My 2013 A to Z Blog Challenge Reflections Post

I tried so many times to get this vlog right. How many times have a vlogged? Hundreds? How I couldn't get this simple Reflections Report Back post right is beyond me. 

I edited the crap outta it and it still doesn't make sense and, of course, way to many Fuck words.

Watch or don't.

Thanx to you lovely Plonkers for visiting and following my blog during the A to Z Blog Challenge. 

Don't forget to pop in on Tuesday for the relaunch of Caption My Freaky Photo Competition.

Have an brilliant weekend, my lovelies.

Z is for Zebadeed

So, Here We Are, my lovely Plonkers - The last day of the A to Z Blog Challenge.   

I actually can't believe its gone so quickly and that I made it without hard drugs or bursting a major fekkin blood vessel.

"Zebadeed"

Pronounciation : zeb-a-deed

Definition : High on drugs.

Usage : Big Tam wiz mad wi it last night, pur zebadeed it wiz brilliant.

Translation : I'm just back from my holidays in Jamaica. The beach was full of lazy niggers sitting under palm trees high on drugs and the hotel was full of fat Americans who would trample on kids just to get to the buffet.  I was keen not to be stereotyped like them so I put my kilt on and just sat at the bar for two weeks totally pissed.


There is no place in Scotland beginning with the letter Z but this is a fucking brilliant opportunity to allow me to play some Zeppelin. 

Rock On.

Y is for Yonks

"Yonks"

Pronounciation : yon-ks

Definition : n. An extremely long time.

Usage :  Ah huvnae seen ma maw fir yonks.  Remember yon time she lent me the two hunner quid?

Translation :  Whilst some of the material on here is topical and clever, there are far too many idiots with half a brain posting racist material. As a woman of Asian descent, some of these "jokes" offend me long time.

Yetholm is a village in the Scottish Borders region of Scotland, 8 miles south east of Kelso and less than 1 mile west of the border. The first mention is of its church in the 13th century. The Border Hotel public house is the official end of the Pennine Way. Kirk Yetholm was for centuries the headquarters of the Romani people (Gypsies) in Scotland. The last king of the Gypsies was crowned in 1898 and the Gypsies have been integrated and are no longer a separate ethnic minority. A memorial stone can be found on the village green.

Yetholm

The infamous and wickedly funny Rikki Fulton

X is for X-Burd

"X-Burd"

 Pronunciation : ex-burd

Definition : Scottish slang for ex-girlfriend.  A burd is your bird aka your girlfriend.  The girl you used to go out with.  An "ex" means you have broken up and are no longer dating.

Usage : 'Phwoar, you shudda seen  the chebs on ma ex-burd!  She was right fit!

Translation :  My ex-girlfriends boobs aren't small but they would be pointless without nipples

X-House aka Crosshouse is a village in East Ayrshire about 2 miles west of Kilmarnock. It grew around the cross-roads of the main Kilmarnock to Irvine road,  running from Kilmaurs south to Gatehead and beyond towards Prestwick. The Carmel Water, a tributary of the River Irvine, flows through the centre of the village.  The village is the location of a major hospital, Crosshouse Hospital, which was built to replace the Kilmarnock Infirmary.

X-House aka Crosshouse 

So I gave the guys something to drool over in this post, here's something for the girls (as promised).

W is for Wallies

"Wallies"

 Pronounciation : wa-lees

Definition :  Scottish slang for False Teeth.

Usage :  Ma gran sez ahl get granpaw’s wallies when he pegs-oot.

Translation :  My grammar sucks.  Specially when she's not got her false teeth in.

Wigtownshire or the County of Wigtown is a registration county in Galloway in the Southern Uplands of south west Scotland.  Home to Garthland Castle,  Castle of St. John and Wigtown Castle.  Torehousekie Stone Circle dates from the 2nd millennium BC, this is one of the best preserved sites in Britain. The circle is approx. 60 feet in diameter and comprises 19 stones up to 5 feet high.

Wigtownshire

V is for Vino Collapso

"Vino Collapso"

Pronunciation : veen-o-col-ap-so

Definition :  A term for the various makes of cheap wine aka Plonk.

