Z is for Zebadeed

So, Here We Are, my lovely Plonkers - The last day of the A to Z Blog Challenge.   

I actually can't believe its gone so quickly and that I made it without hard drugs or bursting a major fekkin blood vessel.

"Zebadeed"

Pronounciation : zeb-a-deed

Definition : High on drugs.

Usage : Big Tam wiz mad wi it last night, pur zebadeed it wiz brilliant.

Translation : I'm just back from my holidays in Jamaica. The beach was full of lazy niggers sitting under palm trees high on drugs and the hotel was full of fat Americans who would trample on kids just to get to the buffet.  I was keen not to be stereotyped like them so I put my kilt on and just sat at the bar for two weeks totally pissed.


There is no place in Scotland beginning with the letter Z but this is a fucking brilliant opportunity to allow me to play some Zeppelin. 

Rock On.

Y is for Yonks

"Yonks"

Pronounciation : yon-ks

Definition : n. An extremely long time.

Usage :  Ah huvnae seen ma maw fir yonks.  Remember yon time she lent me the two hunner quid?

Translation :  Whilst some of the material on here is topical and clever, there are far too many idiots with half a brain posting racist material. As a woman of Asian descent, some of these "jokes" offend me long time.

Yetholm is a village in the Scottish Borders region of Scotland, 8 miles south east of Kelso and less than 1 mile west of the border. The first mention is of its church in the 13th century. The Border Hotel public house is the official end of the Pennine Way. Kirk Yetholm was for centuries the headquarters of the Romani people (Gypsies) in Scotland. The last king of the Gypsies was crowned in 1898 and the Gypsies have been integrated and are no longer a separate ethnic minority. A memorial stone can be found on the village green.

Yetholm

The infamous and wickedly funny Rikki Fulton

Monday Music Moves Me

This week I was asked by Xmas Dolly to make a Guest Appearance for "Bring a Friend" Day.

Previously, I religiously took part in  Monday Music Moves Me linky, but since the A to Z Blog Challenge and my wee blog hiatus, I haven't managed to do it.  Oh, it doesn't mean I've run out of music to share with all you lovely Plonkers - it just means I needed a wee break.

However, I couldn't pass up the chance of sharing Jake Bugg with you all.  He's a 19 year old indie folk artist and has been compared to the likes of The Great Bob Dylan.  His debut album came out in October last year, his music is fresh and really gets my foot tapping.

Enjoy.


 

Metallica Rocked!

My feet ache, my body hurts, I am hoarse from screaming and my neck is stiff.  The Metallica Concert at Soccer City in Johannesburg was fucking brilliant!  

So many metal heads in one place.  I am now officially a member of the MetFamily.

My Sis and I rockin it
 40 000 people banging their heads.

X is for X-Burd

"X-Burd"

 Pronunciation : ex-burd

Definition : Scottish slang for ex-girlfriend.  A burd is your bird aka your girlfriend.  The girl you used to go out with.  An "ex" means you have broken up and are no longer dating.

Usage : 'Phwoar, you shudda seen  the chebs on ma ex-burd!  She was right fit!

Translation :  My ex-girlfriends boobs aren't small but they would be pointless without nipples

X-House aka Crosshouse is a village in East Ayrshire about 2 miles west of Kilmarnock. It grew around the cross-roads of the main Kilmarnock to Irvine road,  running from Kilmaurs south to Gatehead and beyond towards Prestwick. The Carmel Water, a tributary of the River Irvine, flows through the centre of the village.  The village is the location of a major hospital, Crosshouse Hospital, which was built to replace the Kilmarnock Infirmary.

X-House aka Crosshouse 

So I gave the guys something to drool over in this post, here's something for the girls (as promised).

W is for Wallies

"Wallies"

 Pronounciation : wa-lees

Definition :  Scottish slang for False Teeth.

Usage :  Ma gran sez ahl get granpaw’s wallies when he pegs-oot.

Translation :  My grammar sucks.  Specially when she's not got her false teeth in.

Wigtownshire or the County of Wigtown is a registration county in Galloway in the Southern Uplands of south west Scotland.  Home to Garthland Castle,  Castle of St. John and Wigtown Castle.  Torehousekie Stone Circle dates from the 2nd millennium BC, this is one of the best preserved sites in Britain. The circle is approx. 60 feet in diameter and comprises 19 stones up to 5 feet high.

