If at first you don't succeed - try to hide your astonishment.

The A to Z Blog Challenge is on the last stretch now.  One more week to go. 

Today's Motto is

Success

If I inspired just a couple of people during my piddly lifetime, then I'm happy. Success is unique to each individual.  To some, its fortune and making lots of money, to others, its fame and becoming well known for something or other - achieving your own goals. Success is a personal thing, everyone's perspective is different. 

What is your definition of Success?

Today's Motto is

Skank

aka Slag aka Slut aka SuperSkank aka Skankalicous aka SkankAssHo.

They're all over the place but the Jersey Shore Skanks are the most entertaining.  They're all about showing the most amount of fake tanned skin, truck loads of eyeliner and mascara, short skirts and cheap heels. 

I love finding them at parties and chatting to them about aerospace engineering and then watching the dazed and confused expressions on their faces...Fucking Priceless.

In life there exist two classes: first class and no class.

And The Winner Is...

This week's Caption My Photo Competition winner is Lisa from Not So Simple Single

Lisa wins a couple of FABTASTICO Daft Scots Lass tattoos and a Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë jewelry book-box just coz she's a potty mouthed HOT mama.  She dared to say pussy on my blog, dirty skank!  You gotta love her.

"You said pussy? You said pussy? Where is that pussy?"

I'm no model and I'm okay with that because I really don't want to look like a Whippet or a Skank Ass Ho - 55

Its Freaky Friday

Lets get Jiggy

Put yer party had on and

Dance

Dance

Dance

Wiggle your bum and shimmy those shoulders

Grab a partner, girate a pose and smouler

A glass of wine should help the mood along

Some funky music to sing-a-long

Yeah its Friday

And its

P-A-R-T-Y

time.

Lets rock it, Fuckers!

Go ahead and offend as many skanks with these Bizarre T-shirts or Foul-Mouthed T-shirts.

I could totally work ANY of these bitches...

10 bucks for this one

Wee Red Riding Knickers - Part 4

Little Red Riding Hood wriggled out of her skirt and slid her pretty red thong down her thighs as the werewolf continued to gape at her. "I've always dreamed of being ravaged by a really fit werewolf."



"B-but I'll eat you, you silly child!" he stammered.


"Yeah, but whatta fucking way to go!" She squealed as she straddled him, flinging her arms around his neck and grinding her crotch against him.


"Come on, you animal!"


The werewolf needed no urging, and with a growl of unholy lust, ripped off her skimpy top and crushed his snarling lips against her breasts.


"J-just a minute," she said, "there's something you should know before you — uhh...mmm...yes — oh fuck yeah..."


She sighed deeply as the werewolf licked her belly and began circling her pert, pink nipples with his rough tongue.


"Look - I really think you should..." she began again as he took one nipple into his mouth and began to suck hungrily. She arched her back and spread her long legs as his enormous manhood grazed her thighs. The werewolf eyed her suspiciously as his curved talons idly stroked her breasts and belly.


"Are you trying to tell me you're not a virgin?" he asked.


"No," she moaned. "You're the first."


"Bit loose for a virgin, aren't you?" he asked.


"I ride a lot."


"Horses?"


"Wooden pony...uhh...actually," gasped Little Red Riding Hood. "Don't stop now."


With that, she thrust her pelvis violently upwards and locked her thighs tightly behind his back. "But don't say I didn't— uhh...oh...god...yes—warn you. Oh, your fur is so sexy against my naked skin. Fuck me like an animal!"


"You little slut!" Laughed the werewolf, raking her back with his talons as his fangs fastened on her neck, ready to rip open her throat the moment his lust was satiated. Little Red Riding Hood began to buck and writhe beneath him, urging him to greater efforts. The werewolf wrung cry after cry from her throat until she stiffened and climaxed with a long, drawn-out moan. Which is more than he did. No sooner had she relaxed than his snout opened in an ear-shattering howl of pain and shock.


"Well...I did warn you," she giggled as she rolled out from under him. "Quick! Grandma, skin the fucker before he can change back!"


His scream trailed off into an animal whimper as he staggered up, clutching what remained of his manhood, his face contorted with indescribable anguish. "Y-you bitch!" he screamed. "Y-you evil little slu—"


The rest of his words were abruptly cut off as the grandmother, who had been hiding behind the curtains, snapped his neck with one powerful blow and wielding a curved butcher's knife, proceeded to strip the skin off him with practised skill.


