Why are all the skinny, attractive girls Bitches?

So, Plonkers if you’re skinny and hot and don’t think you’re a Bitch, then you probably are! 

Offended?  Well, sorry but in most of my experiences slim, pretty girls know they are attractive and they fucking milk it. They milk it to the point of being a complete and utter narcissistic Bitch (but don't have the balls to be open about it) 

The Pretty Girl always seems to get away with murder and continuously gets the best seat on the bus.  

The Pretty Skinny Girl get drinks bought for them at bars – all night by strangers - creepy boys that are too scared to approach them and admire from afar.

The Pretty Girl bats her eyelashes, flashes as coy smile and catches almost any guy to do practically anything for her.

The Pretty Girl always laughs at your jokes no matter how pathetic, not because she wants to impress you, but because she doesn’t want to admit that she doesn’t “get it”.

The Pretty Skinny Girls don't have to try too hard, she doesn’t have to strike up intelligent conversation and sustain it for more than a simple rehearsed one-liner that her asshole-of-a-brother has drummed into her since she grew titties. 

The Pretty Skinny Girl doesn’t have to try too hard to get a bloke to be interested in her. The blokes she attracts already have her perched so high on a pedestal because of her looks.  The only Plonkers brave enough to come over are the arrogant assholes.

How BANGIN would it be to convince The Pretty Skinny Girls that slapping each other’s faces is the new high-five?

The Pretty Girl expects expensive presents and in turn they treat their men like dog shite. The poor bastards only stick around because she looks good on his arm at parties.  Doesn't everyone  stop to stare when the hot, handsome couple enter a room?

The Pretty Skinny Girl smiles sweetly to your face and the second you turn your back, she is rolling her eyes and pulling up her lip into a conceited sneer. Perhaps she thinks that bringing other people down will keep her on top?

The Pretty Skinny Girl thinks she’s all that and a bag 'o chips, but its only 50% of what she’s got and 50% what people think she’s got.

The Pretty Girl surrounds herself with girlfriends that aren't quite so attractive as she is, so she’ll always get first choice when it comes to pretty much anything.

The Pretty Skinny Girls are like the blind leading the blind. They have this unwavering admiration of their own beauty. They taken endless selfies, stare at photographs of themselves and kiss the glossy paper with their glittered pink lip gloss and display it on their photo pin board and draw a heart around it.

The Pretty Girl will steal your shine on your wedding day and ask the photographer for copies of her photos, because she reckons she looks cuter than the bride. She probably does - but, hello! It’s not your fucking day, Bitch!

The Pretty Skinny Girl says “I’m not a snob, ask anyone! Well, anyone who matters”.

The Pretty Girl likes to talk about herself constantly when on a date but not as much as she likes to talk about the inadequacies of others. Sad thing is, men pretend to listen but all they hear is "Oh Em Gee, blah blah blah blah blah", and are thinking, I wonder if she’ll put out after three drinks - or should I push it to four?  Four will guarantee me some leg-over for sure!

Och well....as my dad always says: "It's nice to be nice".  

But I prefer my motto, which is;  screw the shallow pretty, skinny chicks, deep down they’re all riddled with insecurities.

Chubby is the new Skinny, right?

A Daft Scots Lass and her Big Sista

Priceless! I nearly just ...

...we my knickers from laughing.


A colleague (lets call her Ashley) was telling us a story of a woman who got into her complex unit last night.

Ashley had gone to sleep and accidentally left her front door unlocked the other  night and during the wee hours of the morning, a totally drunk woman staggered into her unit by mistake.  (Apparently all the units look the same). The wasted Bitch stumbled down the passage into a slumbering Ashley's bedroom. 

Her dogs went mad - barking at the intruder. This woke the sleeping Ashley and before she knew was she was she was doing, she'd fekking karate-kicked the intruder square on the chin from pure adrenaline rush and shock.  

The rat-arsed slag went flying across the room, smashed into Ashley's cupboard doors and, like in the cartoons, she slid down the cupboard and fell on the floor in a crumpled heap.  The lost piss-cat just lay there.  Passed out!  I shit you not - true story.
 

Ashley shot up out of bed and ran towards the front door.  She then saw that she'd left it her front door open and realised how the stranger go into her house.  She ran to the complex's security guards who calmed her down and escourted her back to her unit to investigate.

When Ashley and her armed guard got back to her unit, the inebriated crack-ho had taken off her pants and gotten into her bed!   She was fucking snoring away in HER bed!!

The security guard recognised the woman as someone who lives in the complex at number six. The security guard then took the trouserless woman back to her unit and Ashley was left feel a little violated and bewildered.


I mean, how fucking drunk must you be to walk into someone else's house, be kicked in the face, knocked into a cupboard, fall into a heap on the floor, get up, get undressed and get into a strangers bed??

That's fucking hysterical!


How mortified must that woman be? That's if she even remembers.


I bet she's still wondering where her pants are...

I'm still giggling...