My Recent Epiphany

Over the past few weeks I have been thinking - LOTS!

I realised why loads of people are reluctant to open up and share their feelings. I was thinking of how some people just shut you out no matter how hard you try.

I realise that no one wants to appear vulnerable because they don’t want to get hurt. Being hurt is awful. No, it’s not awful, its fucking awful.

I’ve been there for many years – not revealing my true feelings, not opening up completely for the fear of being hurt but....
and here’s the BIG epiphany BUT....

I realised this:

Exactly how much of a satisfied and content life can we experience, if we build all these walls around ourselves and put on our best poker face?

We can’t live in the past; we can’t live filled with regret and bitterness.

Most of us have been hurt at least ONCE in our lifetime. I’m not talking about someone calling you a “Biatch-Ho!” and a single tear trickles down your cheek, kind of hurt. I’m talking about the change-your-life kind of hurt.

Which made me remember “The Ugly Cry”.

The uncontrollable sobbing when your face looks like a piece of battered meat by the end of it all. The snot running down to your top lip, endless tears in your swollen eyes and a headache from ‘hucking back ‘ the snot. It’s ugly and it’s definitely NOT for sissies.

I’m talking about the kind of hurt that shatters your entire soul. When someone betrays you so badly that it feels like your heart has been ruptured from your chest and someone is hopping on top on it with heavy-duty pogo stick - over and over again.

I’m talking about the kind of hurt that lasts for a lifetime and just thinking about it, even years later, makes you weep all over again.

I realised that even though previous hurts are forgiven, but not forgotten, I still need to take the risk. I want to leap into the unknown and play open cards and wear my heart on my sleeve again.

I’m at the point in my life where I have started being entirely honest with myself and the people in my life. Honest about my feelings, honest about what’s truly in my heart.

This is the only way I’m going to have that anxiety-free contentment in all my relationships. It’s the only way that I will experience true connections.

How can you expect someone to give everything to you, when you’re only giving half. Right?

Has it only taken me nearly 20 years to realise this?

Well, yes.

It may not seem like an epiphany to anyone else, but to me this is a BIG DEAL.

Poker-face is soooooo last season.

South African Epiphany

I don't know about you but jislaaik I'm now getting really gatvol of all the bad news. South Africa once again seems to be falling through its own poephol. I think I'm going to puke if I hear any more shit about Jacob Zuma, Zimbabwe, Crime, Eskom, the Oil Price, Inflation, Soaring Food Costs, Bafana Bafana or even friggin Paris Hilton.
 
I've absolutely had it with all this negativity, doom and gloom! I'm really SAT of it all ek se!!! How about you? I mean it's not like I want to gooi the ostrich vibe and bury my head in the sand. This shit is real and it's serious and it's happening all over…but not to me….YET!!! Nevertheless I can't help but read it, hear about it it, see the headlines, hear the rumours…EVERYWHERE. It's like they are brainwashing me boet. And the worst part of it is that I feel totally and completely HELPLESS. Useless. Disempowered. Castrated (almost.) Frustrated (completely.) I keep getting this heavy ball of anxious dread filling my guts and it feels really KAK! And the worst part of it all is that I am a motivational speaker who needs to stay positive and optimistic.

To top it all off, winter is coming so I can't even feel good about the lekker weather any more! Peter de Villiers, our new Springbok Rugby Coach, was quoted in a Sunday Times interview published on 4th May as saying: "The local media thrive on negativity. They have nothing good to say about their country. If there is something bad about this country the local media will break a leg to be the first to write about it. They're a bunch of negative people who live in a world of their own, and are merely there to earn a living and not make SA a better place." I agree completely with the ou. I'm think that most of our journalists, reporters and editors are uninspired, negative, disaster focused, sensation seeking, sad sorry scumbags. They find fault in everything and never propose any workable solutions.

Many of the ordinary people of South Africa are busy doing wonderful little things every day, but none of it is newsworthy.

