A Brain Fart, Wee Penny and a Conversation with a 6 year old

Yesterday, I thought I was having a  fucking stroke. 

No, seriously.  I literally felt very odd indeed. 

 I  had the strangest symptoms and I still can’t explain the full extent of what I was going through. 

About an hour after getting back from gym, my vision started blurring in the middle and then it was like tunnel vision – it was the weirdest thing -  whenever I looked directly at something, it  seemed to disappear.  I couldn’t see the words on my computer screen.  That lasted for about 15 to 20 minutes.  After that, my fingers and hands started to go numb and whatever I touched with my hands went numb.  Strange.  I then got pins and needles in my hands. 

After that, I tried so hard to read the words on my computer screen.  My brain told me that I knew the words but I couldn’t for the life of me makes sense of just ONE word let alone a sentence.  I knew that I  should be able to make sense of the symbols on the page.  I tried to spell a few words out loud and couldn't do it.  I couldn't understand it and so I couldn't say it.  I was a little freaked out by this.  I just figured I was tired perhaps just was loosing my focus.  I tried to blink, refocus and start again. Same thing.  This lasted for what seems about 15 minutes.  I'm not sure how long it was in actual time though.  I was so disoriented.

I just couldn’t concentrate hard enough to make sense of the words or say them out loud.  I couldn’t pronounce anything and my speech was slurred and I was having trouble expressing myself in words.

I just stayed in my office for most of the afternoon.  I was NOT myself.  The more I tried to read words and make sense of it the more frustrated I got.  I had a slight headache when I told my hubby that night who said I still wasn't myself all night.  I prayed before I went to bed.  I prayed that if I had another stroke in my sleep, that God needed to help R with the girls in the morning.

This is not the first time this has happened to me either.  I just didn’t talk about it before because, well, how do you go to the doctor and tell him these crazy symptoms??  How do you tell anyone?  I figured I better tell my husband in case I died in my sleep from a frikken aneurism or something.

What does it sound like to you, Plonkers?

and now that you Plonkers have had some drama for the day, let me introduce our new wee pup.

Meet Penny our wee Jack Russell

Penny

Megan and Penny

Here's a conversations that I had with Kaylin (my 6 year old) the night before last.

KK: Mum, do The Police put you in jail for saying ugly words?

Me: No Kaylin.  You have to do a serious offence to be put in jail.

KK: They put the handcuffs on and close the bars, hey?

Me:  Yes.

KK:  Do you stay there forever?

Me:  It depends on what you’ve done.

KK thinking:  You just have to be nice to The Police and they’ll let you out, hey?

Me:  Its not quite that easy, my sweetie. What do you mean be nice to them?

KK:  Well, you can just give them a big squeezy hug and kiss and tell them you’re very sorry and they’ll let you out.

Me:  No, it doesn’t work like that. *explains*  What do you think you get to eat in jail?

KK: Spiders and vegetables and Germs!

Me: That sounds awful!

KK:  Yes and you only get to see your family if you’re really quiet and good.

Me:  How does that work?

KK: The girls make a line and the boys don’t get to see their family because they always make a noise.

Me:  What else happens in jail?

KK:  Well, there is only one bath so you have to line up and take turns.

Me:  Gee, do you think you have to wait long?

KK: No, The Police make sure you don’t play with toys in the bath.

Me trying not to giggle, and then?

KK: The boys have to wear handcuffs but The Police come with your toothbrush and toothpaste and take it off before they have to go bath and brush your teeth.

Me: WOW they’re strict!

KK: After the bath, you get to watch a little TV before you have to go to bed., if you’re good.

Me:  Really? 

KK:  You don’t get to see flowers or trees in jail because it’s just bars and your bed.

Me:   That’s such a shame.

KK:  The boys get Ben 10 on their walls and the girls get Barbie.

Me:  Nice..

KK:  No!

Me: Why?

KK: Because you don’t get to see your family everyday and you don’t get a Key!

Priceless.

Happy Earth Hour 2012

Earth Hour is here!

I dared the world to save the planet by submitting my challenge on You Tube and sign up HERE.  I did.  I have!

Switch off your lights for one hour at 8pm today to celebrate Earth Hour. Organise a meet up to share this Earth Hour with your friends and family. It can be large or small, a candlelit dinner party with some close friends or a street party for the whole neighbourhood.

Just don’t forget to turn your lights out at 8.30pm March 31st 2012.

Just do it.

