[A Daft Scots Lass]

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

To Blog or Not To Blog

Don't worry I'm certainly not giving up on my wee blog that easily! Hell NO!!!

Blogging is just going to be more difficult now that our IT administrator has implemented a new server and new software and put certain restrictions in place. I will have to start blogging from home as they are closely monitoring our internet usage and every site that we visit is being logged. I guess its all for a reason (for the people who abuse it) so visiting social networking sites and certainly no porn. *huff*

Please bear with me this week so that I can schedule posts from home and get into the swing of things doing it another way. Still not sure how I'm going to do it all.

Unfortunately I won’t be able to read as many blogs as regularly as I normally do (over 200), because of this.

Sad but true – but don’t think I don’t heart your faces any less though…

Mid-week Hormonal Rant

Most of us really try to be nice. However, nice is boring and little sunbeams are easy to be around, but they annoy the shit outta me.

Blame it on hormones, but these irritations tend to become fixtures and will always rear their ugly little heads. I therefore climb up on my wee blog platform, so get ready with the list of things that drive me fucking insane.

Address me as M’am and I might just bite yer fucking head off.

I could really have heart failure when someone calls me Deary or Lovie or better yet M’am. I’m not your lovie, dearie, sweetie and I most definitely am NOT your fucking M’am. Did I not just tell you my name when I answered my phone? Call me by my name, demmit. My mum thought long and hard about that name for me – use it!

I get the frikken hiebiejiebies when someone tries to cold call me for better insurance or life cover and they start reading a script from a piece of paper. You can hear it straight away! You can’t fool me, Fuckers. I love to throw these kind of telesales people off their rhythm by asking dumb questions so that they loose their place on their script sheet. Oh I know I’m wicked. Sometimes I interrupt them to tell them to Bugger off but when I feel like really pissing them off, I hold the phone by my ear while they ramble off their prepared schpeel and they are left parched and waiting for answers. I love to announce after 10 minutes that I’m not interested. Telesales is the worst job EVA!

“Free Gifts”. Pleeeeeeeez!

What gift is NOT free?

Take a second and THINK about that one…

Just say “gift”, finished and klaar. Why do marketers try to come in the back door and schmooz us with this Free Gift story? Cosmetic houses are famous for this. Buy R200 worth of products and get a free gift. Then its not free it is? It’s a bonus. This urks me when I see the TV commercials coming on telly with the flash in the corner of the screen and the cheesy bloke announces “But… that’s not all…if you call now….” Urgh! Can I just beat you to a pulp right here and now?

Oh! And those 22 kg anorexic bitches that nibble on a cracker and complain bitterly that they are so fat and that they really need to lose weight. Come girlie, I’ll show you what a fat arse looks like. Just put on yer thong bikini and stop whining that your hip bones aren’t protruding enough yet. I instantly HATE you.

Ex Smokers are the worst. They want to lecture me on the risks of smoking and what methods they used to stop and how long they have been nicotine free. They pull their nose up when someone within a 30 feet radius lights up. They fan themselves to keep the fumes moving in another direction or peg their nose and say “urgh”. Please don’t try and save me. Its my choice. I’m killing myself. So stop inhaling the fucking smoke I paid for!

How about the people who always have a story better than yours? The kind that if you’ve been hi-jacked, they’ve been shot in the head, twice! If you’ve got a headache, they’ve got a flippen migraine. The know-it-all who is full of facts and never ceases to flap their lips incessantly and let spew out all over the conversation at EVERY opportunity. I have a name for these guys - Wankers. What makes them so superior? Like they are doing us a favour by being put here on the planet to out-do us – every time? These are the plonkers that always have to have the last word not matter what.

Isn’t it amazing how much better we feel after a good rant? Now I’m gonna have a cuppa caffine, with a fag and I’m gonna read all your comments about your gripes.

Ready?

Steady?

Go!

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Insomnia Sucks!

When I awoke this mornin'

When all sweet things were born

A Robin sat upon the sill

Sang sweetly to the morn

The bird who sang so sweetly

His breast fire-truck red

I gently closed the window

And squashed his fuckin' head!

Insomnia sucks! Another night of tossing and turning and wishing to fall asleep. Lying wide-eyed, body exhausted. I finally got to sleep at 3am this morning and when the twittering of the birds awoke me - I could've killed every single bloody one of them.

Remember its Blog Action Day 2010 this Friday!

Go Register Insomniacs!

(even The White House and the UK Foreign Office will both be joining us in blogging about water on Blog Action Day this year)

Monday, 11 October 2010

Are you a Fashion Whore?

Thanks to the popular chick flick “Confessions of a Shopaholic” we are all fully aware of the danger of escaping reality with some retail therapy only to suffer heart-failure when the credit card bills roll in.

We are at the mercy of shrewd marketers who inundate us on pay day with glossy advertisements for 'must-have' shoes, clothes and handbags. We are all, at times, guilty of paging through magazines and web pages before setting off to the mall with single-minded intent. And we don’t really need a fucking thing!

We toss out perfectly good clothes because suddenly they are “so last season” that we wouldn’t be seen dead in them.

We are slaves to cunning retailers and marketers who turn our every want into an absolute need. We toss out or give away boxes full of make up, skin and hair products to replace them with products so far superior that we would be doing ourselves a gross injustice if we did not upgrade.
Suddenly we wouldn’t dream of applying a moisturiser containing anything less than SPF 15 and collagen. We spot a wrinkle in the corner of an eye and immediately invest in an expensive eye cream that claims to work as well as Botox. There isn’t one, Bitches!

When it comes to pharmaceutical products, you may not even realise it but you could be as addicted as a bloody drug addict. Many of us buy into the idea of pill-popping as the solution, no matter what the problem. It’s so much easier...

As with the “must-haves” in the clothing, toiletry and cosmetic stores, we are being suckered by very sneaky marketing and advertising into thinking that we need so many pills! Vitamin supplements are a “necessity” these days because our diet is so poor being a busy working mums. We think popping the latest and greatest vitamin will cover us for that.

We may not actually be addicted to drugs, but it seems we are addicted to spending our hard-earned cash on items which the scheming marketers make us believe we can’t live without, but which we don’t really need.

I am not suggesting that you give up your calcium supplement and get osteoporosis, or that you put on your big-girl knickers and just live with a migraine, or even that you give up your multivitamin if it makes you feel better.

I am suggesting that you think about what pills you really, really need and do you truly need the expensive branded ones that all the chemist skanks try and fob off on you? You could probably get them dirt-cheap in a brown paper bag at the dispensary at a fraction of the price.

Maybe we would be kinder to ourselves, our bodies and our purses if we invested in healthy, organic, seasonal foods, went out and bought a good pair of running shoes and started exercising regularly.

We would almost certainly be much healthier and save ourselves a fucking fortune - which we could then spend on regular holidays to the seaside to reduce our stress levels instead of taking yet more drugs and supplements.

Just don’t be tempted to spend that extra cash on a shopaholic binge at the mall, resulting in financial stress which will have to be cured by popping handfuls of Prozac!