Usage : Feksake, ma heid's nippin this moarnin, shoulda eased up oan the auld vino collapso doon the pub".

Translation :  Wine is sunlight, held together by water.  Whether wine is a nourishment, medicine or poison is a matter of dosage.

Vatersay is an inhabited island in the Outer Hebrides of Scotland. Vatersay is also the name of the only village on the island. The island has remains of an Iron Age broch at Dun a' Chaolais overlooking the Sound of Vatersay and nearby is a passage grave dated to the 3rd millennium BC. There is also a Bronze Age cemetery at Treasabhaig south of the heights of Theiseabhal Mòr and a cairn built circa 1000 BC west of the village of Vatersay.  The offshore islet of Biruaslum has a walled fort that may be of Neolithic provenance.

Vatersay Stone

U is for Up yer arse

"Up yer Arse"


Pronunciation : up-yer-ar-s

Definition : To tell another person that you don't agree with their opinion, usually a shouted response to an insult. Similar to up yours but a wee bitty stronger.

Usage: Geeza hon wi' ma bagpipes or I'll stick 'em up yer fucking arse.

Translation :  To all those women who watch the football and shout "pass it to Frank" or "bring Joe Cole on;" fuck off. You didn't see me at Sex And The City 2 shouting "fuck her up the arse."


Ullapool is a small town of around 1,300 inhabitants in Ross and Cromarty, Highland, Scotland. Despite its small size it is the largest settlement for many miles around and a major tourist destination of Scotland.  The harbour is still the edge of the village, used as a fishing port, yachting haven, and ferry port. Ferries sail to Stornoway in the Outer Hebrides. Ullapool has a strong reputation as a centre for music, the arts and performance.

Ullapool

T is for Tatties

"Tatties"

Pronounced : tat-ee pl. tat-eez

Definition : n. Plural form of tatty. Scottish word for potatoes.

Usage :  Hud on son, I’ll be wi ye as soon as I bree the tatties

Translation : If you are offended by any of the potato jokes present on this website, feel free to call the complaints line on 0800 1-potato 2-potato 3-potato 4.

Teangue is a beautiful wee fishing village on the Sleat peninsula, Isle of Skye, Highlands of Scotland. It is situated in Knock Bay on the west side of the Sound of Sleat. It is in the Scottish council area of Highland.  The home of pretty Knock Castle.

Teangue

 

 

My Tally

 

S is for Stookie

"Stookie"

Pronounced : s-too-key

Definition: n. A rigid dressing, usually made of gauze and plaster of Paris, used to immobilise an injusred body part, as in a fracture or dislocations. 

Usage : I'm gutted I cannae play fitba' fir six weeks cause of this fekkin' stookie.

Translation : If you break your ankle, save the bother of going to hospital by simply using your wank sock as a plaster cast.

Shetland

The place for the letter S today is Shetland, also called the Shetland Islands, is a subarctic archipelago of Scotland that lies north-east of mainland Britain.  

Way back in the eighties during the British recession, my dad had to go away for months on end just to find work.  One of those far away places that Dad went was The Shetland Islands.  When he came back, it was brilliant to hear all the funny stories my dad today of stuffing Puffins down his sleeping colleagues' troozers.

And now a short but interesting history of Shetland.  Love the accents.

R is for Reek

"Reek"

Pronunciation: ree-k

Definition: adj. Smell, stink, to give off or emit a strong unpleasant odour

Usage: Lang may yer lum reek.

Translation: I'm trying to give up my two worst habits at the moment smoking and masturbation, but I'm really struggling as I'm a 20-a-day man, and I smoke like a chimney!

Origin: Auld ReekieThe Old Town of Edinburgh had open sewers and the stench was awful. Hence Auld Reekie - Old Smelly

Renfrewshire is one of 32 council areas of Scotland. Located in the west central Lowlands, it is one of three council areas contained within the boundaries of the historic county of Renfrewshire, the others being East Renfrewshire to the east and Inverclyde to the west.

Home to some of the prettiest castles abd ruins including Belltrees Peel, Johnston Castle and Polnoon Castle

Q is for Quine

"Quine"

Pronounciation: kwain

Definition : used a fair bit back in certain parts of Aberdeen, it means “girl” or “lass” and not just young girls.

