As Easy as Pie on The Braai

Are You Google? Because you're all I've been searching for.

From cavemen making suggestive remarks about mammoths to impress their she-folk, to Romeo wooing Juliet on her balcony, the pick up line has always been a useful tool in the seduction process. You may not be the toughest or the best-looking guy, but the right combination of words may well be the key to a woman’s heart. 

Yet tradition has led to cliché, and now the pick up line is sometimes seen as corny. Even so, whether your come-on is greeted with approval or skepticism, it’s still a great way to start a conversation. But with so many candidates, which line is the most famous of all?

25. “How YOU doin’?”
One of the newest lines on the list, and it’s all down to a fictional character. Joey from Friends was the heartthrob, so you might want to emulate his success with women. As character impressions go, this is a better choice than, say, Austin Powers.

24. “I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking you out.”

If you’re looking to sound both sleazy and intellectual, this may be the one for you. But don’t go so far as to produce and laminate an actual seduction library card. That’s going a little too far.

23. “Excuse me, but I think I dropped something. My jaw!”

This one requires a lot of confidence and depends on the delivery. You need to be understated, and not to sound too pleased with your “punchline”. Also, don’t do an actual jaw-drop. It will scare people and show those old fillings.

22. “You with all those curves! And me with no brakes!”

A real classic, though one to be careful with. A woman who’s sensitive about her weight may take it the wrong way.  Be careful of the back hand.

21. “Do you have any raisins? Well, then how about a date?”

This bold choice couldn’t be anything but a line. Just hope she doesn’t actually have any raisins, or you might get sidelined into the sexy and fascinating topic of comparing dried fruit.

20. “I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?”

Although probably unlikely to yield direct results, this is still a great conversation starter. Though it may present a problem if the woman is Amish.

19. “You see my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I’m cute.”

This one is great - an indirect approach, and one that makes it clear you’re not on your own. But make sure you do actually have a friend with you, or you might come across as A Crazy Freak, rather than cute.

18. “Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.”

A real gamble. This one is best attempted after you’ve had a few drinks. It could be taken badly, but if it’s not, you know you’re in for an interesting night.

17. “I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.”

Classy and informative. Not only does it work as a line, but it’s always useful to have a chick with First Aid skills.

16. “You know what would look great on you? Me.”

Lure them in with a question about fashion, and then crush their hopes (and possibly their body) with your follow-up. Probably a little too threatening, especially if you’re on the heavy side.

15. “Excuse me, but I’m new in town; can I have directions to your place?”

Play the innocent outsider and you may be able to attract a girl who’s looking to take care of you. But don’t use the line if you actually do live nearby or the whole plan will fall apart.

14. “Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mum and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.”

For the old-fashioned romantic. No one could object to this sweet approach, but they may question why you need a quarter when everyone has a cell phone. Hopefully she won’t be that pedantic.

13. “Do you have a map? Because I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.”

This one might be slightly too sweet. Also, make sure you’ve been talking for a while before using this line. Getting lost in the eyes of a stranger from across the room takes a creepy amount of concentration.

12. “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

On the one hand you’re implying she’s an angel (good); on the other hand you’re implying that she’s a clumsy angel (not so good). You can modify this if you see a girl with an obvious (but not too serious) injury.

11. “What’s your sign?”

This will immediately work on one sort of person, but will immediately turn off the other. Assess your target before using this one. If she’s carrying wind chimes or wearing crystals, go for it.

10. “Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?”

Don’t try this one if you’re a) already at an airport, or b) suffering from severe chest pains. It would just get confusing.

9. “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”

Cute, but not grammatically correct. Of course, saying “I’d put U and me together” doesn’t make much sense in alphabetical terms, so just hope you’re not talking to a college graduate.

8. “Is it hot in here or is it just you?”

Simple and effective. Using this line in a sauna will either ruin it or make it ten times better. There’s no way of knowing without trying it out.

7. “Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night.”

This famous line must have worked at some point. Still, we’re not sure if you want to imply that a woman is looking tired, even if it’s part of a compliment.

6. “If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?”

We’re now entering the realm of the most famous of pick up lines. No one’s going to take this next one at face value, but it might be lame enough to break the ice.

5. “I didn’t know that angels could fly so low!”

This is probably too earnest to work in the 21^st century, but if you’re committed enough you might be able to pull it off. Don’t try it in a heavy metal bar, though. It could be taken as an insult.

4. “Was your father a thief? ‘Cause someone stole the stars and put them in your eyes.”

As conversation starters go, “Was your father a thief?” is about as good as you can get. We’re not sure whether having stars in your eyes would be a good thing in reality though. You’d probably get too hot.

3. “Do you come here often?”

The vanilla of pick up lines. Inoffensive, genuine and slightly boring. But anything this widespread must be successful.

2. “Where have you been all my life?”

