Happy Thursday my beautiful Plonkers You know how much I love awesome and whacky inventions? I stumble across these things all the time on the interwebz and, because every knows this, I get emails from all my friends and lovely blog readers Plonkers with pictures and links to awesome and useless inventions. Thanx, Y'all. Here are some of the latest installments to make you smile.
Light Saber Door Handles
Now these I would buy...
Yeah I could rock those muthafuckers
Not sure the pens would work after I'd stirred by MANY cups of tea with them.
These adorable canine sunglasses are apparently the latest in dog wear, providing 100 per cent UV protection. All Doggles have anti-fog lenses and no gaps to let in stray light, dirt or insects (Jaysus, we wouldn't want Fido filling them with soil when he's digging a hole or getting fogged up if he chases a rabbit!). £19.95
An alternative way to Light Yer Fag?
Avocado Saver: What keeps you awake at night? Worries about your job in these credit crunch times, or how to stop your avocados wobbling over and turning brown in the fridge? Well, if it's the latter, you can rest easy because this patented gizmo keeps the lonesome leftover half comfortable in its 'adjustable strap' until you're ready to eat it next day. The ultimate gadget that you didn't even know you needed. £2.73
Dryear Ear Dryer: A machine to dry your ears after you've had a bath or been for a swim. Apparently, 'drying your ears has never been simpler or more effective'. Or, at £69, more expensive. The battery-operated device slots into the ear canal and blows hot air. Just to add to the lunacy, the instructions advise you to dry your ears with a towel first! £69
Glove and Boot Dryer: Another piece of utter clutter, this one has a built-in fan to circulate air around your wet gloves and boots. Apparently, this 'indispensable tool' keeps your gloves dry in the winter and odour-free during the summer. Put them on the radiator instead!
£14.95
The Loo Read: This ridiculous gadget is supposed to be 'perfect for reading papers in the loo'. Available in broadsheet or tabloid versions, it seems you can also use it to 'do puzzles or apply your make-up'. It 'provides a platform for almost anything'. £59.99
Pet Massager - Is your guinea pig in need of some 'me-time'? Is your Labrador frazzled after a demanding day? Soothe stressed pets with this massager which 'works to melt away tensions and relieve sore muscles and joints that come with a full day's play or advanced age'. £4.97
Motorised Ice-Cream Cone: For those lazy Bastids to twist their wrist, just pop your cone inside this battery-operated turning cone and it will do all the work. You can even put it in the dishwasher, because washing up would be far too much trouble. £4.99
Pizza Fork : This 'effortless way to eat pizza' has been slashed from its original price of £4.99 down to £1.49 - highlighting just how 'must-have' it isn't! A device to help you cut through crust and topping with ease. Funnily enough, those historical implements, the knife and fork, do much the same thing. £1.49
The Fart Pad is a three-ply activated charcoal cloth pad, that is secured inside the underwear similar to a panty liner. It absorbs the intestinal gas odour right at the source before it gets into the air, and others can smell it.
The Hamster Shredder
This useless device doesn't actually shred your hamster (no, no that would just be plain cruel; see gerballing) but this is a paper shredder plonked directly on to of yer wee furry friend's cage to supposedly save you time and effort. Or something?
Yes, ladies and gentleman, light up your ass while taking a dump! Open the lid and the light goes on, lower it and it goes off. Good for those bitches that have love the Battle of the Bathroom Sexes and have an issue with their partner leaving the toilet seat up.
Barfume of paint-stripping quality. Prank your pals with this reeky winner! Get revenge today on that arsehold at work. Liquid Ass in his general direction and he won't ask stupid questions again.
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