Wigtownshire

V is for Vino Collapso

"Vino Collapso"

Pronunciation : veen-o-col-ap-so

Definition :  A term for the various makes of cheap wine aka Plonk.

Usage : Feksake, ma heid's nippin this moarnin, shoulda eased up oan the auld vino collapso doon the pub".

Translation :  Wine is sunlight, held together by water.  Whether wine is a nourishment, medicine or poison is a matter of dosage.

Vatersay is an inhabited island in the Outer Hebrides of Scotland. Vatersay is also the name of the only village on the island. The island has remains of an Iron Age broch at Dun a' Chaolais overlooking the Sound of Vatersay and nearby is a passage grave dated to the 3rd millennium BC. There is also a Bronze Age cemetery at Treasabhaig south of the heights of Theiseabhal Mòr and a cairn built circa 1000 BC west of the village of Vatersay.  The offshore islet of Biruaslum has a walled fort that may be of Neolithic provenance.

Vatersay Stone

U is for Up yer arse

"Up yer Arse"


Pronunciation : up-yer-ar-s

Definition : To tell another person that you don't agree with their opinion, usually a shouted response to an insult. Similar to up yours but a wee bitty stronger.

Usage: Geeza hon wi' ma bagpipes or I'll stick 'em up yer fucking arse.

Translation :  To all those women who watch the football and shout "pass it to Frank" or "bring Joe Cole on;" fuck off. You didn't see me at Sex And The City 2 shouting "fuck her up the arse."


Ullapool is a small town of around 1,300 inhabitants in Ross and Cromarty, Highland, Scotland. Despite its small size it is the largest settlement for many miles around and a major tourist destination of Scotland.  The harbour is still the edge of the village, used as a fishing port, yachting haven, and ferry port. Ferries sail to Stornoway in the Outer Hebrides. Ullapool has a strong reputation as a centre for music, the arts and performance.

Ullapool

T is for Tatties

"Tatties"

Pronounced : tat-ee pl. tat-eez

Definition : n. Plural form of tatty. Scottish word for potatoes.

Usage :  Hud on son, I’ll be wi ye as soon as I bree the tatties

Translation : If you are offended by any of the potato jokes present on this website, feel free to call the complaints line on 0800 1-potato 2-potato 3-potato 4.

Teangue is a beautiful wee fishing village on the Sleat peninsula, Isle of Skye, Highlands of Scotland. It is situated in Knock Bay on the west side of the Sound of Sleat. It is in the Scottish council area of Highland.  The home of pretty Knock Castle.

Teangue

 

 

My Tally

 

S is for Stookie

"Stookie"

Pronounced : s-too-key

Definition: n. A rigid dressing, usually made of gauze and plaster of Paris, used to immobilise an injusred body part, as in a fracture or dislocations. 

Usage : I'm gutted I cannae play fitba' fir six weeks cause of this fekkin' stookie.

Translation : If you break your ankle, save the bother of going to hospital by simply using your wank sock as a plaster cast.

Shetland

The place for the letter S today is Shetland, also called the Shetland Islands, is a subarctic archipelago of Scotland that lies north-east of mainland Britain.  

Way back in the eighties during the British recession, my dad had to go away for months on end just to find work.  One of those far away places that Dad went was The Shetland Islands.  When he came back, it was brilliant to hear all the funny stories my dad today of stuffing Puffins down his sleeping colleagues' troozers.

And now a short but interesting history of Shetland.  Love the accents.

Conversations with Kaylin

My youngest was doing "This Little Piggie Went to Market" the other day and...

Kaylin :  This Little Piggie Went to Market

This Little Piggie Stayed Home

This Little Piggie Had Gross Peas

This Little Piggie Had None...

Me:  What?  Gross Peas?

Kaylin :  Yeah...

Me:  That's not how it goes...it's Roast Beef!

Kaylin:  No it's not.  Its gross peas.

*lots of gigglin*

R is for Reek

"Reek"

Pronunciation: ree-k

Definition: adj. Smell, stink, to give off or emit a strong unpleasant odour

Usage: Lang may yer lum reek.

