Doggles and Secretary's Day

These adorable canine sunglasses are apparently the latest in dog wear, providing 100 per cent UV protection. All Doggles have anti-fog lenses and no gaps to let in stray light, dirt or insects (Jaysus, we wouldn't want Fido filling them with soil when he's digging a hole or getting fogged up if he chases a rabbit!). £19.95

An alternative way to Light Yer Fag?

Avocado Saver: What keeps you awake at night? Worries about your job in these credit crunch times, or how to stop your avocados wobbling over and turning brown in the fridge? Well, if it's the latter, you can rest easy because this patented gizmo keeps the lonesome leftover half comfortable in its 'adjustable strap' until you're ready to eat it next day. The ultimate gadget that you didn't even know you needed. £2.73

Dryear Ear Dryer: A machine to dry your ears after you've had a bath or been for a swim. Apparently, 'drying your ears has never been simpler or more effective'. Or, at £69, more expensive. The battery-operated device slots into the ear canal and blows hot air. Just to add to the lunacy, the instructions advise you to dry your ears with a towel first! £69

Glove and Boot Dryer: Another piece of utter clutter, this one has a built-in fan to circulate air around your wet gloves and boots. Apparently, this 'indispensable tool' keeps your gloves dry in the winter and odour-free during the summer. Put them on the radiator instead!
£14.95

The Loo Read: This ridiculous gadget is supposed to be 'perfect for reading papers in the loo'. Available in broadsheet or tabloid versions, it seems you can also use it to 'do puzzles or apply your make-up'. It 'provides a platform for almost anything'. £59.99

Pet Massager - Is your guinea pig in need of some 'me-time'? Is your Labrador frazzled after a demanding day? Soothe stressed pets with this massager which 'works to melt away tensions and relieve sore muscles and joints that come with a full day's play or advanced age'. £4.97

Motorised Ice-Cream Cone: For those lazy Bastids to twist their wrist, just pop your cone inside this battery-operated turning cone and it will do all the work. You can even put it in the dishwasher, because washing up would be far too much trouble. £4.99

Pizza Fork : This 'effortless way to eat pizza' has been slashed from its original price of £4.99 down to £1.49 - highlighting just how 'must-have' it isn't! A device to help you cut through crust and topping with ease. Funnily enough, those historical implements, the knife and fork, do much the same thing. £1.49

 

Happy Secretaries Day!