Kaylin's Psychologist Update

So we had our appointment with the psychologist on Saturday (for Kaylin) and it was very interesting.

Lynne used to be a school teacher and studied further while she was teaching and went on to practise as a Child Psychologist specialising in Play Therapy. She’s a lovely woman who practises from her home just around the corner from us. A very homey environment with dogs barking in the garden (which Kaylin is dead chuffed about). She just wanted to meet the doggies.

Lynne saw Riaan and me for the first hour and we left the girls with Chris and Claire for an hour. She asked us 1001 questions about KK and her behaviours, how we handle them and in turn gave us tons of feedback.

Kaylin’s whining and crying needs to be ignored (she suggested I plug in my iPod when she behaves like this). If her behaviour is ignored and I make sure she understands that I will only listen to her when she stops whining and crying and verbalise what she wants with me. I have to stay strong and ignore it. I practised this on Saturday and Sunday and I got good results. Kaylin got frustrated with me initially.

Lynne said that Kaylin is quite immature for her age. Her communication is poor because her sister always speaks for her and that realistically she behaves like a two year old. We have to start treating her like a “big girl” and giving her various responsibilities to do. For example: brushing her own teeth, making her bed or setting the table at night, tidying up her own toys. Kaylin has always been our “baby” and we’ve been doing everything for her. We need slowly introduce her into these things as everything at once will be a shock for her.

We need to get her off the night nappies and stop her from drinking anything from 6pm onwards and give her at least the chance of being a “big girl” and without the nappies.

The good thing is that Riaan is with me 100% and we are going to work as a team to constantly reinforce these things with Kaylin and not loose sight of time with Megan too. Rewarding her for good behaviour would be a good example for Kaylin to see that she would also get rewarded for good behaviour.

We got told by the psychologist that we doing all the right things with her. That at the moment its friction between Kaylin and I because we are so similar and she knows all my buttons to press. She winds me up. At the moment it’s a game for Kaylin. She knows that if she whines and cries enough that mummy will eventually explode and give in from pure frustration and exhaustion. Lynne mentioned that Kaylin is winning the game and I need to play that same game because with my 30 years experience I have one her, I will eventually win.

The naughty corner must be reinforced with her and she suggested and egg timer to count the time that she needs to spend in her spot. She said that at least then it’s not Riaan or I that is telling her when she can come out – it’s the egg timer’s bell. This has been working well so far. Initially she kicked up against it, but by last night she was getting the picture and at least sitting in the corner for the full 3 minutes. She was trying to “negotiate” the time in the corner though and was saying “Naughty Corner finished now” before the bell had gone off. More work to do there….

Lynne asked for permission to visit KK’s school and observe her there and perhaps give the teachers some pointers on how to handle her. She also wants to see how she interacts with her peers (friends) because we mentioned that everyone babies her because she is so little. This needs to stop because if everyone is treating her like a baby, she’ll act like a baby. We gave her permission to do this and are keen for feedback too.

Lynne also mentioned that we need to monitor her over the next few months for ADHD and Aspersers Syndrome, which is a version of Autism. She said that until we diagnose her, I should not worry and that we’ll treat her behaviour first and see how she goes with that. Her obsessive nature with clothes and shoes and having to have things done a certain way. This however could be just her strong personality and her will to have things HER way or no way.

After our session, Riaan went to fetch the girls and it was their turn. Riaan and I just sat back in observed. Lynne got out a basin full of sand and another basin with various toys and animals. Her first questions was towards Megan and she asked how old she was. Megan replied “I’m 6 and in Grade R”. She then turned her attention towards Kaylin and asked her how old she was. Megan immediately answered “Kaylin’s three!” and Lynne continued her attention towards Kaylin and asked her “Can you show me how much is three?” Kaylin held up her hand and tried to show her three but didn’t get it quite right. Megan laughed and said “No, Kaylin this is three!” and held up three fingers. She looked up at us as if to say…see? Megan does all the talking. She doesn’t have to talk.

Lynne watched the girls at play and communicated with them all the time. She actually got Kaylin to talk quite a bit and she even responded directly to her a few times (even though she is generally shy and mute with total strangers). Lynne mentioned that she was expecting her communicate to be a lot worse but that she was actually talking quite nicely with her. It was interesting the things she picked simply by the toys they chose to play with and how they made them interact with one another. I was amazed to watch it all…

After the session, we had a good chat with Megan about how she needs to let Kaylin do things for herself and talk for herself. That she’s not really helping her sister to learn by her doing everything for her. An example: KK started behaving like a baby yesterday; wanting to be wrapped in a blanket and carried around and Megan turned on her heel and walked away. She came to me and said “Mummy see I’m listening. I’m ignoring her when she wants to pretend to be a baby”. I praised her big time for this. Such different children! Megan thrives on being obedient and a “good girl”.

We have also stopped labelling the girls. The angel and the monster! It’s a very negative thing and certainly NOT fair on either one of the girls.

So in essence, we have lots of homework to do and today I’ve order the book (thanx to Laura) “Taming the Spirited Child: Parenting Challenging Children Without Breaking Their Spirits”. I hope this helps us.

We got back on Thursday and then she is on leave for a week and then the week after that we’re on holiday too. So regular therapy will commence once a week after that.

Will keep everyone posted.