Translation: I'm trying to give up my two worst habits at the moment smoking and masturbation, but I'm really struggling as I'm a 20-a-day man, and I smoke like a chimney!

Origin: Auld ReekieThe Old Town of Edinburgh had open sewers and the stench was awful. Hence Auld Reekie - Old Smelly

Renfrewshire is one of 32 council areas of Scotland. Located in the west central Lowlands, it is one of three council areas contained within the boundaries of the historic county of Renfrewshire, the others being East Renfrewshire to the east and Inverclyde to the west.

Home to some of the prettiest castles abd ruins including Belltrees Peel, Johnston Castle and Polnoon Castle

Q is for Quine

"Quine"

Pronounciation: kwain

Definition : used a fair bit back in certain parts of Aberdeen, it means “girl” or “lass” and not just young girls.

Usage :  “Hud on you! Are ye a loon or a quine?”

Translation:  Poor Caster, this would have never happened if he had just stuck to tennis.

Origin : Old strong Doric speakers use quine to refer to auld grannies.

The teeny wee village of Quarff is today's Scottish town..  Quartff is situated in the beautiful Shetland Islands in Scotland and is 5 miles south of Shetland's only town, Lerwick.  Twenty-five years ago, Easter Quarff had 12 crofts and 28 houses; by 2004 there were over 70 dwellings. Wester Quarff, however, has remained fairly constant with thirteen dwellings in small clusters.

Quarff

 Yip boring old Letter Q so I thought I'd throw in a bonus video to make your lips curl into an upside down rainbow.

P is for Peely Wally

"Peely Wally"

Pronounciation : pili-wali

Definintion: Not looking well.  Looking unhealthy; under the weather.  

Sick, pale and pastey (that would probably include most of the fucking people from the UK, actually)

Usage: Yer awfy peely-wally lookin the day, wis the polisman roon at your hoose?"

Translation:  All you need are colored eye contacts and you could be albino!

The teeny weeny Peebles is a burgh in the committee area of Tweeddale, in the Scottish Borders, lying on the River Tweed. According to the 2001 Census, the population was 8,159.  Initially a market town, Peebles played a role in the woollen industry of the Scottish Borders up until the 1960s.

Pretty Peebles

O is for Oxter

"Oxter"

Pronounced : oak-stir

Definition : The oxter is the pairt o the human body richt unner the jient where the airm jiens the shouder.  In other words, your armpit.

Usage : Feminist were totally psyched that I had oxster hair.

Translation : She's so hairy – when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.

Origin : Old English ōxta, related to eax ("axis, axle") and eaxl ("shoulder").

Orkney also known as the Orkney Islands, is an archipelago in northern Scotland, 16 kilometres north of the coast of Caithness. Orkney comprises approximately 70 islands of which 20 are inhabited.  Stunning and the history of the place is that the name "Orkney" dates back to the 1st century BC or earlier, and the islands have been inhabited for at least 8,500 years. Originally occupied by Mesolithic and Neolithic tribes and then by the Picts, Orkney was invaded and forcibly annexed by Norway in 875 and settled by the Norse. It was subsequently annexed to the Scottish Crown in 1472, following the failed payment of a dowry for James III's bride, Margaret of Denmark.

This Plonker is truly the Best Oxster Farter, and the guy with the hockey mask just fuckin creeps me out, but yet I can't stop cackling like an old whore.

N is for Numpty

"Numpty"

Pronounced : num-p-tee

Definition : n. idiot or fool. Someone who (sometimes unwittingly) by speech or action demonstrates a lack of knowledge or misconception of a particular subject or situation to the amusement of others.

Usage : That fekkin' numpty's driving with nae lights on and couldnae organise a pissup in a brewery.

Translation :  Men are good for 70 things, fixing things and 69.

Origin : The origins of numpty are unclear. It may be an altered form of the word "numps", which dates back to the sixteenth century and also means "an idiot", but this is found mainly in English sources.

The dazzling wee place in Scotland beginning with the letter N is Newport-on-Tay.  Newport-on-Tay is a small town in the north east of Fife in Scotland, acting as a commuter suburb for Dundee. The Fife Coastal Path passes through Newport.