Usage :  “Hud on you! Are ye a loon or a quine?”

Translation:  Poor Caster, this would have never happened if he had just stuck to tennis.

Origin : Old strong Doric speakers use quine to refer to auld grannies.

The teeny wee village of Quarff is today's Scottish town..  Quartff is situated in the beautiful Shetland Islands in Scotland and is 5 miles south of Shetland's only town, Lerwick.  Twenty-five years ago, Easter Quarff had 12 crofts and 28 houses; by 2004 there were over 70 dwellings. Wester Quarff, however, has remained fairly constant with thirteen dwellings in small clusters.

Quarff

 Yip boring old Letter Q so I thought I'd throw in a bonus video to make your lips curl into an upside down rainbow.

P is for Peely Wally

"Peely Wally"

Pronounciation : pili-wali

Definintion: Not looking well.  Looking unhealthy; under the weather.  

Sick, pale and pastey (that would probably include most of the fucking people from the UK, actually)

Usage: Yer awfy peely-wally lookin the day, wis the polisman roon at your hoose?"

Translation:  All you need are colored eye contacts and you could be albino!

The teeny weeny Peebles is a burgh in the committee area of Tweeddale, in the Scottish Borders, lying on the River Tweed. According to the 2001 Census, the population was 8,159.  Initially a market town, Peebles played a role in the woollen industry of the Scottish Borders up until the 1960s.

Pretty Peebles

O is for Oxter

"Oxter"

Pronounced : oak-stir

Definition : The oxter is the pairt o the human body richt unner the jient where the airm jiens the shouder.  In other words, your armpit.

Usage : Feminist were totally psyched that I had oxster hair.

Translation : She's so hairy – when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.

Origin : Old English ōxta, related to eax ("axis, axle") and eaxl ("shoulder").

Orkney also known as the Orkney Islands, is an archipelago in northern Scotland, 16 kilometres north of the coast of Caithness. Orkney comprises approximately 70 islands of which 20 are inhabited.  Stunning and the history of the place is that the name "Orkney" dates back to the 1st century BC or earlier, and the islands have been inhabited for at least 8,500 years. Originally occupied by Mesolithic and Neolithic tribes and then by the Picts, Orkney was invaded and forcibly annexed by Norway in 875 and settled by the Norse. It was subsequently annexed to the Scottish Crown in 1472, following the failed payment of a dowry for James III's bride, Margaret of Denmark.

This Plonker is truly the Best Oxster Farter, and the guy with the hockey mask just fuckin creeps me out, but yet I can't stop cackling like an old whore.

N is for Numpty

"Numpty"

Pronounced : num-p-tee

Definition : n. idiot or fool. Someone who (sometimes unwittingly) by speech or action demonstrates a lack of knowledge or misconception of a particular subject or situation to the amusement of others.

Usage : That fekkin' numpty's driving with nae lights on and couldnae organise a pissup in a brewery.

Translation :  Men are good for 70 things, fixing things and 69.

Origin : The origins of numpty are unclear. It may be an altered form of the word "numps", which dates back to the sixteenth century and also means "an idiot", but this is found mainly in English sources.

The dazzling wee place in Scotland beginning with the letter N is Newport-on-Tay.  Newport-on-Tay is a small town in the north east of Fife in Scotland, acting as a commuter suburb for Dundee. The Fife Coastal Path passes through Newport.

Newport-on-Tay

Gemma Muse sings Numpty

M is for Manky

"Manky"

Pronounciation : mang-key

Definition : Unclean person or unclean act, disgusting. 

Pure mankiness is commonly observed in the hallways of a middle school, where broods of little people slide their sweaty digits across various bacteria-infested surfaces such as the gym-change room lockers, toilet bowls and door knobs.

Usage: Ye need te clean yer shitty toilet - it's manky mess!

Translation :  They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody. 

The Mull of Kintyre is the south western most tip of the Kintyre Peninsula in southwest Scotland. From here, the Antrim coast is visible and a historic lighthouse, the second commissioned in Scotland, guides shipping in the intervening North Channel.  So gorgeous even Paul McCartney sung about it.

