I'm Boobalicious

So, I was fine until at 3pm the day before my surgery.

I started getting nervous and my tummy felt all jittery and butterflies. By the time I got home Riaan calmed me down and relaxed me by teasing me because I was so nervous. I didn’t go to bed too early because I was excited and I knew I wouldn’t sleep. I hardly slept that night I was thinking about the unexpected and tossed and turned.

I got up early that morning – 5:30 and pacing and pottered around the house. Packed some things in a bag and got myself and the girls ready and we left to go to the hospital at 7am. I was due to be there at 8am and we got there just in time. I was filling out forms when the surgeon came in and asked me to come through to the ward so that he could mark my chest as I was the first to go in. Thank goodness! I thought.

We went through to the ward and the doctor magic-marked my chest. I gave him his wad of cash. The nurses took my blood pressure and the anaesthetist arrived, who just happens to be the surgeon’s daughter, and chatted to me for a while. She said there would be no time for pre-med as I would go into the theatre first. I was relieved.

I put on my designer hospital wear – a white backless gown with blue over-sized knickers and matching blue hat – thats HOT. I was told to get on to the trolley bed and I lay there reading my marie Claire for about 10 minutes. The nurse wheeled me through to the theatre and my first reaction was that I was freezing! It was so cold in there and they were playing 94.7. It was 9.15 and my doc was sitting doing paperwork in the corner and the nurses were prepping the room.

The anaesthetist came in and chatted to me softly. She examined my hand and arm for veins and commented that they were very “skinny”. I told her that was the only thing on my body that was skinny. She laughed and told me I’d made her day. She then gave me oxygen and I was riding a very beautiful big wave. Drugs are awesome…

When I woke up I was being moved into my bed in the ward. I peeped into my hospital gown and smiled. I had done it! They were still very swollen and high and tight but I smiled and drifted in and out of beautiful morphine sleep all afternoon. At one point I was walking around the corridors and I went for a wee. The nurses found me wandering around and put me back to bed.

At around 5pm the nurses came around to tell the patients that they were due to have load shedding at 6pm. Can’t you believe it? Load shedding in hospitals?? Its ridiculous. They said that they had generators in the theatres only because if someone is on the operating table they need the generators there. Its crazy!

The surgeon came around and asked me how I was feeling. I said I felt great. No pain and I was still riding my morphine wave. He discharged me and told me to come and see him on Friday to get the drains removed. I forgot to ask him how many CCs he has pumped me up to but I blame the morphine for that. I will speak to him about that on Friday when I see him…I want to know what size bras to buy...

I phoned my sister and ask her to collect me. She was at a client in Benoni and had to drive all the way to Roodepoort and got stuck in traffic! Her cellphone battery was about to die and I would just have to wait for her.

I got dressed and was ushered out to reception to wait for my sister as the lights were about to go off in the ward and the nurses said it would be pitch black there. So there I was sitting in reception with my drain in my hand dying for a smoke. We all went outside and had a smoke. The nurses and staff were brilliant! So caring and full of fun and humour… anyway the smoke was the wrong thing to do. I was so lightheaded after a couple of drags- I just killed it.

Janie arrived at 6:30 and we took a very slow walk to the parking lot. When we got to the car one of the security guards was very friendly and helped us into the car. I was still riding my morphine wave so when he brushed up against my sister I didn’t notice. She said she thought it was just an accident at first. She put me in the car and walked to the other side of the car where he brushed up against her again – then she knew it was no accident. She turned around to face him and in all her blondeness still give him a tip, he had his willie in his hand and held the other hand out for his tip. Sick bastid! Janie just got in the car – she couldn’t believe it!

We took a slow drive to the gate where he was standing ready to open the boom for us, hard-on clearly visible through his pants. Sick pig! He WILL be reported and hopefully fired. Weird thing was he wasn't wearing the regular security guard uniform. Hmmmm will investigate...

We got home at about 7:30 and had a cuppa tea, a fag and sat chatting for a while. I took two of my Synap Fortes (bootifool stuff) and went to bed. I didn’t get much sleep as I’m not used to sleeping on my back all night.

I must say that I expected a lot more pain. I guess it might still come but all in all it just feels like someone is sitting on my chest. It burns a little where the drains come out but other than that the drugs are definintely doing the trick and my chest looks huge! They are very swollen and tight.

Wish me luck for my appointment tomorrow.

I think the bandages will only come off on Sunday!

Thanks for riding the boobie rollercoaster with me.