Newport-on-Tay

Gemma Muse sings Numpty

M is for Manky

"Manky"

Pronounciation : mang-key

Definition : Unclean person or unclean act, disgusting. 

Pure mankiness is commonly observed in the hallways of a middle school, where broods of little people slide their sweaty digits across various bacteria-infested surfaces such as the gym-change room lockers, toilet bowls and door knobs.

Usage: Ye need te clean yer shitty toilet - it's manky mess!

Translation :  They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody. 

The Mull of Kintyre is the south western most tip of the Kintyre Peninsula in southwest Scotland. From here, the Antrim coast is visible and a historic lighthouse, the second commissioned in Scotland, guides shipping in the intervening North Channel.  So gorgeous even Paul McCartney sung about it.

Mull of Kintyre

Introducing Manky Records.

Friendship

Some friendships come and go but the ones that stand the test of time and triumph the bad times are the ones you’ll have forever. Actually these are the friendships you want forever.

My bestie deserves a blog post all to herself. 

She is smart and beautiful and my voice of reason. She is fun and adventurous but couldn’t be more different for me. She is a dreamer. I am a realist. She hates conflict and I could pick a fight with a fish. She is sensitive and kind. I am sarcastic and fickle. She likes solitude. I like a crowd. But we have much in common too. We are both fiercy independent women who put family first. We can talk for ours about nothing.

Oh don’t get me wrong, I know I get on her nervous sometimes. But she’s such a brilliant person, she won’t say it out loud. However, I can see it in her eyes. 

We met at work and we sat opposite one another. We shared jokes and got to chatting, which led to camping trips with her family and the friendship was sealed. 

She has been my bestie every since. 

She watched me get married and partied like a rock star at my wedding. When I told her I was never going to have children, she laughed. She was with me when I announced I was 8 weeks pregnant and tried to explain to me what it would be like to be a mum. I never believed her, until it happened. I always remembered what she said. And she was right. 

She was with me while I labored at home with my second wee lassie. She babysat Megan while I completed my labour at the hospital. My BFF knows things about me that I thought I’d never tell her. I thought she’d judge me. I thought she’d be angry. She not only did not judged me but listened and offered advice. She is fiercely loyal to her family and friends and for this I love her to death.

Distance or time will never alter our friendship. We may not talk every day or even every week, but I always know she is there.  I know that I would drop everything if she needed me.

I love you and appreciate who you are and our unique friendship.

Like the butterfly you are the wind beneath my wings.

Your friendship is a gift I enjoy opening everyday.

L is for Loch Ness

"Lug"

Pronounced : lugg

Meaning : n. an ear, the organ that detects sound.

Usage :  Ye wee rascal, c'mere so your mirra kin gie ye a skelpit lug.

Translation: Tired of domestic violence? Go out with a Liverpool player, they never beat anyone.

Origin : Lug has been recorded with the meaning 'ear' since the fifteenth century, and one of the earliest examples is found in the name or nickname of 'Michael blaklug' in the Burgh records of Aberdeen.

One of the best known places in Scotland, Loch Ness is a large, deep, freshwater loch in the Scottish Highlands extending for approximately 37 km southwest of Inverness. Its surface is 15.8 m above sea level.  Loch Ness is best known for the sightings of the cryptozoological Loch Ness Monster, also known affectionately as "Nessie".

Lock Ness

K is for Keech

Happy Friday everyone! Today's K-word is:

"Keech"

Pronounced:  kee-CH


Definition:  The Scottish version of excrement, deification or better know as The Jobby or The Shite.  Also, the Scottish version of "bullshit".

Usage : I've often been accused of vulgarity - I think that's a bunch 'o keech.

Translation:  The definition of surprise - a fart with a lump in it.  A kart.

My pretty wee toon of Kilmarnock is my choice of Scottish town for this letter of the alphabet.  Surprise! Surprise!

My Big Sister and I

Kilmarnock is my wee home town. Killie is a burgh in East Ayrshire, Scotland with a population of 44,734, making it the 14th most populated place in Scotland.  It is also the second largest town in Ayrshire, where they brew the smooth Johnny Walker Whisky.

Go Killie!

Kilmarnock.  Pissin o' rain as usual....

And of course I couldn't make this post without sharing some of Killies best goals!