The Twins Turn Two

Dear Twins

You turned Turned Two this week.

It feels like longer - how did I manage without my D-Cup Cleveage?


Happy Birthday Boobies!


Love you 
Forever

I Got to Print - again!

Our local paper featured me again - or at least featured one of my comments on their chat forum.

MuthaFuckin Suspected Brain Tumor

On Sunday night I woke up at 1am with the worst chronic pain ever!

It felt like someone was jamming a very pointy rusty nail deep into the root of one of my teeth.  The entire right side of my face hurt and the pain shot up into my head and deep down into my jaw bone. 

I was in total agony!

After moaning like an dying old fucking cow and pacing up and down the passage clutching my face, I managed to find some Synap Forte that I had left over from a surgery I had about a year ago.  I popped two immediately. It look a while for them to kick in - it was the worst and longest 40 minutes ever... 

I held my face tight with both hands and rocked myself back and forward, sobbing like a heart-broken child.  Why does applying pressure to a painful area seem to soothe it?  Nothing would take this kind of pain away...

I was contemplating finding my Boerewors' tool box and using his rusty pliers to rip that muthafuckin-piece-of-shit-tooth out by myself!  I was actually thinking about doing a "Worzel Gummidge" and ripping my own damn head off!  I have never experienced such stabbing pain.  Never!  

Fuck it!  I would even go through natural childbirth TWICE rather than go through that pain.  It was actually blinding - undescribable agony.

My Boerewors tried to help - bless him - by applying a hot face cloth to the area, he even suggested we go to the ER.  He said he's never seen me in such pain.  Thanx to the drugs, I eventually fell asleep and apparently I was talking gobbledy goop in my sleep, completely delirious - the drugs were obviously good shit. 

On Monday morning when I woke up, I popped another two Synap Forte (my new Best Friend just by the way) and I dragged myself to work.  I made an emergency appointment with my Dentist.  He squeezed me in and took a panorama x-ray of my aching face.  His diagnosis?  An abscess!  You tell me - how the fuck can an infection cause such awesome pain??  

No seriously!  Surley I at least have a fucking brain tumor the size of a large pumpkin to explain the pain I experienced?

So anyhoo,  I walked around dazed and drugged at work the entire day on Monday and of course everyone suggested and offered various toothache home remedies from whiskey, rescue remedy and making a poltus paste with paracetamol and anesthetic cream and applying it straight onto the throbbing area.

I was hearing nothing of it!  I had My New Best Friend - Synap Forte!

So, bottom line, I'm on a pretty heavy doze of penicillin antibiotics (two HUGE horse pills), anti-inflammatory, inter flora and My New Best Friends aka Synap Forte three times a day. 

As you can imagine, I now have minimal pain with my prescription drugs but I'm flying high in a completely different planet.  Its a weird feeling but oh so nice...

Wish me luck for Root Canal next week, when my infection has hopefully cleared up and the Dentist can actually come into contact with my tooth with his wee pointy instrument.

Urgh!  More Synap Forte please! 

Or can someone source these Cocaine Toothache Drops.  They do claim instantaneous cure - for only 15 cents!  Fucking Bargain!

He's Stuck!!!

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.

He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.

At 60 off came the pants.

At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He swerved off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but he was stuck.

"Go to the road and get help," he said.

"I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied.

The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.

"You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.

Along came a truck driver.

Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.

"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies: "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"

Evening Away

My Boerewors and I went for a well-deserved break to Thaba Ya Batswana yesterday and today - kiddie free!  Thanx to my sister-in-law for offering to look after the girls while we got some R & R with colleagues from work.

We arrived Saturday lunchtime and booked into the Spa straight away for a full body Swedish massage.  Heaven on Earth!  I couldn't have been more relaxed when I floated out of there to check into our room.  The rooms were gorgeous with massive king size bed, luxury bathroom to die for overlooking the hills and a fully stocked mini-bar.  Beautiful!

After freshening up, we met friends at the pool where we spent the afternoon dipping our feet in the pool (only Stuart was brave enuff to swim) and polished off a few bottles of good wine with brilliant company and conversation.  A well-oiled Gillian got swept off her feet (quite literally) by Steven and I went down hard on my ankle and Steven injured his foot.  Sharon and Stuart had a turn to wreck one of the pool loungers.  Bloody piss cats!  You can't take us anywhere!!!

By the time the sun went to bed,  we were all starving and ready to munch.  We all went off to our rooms to freshen up again and get dressed for dinner at the Kraal Kombuis Restaurant.  The food was great, the drinks were plenty and the company was hysterical.

Feeling a little delicate the next day, we got dressed and went up for a scrumptious buffet breakfast.  Everything you could wish for.  All I wanted was cafffine and nicotine - to get me going....

A brilliant weekend away.

The Rustic Rooms

The rooms were sprinkled with rose petals

The king size bed

Cathy by the pool

Taking a stroll around the pool

(actually I was trying to get the bottle of wine back that we left floating in the pool to keep it cool)

Our very own extra large ice bucket

Sharon and Stuart wrecked one of the pool loungers fooling around on it.

Kyle and Robz

Sharon and Stuart

Kyle with his shower cap on

(his first time in a hotel) so he had to try everything out,

including making a HUGE dent in the mini-bar.

One of the outdoor lounges

Robz having a snack

Steven

The girls getting drunk and disorderly.

Well-oiled and dressed for dinner

Drunk and Disorderly at Dinner

Sharon and Steven striking a pose at the dinner table

One of the stunning little pathways on the walk up to the restaurant

Stuart's birthday is on Thursday and Sharon had organised

for cheese cake to be served to celebrate his birthday. 

He was surprised when he was presented with his special cake and we sung him happy birthday.