A Shoegasm and Holiday Gifts for Naughty Chicks and Dudes

 

<a href="http://gillianhefer.blogspot.com/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVoYj0Pjq-I1wJKpkV7PCQS5Ue7dIkVqDc24liceGz0G5NePqH2lbfU2qx0v9xorbStHtc_-Y281zQFzALJ9mbHcpNI5LYIHa7zzDhNy8I6oR2bdOVUZV2LyJZLxOES8HSHghjeg9gE3K5/s1600/Friday+Follower.jpg" alt="A Daft Scots Lass" width="400" height="137" /></a>

My featured Friday Follower this week is *drum roll please*  LafemmeRoar

Ho! Ho! Ho, Plonkers!

Tis that time of year and Santa's making a list and he's doubling checking to make sure that all naughty chicks and dudes get just what THEY DESERVE this year.

Naughty dudes will get: 

• a limp schlong for the rest of their fornicating lives
• electronic devices that will never work
• a tattoo on their forehead that says "I AM NO GOOD"
• their favorite sports team to lose every game
• their butt kicked to the curb
• Crazy Chicks after their pound of flesh
• vasectomies so they won't ever spread their "bad seed"
• orgasms that feel like a kick in the balls
• blindness at the sight of T and A
• elephantiasis of the testes and shrinkage of the schlong

Naughty chicks will get:

• PMS everyday
• a big pimple on her nose every weekend
• fat every time she looks at food
• swollen ankles and feet when she wears those sexy strappy sandals
• a Cosmo "cocktail" that tastes like a "cumshot"
• a bouquet of thorny, poop roses
• fake boobies that look like pancakes
• chocolates that taste like liver
• extreme gas when out on a date
• perfume that smells like ripe arm pits

If someone has been naughty to you this year, make sure you give their name to Santa.

Now it's your turn ... what should Santa give the naughty ones this year?

<a href="http://gillianhefer.blogspot.com/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEBC5CjIzVFFAwjP98vng5gRchVZ3GR44PBZRCDDfXvD0zRrOOQVprxxvDJEweZyL44ZjLGKkjARFjcG3dw_TlWT-UMAG8KfXrz5tpmIZOmcxfUr_zXPfjHr8Zo_mKD05Fl7kcRlA-Z1c/s1600/fridayshoegasm.jpg" alt="A Daft Scots Lass" width="240" height="217" /></a>

So this week I have offered you some cute Vintage heels to oogle over.  Remember to take my button, link up yer heels and remember to tell me you did so and I'll come visit.

Cute Vintage heels from ModCloth.com

Polka Dot $34.99 ModCloth.com

Vintage Upper Echelon Heels $44.99

Floral Vintage Heels $89.99

F....is for Friday and Freaks The Movie

F is for Fridays and with it, goes a number of things... Flash Fiction Friday 55, Fawk You Friday, FlogYoBlog Friday and Freaky Friday, which I will be reintroducing this week.  An old favourite of mine that some bloggers are asking to have back.

So here we go....

The awesome G-Man hosts Flash Fiction Friday 55.  Go visit him and give him some love and join hundreds of other bloggers playing the writing game. Try write a complete story in only 55 words…

Long Lean Legs that go all the way up

Long wavy golden Blonde locks

Perfectly French-manicured finger nails

Flawlessly painted toes

Smooth Honey-coloured skin screaming to be caressed

Rose coloured glossy lips begging to be kissed

Firm arse and perky ski-slope breasts

Soliciting desire

This is who I’d like to be - for a day.

