The Cunning Contraption

JennyMac over at Lets have a cocktail blogged recently about StepFree Vaginal Weights.  I got a huge kick outta this one...

I immediately went to google it and find out what they look like exactly because thats the way I roll..  Most of my followers know that I am into the "weird and wonderful" and love to find whack-a-doodly things on the internet that make me giggle in disbelief.

This is one such product.

I'm all for doing my daily Kegels, but can you imagine arriving at work with these bullets lodged inside your Lady Garden?  What if they make a noise?  How do you explain that to your boss?

"Yes, erm, sorry Mr ChiefPrat it's my new StepFree Vagina Weights that you hear tickling my Magic Carpet.  Pay no attention!"

I immediately thought of a story that a friend shared with me a while ago.  While she was doing  a Yoga Class at gym, her tampon popped out and  she was completely mortified, which, of course, made me cackle like an old whore for hours. Hell, days!  I thought only those kinda things happened to me!

I then read more on the StepFree website, and I instantly had visions of that bizzare Jazzercise YouTube video that I posted a while back. (Okay, I know I have a wicked and vivid imagination) but I had clear mental picture of these Stepfree rockets being launched outta her fake-tanned Vaginator at high speed, like a cheap Asian stripper and her ping-pong balls.



Shake it, Sugar!

Just thought I'd share my warped and twisted thoughts with you - AGAIN!

I'm still gigglin'

Naughty or Nice

Got another award....

1.What is the silliest prank you ever played on someone?
I once pulled a prank on one of my not so favourite work colleagues....okay she was a Bitch!  I put some pilchards in the back of her bottom drawer and waited for the reek to ripen and mature.  It took her weeks to find out what stank like fish in her office. 

2. If you could take a trip anywhere out of the country where would you go? Why?I'd go to Italy for the awesome history and architecture..or to Bonnie Scotland for a nice skiing holiday.

3. Who plays the most influential role in your life?
My Boerewors has taught me a lot in life - about patience and the importance of positive expression. My mum has also been a huge influence who has instilled a strong, determined, independent spirit in me.  She also swears like a sailor (well she used to).

4. Are you ok with your significant other being friends with an ex?
Yes.

5. Favorite candle scent?
Vanilla or Yang Yang.

6. Next movie you're excited about seeing?
I honestly don't get excited about watching movies...there are dozens of other things to get excited about.

7. You must ban one word from the dictionary and all usage, to be no longer uttered or written. What word do you ban?
HATE.  I always use the alternative - detest.

8. Do you have any relatives in jail?
Who knows...

9. What crazy fads were popular when you were a teenager?
Big spiral permed hair, mod Parkas, neon shoes, spiked box hair, bubble pin up skirts, g-string leotards for aerobics work outs - it was the 80's people!!! 

10. Have you ever been mentioned in a newspaper or on TV?
In the newspaper - a lot for all my athletic and literary accomplishments.  I never did get my 5 minutes of fame on the telly though...humph!

So am I good or bad?

I'm not passing this award on to anyone...the questions don't really reflect whether you're good or bad....rather go here and take THIS QUIZ. 


Be like a Duck...  Calm on top but paddling like FUCK underneath.

National Woman's Day

Lillian Ngoyi © ANC

Have you ever wondered why we celebrate Woman’s Day on the 9th August in South Africa? It has nothing to do with honouring women just because we need another “Mother’s Day”, this day commemorates the 9 August 1956 when women participating in a national march petitioned against pass laws … (For anyone who does not know the history – “pass laws” were legislation that required African persons to carry a document on them to ‘prove’ that they were allowed to enter a ‘white area’ during the Apartheid regime).

On this day in 1956, over 20 000 women of all races and ages from every corner of South Africa marched together towards the Union Buildings in Pretoria. These brave women were marching in protest against the pass laws that proposed even further restrictions on the movements of women.

Organised by the Federation of South African Women, the March was led by four brave women; Helen Joseph, Rahima Moosa, Sophie Williams and Lilian Ngoyi. The leaders delivered petitions to Prime Minister JG Strijdom’s office within the Union Buildings.

Women throughout South Africa had put their names to these petitions indicating their anger and frustration at having their freedom of movement restricted by the hated official passes.

Women’s Day Events:


First up is the  14th SA Women’s Arts Festival which takes place at The Playhouse in Durban and begins on Friday 30 July running for 10 days until Sunday 8 August. This is a showcase for the impact women make on the lives of South Africans and is a firm favourite on the cultural calendar. Expect beautiful works of poetry, music, comedy and drama that both showcases talented women in their respective arts field as well as sharing unique ideas. To book either call The Playhouse booking office or book through Computicket.

