#1 Kitty Wigs
Have you ever taken a good look at your feline friend and bemoaned the fact that it didn’t quite look like a mid-1980s Cher? Apparently, you’re not alone! Kitty Wigs produces a variety of cat-sized wigs, guaranteed to make your cat look even more resentful of your presence than it does already. I shite you not, Plonkers! Maybe you can make your cat wear this electric blue masterpiece when you attend next year's gay parade or better still, attend one of those brilliant Broadway musicals. Meow!
#2 The Merkin
Have you ever been about to stand naked in front of a large crowd of people and been horrified to discover that you didn’t have enough pubic hair? Perhaps you’re in need of a good Merkin. This handy-dandy pubic wig will disguise your embarrassingly bare genitals…when you’re naked…in public. Be sure to get the police take a full-body mug shot when you’re picked up for public indecency. Pink to make the boys wink, right?
#3 Magic Briefcase
Are you tired of watching some enterprising thief get away with all of your belongings? Do you secretly wish your name was Chuck and had a gun loaded with ammo to defend yourself? You can show them the non-violent way! Buy yourself one of these innovative Anti-Bandit Bags, engineered to fall to pieces should some criminal try to wrestle your briefcase from your grasp. Won’t that criminal be disappointed when he tries to take off with your possessions and instead finds them strewn about all over the ground. Take that, Fucker!
#4 Get A Grip
Have you ever said to yourself, “Jaysus, I’m too fucking stupid to properly hold a wine glass!”. Do you wonder how you might make it abundantly clear that you are a Plonker in front of your group of sophisticated wine club drinkers? Look no further! The “Get a Grip” wine glass grip puts a bright red grip on your wine glass that says to the world, “I am a drunk blonde wino and you should call AA right now to find out when the next meeting is.”
# 5 Neuticles
Do you feel all fucking shitty about what you did to Fido? No, not the peanut butter thing, the other thing when you took him to the vet and got his nuts removed? What is your best friend going to lick for the rest of his life? The answer is Neuticles! These fake dog testicles allows your dog’s junk to return to its former glory. Now he’ll have something to do while you visit your therapist.