Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!

Have you ever wondered how much time you spend sleeping or perched on the loo?  Have you ever wondered how much the average Plonker eats in his lifetime?  Or how long your hair would've grown had you not been ripped off by that scabby barber for that last haircut. 


Did you know?

• Your blood travels about 96 000km through your body every day?  Holy crapiola! That's six times the distance from Cape Town to Tunisia in North Africa.

• You have almost 100 000 hairs on just yer pretty wee head.
• If you were to add up the hours spent every day in front of the telly is would come to 12 years.
• At the age of 10 you have about 17 friends but by the time you reach the big 4-0 you'll have only two good mates.
• An amazing 17 million Plonkers have their birthday on the same day as you.  That's the number of people living in Beijing, China.
• The average FuckKnob laughs about 18 times a day.
• Most fat-arses eat almost 30 tons of food in their lifetime.  That's the weight of 50 elephants! It would take six years for you to consume this quantity if you ate steadily and constantly.
• Us working bastards spend 10 years of our lives at work.
• If you were to add up all the time you spend on the shitter taking either a dump, or a whizz it would equate to three years.
• Waiting sucks but in your lifetime you'll spend seven months stuck in traffic and two months on the phone holding for some Doochenozzle to answer your call.
• The average heart beats more or less 2.5 billion times in a lifetime.  No wonder I'm always knackered.
• Nearly 100 people die annually from choking on ballpoint pens.
• You manufacture about 1.7 litres of saliva a day.  That's enough to fill two swimming pools with gob during your lifetime!
• If you're left-handed you may live nine years less than someone who's right-handed. I shit you not.
• Next time you sneeze remember that those little Germ Fuckers travel at 160km per hour

Do you need a silencer if you're going to shoot a mime?

Don't forget to enter my Mother's Day Giveaway.  It ends 10 May so you still have a chance to win. Click on the Banner on my sidebar or on the link.  You know you want to.   

Worthless Waffle....Even my reflection is jealous of me

People who ride on roller coasters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain.


People with blue eyes see better in dark.


Money isn’t made out of paper, it is made out of cotton.


A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it go mad instantly and sting itself to death.


Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.


A huge underground river runs underneath the Nile, with six times more water than the river above.


The USA uses 29% of the world's petrol and 33% of the world's electricity.  Energy Hoggers!


Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.


The animal responsible for the most human deaths world-wide is the mosquito and they are ALL female.


Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.


We exercise at least 30 muscles when we smile.


Our nose is our personal air-conditioning system: it warms cold air, cools hot air and filters impurities.


Our brain is more complex than the most powerful computer and has over 100 billion nerve cells.


When a person dies, hearing is usually the first sense to go.


There is a great mushroom in Oregon that is 2,400 years old. It Covers 3.4 square miles of land and is still growing.


German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog.


The pupil of the eye expands as much as 45 percent when a person looks at something pleasing.


Men's shirts have the buttons on the right, but women's shirts have the buttons on the left.

The reason honey is so easy to digest is that it's already been digested by a bee.


It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic and 200 million to make a film about it.


The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.


The only part of the body that has no blood supply is the cornea in the eye. It takes in oxygen directly from the air.

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "Goodnight, sleep tight".



In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

3 Thumbs = 1 Penis

Did you know that:

• It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

• One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).

• The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

• Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

• A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. 

• There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

• Women blink twice as often as men.

• The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

• Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

• If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

• Women reading this will be finished by now.  Men are still busy checking their fucking thumbs!