Fawk You Friday and a Shoegasm

Hey, My Lovely Plonkers 

TGIF 

Fawk You Friday used to be hosted by a sassy blogger called Boobies but she doesn't rock that shizzle anymore, but I figured I'd nick it from her and revive it this week.  

So there's no link up, just A Daft Scots Lass venting on her wee soap box again. 

What's new?

• Fuck you to the Doochenozzle who tried to sneak in a computer virus through my email. Have you Fuckers got nothing better to do? Who sits behind their computer all day scheming and bugs to to piss on everyone’s battery? 

• Fuck you to the last dirty strip of dirty that never wants to go into the dustpan. 

• To a certain bright spark at the office (I will refrain from mentioning names) but "You're a cock and a fuck-up. Any further complaints can be directed toward my fucking arse, where I'm sure you'll receive a warm response". 

• Fuck you to only 5 comments on this week’s Caption my Photo Competition. *major huffing noises* 

• Fuckity Fuck You to the asswipe producers of The Big Bang Theory. Its season break again?! Do you Plonkers only work half the year? Don’t you know that I need my weekly Sheldon/Leonard fix otherwise my hubby says I go all Peri-menopausal Rage on his ass. I want to hear Amy play the harp again! 

Most of you won't understand these, but it's okay. I'm confident it will be extended to the intended targets.

And now some drool-worthy heels to put a sparkle back in my eye.  Enjoy.

Skull flats - adorable

Bazinga - The Big Bang Theory Shoes

Pretty Flats with Candy Striped Bows

Furry Red and White Christian Louboutins

Skulls

Red Peep Toes with Houndstooth Platform and buckle detail

 Remember to leave a Question for me HERE so that I can do a Q&A Vlog this weekend.

Multiple Shoegasm and a Flash 55

Happy Friday, Plonkers!

 The purpose of Flash Fiction Friday 55 is to write a complete story in exactly 55 words.  As always, FFF55 is hosted by The kick-arse G-Man. Go visit him, link up and write your own 55. 

Summer knocks discreetly at the door

I answer wearing my straw hat and a grin

I greet him with a welcoming embrace

The warm breeze tugs at my brim

I tie the pretty ribbons under my chin

Blissful sunshine on my pale neglected skin

Painting my skin a vibrant glow

Such an elegant shade of crimson

Time for a Multiple Shoegasm....

leave a comment if you've linked up and show me some of your pretty heels.

So Incredibly Sexy

Black Spotted Platforms GBP15

Oh Em Gee.  No Fekking Way!  I'd give a month's salary for these!

Gorgeous with Jeans!

Pretty Girlie Purple Heels

So, this weekend I have to change everyone's wardrobes from winter clothes to summer clothes.  Now that Spring is officially a couple of days away, and the weather is definitely much warmer, I need to dig out all my summer stuff.  I'm actually scared that half of it won't fit me any more.  So, its probably going to look like the fashion police fucking puked in my home this weekend. I'll have to do truck loads of washing and ironing - sorting and packing away of all my winter woolies.

Also, next week I have surgery with my 6 year old and I'm really stressing about it because she absa lootly DETESTS hospitals.  I'm not sure how I'm going to play it, but I'm only going to play it by ear on the day.  I want to "prepare" her but at the same time the anticipation makes her anxious. 

Any suggestions?

Fuck You Friday and a Shoegasm

Thank God it's Friday.  This week I'm going back to an old feature which gets things off my chest.  So, with no future ado, here are this week's Fuck Yous.

 

• Fuck you to all those parents who grumble about being a mum.  My life is so fucking hectic but I love being a wife to my wonderful Boerewors and mum to my two wonderfully different wee lassies.   All three of them bring me so much joy.
• Fuck you to the Doochenozzle who tried to sneak in a computer virus through my email.  Have you Fuckers got nothing better to do?  Who sits behind their computer all day designing viruses to piss on everyone’s battery?
• Fuck you to my winter fingers that split and cause me much pain.  My hands and feet throb at night because of fucking winter.  I hate you winter, son-of-a-bitch!

and now on to the pretty things that are incredibly dear to my heart.  Either link up and share your gorgeous heels, or just enjoy drooling over mine.