"Gosh, that was brilliant," gushed Little Red Riding Hood. "Much better than riding my pony. I'm SOOO wet. Is it always this good? No wonder everyone wants to do it all the time."


"Do shut up, Jennifer," said her grandmother as she pulled the skin off the werewolf with a distasteful grimace. "This is positively the last time I have anything to do with your strange fancies. Why can't you be content with a faux fur coat like any normal teenager?"


"Sorry, grandma," said Little Red Riding Hood, sitting down on the bed and swinging her pretty legs to and fro. "It's WEREWOLF fur. Even Paris Hilton doesn't have a real werewolf coat. Gemma and Stacey are gonna be sooo jealous when I come to school in a real werewolf fur."


"How did you know he hadn't eaten me?" asked the grandmother as she flung the bleeding corpse aside and laid the skin across the back of a chair.


"I could see your feet sticking out from under the curtains when he was shagging me. Anyway, everyone knows a werewolf is no match for a vampire, especially one as clever as you grandmumsy." And with that, Little Red Riding Hood flung her arms around her grandmother's neck and kissed her madly.


"Now, stop that Jennifer. You know it gets my blood up."


"Oh, bite me, grandma, you know you want to. Please! Just a little nip below my left ear, or maybe on the inside of my thighs..."


"I think there's been quite enough biting for one day," she said, gently disengaging herself from her granddaughter's passionate embrace and kissing her cheek fondly.


"Shall we smoke the spliff and drink the Brandy now, grandma? I do so love getting off after getting off."


"Not until you tell me what you did to the werewolf."


"Pussy teeth."


"Pussy teeth?" repeated the grandmother.


"Yeah," giggled Little Red Riding Hood, bending down and pulling a fiendish looking set of metal teeth from her pussy that would have made a piranha jealous. "I got them in the market. Serve the stupid wanker right for thinking a bloke could outwit two clever bitches like us."


"Ah," chuckled the grandmother. "Didn't I always say you'd fall in love at first bite?"


After they'd drunk all the Brandy and smoked all the spliff, the grandmother got out her deluxe Rabbit vibrator and was soon happier than she'd ever been. As for Little Red Riding Hood, she said to herself: "If I'd listened to my mother I'd have missed the chance to lose my virginity to a really fit werewolf and blag this wicked fur coat. Gosh, it's been such a brilliant day!"

55 Freaky Friday Shizzle - Office Christmas Parties

Join me and G-Man and hundreds of other bloggers playing Flash Fiction Friday 55. Try writing a complete story in only 55 words.  I did this one in exactly 5.5 minutes (it shows but I left my Friday post far too late)…

‘Tis almost the season to be jolly

Fa La La and all that folly

Christmas is full of prezzies and fun

Family, friends, dry Fruit Bun

We love the anticipation

We love the spirit

Eating ourselves silly on festive food, gerrit?

Santa, don’t give us junk we don’t want

Listen, and don’t be a cunt

I'm venting again this week with Boobies' Fawk You Friday.


Fuck you to the allergies that have infected my children's bodies this week.  I have no Medical Aid (Medical Insurance) left until January and I have to pay the Doctor's fees cash upfront and its not frikken cheap!  Neither is the fucking meds that he prescribes.  Luckily, I can claim it all back from The Tax Man but only at the end of the tax year, Dipshit! 


This made me think of one of my favourite Beatles songs..enjoy!

 
 

Freaky Friday
Theme : Freaky Office Christmas Parties

Are your Office Christmas parties as Freaky mine?


I dreads the office Christmas Party at the end of the year because there's always one Fucker who drinks way too many bevvies and lands up trying to put his tongue in yer ear.  There's usually some Dooshbag who does a very unsexy strip-tease down to her nylon tights, flesh-coloured bra and parachute knickers.  Not attractive...


There is always The Freaky Voyeur who parks in the dark corner like a drip snapping pictures and taking video footage of all the inebriated activities and then thinks its hysterical to post the footage on You Tube and images on Facebook for all to see. 


There is always some sad Bitch who drinks too many margaritas and pours her heart to you - confessing her dark freaky secret and then you're supposed to look at her in the eye for the rest of the year.  All of a sudden, you've become her BFF just because she told you her Twisted Sex Secret that she loves to be covered from head to toe in cling wrap in the bedroom. 


Don't forget the asshole who requests Boney M from the DJ every half an hour.  Is Christmas the ONLY time of year we dust off our Boney M LP's?  Oh yeah, I know you've got one hiding in your collection too.  Oh, I can hear you singing Little Drummer Boy already....  Barruppa Pum-Pum...