If you’d like to celebrate women and give something back to your community then why not join the St Luke’s Hospice Women’s Day Brunch on Monday 9 August 2010. Enjoy a delicious brunch at the Belmont Square Conference Centre in Rondebosch with proceeds from the event going to the care of the terminally ill patients of St Luke’s Hospice. Charmaine Noy of Kfm is the MC of the event with guest speaker Dr Jenny Edge who is both a surgeon and breast cancer specialist at the Chris Barnard Memorial Hospital. Tickets cost R200 per person or R2000 for a table of 10.

Celebrating all things women is The Women’s Show in Johannesburg from 27-29 August in North Riding at the Coca Cola Dome. This is the only lifestyle exhibition dedicated entirely to women (it is also held in Cape Town – next one 18 February 2011). Every woman has a unique feminine spirit which needs to be celebrate and this is the opportunity to do so. With fun and inspirational ideas that cater for all ages, shapes and sizes, interests and lifestyles this is both a sensory and interactive experience that should not be missed.

Women are always keen to find out about the latest beauty trends, whether we follow all of them is a different story. But if you are keen to find out the latest and freshest trends out there then head over to Professional Beauty Africa 2010 at Gallagher Estate in Midrand from 29-30 August 2010. So much to discover and experiment with you may find yourself spending hours here! 

Everyone has a special woman in their life, be it your partner, mother, sister, grandmother, aunt or friend you should take the time to celebrate their uniqueness. August is the perfect opportunity to let them know how much they are appreciated and loved, but lets not lose sight of the real reason we celebrate Women’s Day in South Africa!

The Importance of Calcium

I've been thinking about my mum's serious osteoperosis a lot lately and wondering if this is a herititary disease.  I was recently at the pharmacy  looking for a good quality calcium supplement to take so that I don't have the same crumbling spine when I'm in my mid 60s.

The main causes of osteoperosis are :

• being underweight
• poor nutrition
• excessing drinking
• smoking
• lack of exercise
• low estrogen levels

Calcium is a major mineral found in our body. It constitutes 1.5 - 2 per cent of the body weight of an adult person. Our body contains almost 1,200 gm of calcium, of which 98 per cent is found in bones, and about 10 mg/dl is found in blood.

Sources

Calcium is available through many resources. The best natural sources are: milk, milk products (cheese, curd, skimmed milk, butter milk), egg yolk and fish.  The cheapest dietary sources are green leafy vegetables, but calcium is in insoluble form so it can not be absorbed properly.

Calcium is also found in drinking water and in some fruits.

Absorption

Normally, about 20-30 per cent of dietary calcium is absorbed, which is regulated to some extent by our body needs.

Requirements

For adults, daily intake of around 1,000 mg is required. In children, this intake is higher.

Functions

Calcium in our plasma performs many functions, such as:

• Formation of bones and teeth
• Coagulation of blood
• Contraction of muscles
• Milk production
• Cardiac action
• Keeping cell membranes intact
• Transformation of light to electrical impulses in retina
• In metabolism of enzymes and hormones.

Deficiency

If calcium is taken in low quantities or if it does not meet the body requirements, rickets and Osteomalacia can arise. In Rickets, the bones are bent at the ankles.

Calcium deficiency in young girls can cause abnormal formation of bones, which can lead to problems during pregnancy and delivering babies. 

After 50 years of age, calcium deficiency can lead to decrease in the bone density, and this can lead to easy fractures. So, a glass of milk a day keeps your bones and teeth strong. I think drinking milk regularly is worth the trouble. 

If you are taking a supplement to get your daily calcium make sure you are also taking magnesium with it.  Do not exceed 2000mg of Calcium per day - it could cause kidney stones.

Foul Mouth Shirts

Most of you know that I'm not one to mince my words and if you've followed my blog for a while you'll probably know that one of my favourite adjectives is the classic four-letter favourite - Fuck!

One of the best ways of expressing your love for offensive language is by wearing offensive tee shirts. 

Foul Mouth Shirts is the pinnacle of all things offensive! 

I mean this is a brilliant way of getting away with it without actually saying a word.  You will find no better place to get the perfect Tee.  You can even customise your own favourite offensive saying that will be certain to make your statment loud and clear!  They have plenty of wicked cool stuff they even do naughty thongs.

I spent yonks browsing through the women's t-shrits and I just love these ones:

They also have great Custom Titty Stickers.

Head over to Boobies, Babies and a Blog and enter her competition to win!