Laugh Yer Arse Off!

Caption My Photo Competition #21

There are so many caption possibilities for this image.  I almost feel sorry for this pup - almost.  I wish I could enter this one.

Best caption wins a wee something from me.

Ready?

GO

Walmartians

I've always loved Walmart Peeps...

They make me smile.

I hope they make you smile too, Plonkers

Don't forget to Caption my Photo

Puppeteer in Flip Flops

Front Tie and Rugby socks is such a fashion-trendy touch

Seen my skirty, anyone?

Downloading Thinking Crack App

Walmartian Trial Balance

How much Saturated fat ?

It ain't over until Fat Woman sings.

Krusty the Clown negotiates child prices

What Tramp Stamp?

Pink Panther and Pals

Dark Side of the Rainbow

Deleting Cookies

Does my bum look fat in this?

Put your Rolls out of joint

Underwear But Here

Best PhotoBombs Evar!

I'm a HUGE fan of photobombing... ...got these emailed to me and I thought I'd share them with you becoz they certainly cheered my day up.

Yip, that's Ryan Seacrest

 

and my personal favourite!

 

A Brain Fart, Wee Penny and a Conversation with a 6 year old

Yesterday, I thought I was having a  fucking stroke. 

No, seriously.  I literally felt very odd indeed. 

 I  had the strangest symptoms and I still can’t explain the full extent of what I was going through. 

About an hour after getting back from gym, my vision started blurring in the middle and then it was like tunnel vision – it was the weirdest thing -  whenever I looked directly at something, it  seemed to disappear.  I couldn’t see the words on my computer screen.  That lasted for about 15 to 20 minutes.  After that, my fingers and hands started to go numb and whatever I touched with my hands went numb.  Strange.  I then got pins and needles in my hands. 

After that, I tried so hard to read the words on my computer screen.  My brain told me that I knew the words but I couldn’t for the life of me makes sense of just ONE word let alone a sentence.  I knew that I  should be able to make sense of the symbols on the page.  I tried to spell a few words out loud and couldn't do it.  I couldn't understand it and so I couldn't say it.  I was a little freaked out by this.  I just figured I was tired perhaps just was loosing my focus.  I tried to blink, refocus and start again. Same thing.  This lasted for what seems about 15 minutes.  I'm not sure how long it was in actual time though.  I was so disoriented.

I just couldn’t concentrate hard enough to make sense of the words or say them out loud.  I couldn’t pronounce anything and my speech was slurred and I was having trouble expressing myself in words.

I just stayed in my office for most of the afternoon.  I was NOT myself.  The more I tried to read words and make sense of it the more frustrated I got.  I had a slight headache when I told my hubby that night who said I still wasn't myself all night.  I prayed before I went to bed.  I prayed that if I had another stroke in my sleep, that God needed to help R with the girls in the morning.

This is not the first time this has happened to me either.  I just didn’t talk about it before because, well, how do you go to the doctor and tell him these crazy symptoms??  How do you tell anyone?  I figured I better tell my husband in case I died in my sleep from a frikken aneurism or something.

What does it sound like to you, Plonkers?

and now that you Plonkers have had some drama for the day, let me introduce our new wee pup.

Meet Penny our wee Jack Russell

Penny

Megan and Penny

Here's a conversations that I had with Kaylin (my 6 year old) the night before last.

KK: Mum, do The Police put you in jail for saying ugly words?

Me: No Kaylin.  You have to do a serious offence to be put in jail.

KK: They put the handcuffs on and close the bars, hey?

Me:  Yes.

KK:  Do you stay there forever?

Me:  It depends on what you’ve done.

KK thinking:  You just have to be nice to The Police and they’ll let you out, hey?

Me:  Its not quite that easy, my sweetie. What do you mean be nice to them?

KK:  Well, you can just give them a big squeezy hug and kiss and tell them you’re very sorry and they’ll let you out.

Me:  No, it doesn’t work like that. *explains*  What do you think you get to eat in jail?

KK: Spiders and vegetables and Germs!

Me: That sounds awful!

KK:  Yes and you only get to see your family if you’re really quiet and good.

Me:  How does that work?

KK: The girls make a line and the boys don’t get to see their family because they always make a noise.

Me:  What else happens in jail?

KK:  Well, there is only one bath so you have to line up and take turns.

Me:  Gee, do you think you have to wait long?

KK: No, The Police make sure you don’t play with toys in the bath.

Me trying not to giggle, and then?

KK: The boys have to wear handcuffs but The Police come with your toothbrush and toothpaste and take it off before they have to go bath and brush your teeth.

Me: WOW they’re strict!

KK: After the bath, you get to watch a little TV before you have to go to bed., if you’re good.

Me:  Really? 

KK:  You don’t get to see flowers or trees in jail because it’s just bars and your bed.

Me:   That’s such a shame.

KK:  The boys get Ben 10 on their walls and the girls get Barbie.

Me:  Nice..

KK:  No!

Me: Why?

KK: Because you don’t get to see your family everyday and you don’t get a Key!

Priceless.

Monday Music Moves Me

This week's Monday Music Moves Me theme is Love Songs. To get you in the mood for Valentines Day. 


Some Jack





Some Seasick Steve





Some Annie




Some Funny




Some Clapton




Some Gorgeousness



Some Paul Hewson

Congratulations to Adele and Bon Iver for cleaning up at the Grammy's!!


♥ yer faces off

Whacky Wednesday

Moral of the story....Coke is even bad for animals!

Spits vs Splits

Boy did we giggle last night!!! 

My Boerewors,  Megan, Kaylin and I were all sitting on the bed last night and I asked Megan if she can do the splits. 

Megan gets up off the bed and procedures to do a pretty good effort and almost made it into a full split.

Riaan turns to Kaylin (my three year old) and says:  "Kaylin can you do the Splits?"

Kaylin smirks and nods...and spits in Riaan's general direction.

I guess she didn't know what "the splits" meant....we were howling with laughter!!!

Kaylin's such a great sport, she joined in the laughter...

The Hilarious Billy Connolly

Growing up in the 70s, my dad used to own stax of Billy Connolly's comedy LPs and played them constantly.  He even made his poor friends listen to them at our parties.  He used to play them so often around the house that we all knew the records word for word.  I stumbled across his stuff on YouTube and thought I'd share one of them with you.  I enjoyed actually watching his comedy instead of just listening to it.  His manerisims are funny too and I still love him.  He's hysterically funny.  All the Scots slang comes swimming back into my head...

Out of the Mouths of Babes

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I
answered and continued writing thereport.My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her.'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot
toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my
equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me
and then towards the back of the van.Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.When she saw her dad donning his
tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?'' You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto
the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it.What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.' What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'