Why are all the skinny, attractive girls Bitches?

So, Plonkers if you’re skinny and hot and don’t think you’re a Bitch, then you probably are! 

Offended?  Well, sorry but in most of my experiences slim, pretty girls know they are attractive and they fucking milk it. They milk it to the point of being a complete and utter narcissistic Bitch (but don't have the balls to be open about it) 

The Pretty Girl always seems to get away with murder and continuously gets the best seat on the bus.  

The Pretty Skinny Girl get drinks bought for them at bars – all night by strangers - creepy boys that are too scared to approach them and admire from afar.

The Pretty Girl bats her eyelashes, flashes as coy smile and catches almost any guy to do practically anything for her.

The Pretty Girl always laughs at your jokes no matter how pathetic, not because she wants to impress you, but because she doesn’t want to admit that she doesn’t “get it”.

The Pretty Skinny Girls don't have to try too hard, she doesn’t have to strike up intelligent conversation and sustain it for more than a simple rehearsed one-liner that her asshole-of-a-brother has drummed into her since she grew titties. 

The Pretty Skinny Girl doesn’t have to try too hard to get a bloke to be interested in her. The blokes she attracts already have her perched so high on a pedestal because of her looks.  The only Plonkers brave enough to come over are the arrogant assholes.

How BANGIN would it be to convince The Pretty Skinny Girls that slapping each other’s faces is the new high-five?

The Pretty Girl expects expensive presents and in turn they treat their men like dog shite. The poor bastards only stick around because she looks good on his arm at parties.  Doesn't everyone  stop to stare when the hot, handsome couple enter a room?

The Pretty Skinny Girl smiles sweetly to your face and the second you turn your back, she is rolling her eyes and pulling up her lip into a conceited sneer. Perhaps she thinks that bringing other people down will keep her on top?

The Pretty Skinny Girl thinks she’s all that and a bag 'o chips, but its only 50% of what she’s got and 50% what people think she’s got.

The Pretty Girl surrounds herself with girlfriends that aren't quite so attractive as she is, so she’ll always get first choice when it comes to pretty much anything.

The Pretty Skinny Girls are like the blind leading the blind. They have this unwavering admiration of their own beauty. They taken endless selfies, stare at photographs of themselves and kiss the glossy paper with their glittered pink lip gloss and display it on their photo pin board and draw a heart around it.

The Pretty Girl will steal your shine on your wedding day and ask the photographer for copies of her photos, because she reckons she looks cuter than the bride. She probably does - but, hello! It’s not your fucking day, Bitch!

The Pretty Skinny Girl says “I’m not a snob, ask anyone! Well, anyone who matters”.

The Pretty Girl likes to talk about herself constantly when on a date but not as much as she likes to talk about the inadequacies of others. Sad thing is, men pretend to listen but all they hear is "Oh Em Gee, blah blah blah blah blah", and are thinking, I wonder if she’ll put out after three drinks - or should I push it to four?  Four will guarantee me some leg-over for sure!

Och well....as my dad always says: "It's nice to be nice".  

But I prefer my motto, which is;  screw the shallow pretty, skinny chicks, deep down they’re all riddled with insecurities.

Chubby is the new Skinny, right?

A Daft Scots Lass and her Big Sista

Gone in 6 Seconds!

Here are the 6 things that guys notice about you within the first 6 seconds of meeting you.

According to a new study, a person’s physical appearance allows others to form surprisingly accurate first impressions. So you may want to think twice about what kind of image you’re projecting with these traits dudes check out immediately.

1. Your Smile
Does it seem sweet and genuine? Does it seem awkward and forced? Does it seem like you ate a sesame-seed and parsley salad for lunch based on what’s lodged between every single one of your teeth?

2. Your Hair
Guys have no idea what split ends are, and if you mention roots, they just think of the band. But they do look to see if your hair looks 1. soft and 2. as though it would smell good. So don’t request “The Gosselin” at the salon, and wash it every so often. That’s all guys ask.

3. Your Cleavage
Newsflash: Dudes like to look at your chest.  No fucking shit Sherlock... Now, that’s not to say they think all women should unbutton their shirts to their bellybuttons at funerals. (Though really, who are guys to judge?) But they will notice how you’re showing off what you’ve got.

4. Your Makeup
If you’re wearing so much makeup that it looks like you’ve painted an entirely new face on top of your actual face, guys will wonder if you’re trying to cover up some bizarre deformation — or if you’re Gotham City’s most dangerous criminal mastermind.

5. Your Skin
You know that blemish you’ve been obsessing over all day because it’s so huge? Chances are guys won’t even notice. What will they notice? If you look like a jaundiced Oompa-Loompa because of overenthusiastic tanning.

6. Your Bag
Are all women who haul around big purses (that would be me)  in other words, cavernous rucksacks stuffed full of old receipts, emergency sweaters, and half-used bottles of hand sanitizer, high maintenance? Maybe not. But guys will go ahead and assume they are anyway.