Surgery is by far the worst snob among the handicrafts

I thought yesterday’s surgery with my wee Kaylin was going to be a simple procedure at the hospital and it turned out to be really fucking scary!

I tried to keep the mood light with her, being silly and fooling around, taking silly photos of us. 

The nurses weighed her, took her height asked her all sorts of questions.  I could see on her wee face that she was nervous, because every time a nurse walked into the ward, the tears would fall down her cheeks and she’d look at me and say “Mummy, I want to go home!”. 

I asked her if she was feeling scared and she nodded her head yes.  She was trying so hard to be brave and to hide her fears behind her smile, but I told her she doesn’t have to hide that she’s scared. 

I told her it was okay to feel sad but that it would be all over very soon and she wouldn’t feel a thing.  It was then that she cried silently while playing her Nintendo.  I just sat beside her, watched her play Super Mario, holding her tight and wiping away her tears.

A nurse came in with her pre-med and she took it like a champ.  She mentioned she was thirsty and hungry and I reminded her why couldn’t eat.  Wee button!   My heart wanted to break.

Eventually, the Theatre Sister came to fetch us and KK asked me to carry her.  When we reached pr-op area, KK wouldn’t leave my side, she sat on my lap and the nurse had to help me put on my theatre booties, gown and hat because Kayiln wouldn’t let go of my hand or get off my lap.  I looked like a daft alien, but that didn’t even make KK laugh.  She was so scared but faked a smile – for me, I think!

My heart was pounding walking down the corridor to the operating room.  I was so emotional and KK didn’t know what to expect either.  The theatre was sterile and extremely cold - such an unwelcoming place.  I was worried she was going to freeze because all she was wearing was a thin hosptial gown that tied at the back and teeny weeny shorts. 

The anaesthetist asked Kaylin to lie on the bed.  She shook her head no and was NOT having any of it.  She clung to me like a wee koala bear and sobbed.  The nurse then pulled up a chair and the anaesthetist stood behind me.  He showed me the mask behind KK's back and I told her that the doctor was going to put a mask on her  - like when she’s sick and we neubulise. She’s totally familiar with this procedure because for the first two years of her life she lived on that fucking machine.  Bronchitis and pneumonia on and off all the fucking time.  We have our own personal nebs machine at home.

The anaesthetist put the mask over her nose and mouth and she just looked up at me, holding my hand tight, blinking.  I smiled down at her, kissed her forehead and said “I love you, darling and Mummy will be here when you wake up”. 

She started blinking slower and slower and her breathing got slow and deep.  She looked like she was fully asleep and her wee body was getting heavy and limp.  All of a sudden she started flinging her arms around, straightened her legs and planking her body.  She was fighting it -thrashing around for what seemed like forever.

I think this is what upset me the most. 

The fact that this teeny wee lass was fighting like a fucking marine.  Arms and legs everywhere, buckin like a mule,it totally broke my heart.  When she finally stopped, which felt like forever, I placed her down on the table and then they asked me to leave.  The tears poured down my cheeks and I wasn’t sure why.  I walked down the hallway back to the Ward and I couldn’t stop crying.  My wee lassie was in that freezing, horrid smelling room with all those strangers, poking in her mouth!

The waiting was the worst. 

I was pacing up and down the corridors; I went to the gift shop and got a hot chocolate and some of Kaylin’s favourite chocolates.  I wanted her to have a packet of Rolos to look forward to when she woke up.  I realised I was so scared that I was actually making myself nauseous. 

It w,as then I realised I wished I’d asked my Boerewors to come with me. He gives me strength when I can’t hold it together.  I felt helpless for over an hour.  Terrible feeling.

I could hear her screaming from the other end of the Ward when she was wheeled out from post-op.  She was thrashing around and trying to hit the two nurses that were trying to hold her down.

I ran up to her and picked her up.  The nurses said “We were worried she was going to hurt herself, she’s got so many bruises already”. 

What the Fuck?

I guess they didn’t know how much a tomboy she is.  That the collection of bruises on her legs and knees are because she loves to skid down our wooden floors on her knees and pretend to be a rock star playing air guitar.  Generally she is Miss Clumsy and is forever bumping into things and falling over shit.  What the fuck were they trying to say?  Wankers.

