Cock-A-Doodle Do Me - My Cock is so big it won't even return Spielberg's calls

Happy Day Three of the A to Z Blog Challenge and today's letter is C and if you're new visiting A Daft Scots Lass you'll now know that my theme for this challenge is Mottos versus Insults


and my Motto for today is Courage.

and the Insult for today is

Cock



A Daft Scots Lass riding the Giant Golden Cock at the Sexpo



Because I actually got to ride a gigantic golden cock one year at the Sexpo. 

Not only that, I haven even blogged about Jonah Falcon, the lucky guy with the world's largest cock.

I also couldn't just choose the word "Cock" on its own, because Cocksmoker (which is an adaptation or an extension of cock) is one of my favourite insults. I came across this word on Colourful Rants of a Fed Up Sista's Blog ages ago and its been one of my top 10 insults to hurl at arseholes in the traffic ever since. Yeah, road rage is a weakness of mine, especially Trolley Rage.

Snakes Alive!

The weekend was pretty eventful and filled with drama!

Firstly, we went to the Sexpo which was loads of fun.  

I got to ride a giant golden cock and you can see the Sexpo mascots - Penisorous and Titasorous in the background.  Hysterical!  I got to see Riley Steel (the porn star) in a gold bikini (gosh what a body!) and we found some really great stuff to giggle at, including the Stud Butler.  This had me giggle for ages!

Riding the Giant Golden Cock

Not only did we get to make some cool purchases,  Suzie Q was there and she put on a fantastic show.  Juanita (South Africa's Pole Dancing Champion) showed off her sexy athletic moves on the pole.

 

Many men (plus few excited ladies) worked to climb Mount Peni - the the world’s largest erect inflatable penis to win prizes.  Loads of fun to watch!

Mount Peni

That afternoon we found hundreds of bees trying to build a nest outside our bathroom window.  It looked like they had already built a nest but when we sprayed them with poison they all flew away and there was no trace that they'd ever been there.  Obviously they were just looking for a good place for their Queen and were protecting her in the mean time.

Bee's Nest outside my bathroom window

On top of the bees, we stumbled across a fucking red spotted house snake or a corn snake (not sure which one yet) in our garden that made me freak the fuck out!  Yes, he/she was fucking huge!  

We had a power failure at the time, so everything was dark but my Boerewors saw our cat, Pickles,  stalking something and went to check out what it was.  This is what it was!!!

The Fucker

We had to use a torch to see where that Fucker was and my Boerewors went to fetch a spade from the Shed to slog him with.  I wouldn't take my eyes off this thing as he was right outside my girls' bedroom windows and I certainly didn't want him to slither inside the house or slither away where we couldn't see him!  

I got Pickles (our cat) away from the snake, put her inside and R got to work chopping the snake up with his spade. The Fucker took forever to die and lunged towards the spade a good few times.  He wasn't going down without a fight and wriggled until the bitter end.

Now I'm worried that it was a Mummy snake and she's fucking laid her eggs somewhere in our garden and soon (normally about 10 weeks) they hatch their wee snake babies.  Urgh! Can you imagine...

The Snake got they Old Chop