Marriage is NOT a word, its a sentence...

Jokes aside, Plonkers...

...I read this inspiring story on Jamerican Spice's blog and it got me pondering (yeah, this happens with me from time-to-time).  

"Do you love your partner more than you love your children"?

This statement always makes me think of the debate my BFF and I have over this subject.  She says her kids will always come first and I say my husband always come first. 

We argue our various opinions back and forth and we will never alter our points-of-view.  A bit of background about our friendship:

We've been best friends for 13 years and that just happens to only be one year more than I've been married.  So, my BFF has known me before marriage, she was at my wedding, she knew me before kids, she was there when Megan was born and my children call her "Aunty Mandy".  Mandy was even there during my early stages of labour with my second born and looked after my first born, Megan while I went to the hospital to birth Kaylin.  Mandy is our primary babysitter and she refers to the girls are "our girls" when she speaks to me about them. 

This just goes to show you that you can have a close relationship with someone who doesn't share EVERY opinion you do.

Anyhoozer, back to my story about who comes first in your family. 

Some may be surprised to know that I put my marriage first.

I believe that R and I chose each other before we decided together to have children. 

I believe that marriage is the foundation for a family.


Oh, I know that these two are two COMPLETELY different types of love and you really can't compare them.  My love for my girls is totally unconditional.  It is a no-matter-what-type of love that needs less work and comes more naturally to me. 

My love for my husband is priceless and romantic - those intimate little gestures and glances we share, when we don't have to use any words.  A single look can say a thousands words.  It's holding hands in the check out que and the physical attraction and passion.  It's also a friendship - someone who is there when times are at a high and at a low.  When we stand together we're an invincible team.

Power in a Family Bubble.
R is the leader in our family. That certainly doesn't mean I'm submissive and take his word as gospel. No frikken way!  I am a redheaded Scots Lass with a strong will and flappin lips.  I have my say, but we've learned to talk about things, we've learned to communicate with each other, we sometimes bicker and fight about stuff because our opinions on things are completely different. But we can come to decisions together or agree to disagree. Then the outcome is implemented by R.



I just know that if R and I are NOT on the same page, it affects our children.  We need to keep each other happy in order to be able to navigate positive and loving parenting. 

I think we're teaching our children that marriage is important, fun and solid.  And, if you work at building a strong and respectful partnership team, they are learning valuable lessons from us.

What are your views on puting your children before your partner?

Friday Follower #13 and a Shoegasm

 

<a href="http://gillianhefer.blogspot.com/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVoYj0Pjq-I1wJKpkV7PCQS5Ue7dIkVqDc24liceGz0G5NePqH2lbfU2qx0v9xorbStHtc_-Y281zQFzALJ9mbHcpNI5LYIHa7zzDhNy8I6oR2bdOVUZV2LyJZLxOES8HSHghjeg9gE3K5/s1600/Friday+Follower.jpg" alt="A Daft Scots Lass" width="400" height="137" /></a>

This week's Featured Friday Follower is Amy Reynolds, who brings to us this guest post with her advice on new relationships.  Her work is centered on topics such as this for Best Adult Dating Sites.

The Dreaded Past:  How to let it go in Your New Relationship

Whenever you find yourself in a relationship with a new man, everything is smooth, easy sailing in the beginning.  You are spending all of your free time with him, checking your phone in anticipation of his middle of the work-day texts that are guaranteed to make your entire afternoon, and counting down the minutes until you see him again…I mean the love story you feel unfolding between the two of you is nothing short of a Nicholas Sparks novel. 

Then it strikes, out of nowhere.  The curiosity about his ex.  The jealousy.  Before you know it, your man is taking a shower and you are desperately trying to crack the password on his phone, you’re looking over his shoulder when he’s checking his email, and you’re agonizing over every inch of his Facebook page, going so far as to analyze each and every wall post…all to find out who the women were who came before you.

What do we do this to ourselves?

In most cases, your new man’s ex-girlfriends have very little to zero ramifications at all in regard to your new relationship.  So why does our curiosity of those women and their past relationships with your man really matter?  Let’s face it.  You’ve been with other guys before him…and whether you like it or not, he’s been with other people too.  As hard as it can be to stomach the idea of your man caught up in the throes of a tender romance with another woman…stomach it you must.  

 So let go of the past--it will always be there and you will never be able to change it. 

Questions sure to send him running for the hills.

We as women sometimes let our emotions take over and the wrong questions just spill out, like water from a floodgate.  If you start to unnecessarily delve into your lover’s past, it can trigger some serious red flags for him.  When you find yourself wanting to ask every detail related to your new partner’s past relationship—stop yourself.  Questions like how many people have you kissed, how many people have you slept with, what was your ex-girlfriend like, etc. will not only send up the red flags…there will be huge, flashing, glaring, red billboards with the word “insecure” stretched across it--and there is nothing more unattractive to a man than a raging case of insecurity.  The only important question you need to ask is about his sexual history (that is if you are sexually active with this man) because that could have an influence on your health.  Other than that, do your best to leave the past in the past and embrace your relationship.

Bad habits are hard to break.

Whenever you obsess over your man’s past it can turn into a very bad habit that can be extremely difficult to break once you’ve started.  Even though you know you’re far more fabulous than his ex, you can even get to a point where you’re comparing yourself to her.  Instead of reminding your new boyfriend of his past, you should be concentrating on building your own relationship with him…making him glad it never worked out with her and overjoyed that someone as stunning as you walked into his life. 

A bright future ahead…

Beginning a new relationship is beautiful thing.  There is no need to tarnish a time that should be happy with discussions of your man’s previous escapades with another woman.  The bottom line is that it will only lead to problems, arguments, and doubt over a past that should have nothing to do with the relationship you are in now. 

When it comes down to questions that you know are unimportant and have zero relevance to the situation you share with your man, do not ask a question if you can’t handle the answer.  If you are ever having a weak moment where you find yourself basking in your insecurities, just remind yourself that there is a reason he is no longer with his ex…he is with you now because he was ready to move on and start again.  So you should do the same!  Concentrate on moving forward and enjoy your new-found love. 

Thanx Amy for agreeing to guest post for me.

Now on to some sweet, sweet pretties!

<a href="http://gillianhefer.blogspot.com/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEBC5CjIzVFFAwjP98vng5gRchVZ3GR44PBZRCDDfXvD0zRrOOQVprxxvDJEweZyL44ZjLGKkjARFjcG3dw_TlWT-UMAG8KfXrz5tpmIZOmcxfUr_zXPfjHr8Zo_mKD05Fl7kcRlA-Z1c/s1600/fridayshoegasm.jpg" alt="A Daft Scots Lass" width="240" height="217" /></a>

No affordable shoes this week.  Just pretty, droolicious expensive designer shoes

Briant Atwood - Rene Blue Amarillo Menta Suede

Heel Condoms.  This is a BRILLIANT concept to jazz up last season's heels.

Jimmy Choo

Christian Dior - LambSkin, Suedue, Calfskin, rope and feather sandals with 12cm heel

Christian Louboutin 2011 Miss America Multicolor Sandal $161.00 @ discounthervelegerdress

My problem is that I'm running out of space for all my shoes and heels.  I need one of  THESE.  Any one soopa handy who can make me a Shoe Display Rotisary?