Christian Louboutins

Tabitha Simmonds

Adorable

Jessica Simpson

Apart from Prince Harry getting naked in Vegas recently, what have you been up to this week?

Fuck Me Dead! It's Friday again, Plonkers

I could easily have drop-kicked my children out the car yesterday morning on the way to bring them to school.

Don't get me wrong, I love my wee lassies with every fibre of my being but sometimes they press my buttons and I turn into a foaming-at-the-mouth fiend. It's not fucking pretty and I get into a head-space where I could effortlessly sell them for wine money at the drop of a hat.

If you’re a parent you know exactly what I’m talking about.

When you have nagged your precious angels for the sixth time to brush their teeth and you literally have to drag them away from the telly kicking and screaming, and you’re inches away from blowing a gasket. You bite your lip and pray to Jesus to give you strength but the prayers aren’t answered directly.

You begin raising your voice and banging cupboard doors, stomping around and your children look at your bewildered and wide-eyed, as if to say, ”where did THIS all come from?”

Clearly, the expressions on their tiny faces clarify that they don’t understand, but somehow they know that they’ve crossed the line and you’re freaky the fuck out.

At this point there is no turning back. You’re ranting about everything and saying things that make no sense to children. You’ve officially turned into a beasty monster . The children have become quiet and you’re getting louder.

Then once you’ve exploded and dropped them off at school, the guilt kicks in.

Riddled with blame, because you couldn’t hold it together and suck it all up, like you do every other day. Remorse that you couldn’t stay in control and handle it like a responsible adult.

Your heart hurts and regret bleeds from your eyes.

The mood lasts the entire day.

I Thank the Lord we are two parents during these times.

You need the other parent to lean on, to take over when you feel you’re not in control anymore. The other person who prevents you from making the sale.

Sale, you ask?

The sale to sell your offspring for whiskey or hard drugs. Neither of which I even like.

and now on to happier times....some pretty shoes.

I thought this week I'd share shoes in my favourite colour. Orange.  Ooooo baby, who can stand it??

Christian Louboutin - my favourite shoe designer

Sexy Strappy Sandals $34.99 at ShoeOcean



Carvela Azalia from Shoe Fanatic



Jeffrey Campbell ‘Garret’

Groovy Orange Heels

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Fawk You Friday and a SuperHero Shoegasm

Happy Friday, Plonkers.  I can't tell you how happy I am it is Friday. Yipeeeeeeee.  Bring on the Wine...

I didn't have time to schedule a featured Friday Follower this week, so I'm going to have a bit of a rant instead.  I used to do Fawk You Friday every week back in the day, but I haven't for a while because I made space for Friday's Shoegasm. I'll do both today.

Back to Fawk You Friday for a wee bit of a bitch...

 

Fuck you to the South African Postal Services who have yet to deliver my costume for my SuperHero 40th Birthday party happening this month.

Fuck you to all those parents who grumble about being a mum. My life is so fucking hectic but I love being a wife to my wonderful Boerewors and mum to my two wonderfully different wee lassies. All three of them bring me so much joy.

Fuck you to the Doochenozzle who tried to sneak in a computer virus through my email. Have you Fuckers got nothing better to do? Who sits behind their computer all day designing viruses to piss on everyone’s battery?

Fuck you to my winter fingers that split and cause me much pain. My hands and feet throb at night because of fucking winter and inherited bad circulation. I hate you winter, son-of-a-bitch!

<a href="http://gillianhefer.blogspot.com/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEBC5CjIzVFFAwjP98vng5gRchVZ3GR44PBZRCDDfXvD0zRrOOQVprxxvDJEweZyL44ZjLGKkjARFjcG3dw_TlWT-UMAG8KfXrz5tpmIZOmcxfUr_zXPfjHr8Zo_mKD05Fl7kcRlA-Z1c/s1600/fridayshoegasm.jpg" alt="A Daft Scots Lass" width="240" height="217" /></a>

Grab my button and leave a comment that you're linked up with my Friday's Shoegasm.   This week my heels will be giving you a clue as to who I will be dressing up as at my 40th Birthday Super Hero Bash next weekend.  So many preparations underway...