55 Freaky Friday Shizzle - Office Christmas Parties

Join me and G-Man and hundreds of other bloggers playing Flash Fiction Friday 55. Try writing a complete story in only 55 words.  I did this one in exactly 5.5 minutes (it shows but I left my Friday post far too late)…

‘Tis almost the season to be jolly

Fa La La and all that folly

Christmas is full of prezzies and fun

Family, friends, dry Fruit Bun

We love the anticipation

We love the spirit

Eating ourselves silly on festive food, gerrit?

Santa, don’t give us junk we don’t want

Listen, and don’t be a cunt

I'm venting again this week with Boobies' Fawk You Friday.


Fuck you to the allergies that have infected my children's bodies this week.  I have no Medical Aid (Medical Insurance) left until January and I have to pay the Doctor's fees cash upfront and its not frikken cheap!  Neither is the fucking meds that he prescribes.  Luckily, I can claim it all back from The Tax Man but only at the end of the tax year, Dipshit! 


This made me think of one of my favourite Beatles songs..enjoy!

 
 

Freaky Friday
Theme : Freaky Office Christmas Parties

Are your Office Christmas parties as Freaky mine?


I dreads the office Christmas Party at the end of the year because there's always one Fucker who drinks way too many bevvies and lands up trying to put his tongue in yer ear.  There's usually some Dooshbag who does a very unsexy strip-tease down to her nylon tights, flesh-coloured bra and parachute knickers.  Not attractive...


There is always The Freaky Voyeur who parks in the dark corner like a drip snapping pictures and taking video footage of all the inebriated activities and then thinks its hysterical to post the footage on You Tube and images on Facebook for all to see. 


There is always some sad Bitch who drinks too many margaritas and pours her heart to you - confessing her dark freaky secret and then you're supposed to look at her in the eye for the rest of the year.  All of a sudden, you've become her BFF just because she told you her Twisted Sex Secret that she loves to be covered from head to toe in cling wrap in the bedroom. 


Don't forget the asshole who requests Boney M from the DJ every half an hour.  Is Christmas the ONLY time of year we dust off our Boney M LP's?  Oh yeah, I know you've got one hiding in your collection too.  Oh, I can hear you singing Little Drummer Boy already....  Barruppa Pum-Pum...


What about the old hag from Accounts, who is ninety-in-the-shade, who insist on wearing the most ridiculous and embarrassing home-made Christmas outfits complete with jingling bauble earings and living up to her "jolly" name?  Ho Ho HO!


Are your office Christmas Parties like this?


Or is it just me that works for a bunch of fucking weirdos and freaks?






Slobbering Boss trying to tongue fuck your ear

Wanna suck on Rudolf's Red Bits?



Forget the Tree. 
Why don't you all gather around me this year?

Go FlogYoBlog at Random Ramblings of a SAHM

Freaky Friday, a 55 and Booty Bouncers

Join G-Man and hundreds of other bloggers playing Flash Fiction Friday 55. Try writing a complete story in only 55 words…

Count blessings instead of your crosses;

Count gains not your losses.

Count  joys instead of woes;

Count friends not your foes.

Count  smiles instead of tears;

Count courage not your  fears.

Count  full years instead of your lean;

Count  kind deeds not your mean.

Count  health instead of  wealth;

Count on God instead of yourself.

  

And now that I've counted my blessing....

I'm going to vent with Fawk You Friday hosted by Boobies

• Fuck you to the organisers of our Year End Function.  They treated us like fucking mushrooms by keeping us in the dark and feeding us shit.  They've now gone a put a spanner in the works and switched up the teams.  Now we've gotta start planning all over again.  We always have Plan B..
• Fuck You to the national air lines who have hiked their prices way beyond my budget to more than double their normal prices for December.  Now I can't afford to go see my mummy for Christmas with my girls.  Fuck that for a sorry story...

 

Go FlogYoBlog at Random Ramblings of a SAHM

Theme : Gross Me Out!



Is this bloke for real?

Mankinis leave NOTHING to the imagination

Is this Skank Ass Ho for real?

 I killed myself laughing at her "supposed" sexy booty bouncing

while the fucking cat just sits there, stretches and snoozes.

Hysterical.


There is a whole following of these Booty Bouncers on You Tube. 

Have a kick ass Weekend, Freaks!

Hysterical : The tears were rolling down my face!

Stumbled across this guy, Ray William Johnson, on YouTube and he is hysterical. He has a forum called =3 aka Equals Three. Would love to get access to it - aparently you need to be a VIP to get in and all-and-all. Och well will just have to be happy with what he posts on YouTube.