I just focused on Kaylin and trying to calm her down.  She was flapping her arms around like she wanted to fucking take off!  Jaysus, that girl can fight!  I was bobbing and weaving trying to duck her punches.  I had to eventually wrap her in a blanket , hold her tight and rock her until she fell asleep.  This was emotionally and physiclly exhausting for me - that wee 17g lass will give Hulk a run for his fucking money!

I guess you don’t know how someone will react until you’re in the situation.

I’m just glad it’s all over.  I think I’m more shaken up than KK was because when we got home and after she’d had a wee nap, she asked to play The Sims and eat MacDonalds.

Wee bits of Rolos makes EVERYTHING better

Snoozing at home

Fawk You Funky Friday

 

Its Fawk You Friday over at Boobies.  Go sign up and vent!

Fuck you to being back at work.  Its awful.  I wanna be home with my family!!!  I hate having to work.  Praying to win the lottery.

Fuck you to the dentist who can't fit me in until 24 January and Megan is suffering in the meantime with a cavity.  Poor wee button.

Fuck you to the nursery school viruses which, even only being back at school for a few days, and already the runny snotty noses have started!  Quit infecting my girl-children!

Enjoy the music!  I LOVE the muppets and especially THE PRAWN.

The Funky Friday Song

MuthaFuckin Suspected Brain Tumor

On Sunday night I woke up at 1am with the worst chronic pain ever!

It felt like someone was jamming a very pointy rusty nail deep into the root of one of my teeth.  The entire right side of my face hurt and the pain shot up into my head and deep down into my jaw bone. 

I was in total agony!

After moaning like an dying old fucking cow and pacing up and down the passage clutching my face, I managed to find some Synap Forte that I had left over from a surgery I had about a year ago.  I popped two immediately. It look a while for them to kick in - it was the worst and longest 40 minutes ever... 

I held my face tight with both hands and rocked myself back and forward, sobbing like a heart-broken child.  Why does applying pressure to a painful area seem to soothe it?  Nothing would take this kind of pain away...

I was contemplating finding my Boerewors' tool box and using his rusty pliers to rip that muthafuckin-piece-of-shit-tooth out by myself!  I was actually thinking about doing a "Worzel Gummidge" and ripping my own damn head off!  I have never experienced such stabbing pain.  Never!  

Fuck it!  I would even go through natural childbirth TWICE rather than go through that pain.  It was actually blinding - undescribable agony.

My Boerewors tried to help - bless him - by applying a hot face cloth to the area, he even suggested we go to the ER.  He said he's never seen me in such pain.  Thanx to the drugs, I eventually fell asleep and apparently I was talking gobbledy goop in my sleep, completely delirious - the drugs were obviously good shit. 

On Monday morning when I woke up, I popped another two Synap Forte (my new Best Friend just by the way) and I dragged myself to work.  I made an emergency appointment with my Dentist.  He squeezed me in and took a panorama x-ray of my aching face.  His diagnosis?  An abscess!  You tell me - how the fuck can an infection cause such awesome pain??  

No seriously!  Surley I at least have a fucking brain tumor the size of a large pumpkin to explain the pain I experienced?

So anyhoo,  I walked around dazed and drugged at work the entire day on Monday and of course everyone suggested and offered various toothache home remedies from whiskey, rescue remedy and making a poltus paste with paracetamol and anesthetic cream and applying it straight onto the throbbing area.

I was hearing nothing of it!  I had My New Best Friend - Synap Forte!

So, bottom line, I'm on a pretty heavy doze of penicillin antibiotics (two HUGE horse pills), anti-inflammatory, inter flora and My New Best Friends aka Synap Forte three times a day. 

As you can imagine, I now have minimal pain with my prescription drugs but I'm flying high in a completely different planet.  Its a weird feeling but oh so nice...

Wish me luck for Root Canal next week, when my infection has hopefully cleared up and the Dentist can actually come into contact with my tooth with his wee pointy instrument.

Urgh!  More Synap Forte please! 

Or can someone source these Cocaine Toothache Drops.  They do claim instantaneous cure - for only 15 cents!  Fucking Bargain!