Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Come get a good whiff of my Vanilla Scented Merkin

Most of you will know and understand  my love for useless inventions and freaky shit.  I rake the interwebz for shizzle like this that makes me giggle.  Have a squizz, Plonkers!  


Happy Wednesday...

#1  Kitty Wigs
Have you ever taken a good look at your feline friend and bemoaned the fact that it didn’t quite look like a mid-1980s Cher? Apparently, you’re not alone! Kitty Wigs produces a variety of cat-sized wigs, guaranteed to make your cat look even more resentful of your presence than it does already. I shite you not, Plonkers!  Maybe you can make your cat wear this electric blue masterpiece when you attend next year's gay parade or better still, attend one of those brilliant Broadway musicals.  Meow!

#2  The Merkin
Have you ever been about to stand naked in front of a large crowd of people and been horrified to discover that you didn’t have enough pubic hair? Perhaps you’re in need of a good Merkin. This handy-dandy pubic wig will disguise your embarrassingly bare genitals…when you’re naked…in public. Be sure to get the police take a full-body mug shot when you’re picked up for public indecency.  Pink to make the boys wink, right?

#3 Magic Briefcase
Are you tired of watching some enterprising thief get away with all of your belongings? Do you secretly wish your name was Chuck and had a gun loaded with ammo to defend yourself?  You can show them the non-violent way! Buy yourself one of these innovative Anti-Bandit Bags, engineered to fall to pieces should some criminal try to wrestle your briefcase from your grasp. Won’t that criminal be disappointed when he tries to take off with your possessions and instead finds them strewn about all over the ground.  Take that, Fucker!

#4 Get A Grip
 Have you ever said to yourself, “Jaysus, I’m too fucking stupid to properly hold a wine glass!”. Do you wonder how you might make it abundantly clear that you are a Plonker in front of your group of sophisticated wine club drinkers?  Look no further! The “Get a Grip” wine glass grip puts a bright red grip on your wine glass that says to the world, “I am a drunk blonde wino and you should call AA right now to find out when the next meeting is.

# 5 Neuticles
Do you feel all fucking shitty about what you did to Fido? No, not the peanut butter thing, the other thing when you took him to the vet and got his nuts removed? What is your best friend going to lick for the rest of his life? The answer is Neuticles! These fake dog testicles allows your dog’s junk to return to its former glory. Now he’ll have something to do while you visit your therapist. 

 

16 comments:

The Glebe Blog said...

Love the Merkin,reminds me of the time I was awaiting a hernia operation when my party piece was showing off my NHS supplied jockstrap.

Mark said...

That kitty wig is too much! I love it! I can't believe my cats survived all these years with these wigs.
And I wonder if I could get some bull-size neuticles for myself? Can you look into that for me?
p.s. I got a wee gift in the mail just yesterday. Thank you so much!
m.

vanyelmoon said...

O.K. The Merkin is too funny. There are a couple of beaches here where that would be legal, but those would be some crazy tan lines :)

I already knew about the nutters for dogs. My sister has a show bulldog and she told me they use them to make sure the show dog's nuts are proportionate. God forbid you have a dog that's eighty pounds with nuts sized for a shitzu.

Joshua said...

And I was jus thinking in the shower this morning that I needed a bright pink rug for my crotch.

Stephanie D said...

Aaakkkk!!!! to all of those products.
:)

Nat said...

Hahaha! One of the funniest posts I've read in a long time :-)

G-Man said...

The Cuff should match the Collar if one wants to accessorize properly. What if your house or apartment caught fire while you were bare assed?
Who wants to see a furry kaliedscope of color?
Have a Nice Day....Jildo!

Cinnamon said...

OMG I am so glad that we have you to look up and publish all this stuff. Now I can get my insanity at one place ! Thank you...lol

Copyboy said...

I heard about #2 in the 80s. Rather not comment any more on that subject. haha

Matthew MacNish said...

Ahh! You tricked me. I was trying to look at this at work and had to scroll right past. Alas.

blueviolet said...

If you can't hold a wine glass, you really shouldn't be served! Those neuticles are crazy!

Dazee Dreamer said...

My love for you has now reached a new high

junebug said...

Oddly I found the wig perfect for that cat. Blue is her color.

I'm still trying to figure out how the Merkin is attached. Spirit gum? Duct tape? Or is their a little patch of hair underneath and it clips on like a barrette? I've obviously put way too much thought into this thing.

W.C.Camp said...

I have to say that Kitty wig does not look bad on the cat. Maybe you should shoot a new video and call it "BECAUSE I'M a BLUEHEAD!"

A Daft Scots Lass said...

@Mark I have found your nutz!

@vanyelmoon would love to visit those beaches and check out the merkin styles...

@Joshua Two for the price of one. We can go halfies.

@Stephanie D Oh I KNOW you want the MERKIN

@G-Man. I do now go have a nice day...

@Copyboy I know you have a whole posted lined up explaining that one.

@Nat Thanx!

@Matthew I hope you came back when you got home

@blueviolet hell yeah!

@Dazee Ditto, DD lets run away...

@junebug. Funny you mention that, I was thinking the same thing. Could be a bit ouchie. I guess pubic hair dye is the way to go then...

@WCC I tried but my cat won't sit still.

Bobby said...

Oh my gosh! These are insane. Sadly though, I will admit I could probably do with the wine grip thingy. I'm a terrible klutz!

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