Friday, 13 July 2012

Fuck Me Dead! It's Friday again, Plonkers

I could easily have drop-kicked my children out the car yesterday morning on the way to bring them to school.

Don't get me wrong, I love my wee lassies with every fibre of my being but sometimes they press my buttons and I turn into a foaming-at-the-mouth fiend. It's not fucking pretty and I get into a head-space where I could effortlessly sell them for wine money at the drop of a hat.

If you’re a parent you know exactly what I’m talking about.

When you have nagged your precious angels for the sixth time to brush their teeth and you literally have to drag them away from the telly kicking and screaming, and you’re inches away from blowing a gasket. You bite your lip and pray to Jesus to give you strength but the prayers aren’t answered directly.

You begin raising your voice and banging cupboard doors, stomping around and your children look at your bewildered and wide-eyed, as if to say, ”where did THIS all come from?”

Clearly, the expressions on their tiny faces clarify that they don’t understand, but somehow they know that they’ve crossed the line and you’re freaky the fuck out.

At this point there is no turning back. You’re ranting about everything and saying things that make no sense to children. You’ve officially turned into a beasty monster . The children have become quiet and you’re getting louder.

Then once you’ve exploded and dropped them off at school, the guilt kicks in.

Riddled with blame, because you couldn’t hold it together and suck it all up, like you do every other day. Remorse that you couldn’t stay in control and handle it like a responsible adult.

Your heart hurts and regret bleeds from your eyes.

The mood lasts the entire day.

I Thank the Lord we are two parents during these times.

You need the other parent to lean on, to take over when you feel you’re not in control anymore. The other person who prevents you from making the sale.

Sale, you ask?

The sale to sell your offspring for whiskey or hard drugs. Neither of which I even like.

and now on to happier times....some pretty shoes.

I thought this week I'd share shoes in my favourite colour. Orange.  Ooooo baby, who can stand it??

Christian Louboutin - my favourite shoe designer

Sexy Strappy Sandals $34.99 at ShoeOcean

Carvela Azalia from Shoe Fanatic

Jeffrey Campbell ‘Garret’
Groovy Orange Heels
div align="center">That Friday Blog Hop

Have a kick-arse weekend, Plonkers


Brittany said...

LMAO! omg you just made my day! Oh the shit I have to look forward to! This was priceless though! You have a way with words I must say!

Melanie said...

Oh how I know that feeling!

Kim Ayres said...

I think every parent knows that feeling...

Akelamalu said...

Oh yes, kids sure know how to push those buttons! Loving the shoes. x

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I'm sorry!
Good thing I don't have kids. I would've sold them ages ago.

Sam said...

Hi there, can't say I know what that must be like, not having kids, Fun story! My word..loving those high orange heels!

G-Man said...

Fuck You!!!
Ahhhhh..That felt good.

Wreckless Euroafrican said...

I share your sentiments about kids, blowing off, and feeling guilty afterwards. Luckily, they forgive us so easily!
Don't share your fetish for shoes though - thankfully! Would look very stupid in those.
Have a great weekend!

YeamieWaffles said...

I love the orange heels Lass. The rest of the post however really scares me, I already wasn't too keen on being a parent before and after reading this I'm going to find myself wearing protection at all times from now on haha! Hope that mood passes soon though in all seriousness because I do know how much your girls mean to you.

Destiny said...

ah shit! why is being a mama a pain in the ass!?

i'm losing my fucking mind over here!

but the shoes did make me feel better lol

Nolens Volens said...

I have been there as a parent! In fact, the younger one bit the older one so hard it's still there a day later. I was so damn close to losing my shit right there and then. Sighs.

Lucy said...

I remember those days, boy,do I remember those days.

Awesome shoes, nice pictures to calm the nerves for a few moments but only a few moments, right?

Some days are longer than others, hang in there :)

Jay Noel said...

Yes, I know exactly what you're saying.

The worst is that dark cloud that hangs over you the rest of your day. But then it lifts the moment they become wee little devils again.

Indigo Roth said...

Hey Lass! Loving the "Groovy Orange" heels... I do so like a good Friday Shoegasm! Roth x

Xmasdolly said...

I love the bling bling shoes! Awesome! Of course I'm a sucker for anything bling bling

Corinna said...

Ha well at least you're honest because most of us aren't ;)

Mine's definitely two now and to think, it just gets better right?

RaeAbigael said...

and now I'm loving all the shoes!! gorgeous gorgeous!! :))) anyway, awwww. thank you so much! :"") I really appreciate it. :D I'm glad you like my "Ballerina on Fire" Posts :)) do you dance ballet too? or do your kids dance ballet? :">


AimeeKay said...

I tell the kids on a semi-regular basis that I will sell them for under a dollar, cause I'll make the money when the people who buy them pay me to take them back...
As for turning into a crazy mom beast I think it's good for the kids, help keeps them alert to their surrounding s and on their toes!

Thought of you today in the store...saw some amazing shoes and took pics with my phone. Course all the other shoppers though I was a weirdo walking around clicking away, had to run out of the store when I saw one of the sales people coming to yell at me...

cat said...

Oh I know, I know! Will make one totally mad


Related Posts with Thumbnails