Reading it doesn't make you live it. I wish it was THAT easy.

John Gray wrote a book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (published in May 1992) and I read it. I understood it and it makes complete sense to me.

Its a book offering many suggestions for improving husband-wife relationships by understanding the communication style and emotional needs of the opposite gender.

The book, as suggested by the title, asserts the notion that men and women are as different as beings from other planets. He adopts this metaphor as the central theme of all his books and seminars, likening men and women to the classical Roman god Mars and goddess Venus as ideal types.

An example of the theories it offers is that women complain about problems because they want their problems to be acknowledged, while men complain about problems because they are asking for solutions. Other concepts in the book are the difference between women and men's point systems and how they react under stress.

- Men's brains tend to show activity in one hemisphere at a time . . .

- Where women's brains will show the two hemispheres communicating with each other, back and forth, constantly. That means that often, men and women can arrive at the exact same conclusion, using completely different means to get there. Our thinking has been accused of being convoluted, but it works!

- Women are verbal. (in this case I take it to the extreme – my lips are constantly flapping) Our hostility is released with words rather than fists. And when we're upset, the way for us to feel better is by talking about our problem with other people.

- When men are under stress, they generally distract themselves with various activities to relax. That's why you see so many men head for the nearest computer or bury themselves in the paper or TV. But there's another aspect of the way men handle severe stress that can be particularly frustrating to women who don't understand the way men are: a man withdraws into his "cave." Men need to be apart from everybody else while they figure out their problems alone. Remember, a man is very self-reliant and competitive, and to ask for help means weakness, so he will first want to solve the problem by himself.

- We women handle stress in the exact opposite way, which of course is going to pose major problems until we understand this difference! When we're stressed, we get more involved with other people. We want to talk about what's upsetting us, because we process information and feelings by putting them into words. But merely talking is only half of it; we talk in order to be heard and understood. Having a good listener on the other end is extremely important. No wonder there is such misunderstanding when people are under stress: as a friend of ours put it, "Men head for their cave, and women head for the back door!".

John Gray gave some great advice when he said that when a man's going into his cave, he can give powerful assurance to the woman in his life by telling her like Terminator, "I'll be baaaaack."

- A man's primary need is for respect. There are a lot of elements involved in respect, which he needs both from his peers and from the significant women in his life: trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. A man needs to know he's respected. He also needs to be needed. That's why it's so devastating to a man when he loses his job. He gets his sense of self from achievement, and he needs to be needed, so when the means to achieve and provide for his family is taken away, it's emotionally catastrophic.

- It's good for us women to know that, so we can be grace-givers in a time of awful trauma. I think that just as a man is devastated by the loss of his job, a woman is devastated by the loss of a close relationship; both losses reflect the God-given differences between us. Just as a man needs to be respected, we primarily need to be cherished. Cherishing means giving tender care, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. We need to know others think we're special. And just as a man needs to be needed, we need to be protected. That's why security is so important to us. A man needs to be able to provide, and a woman needs to feel provided for.

One final difference.

- For men, words are simply for conveying facts and information.

- But for women, words mean much more. Not just to convey information, but to explore and discover our thoughts and feelings, to help us feel better when we're upset, and it's the only way we have to create intimacy. To a woman, words are like breathing!

One last comment.

While men and women may be constitutionally different by design, we do share one important and serious flaw: our sin nature. Both genders are prideful and selfish. And that is one reason we find commands to both men and women to serve the other sex. But in the midst of our service, we can certainly enjoy the differences God planted!

Communication and understanding is the key but let me tell you ladies...you can talk TOO MUCH and you'll TOTALLY confuse and irritate your man. Be blunt, be straight forward, keep it simple, make your point and move on.

This is what I've learnt - and thought I'd share