Here's the truth:


There are roughly 6.6 billion people on planet earth. And according to the World Health Organization, some 56 million deaths occur per year, at the current global average. That works out to about 153 400 per day. That's right – 153 400 deaths every 24 hours! So it's not really hard work to find disasters, accidents, catastrophes, murders, muggings and general mayhem to fill the headlines. It's actually pretty easy. But during that same 24 hours, about 350 000 babies are born. That's right, every 24 hours, around 350 000 beautiful, miraculous, perfect, pure, happy, untainted, precious little beings begin their journey on this planet.


And what do journalists write about this? Fuck all that's what!


Unless of course a six month old baby is stabbed to death – then we never stop hearing about it! Every day about 48 million of us get up, take a shitt, clean our teeth (hopefully) and get on with our life. And many of us perform little acts of respect, compassion, kindness, service, giving, helping and creating.


As Cath Jenkin wrote recently in her blog: "There is noise and joy and emotional honesty in the way we live. When we as a nation are happy, we celebrate. When we are sad, we are sad together. Does anything else really matter? At least we are together in the queue for petrol and/or torches." But for our media this is not newsworthy. It's just life.

So I gave it all a lot of thought. Then I did some more real deep thinking. And guess what - buggerall happened! So I stopped thinking for a while, by learning to meditate. Then I stopped reading most of the newspapers. Then I stopped watching the news on TV and listening to the news in my car. And I stopped listening to people with negative chirps and bad energy. And I stopped focusing on what was going wrong in my life. Then I started to meditate every morning, after doing some simple yoga stretches and synchronized breathing exercises. And I replaced my morning cup of coffee and cigarette with some herbal tea and a dagga joint. (OK – joking about the joint!) And I re- read the Power of Now and Conversations with God and a Short History of Nearly Everything.


And I began to visit an awesome positive website called http://www.sagoodnews.co.za/ And MAN did I start to feel better. MUCH BETTER. Then I started to watch every sunset possible, ride my bicycle, watch funny video's on Youtube, work in my garden, walk on the beach – I fu&%#ng started living again BRU! From the inside out!


And it finally hit me between the eyes, an epiphany:


You can't change your thinking in order to improve your behaviour. You need to change your behaviour in order to improve your thinking.


It's taken me many years of searching and many many books, self development courses and personal growth experiences to come to this simple truth.

So if you, like me, are feeling anxious, concerned, depressed or gatvol, why not try changing your behaviour and DOING something differently, from today. For example:


Greet every SAP policeman you meet with a friendly smile or handshake and thank them for protecting you and your loved ones. Boy do they need some motivation!

• Visit http://www.sagoodnews.co.za./ Often.
• Read an inspiring book.
• Write a poem.
• Get into nature (or walk barefoot on your lawn!)
• Write down everything you have to be grateful for. Every morning.
• Play inspirational music, especially when the news comes on your radio.
• Find some way to exercise your body a little more. (Endorphins are lekker!)
• Try out one of the 100 available techniques of mediation or relaxation.
• Watch the sunrise and/or sunset.
• Create a morning ritual to make your day beautiful.
• Find out and speak about the good news.
• Choose to be happy.
• And don't allow the media to fuck with your mind.

Most importantly, seek out and speak your own truth and live a whole life. You deserve it. And in doing so, you will change your life and make a massive difference to this special place we call home. PS: To all the media people out there - I'm all for a free press. Really. I'm just sick and tired of your continued obsessive focus with everything negative. When are you going to realize that you are not merely reporting on what is happening – you are CAUSING some of it by your actions. Yes – YOU! You are helping to perpetuate a dangerous cycle of violence and destruction. I accept that bad news sells, but soon there will be nobody left here to buy it! Please cheer up and get a life or piss off and go find another job. Serious. I've had it with your sensationalism and scandal. Enough already. Start doing your job and working a little bit harder to creatively seek out and give some headline space to the good stuff going down in SA.
Trust me, it's there! (Pheeew it feels good to have got that off my chest!!!) I wish you an awesome day.
Choose to make it that way!

Mark Berger. (Trainer/motivational speaker)