Can you take a guess who it is?

Have an awesome weekend and remember to keep voting for me as SA's Best Mommy Blogger.

Fawk You Friday and a Shoegasm

Friday means it's time to vent, time to tell those FuckKnobs exactly what you think of them.  Link up with My Mad Mind and Boobies and Ready? Go!

Fuck You to the craving I had today for a thick slice of thick white freash bread with peanut button and jam on.  It actually made my tummy ache.  I had to actually go to gym and work out to get the image out of my mind.

Fuck You to the dream I had about all my teeth falling out and having to be put under anesthesia to get all my teeth replaced with implants.  My worst nightmare!

Fuck You to Winter that is quickly approaching.  You're such a Bitch now stop pissing on my battery and go crap on someone else's doorstep.  Piss off!

And now on to something that ALWAYS makes me smile.  A beautiful pair of heels.  Take me Shoegasm button, link up and let me know when you do so that I can come and visit and dribble all over your pumps.

<a href="http://gillianhefer.blogspot.com/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEBC5CjIzVFFAwjP98vng5gRchVZ3GR44PBZRCDDfXvD0zRrOOQVprxxvDJEweZyL44ZjLGKkjARFjcG3dw_TlWT-UMAG8KfXrz5tpmIZOmcxfUr_zXPfjHr8Zo_mKD05Fl7kcRlA-Z1c/s1600/fridayshoegasm.jpg" alt="A Daft Scots Lass" width="240" height="217" /></a>

Buffalo black and white peeptoes available at Zando

Plum Dido Taupe Boots at Zando

Plum Silver Platforms at Zando

Our rainy season has begun - these are ideal Tartan Wellies by  Funky Wellies

Have a FANDADIDOZIE weekend and remember to enter Caption my Photo Competition. This weeks winner will be announced tomorrow..

Fawk You Friday and a Shoegasm

TGIFF

Thank God It's Fucking Friday! Can I hear an Amen?  CAN I HEAR AN A FUCKING MEN?

It's been an unbelievably hectic week for me, actually our entire family.  I've been running around like a chicken without a head and I'm fucking shattered! 

• Fuck You to the fact that we couldn't celebrate my hubby's increase this week because we were so incredibly busy.
• Fuck You the muscle spasm that kept me awake from 1am this morning.  Will have to pop into the doc and get an anti-inflamatory shot today at some point.  Pain killers do NOT work.
• Fuck You to everyone who I flashed my fanny to yesterday.  One of you could have at least told me or signaled me that I had a three inch hole in the crotch of my pants.  F Squared aka Fanny Flasher is my new nickname in the office.
• Fuck You to the rain that is going to ruin my Kaylin's Grandparents Day concert tomorrow which is outdoors.
• Fuck You to my pumpkin that burnt to the bottom of my pot and I had to eat a piece of pizza that tasted soooooo fucking good but was my entire day's worth of calories.
• Fuck You to the fact that I had to go back to work after such an amazing holiday.  I could have easily stayed another week in those treehouses.

And now on to my true love - sexy heels.  Take my button and share your pumps with me.  Remember to leave a comment to tell me you linked up so I can come and visit you

<a href="http://gillianhefer.blogspot.com/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEBC5CjIzVFFAwjP98vng5gRchVZ3GR44PBZRCDDfXvD0zRrOOQVprxxvDJEweZyL44ZjLGKkjARFjcG3dw_TlWT-UMAG8KfXrz5tpmIZOmcxfUr_zXPfjHr8Zo_mKD05Fl7kcRlA-Z1c/s1600/fridayshoegasm.jpg" alt="A Daft Scots Lass" width="240" height="217" /></a>

Jean-Michel Cazabat At Saks

Whitney Suede, Leather and Patent Leather Colorblock Sandals

Thought I'd throw in the most adorable tote bag evar!

Love Moschino

This fifties style is awesome and the high heel sandals have my name written all over them.

Giuseppe Zanotti sandals

Gianmarco Lorenzi sandals

Love this little ensemble!!

Have a brilliant kick arse weekend, Plonkers.