Thursday, 26 July 2012

Why is Emma's Fanny so BIG?


Right, before I start this post, I must warn all the blokes that I’m about to talk about periods.  Menstrual Cycles and such, so if you’re not up to it, don’t read, dudes.  Move away and clickit click on another post.
So, this morning I had to explain to my 9 year old daughter about menstruation. 
 
Wee Meg already has had the birds and the bees talk complete with this gesture to give her a visual of the process.  She giggled a lot when I told her but is now knowledgeable when it comes to sex, the methods, where everything goes and what the activity means. 

However, I did not tell her that time about menstruation and “becoming a lady” or should I rather say “becoming a PMS Bitch from Hell” (if she takes after her mum).

Here, is where I tell you HOW we managed to disembark on to the sensitive subject…because, frankly, I’m one of those mums who doesn’t schedule these talks.  I don’t have a agenda or calendar I follow for the talks of life and related  topics.    I just kinda wait for an opporchancity to present itself and then I dive straight in.  I don’t mince my words.  I tell it like it is, without being too crude or hard.  I am direct and make sure I get the point across.

Anyhoo, my 6 year old Kaylin was asking about the recent physical changes to our Emma-Pup.  Kaylin 
pointed to Emma’s private parts and yelled “Mum!  Why is Emma’s fanny so BIG?”. 

Of course I said “WHAT?!?”

And  immediately checked Emma’s personal puppy parts and low and behold, Emma’s fanny was all swollen and pink.  I also noticed that she was gingerly sitting off to one side and it looked like she was a little uncomfortable with all that substantial swelling.  I was completely caught off guard because she’s only about 9 months old! 

I didn’t know that puppies can go on heat for such an early age.  All the girl-pets we’ve every had were sterilized when they were only weeks old

Anyhoozer, I skitted over the subject with my 6 year old thinking it’s a wee bit too much for her to comprehend at the moment, but Megan was incredibly concerned.

I had to take her one side out of earshot of Kaylin’s radar ears  and explain to her in a wee bit more detail about Emma becoming a lady.  I had to explain about her menstrual cycle and that all girls go through it.  I told her your menstrual cycle is her passage into womanhood  and a sign of a healthy body. I explained about tampons and The Mooncup.

I thought I did an acceptable job because Megan curled her lip up and said “Eeeeew” a lot.  I guess she understood and it hit home. 

This got me thinking about when it happened to me for the first time.  I remember the day clear enough but I don’t actually remember my mum explaining to me about my periods before it happened, or after actually.  

It just kinda happened one day when I was about 13 and I thought I was fucking dying.  I kept wondering where all the blood was coming from and tried to recall where I’d hurt myself or fell. 

I remember Mum dispensing me a sanitary towel, told me what to do with it and that it will happen regularly from now on.  

I believe I wore the “Eeeeew” Face that day too, especially when my big sister called it a Surf Board.  She was so fucking gross.

How was your experience with your first period? 

Did you know all about it before it happened? 

What did your parent’s tell you?

14 comments:

Lulu said...

Hilarious post. I was lucky in that my mom was very open and prepared me for the event long before it happened.

Jeremy Bates said...

Glad you asked! My first period sucked. There I was in my high school English class on opening day of 9th grade, knowing I'd be in this period for an entire year and...wait, what?

Nevermind.

Like some brave soul once said (they probably killed him by now, though), "Never trust anything that bleeds and lives."

Hey, you need to (hopefully)
get over to my page. I am hosting a Dog Days of Summer blog fest August 10-12 if you'd be interested.

Cheers!

cat said...

M<y mom was so weird! SHe envited the neighbours for coffe and cake to celebrate. I nearly did! There must be an in between making you feel like is' bad and this bit of hippyness on her behalf.

Nolens Volens said...

They didn't. ;) I grew up in a house full of females and I learned quickly to keep my head down and my mouth shut during certain times.

I wish my parents had talked to me about masturbation - I could not figure out why I was "messy" afterward because I did this in the darkness. LOL

Choleesa said...

My mom announced it to everyone at her work.
Then she made it a point to ask me in front of my dad everyday, if I was "prepared"
Ewwww..

P.W. whats a mooncup??

Mark said...

I'm still waiting for mine. I guess I'm just a late bloomer!
Seriously though, I think I need to get my Mom involved on this one with Claire.
m.

Brittany said...

loli I was in 7th or 8th grade and had horrible cramps alllllll day, felt sick allll day, but I didn't know Wtf was wrong with me. we learned about sex n stuff in 6th grade so I knew a little about it. I don't rememeber my mom talking to me about it. but when I plopped down on the potty after school when I got home and saw bright red blood in my panties I nearly died. I screamed for my mom, and she nearly cried, and was all happy and like. aww my baby's a woman now. psshhh. then we went to dinner with friends and I got a new outfit. wish I could become a woman everyweek. free clothes!! Lol. But yeah. scared the shit out od me!!

Althea said...

Mine was in the middle of a reciting a poem. Not the best timing in the world! x

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to say you have a great site and thanks for posting!…

Indigo Roth said...

Hey Lass! Wowsers, tricky times. And somehow I've managed to reach 43 without ever having heard of a mooncup. I'm informed now (thank you Google), but man, that threw me. Lif eis full of surprises. Indigo x

wendy said...

FIRST off...so nice to hear from you again.!!
I remember perfectly well my first period as well. Gosh that seems like a whole 'nother life time ago.

My mom had a hard time talking about anything like that, so she had her 2 sisters tell me all about it (while she just sat by and listened)
When I was in the 9th grade (I think....maybe 8th, I was 13 too,)
I was pretty excited. I had BECOME a WOMAN
ha ha ha....it lasted one day. It is a long long time to go through periods for sure.
I LOVE THIS TIME of my life....yeah yeah, the whole menopause is tough to deal with...but I'll take it over NO PERIODS

The Glebe Blog said...

Do tampons still have that piece of string hanging loose, or have they come up with something else.
In this day and age of technology, you'd think someone would have invented a self ejecting tampon when it required changing.
Hey ! if it hasn't already been done, I'll get working on it Lol.

Janie said...

hey g.....happened to me when i was 11. i remember being in that wee upstairs bathroom in Bellfield...our mum hadnae told me ANYthing either (and there wasn't ''LO'' back then at school either) so i was balling my eyes out at all the blood - she didnae explain to me either , then or later !! AND I STILL CALL THEM SURFBOARDS :-) love you G xxxx

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