Whacky Inventions

Happy Thursday my beautiful Plonkers

You know how much I love awesome and whacky inventions?  I  stumble across these things all the time on the interwebz and, because every knows this,  I get emails from all my friends and lovely blog readers Plonkers with pictures and links to awesome and useless inventions.  Thanx, Y'all.

Here are some of the latest installments to make you smile.

Light Saber Door Handles

Now these I would buy...

Yeah I could rock those muthafuckers

Not sure the pens would work after I'd stirred by MANY cups of tea with them.

Gadget Geeks would love these...

These are actually pretty useful

Get-With-The-Times "message" in a bottle

Come get a good whiff of my Vanilla Scented Merkin

Most of you will know and understand  my love for useless inventions and freaky shit.  I rake the interwebz for shizzle like this that makes me giggle.  Have a squizz, Plonkers!  


Happy Wednesday...

#1  Kitty Wigs

Have you ever taken a good look at your feline friend and bemoaned the fact that it didn’t quite look like a mid-1980s Cher? Apparently, you’re not alone! Kitty Wigs produces a variety of cat-sized wigs, guaranteed to make your cat look even more resentful of your presence than it does already. I shite you not, Plonkers!  Maybe you can make your cat wear this electric blue masterpiece when you attend next year's gay parade or better still, attend one of those brilliant Broadway musicals.  Meow!

#2  The Merkin

Have you ever been about to stand naked in front of a large crowd of people and been horrified to discover that you didn’t have enough pubic hair? Perhaps you’re in need of a good Merkin. This handy-dandy pubic wig will disguise your embarrassingly bare genitals…when you’re naked…in public. Be sure to get the police take a full-body mug shot when you’re picked up for public indecency.  Pink to make the boys wink, right?

#3 Magic Briefcase

Are you tired of watching some enterprising thief get away with all of your belongings? Do you secretly wish your name was Chuck and had a gun loaded with ammo to defend yourself?  You can show them the non-violent way! Buy yourself one of these innovative Anti-Bandit Bags, engineered to fall to pieces should some criminal try to wrestle your briefcase from your grasp. Won’t that criminal be disappointed when he tries to take off with your possessions and instead finds them strewn about all over the ground.  Take that, Fucker!

#4 Get A Grip

 Have you ever said to yourself, “Jaysus, I’m too fucking stupid to properly hold a wine glass!”. Do you wonder how you might make it abundantly clear that you are a Plonker in front of your group of sophisticated wine club drinkers?  Look no further! The “Get a Grip” wine glass grip puts a bright red grip on your wine glass that says to the world, “I am a drunk blonde wino and you should call AA right now to find out when the next meeting is.”

# 5 Neuticles

Do you feel all fucking shitty about what you did to Fido? No, not the peanut butter thing, the other thing when you took him to the vet and got his nuts removed? What is your best friend going to lick for the rest of his life? The answer is Neuticles! These fake dog testicles allows your dog’s junk to return to its former glory. Now he’ll have something to do while you visit your therapist. 

 

Doggles and Secretary's Day

These adorable canine sunglasses are apparently the latest in dog wear, providing 100 per cent UV protection. All Doggles have anti-fog lenses and no gaps to let in stray light, dirt or insects (Jaysus, we wouldn't want Fido filling them with soil when he's digging a hole or getting fogged up if he chases a rabbit!). £19.95

An alternative way to Light Yer Fag?

Avocado Saver: What keeps you awake at night? Worries about your job in these credit crunch times, or how to stop your avocados wobbling over and turning brown in the fridge? Well, if it's the latter, you can rest easy because this patented gizmo keeps the lonesome leftover half comfortable in its 'adjustable strap' until you're ready to eat it next day. The ultimate gadget that you didn't even know you needed. £2.73

Dryear Ear Dryer: A machine to dry your ears after you've had a bath or been for a swim. Apparently, 'drying your ears has never been simpler or more effective'. Or, at £69, more expensive. The battery-operated device slots into the ear canal and blows hot air. Just to add to the lunacy, the instructions advise you to dry your ears with a towel first! £69

