pierced tongue.
26. I still can't work our Media Centre
27. I couldn't live without my friends. They are very dear to me and I tell them how I feel often.
28. I would rather go through natural childbirth WITHOUT drugs before I suffer toothache.
29. I have walked with the elephants and ridden one too. What an incredible experience!
30. My favourite sandwich is chicken mayonnaise with crispy bacon and avo on Health Bread - toasted.
31. I craved strawberries and jammy doughnuts with my first pregnancy and with my second it was beef crisps.
32. I turned into the Goodyear Blimp when I was pregnant (both times) and I looked like a walking Easter Egg. It wasn't pretty.
33. The Wicked Witch of the West had NOTHING on me when I was preggies. I was the Biatch from Hell on speed. I released the flying monkeys daily.
34. When I was a wee lass I lived in or is it on, my roller skates. You know the ones with the four chunky wheels with the big stopper at the front? I would put them on the minute I got home from school and not take them off until bed time. I did everything in my skates.
35. I love to karaoke. Can you say Smule?
36. I took typing at school because it was an easy and a "cop-out" subject. I was a lazy little git at school.
37. I am a proud natural red-head.
38. I believe in the death penalty.
39. I'm addicted to Sheldon Cooper - if I don't get my dose of The Big Bang Theory, I get VERY pissy.
40. I want to die having known my grand-children.
41. I have done white-water tubing (geckoing) and absa lootly loved it.
42. I still have my appendix.
43. I am interested in many subjects and it makes me appear fickle and flighty.
44. I secretly wish they celebrated Halloween here in South Africa so I could dress up more.
45. Camping is one of my favourite things to do. I love being outside, getting dirty and being away from the hustle and bustle.
46. I wish I liked cooking more, because of all the mess I have to clean up afterward. I'd probably cook more if someone was washing up for me as I went along.
47. I yell out “Bless You!” when strangers sneeze in public.
48. I hate rodents. Vermin MUST be exterminated.
49. I love the smell of coffee but don't make me drink it. Yuk! I'm tea Jenny - no milk either.
50. My first car was a Ford Escort in baby blue with a white vinyl top and I named him Clifford. I loved that car and it was a 1.3 that only ever ran on three cylinders.
51. I am pro-choice.
52. I hate wearing knickers with pants.
53. My work is important to me. It keeps me sane and I get a lot of joy out of being efficient.
54. I enjoy skinny dipping.
55. I prefer my toilet roll to roll out over the top not from underneath - if its from underneath a someone else's house, I will change it just to piss them off.
56. I'm incredibly short-sighted.
57. I run 5km daily (except on Sundays).
58. I have baskets and bowls all around my house with general shit in. I know it annoys everyone, but at least I know where to find things.
59. I spent an entire day in a string bikini playing volley ball without sun-screen. I got such bad sun stroke, I thought I was on my way out. Seriously, death would've been better looking than my lobster skin sitting below a ice-cold shower.
61. I did drum majorettes for three years in high school. Short skirts and busbies. Halt, check, 1, 2...
62. When I was little I wanted to be a ballerina but my folks couldn't afford dance lessons. I had a neighbour who went twice a week and I'd rush over to her house after she got back from her lessons and she'd teach me what she did in class that day. I'd squeeze my feet into her tiny ballet pumps (she was almost two years younger than I was) - it was very sad.
63. I get along with my Mother-in-law and love her very much.
64. I love musicals and love watching Sound of Music and Wizard of Oz over and over.
65. My breasts were silicone-enhanced almost 9 years ago. I still love the twins.
66. I enjoy playing board games that involve general knowledge - I'm not a great player but I still love it.
67. I don't drink enough water.
68. I have a very keen sense of smell. I can smell onions and Toffee from a mile away.
69. Naked hand-stands and cartwheels are fun!
70. I'm looking my age now. I see more and more wear and tear everyday. Crows feet, plenty sagging and drooping.
71. I only drink beer for burping competitions, which I generally win.
72. My favourite colour is orange. I will buy anything if it's orange just coz I love the colour. I wear it, I eat it, I drive it, I would have everything in orange if I could.
73. I ADORE pretty heels. I used to have a regular Friday feature on my blog called Fridays Shoegasm.
74. Kiss me on my lower back and I'm yours forever.
75. I love crystals and gems. My favourite is amethyst. I believe all crystals have healing powers and I have several books on the subject.
76. Music feeds my soul and I love everything from classical to heavy metal rock.
77. I am officially a skydiver. I jumped out of an aircraft at 12000ft and plummeted to the earth at 200kph. It was a fucking rush of note.
78. The Russian Ballet company came to South Africa and it is the best ballet performance I have ever seen. They were incredible and literally took my breath away.
79. I'm quite a good ice skater.
80. I own a Grammar book, a thesaurus and a dictionary. I have never used them.
81. I can dance for hours on end. This "Tannie" can "skut her biscuit".
82. I can peel potatoes at lightning speed.
83. I cry at Dr Phil and Oprah. I cry at the movies a lot. I cry at some commercials for heaven's sake. I'm a real blubber bucket.
84. I hope to someday visit Italy and Europe as I crave the architecture and history of the place.
85. I own a rubic cube but only my husband can solve the thing in less than a minute.
86. Bono from U2 was my big fat crush when I was a teenager. I hoped someday to kiss Paul Hewson full on the mouth...
87. I have the ugliest feet. I have hideous bunions and my toe next to my pinkie toe is so badly bent it looks as if its looking around the corner. Must've been all those fucking pointy heels in the 80s.
88. I was never officially proposed to. We just decided mutually that it was a good idea. I secretly wish it could happen all over again so I could have ONE romantic moment.
89. I have NEVER been skinny, even though I'd love to be. Even in matric when I was 16, I had a good figure but never weighed less than 53kg (as an adult) and I'm only five foot.
90. Farting at work is not an issue for me. I have a special spray on my desk for such occasions and everyone knows that when they smell my vanilla spray, that I've farted. Hey! What would you rather smell?
91. I had various moles removed from my body and face. I was worried that I'd end up looking like the Wicked Witch of the West with hair growing out of her facial moles. They were disgusting.
92. "Charlotte's Web" made me sob.
93. My parents have been married for 50 years (together for 57). That's a fucking miracle!!
94. I have a weakness for trendy colourful handbags, sunglasses and shoes. I must have a dozen pairs of sunglasses. Accessorize, gurls!
95. I love waterless hand cleanser and always keep some in my handbag.
96. I had a sympathectomy when I was 27 for hyperhidrosis. Are you googling yet?
97. I once killed a boyfriends hamster by mistake by leaving him out on a sunny balcony in his plastic ball for an entire afternoon. When I went to put him back in his cage he was stiff as a board. I felt like shit. Sorry Freddy!
98. I think Billy Connolly is hysterical and he never fails to make me chuckle out loud.
99. I laugh VERY loud and when I get a giggling fit I can't stop myself...It happens often.
100. I consider South Africa my home even though I was born and stayed in Scotland for 10 years.