What about the old hag from Accounts, who is ninety-in-the-shade, who insist on wearing the most ridiculous and embarrassing home-made Christmas outfits complete with jingling bauble earings and living up to her "jolly" name?  Ho Ho HO!


Are your office Christmas Parties like this?


Or is it just me that works for a bunch of fucking weirdos and freaks?






Slobbering Boss trying to tongue fuck your ear

Wanna suck on Rudolf's Red Bits?



Forget the Tree. 
Why don't you all gather around me this year?

Go FlogYoBlog at Random Ramblings of a SAHM

Freaky Friday, a 55 and Booty Bouncers

Join G-Man and hundreds of other bloggers playing Flash Fiction Friday 55. Try writing a complete story in only 55 words…

Count blessings instead of your crosses;

Count gains not your losses.

Count  joys instead of woes;

Count friends not your foes.

Count  smiles instead of tears;

Count courage not your  fears.

Count  full years instead of your lean;

Count  kind deeds not your mean.

Count  health instead of  wealth;

Count on God instead of yourself.

  

And now that I've counted my blessing....

I'm going to vent with Fawk You Friday hosted by Boobies

• Fuck you to the organisers of our Year End Function.  They treated us like fucking mushrooms by keeping us in the dark and feeding us shit.  They've now gone a put a spanner in the works and switched up the teams.  Now we've gotta start planning all over again.  We always have Plan B..
• Fuck You to the national air lines who have hiked their prices way beyond my budget to more than double their normal prices for December.  Now I can't afford to go see my mummy for Christmas with my girls.  Fuck that for a sorry story...

 

Go FlogYoBlog at Random Ramblings of a SAHM

Theme : Gross Me Out!



Is this bloke for real?

Mankinis leave NOTHING to the imagination

Is this Skank Ass Ho for real?

 I killed myself laughing at her "supposed" sexy booty bouncing

while the fucking cat just sits there, stretches and snoozes.

Hysterical.


There is a whole following of these Booty Bouncers on You Tube. 

Have a kick ass Weekend, Freaks!

Freaky Friday - Episode 13 - Walmart

Hi Freakyazoid Fuckers.  This week's Theme is : Weirdos

weird·o n. pl. weird·oes Slang

1. A person regarded as being very strange or eccentric.

2. A deranged, potentially dangerous person.

We all have at least one weird family member that everyone sniggers about behind their back. You know the poor Fucker?  The freak that everyone dreads seeing at the annual family Christmas Picnic?  The cock-sucker who never fails to embarras you in public.

I personally have many dysfunctional family members and I think thats why my Mum brought us up to have a sense of humour about life and people...

Uncle George who doesn't own a toothbrush and insists on slobbery mouth to mouth greetings *shiver* or Cousin Sebastian who wears a bow tie with his PJs and loves his job as an Embalmer.  He'll go into great depth about the process to anyone who'll listen.  No one gives a rats arse, Seb!  

Then there is Great Aunt Edna who wears knitting needles in her hair, smells like fucking moth balls, constantly mumbles the word fuck all the time and farts like a fucking two-stroke.

I am drawn to these kind of Fuck Nuts even though most others avoid them.  I find them incredibly interesting - physically putrid and vile, yes, but - colourful nevertheless.  I especially like the weirdos that don't give a fucking rats arse what others think of them.  They are confident about themselves, the way they are and they don't see anything freaky about themselves.  In fact, they generally think that "The Average Joe" is the weirdo.

They don't like to be labeled and they certainly DON'T like being kept in a box. Weirdos fucking rock my tits off and are certainly no Shrinking Violets.

And this reminded me of the Walmart People.  These Plonkers not only fit this category but show no embarassment in their weirdo skin....I FUCKIN love 'em!!!

Here are a few WM Peeps:

The typical Walmart Mullet Man 

Looking ultra cool his shades, crop top and short jean-pant.  

A bad-ass heart tattoo on his bicep completes the 80's rock look.

The gut hanging over the jean-shorts just puts a cherry on the fucking cake.

The lead singer of Funkadelic shoppin' for the reunion party.

Everyone owns a pair of Yellow Go-Go Boots, right?

Pimp My Cereal:   "Slappin' Dem Skank-Ass Ho's works up quite an appetite..."

Who is the Weirdo in your Dysfunctional Family? Tell me about it...

Go to Weirdo Dot Com for a laugh.

Are you a Weirdo? Take the Quiz and find out!