Glove and Boot Dryer: Another piece of utter clutter, this one has a built-in fan to circulate air around your wet gloves and boots. Apparently, this 'indispensable tool' keeps your gloves dry in the winter and odour-free during the summer. Put them on the radiator instead!
£14.95

The Loo Read: This ridiculous gadget is supposed to be 'perfect for reading papers in the loo'. Available in broadsheet or tabloid versions, it seems you can also use it to 'do puzzles or apply your make-up'. It 'provides a platform for almost anything'. £59.99

Pet Massager - Is your guinea pig in need of some 'me-time'? Is your Labrador frazzled after a demanding day? Soothe stressed pets with this massager which 'works to melt away tensions and relieve sore muscles and joints that come with a full day's play or advanced age'. £4.97

Motorised Ice-Cream Cone: For those lazy Bastids to twist their wrist, just pop your cone inside this battery-operated turning cone and it will do all the work. You can even put it in the dishwasher, because washing up would be far too much trouble. £4.99

Pizza Fork : This 'effortless way to eat pizza' has been slashed from its original price of £4.99 down to £1.49 - highlighting just how 'must-have' it isn't! A device to help you cut through crust and topping with ease. Funnily enough, those historical implements, the knife and fork, do much the same thing. £1.49

 

Happy Secretaries Day!

Worthless Waffle....Even my reflection is jealous of me

People who ride on roller coasters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain.


People with blue eyes see better in dark.


Money isn’t made out of paper, it is made out of cotton.


A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it go mad instantly and sting itself to death.


Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.


A huge underground river runs underneath the Nile, with six times more water than the river above.


The USA uses 29% of the world's petrol and 33% of the world's electricity.  Energy Hoggers!


Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.


The animal responsible for the most human deaths world-wide is the mosquito and they are ALL female.


Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.


We exercise at least 30 muscles when we smile.


Our nose is our personal air-conditioning system: it warms cold air, cools hot air and filters impurities.


Our brain is more complex than the most powerful computer and has over 100 billion nerve cells.


When a person dies, hearing is usually the first sense to go.


There is a great mushroom in Oregon that is 2,400 years old. It Covers 3.4 square miles of land and is still growing.


German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog.


The pupil of the eye expands as much as 45 percent when a person looks at something pleasing.


Men's shirts have the buttons on the right, but women's shirts have the buttons on the left.

The reason honey is so easy to digest is that it's already been digested by a bee.


It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic and 200 million to make a film about it.


The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.


The only part of the body that has no blood supply is the cornea in the eye. It takes in oxygen directly from the air.

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "Goodnight, sleep tight".



In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

Holy Crap on a Cracker!

You guys know I love this shit! I scour the interwebz for shite that makes me go "What the Fuck?" and so I have to share it all with you Plonkers.  

Enjoy!

Horny Remover?

For the Telemarketer Fuckers

This one actually looks useful

The Kush Breast Separator

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I came across some more weird inventions

Yeah you all know I'm always scouring the Websphere for weird and wonderful inventions that make me frown and ultimately giggle.  Here's another few

Bikini Jeans from Sanna's in Japan



Japanese Lap Pillow



Boyfriend Arm Pillow



Boyfriend Arm Pillow for those lonely nights



DVD Sneakers

Towel Art

Now, piss off Plonkers and enjoy the weekend.

Useless Inventions - Bum Juicer

I Fucking LOVE this shite!!!  

Yeah, its usually the Japs that invent  useless crap these must-have inventions.  You better rush out and patent these wee gems just incase someone else steals yer whack-a-doodle idea!

It rocks my fucking face off every time... 



Gives another meaning to Anal...The Butt Juicer.  Do you have to be nekkid to use it?  I think I'll pass on the ass juice thanx!



All the Better to See You With, my Dear.  Slippers with head-lights

Mink?

Rain Collector.  But with that upside-down brolly he's still gonna get wet, fucking Japs...

Clearly for small spills only.

WTF? Do YOU have an explanation for this one?  No noodle dribble?



Oh-So-Glam in her Brolly hat.

Instant Ken Dodd hair-on-a-hat

Like we don't have enough shite to hang around our necks...
Wine Glass Carrier...actually this one is quite useful for those drunken parties.

Have you come across any kewl inventions on your trips across the interwebs?  Share with me...