Thursday, 10 January 2013

And the Tears Continue...

Day Two of Grade 1 for my "wee yun" and she made it clear she did NOT want to go back to school because "they made her do homework on the FIRST day!". 

Oh the degradation!  How dare they make her colour in a picture for homework on her first day!

After Day 1, I guess she figured in her head that "big school" was not for her, because this morning she declared that she doesn't want to go back.

We got to school and she was very quiet and withdrawn.  It look an eternity for the bell to eventually ring and by then her lip was quivering and she was clutching my leg!  I tried to be brave for her, but I could see she was not happy at all.  I tried to keep things light - she was having none of it.  She was going to cry!

I thought to myself "Oh Kaylin, please don't cry or you're gonna make me bubble too".  My eyes were already leaking.

Kaylin clearly is not a mind-reader, because with my silent request, she burst into tears as we walked into her classroom.  The fact that all the kids at her table were asking why she was crying, did not help either. 

My heart broke into piece then and there.

I wanted to just pick her teeny weeny wee body up, walk out of there and just cuddle with her all day....

That's what my heart told me.

My head told me to be strong, for Kaylin's sake, kiss her goodbye, tell her that I love her and that I'd see her after school.

I managed to make it around the corner from her class, then I burst into tears.

Thank Fuck I had my mirror sunglasses on that I could hide behind.

I phoned my Best Friend - my Hubby - and sobbed into the phone.

I cried all the way to work.  Another bare-faced and blotchy face worn to work.  They'll have to get used to it for a while, until my wee lassies settles at school.

I'm taking it one day at  a time.

I spoke to her today about MY first day at school (I remember it clearly like it was yesterday).  I told her how scared I was because I didn't know anyone, I didn't know what to expect.  It turned out that my teacher didn't like gingers and took an instant dislike to me. 

I told Kaylin that I battled to make friends at first and to fit it.  It brought back so many emotions and I started to cry again.  I really didn't want her to see me being so emotional, but it seemed to strike something with her because immediately she gave me a hug and she asked me "you were little once too, hey Mum?". 

I suppose she thinks that, as an adult, we have everything under control  Our kids need to be reminded that we were little once too, that went through most of the things they go through at one stage or another.  Kaylin saw the emotion in my face and said "How did you make friends?". 

I told her the story of a wee lassie who sat next to me in Grade 1, who asked me why I cried so much.  I remember telling her that I was scared and that I didn't know anyone.

Jennifer asked me if I wanted to play.  She reach out, took my hand and we did just that. 

Simple as that.

It wasn't that simple for me.

After sharing my story, Kaylin said that she'd be brave and go to school the next day.  She said that she'll put her arm around Michael and ask him if  wants to play with her.

I'm still not sure that showing my emotions was the right thing.

I just know that I dont' have all the answers.

Hopefully with time, things will get better and she'll eventually find her space and comfort zone in Grade 1.  It will just take time.

In the meantime, my heart will break each day for her, because I remember so clearly how scarey it all was and what it felt like.


Joshua said...

You're a good mom, and everything will be fine. My girl started back at Kindergarten on Tuesday. She's home sick with strep throat today. Ugh.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Telling her that story was the best thing you could've done. It will suck for a while, but eventually she'll settle into school. And eventually it won't kill you!

JoeinVegas said...

Ouch, it will get easier for her (but probably not for you)

YeamieWaffles said...

Taking it one day at a time is honestly the best thing Lass. It breaks your heart but you've got to be strong for her. She, like me at that age doesn't like change and things being different but she will adapt and she will go through the system and be fine, in fact she'll thrive, you just have to have some faith in her. I know it can be scary, there's nobody it isn't scary for but she can do it and even if there's tears from her along the way it doesn't matter much. The kids won't remember it and she won't be judged for it for too long, you guys are going to be fine honestly, in my opinion at least, you're doing the right thing Lass, don't ever doubt that.

Melany aka Supermom said...

If only we can protect them from all pain.... At least while they are so young

Zander has a dog keyring on his school bag as to help hom identify it easily. He has been holding on to the doggie for the past two days (their bags are next to their tables) . His grade one teacher told him today that is going to take it away from him..... After the school advice us to do that? Say that one his 2nd day.... Mmmm.... I think not.

G-Man said...

What a Mean Mom!!!

I kid, I kid....:-)

Sorry Jillie Bean, this shit just goes with being a parent. Hang In There baby.

....And Fuck You Jildo!

Xmasdolly said...

Call your Mum and asked her how she handled it with you. That might help. Otherwise what about your oldest daughter maybe someone closer to her age could talk with her might be better. This to will pass my friend. All us Mums go through it! I THINK YOU NEED A BIG HUGGG!!!!

I'm here if you'd like to talk! Did you get Skype yet?

Sam said...

Aww this is such a heartwarming tale, I can imagine what it must be like for a mum and a child at the first day of school, you handled the situation really really well, I hope that things get brighter!

Annmarie Pipa said...

good luck to you both!!

Minh Nguyen said...

don't worry your a good mom, everything will be alright. <3

Matt Harvath said...

Great Post. I have been there. My son loved school, but my daughter was hesitant at first. After about 4 days, she couldn't get to school fast enough.

cat said...

Oh gosh, I am so sorry for you and for her. It is so tough. My Princess landed in a class with no friends and the tears were huge, but by the end of the first week and a half she made soem friends. Here's hoping the same will be true for your wee lass

Lovely Light said...

Aw, what a story. I think you made a wise parenting move, and that she responded well to the story of your experience. I'm sure she will start to make friends as she becomes more comfortable with the structure and things become familiar. Stay strong!


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