Join Fawk You Friday hosted by Boobies

My Fuck You's for the week:

• To a certain bright spark at the office (I will refrain from mentioning names) but "You're a cock and a fuck-up. Any further complaints can be directed toward my fucking arse, where I'm sure you'll receive a warm response"
• Fuck You to the manager of our local supermarket who NEVER has my brand of cigarettes, no matter how much I ask him to get stock.  Why don't you come back to me when your brain's decided that it wasn't designed to be a shit box, okay? Run along now, Mr Spar Doochebag.
• Fuck you to the many boob-tube dresses I have and love.  God knows, I love how cool they are in the summer but, if I tramp on the fucking hem once more and my titties fall out, I'm gonna scream! 
• Fuck you to Dr Pepper that is stocked at one of our local shops (not made here in SA) but charged me fucking R12.99 for a small 330ml can.  Daylight fucking robbery... but I got one anyway...

I heart Dr Pepper

Go FlogYoBlog at Random Ramblings of a SAHM

Theme: Freaks,The Movie

 Can a full grown woman truly love a MIDGET ?

I'm rekindling the Freaky Friday posts coz I've got so much to share.  So many freaks, so little time...just the way I laaik it.

Freaks is a 1932 American horror film about sideshow performers, directed and produced by Tod Browning  with a cast mostly composed of actual carnival (funfair) performers including Schlitzie the Pinhead and many more...check the freaks out below...

Schlitzie was a MALE, but was always presented as a female because she had to be diapered and it was easier to care for her when she was in her Moo-moo



The Cast of  "Freaks"



Peter Robinson aka The Human Skeleton

Frances O'Connor - The Armless Lady



Prince Randian (The Human Caterpillar)
who was born with no arms or legs but managed to father five children and could roll a cigarette with his lips and smoke it.

Minnie Woosley aka KooKoo the Bird Girl

Olga Barnell aka The Bearded Lady

Daisy and Violet Hilton. 
Their biological mother sold them to the midwife shortly after they were born.

Freaky Friday - Episode Twelve

Freaky Friday again Fuckers!

Theme :  Amishness

Firstly, I'm not making out that the Amish are total fucking freaks!  

They are just such a secretive culture in America that makes everyone think they're either up to no good or that they are freakish oddities (especially in this modern electronic new world). 

The Amish still believe prohibitions or limitations on the use of power-line electricity, telephones and cars. They still drive horse drawn carriages around and have very strict regulations on clothing. Everything has to be plain, handmade and things like zips and buttons are fobidden.  They still use hook and eye or straight pins to fasten their clothes. The women and girls plait their hair and must cover it with a bonnet.  The men wear straw hats and married men and men over 40 must grow a beard.  

Mustaches are foribidded because of their link to the military.  They value rural life, manual labor and humility.  They believe in  minimising contact with outsiders and work at home and work the land.

Members who break church rules may be called to confess before the congregation.  And publicly flogged (I'm kidding - I just added that for spice) Those who will not correct their behavior are excommunicated.  Excommunicated members are shunned to shame the individual into returning to the church.  Members may interact with and even help a shunned person, but may not accept anything — like a handshake, payment or automobile ride — directly from the wayward person.

The Amish do not educate their children past the 8th Grade, believing that the basic knowledge offered up to that point is sufficient to prepare one for the Amish lifestyle.  Why would you want your children to go up being dumb-asses?  Having children, raising them  and socialisation with neighbours and relatives in the Amish culture are the greatest functions. Amish believe large families are a blessing from God.

Breed like rabbits, Fuckers!

Amish church membership begins with baptism, usually between the ages of 16 and 25. It is a requirement for marriage and once a person has affiliated with the church, she or he may only marry within the faith.

Rumspringa (generally refers to a period of adolescence for some members of the Amish that begins around the age of sixteen and ends when a youth chooses baptism within the Amish church or instead leaves the community).   They go wild - doing drugs, having fucking wild Amish orgies that would put us to shame - generally - they party like fucking Rock Stars during this time - with their parent's permission!  Fucking A! 

The vast majority choose baptism after their rumspringa and remain in the church because if they choose to leave the community they are shunned from visiting their families again.

Visit Paxton,  The Amish Blogger 

Everything not forbidden is compulsory - T. H. White, The Once and Future King