My leg bone is connected to my foot bone, my foot bone is connected to your face bone, your face bone's connected to the pavement stone. Now heed my words: Fuck off!"

I was thinking (as do from time-to-time) about some things that piss me off and really get my bloody boiling.  So, I decided to make this list to share with you Plonkers to see if we have any similarities:

• When people say 'Life is Short'. What? Um, no it isn’t. It’s the longest damn thing you’ll ever do, FuckKnob 
• When I am waiting in line for the bus and some idiot asks, “hey did the bus come yet?” “Yes, and I decided to stay here and let you know that you missed it, ButtHead.” 
• Pretty girls who bemoan about how pretty they are, because oh gosh darn it, it’s such a hassle to beat off dozens of swooning guys. Seriously, shut the fuck up, Bitch. 
• Un-sweetened chocolate. Why? Why the shite would they do that? Is it some cruel joke? It doesn’t matter, just stop making it that way. 
• I can go weeks without having to log in to anything. The wonders of computer magic. It usually remembers my passwords for me.  Fancy that? Then out of the blue. It forgets. Oh Pish! I don’t frikken remember! 
• Trying to suppress a sneeze when you have diarrhea.
• It pisses me off that anytime I sit down to eat a meal, my two girl-children feel the need to call me.  Can they not talk to me when I'm IN the same room?  You have two parents.  Call yer Dad
• Slow people. Those Plonkers who take their damn sweet time doing everything. Who moves at the pace of a crippled nun?
• Those douchenozzles who brag about their skinny genes. They don’t just show off their waif-like waists, they have to constantly emphasize that they eat a lot but 'can’t gain weight'. They always say things like “Oh my god, I am so stuffed, I had a whole Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake for lunch!” while they pat their inverted bellies, and yet the only trace of fattening items I’ve seen them eat is a handful of nuts. Unsalted and dry-roasted, of course.

Why are all the skinny, attractive girls Bitches?

So, Plonkers if you’re skinny and hot and don’t think you’re a Bitch, then you probably are! 

Offended?  Well, sorry but in most of my experiences slim, pretty girls know they are attractive and they fucking milk it. They milk it to the point of being a complete and utter narcissistic Bitch (but don't have the balls to be open about it) 

The Pretty Girl always seems to get away with murder and continuously gets the best seat on the bus.  

The Pretty Skinny Girl get drinks bought for them at bars – all night by strangers - creepy boys that are too scared to approach them and admire from afar.

The Pretty Girl bats her eyelashes, flashes as coy smile and catches almost any guy to do practically anything for her.

The Pretty Girl always laughs at your jokes no matter how pathetic, not because she wants to impress you, but because she doesn’t want to admit that she doesn’t “get it”.

The Pretty Skinny Girls don't have to try too hard, she doesn’t have to strike up intelligent conversation and sustain it for more than a simple rehearsed one-liner that her asshole-of-a-brother has drummed into her since she grew titties. 

The Pretty Skinny Girl doesn’t have to try too hard to get a bloke to be interested in her. The blokes she attracts already have her perched so high on a pedestal because of her looks.  The only Plonkers brave enough to come over are the arrogant assholes.

How BANGIN would it be to convince The Pretty Skinny Girls that slapping each other’s faces is the new high-five?

The Pretty Girl expects expensive presents and in turn they treat their men like dog shite. The poor bastards only stick around because she looks good on his arm at parties.  Doesn't everyone  stop to stare when the hot, handsome couple enter a room?

The Pretty Skinny Girl smiles sweetly to your face and the second you turn your back, she is rolling her eyes and pulling up her lip into a conceited sneer. Perhaps she thinks that bringing other people down will keep her on top?

The Pretty Skinny Girl thinks she’s all that and a bag 'o chips, but its only 50% of what she’s got and 50% what people think she’s got.

The Pretty Girl surrounds herself with girlfriends that aren't quite so attractive as she is, so she’ll always get first choice when it comes to pretty much anything.

The Pretty Skinny Girls are like the blind leading the blind. They have this unwavering admiration of their own beauty. They taken endless selfies, stare at photographs of themselves and kiss the glossy paper with their glittered pink lip gloss and display it on their photo pin board and draw a heart around it.

The Pretty Girl will steal your shine on your wedding day and ask the photographer for copies of her photos, because she reckons she looks cuter than the bride. She probably does - but, hello! It’s not your fucking day, Bitch!

The Pretty Skinny Girl says “I’m not a snob, ask anyone! Well, anyone who matters”.

The Pretty Girl likes to talk about herself constantly when on a date but not as much as she likes to talk about the inadequacies of others. Sad thing is, men pretend to listen but all they hear is "Oh Em Gee, blah blah blah blah blah", and are thinking, I wonder if she’ll put out after three drinks - or should I push it to four?  Four will guarantee me some leg-over for sure!

Och well....as my dad always says: "It's nice to be nice".  

But I prefer my motto, which is;  screw the shallow pretty, skinny chicks, deep down they’re all riddled with insecurities.

Chubby is the new Skinny, right?

A Daft Scots Lass and her Big Sista

WOW! Pole Dancing Championships

I viewed this on Jeanette's Blog today and was blown away by these ladies...so strong, so pretty and incredible flexible.  WOW!!!