Oh Really?!? Connolly Quotes

• McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.
• So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
• When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
• The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. 
• Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's
• Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started?
• I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. . . . That can keep me awake for days..
• Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey..
• When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
• Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit
• There are two seasons in Scotland: June and winter
• What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?
• I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
• If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
• Two guys are talking and one says to the other: "What would you do if the end of the world was in 3 minutes time?" The other one says, "I'd shag everything that moved...What would you do?" And he says, "I'd stand perfectly still."

Blast from the Past and a WINNER!

The Winner of Caption My Freak Photo #1 is no other than The Offensive  David Barber!!  Email me at info@redpepa.za.net for your awesome custom-made Daft Scots Lass tattoo.

"Nigel enjoys quiet nights in and loves nothing better than a vodka tonic before jamming his over-sized truncheon into wet apricots!"

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Some More Connolly

The Hilarious Billy Connolly

Growing up in the 70s, my dad used to own stax of Billy Connolly's comedy LPs and played them constantly.  He even made his poor friends listen to them at our parties.  He used to play them so often around the house that we all knew the records word for word.  I stumbled across his stuff on YouTube and thought I'd share one of them with you.  I enjoyed actually watching his comedy instead of just listening to it.  His manerisims are funny too and I still love him.  He's hysterically funny.  All the Scots slang comes swimming back into my head...

Only In The Movies

I got this from fellow blogger Hanlie... and I enjoyed thinking about this and had fun doing it.

"If they were to make a movie about your life, who would play the part of you, your true love, your best friend, your mother/parents and your worst enemy?"

The part of me would be played by Julianne Moore because, not only is she a brilliant actress, but she is a natural red-head, like me, and some people say I kinda look like her (I'm the chunky ugly version of course)

The part of my true love would be played by none other than the handsomely rugged and soopa sexy

Ryan Phillippe

My best friend would be played by the quirky and beautiful Cameron Diaz

My Mother would be played by the talented, strong yet cuddly and incredibly gorgeous Helen Mirren

My dad would be played by the filthy-mouthed and incredibly witty and funny Billy Connolly.

My worst enemy would be played by the fake and slutty Paris Hilton

So tell me - who would your five be??