Mull of Kintyre

Introducing Manky Records.

L is for Loch Ness

"Lug"

Pronounced : lugg

Meaning : n. an ear, the organ that detects sound.

Usage :  Ye wee rascal, c'mere so your mirra kin gie ye a skelpit lug.

Translation: Tired of domestic violence? Go out with a Liverpool player, they never beat anyone.

Origin : Lug has been recorded with the meaning 'ear' since the fifteenth century, and one of the earliest examples is found in the name or nickname of 'Michael blaklug' in the Burgh records of Aberdeen.

One of the best known places in Scotland, Loch Ness is a large, deep, freshwater loch in the Scottish Highlands extending for approximately 37 km southwest of Inverness. Its surface is 15.8 m above sea level.  Loch Ness is best known for the sightings of the cryptozoological Loch Ness Monster, also known affectionately as "Nessie".

Lock Ness

K is for Keech

Happy Friday everyone! Today's K-word is:

"Keech"

Pronounced:  kee-CH


Definition:  The Scottish version of excrement, deification or better know as The Jobby or The Shite.  Also, the Scottish version of "bullshit".

Usage : I've often been accused of vulgarity - I think that's a bunch 'o keech.

Translation:  The definition of surprise - a fart with a lump in it.  A kart.

My pretty wee toon of Kilmarnock is my choice of Scottish town for this letter of the alphabet.  Surprise! Surprise!

My Big Sister and I

Kilmarnock is my wee home town. Killie is a burgh in East Ayrshire, Scotland with a population of 44,734, making it the 14th most populated place in Scotland.  It is also the second largest town in Ayrshire, where they brew the smooth Johnny Walker Whisky.

Go Killie!

Kilmarnock.  Pissin o' rain as usual....

And of course I couldn't make this post without sharing some of Killies best goals!

J is for Jeely Piece

And so, the A to Z Blog Challenge continues...  You can go see my "10 Things that are a Dead Giveaway you're Scottish" vlog  HERE, where I blether on about Scottish stereotypes and other useless drivel.
  

You can also go and visit a few other bloggers that have signed up for this year's blog challenge HERE.  

Go pop in and remember to leave comments - that is what the challenge is all about, after all.

Today's installment for the letter J.

 "Jeely Piece"

Pronounced: jee-lee pees

Definition: The Scottish version of a jam sandwich.

Usage: Oh ye cannae fling yer jeelie piece oot a twenty storey flat.

Translation: Get me a crocodile and jam sandwich, and make it snappy!

Origin : Who gives a fekkin' rats arse? It tastes sooooo good.

The pretty wee Scottish market town of Jedburgh or as the Scots call it : Jeddart or Jethart, is a town and former royal burgh in the Scottish Borders and historically in Roxburghshire.  

Home to the beautiful 12th century Augustinian Abbey.

Jedburgh

And here is the Jeely Piece song.  Happy Thursday, Plonkers...

I is for Irn Bru

"Irn Bru"

Prounounced: eye-irn-bro

Definition: n. a Scottish carbonated soft drink, often describes as "Scotland's other "national drink" (after whiskey, of course) Its fizzy, it's ginger, it's Phenomenal! Nectar of the Gods and the ultimate hangover cure. I shite you not!

Fun Fact : Did you know that Scotland is the only place that Coca-Cola is not the most popular fizzy drink?

Usage: Geeza sook eh yer voddies 'n Irn Bru, Jimmy. Ah'd raether just hae the Irn-Bru.

Translation: You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Origin: Irn-Bru was first produced in 1901, in the town of Iron Brew.

And the braw city beginning with the letter I is Inverness. Inverness is another city in the Scottish Highlands. It is the administrative centre for the Highland council area, and is regarded as the capital of the Highlands of Scotland. Inverness is also known by its nicknames Inversnecky or The Sneck, with its inhabitants traditionally as "Clann Na Cloiche" "Children of the Stone"

Inverness

Here are the top 7 television adverts for Irn Bru. Fucking Hysterical, Plonkers.



Just when you thought I was done with the Letter I, I came across this gold nugget.