One of the best lines of all, this makes you seem romantic and yet interested. It can lead you down so many conversational roads, it’s definitely a great way to say hello, especially if you’re not taking yourself too seriously.

1. “What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?”

The most famous of all pick up lines is patronising, dismissive and yet incredibly widespread. The majority of women will probably not appreciate being thought of as ‘nice’, so make sure to judge your target well, and lace the line with irony if necessary.

Go ahead, use one today.

Gastric Eyelash Surgery #OutOfYourComfortZone

Riding the Clouds, Pull Ripcord!

On Sunday my bestie, her son and I literally took the lunge and went skydiving.  The guys at the Johannesburg Skydiving Club were brilliant! 

Thanks for a brilliant adventure that will NEVER forget.

I'll do it again in a heartbeat.  Next time I'll be telling them to forget the cam and do some wicked somersaults with me!

Ready to Jump : Mandy, Richard, A Daft Scots Lass

In the Aircraft - door open!

Dangling in mid air 12000ft.  No turning back!

I'm Flying!

Whoooohooo! Above the clouds

Parachute Open and we're gliding

Look at that view!

Back on Land and pumped with adrenaline!

So You Think You Can Vlog?

A Daft Scots Lass vlogs about The Homemakers Expo, A to Z Blog Challenge, a tartan handbag and Toffee.

And The Winner Is...

This week's Caption My Photo Competition winner is Lisa from Not So Simple Single

Lisa wins a couple of FABTASTICO Daft Scots Lass tattoos and a Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë jewelry book-box just coz she's a potty mouthed HOT mama.  She dared to say pussy on my blog, dirty skank!  You gotta love her.

"You said pussy? You said pussy? Where is that pussy?"

2000th Post

Yippeeee. It's my 2000th post Plonkers!

I'm going to celebrate by giving away a few of my Daft Scots Lass tattoos.

All you have to do is tell me where you would display your temporary tattoo and then when it arrives in the mail, take a photo to confirm you and prove your craziness!  Be creative.

Check out where some of the other tattooed Plonkers put their ink

Caption My Freaky Photo Competition #4 and Win

Yes Plonkers! It is indeed time again for my "Caption my Freaky Photo" Competition.

You know what to do.

Write a funny and clever caption for this photo and put it in the comments section below.

Oh, you know you love this game and you know you want one of the infamous Daft Scots Lass temporary tattoos.

(Hey! Just by the way! I'm still waiting for previous winners - you know who you are - to send me their pictures wearing my temporary Ink so I can post them on this here wee Bloggy. Don't make me name names)

Happy Mother's Day!!!

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Breakfast at Janie's

Today we were invited to my sister's place for breakfast this morning. We were supposed to come with our bed hair and pj's on. My eldest didn't want to go "out" with her jammies on, then my youngest followed suit. I didn't want to be the only one with my pj's on, so I we all got dressed. I did wear my slippers and not a stitch of make-up.


We had a good time preparing, cooking and eating breakfast together.  It was lovely to all be together for the morning, talking shite, playing guitar and violin and drinking lots of tea.

My Boerewors and my nephew, Ryan play chess

Claire Jane and Kaylin read books

Pretty CJ

Wee Claire Jane

CJ plays pool

A Daft Scots Lass washes the dishes

The Techno Boffs:  my nephew, Dylan and Megan

the eating

Mick drinks his coffee

Kaylin plays pool

Janie prepares breakfast

Bare-faced sisters enjoy their cuppa tea 

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Sausage Fingers

Hey, Plonkers!  Happy Good Friday.

The Winner of Caption my Freaky Photo #2 is Sausage Fingers but Aaron was a very close second.  Congratulations, you clever people!

Drop me an email at info@redpepa.za and I'll snail mail your goodies!

Thanx again for all the people to captioned.  You always make my day!




Cheryl knew that one day her degree from the Gene Simmons Tongue Academy would serve her well, boobies here I come.......

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Caption my Freaky Photo Competition #2

I know y'all love doing it and I got GREAT responses last time.  You're all such a clever bunch.  I have more Daft Scots Lass Tattoos to giveaway. 

So, go Caption this baby and Tweet this post.

A Daft Scots Lass' custom-made temporary tattoos

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A True Scot

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stonewall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes
they sat silently.

Then finally Sadie looked at the Angus andsaid, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

Sadie blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed.  The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

Minutes passed and Sadie spoke again.  "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."

Sadie blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed.  And the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
 

After a while, Sadie again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."

Sadie blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee.  Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over
the loch before Sadie spoke again.

"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
 

The young man glanced down with a furled brow "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time.'  

"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
 

"Aye," said the lad, nodding. 

Sadie looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. 

Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"

100 Things About Me

First of all it was not fucking easy to think of 100 things about myself.

So, its taken a while to write this post and I wanted to keep it for my 1000th post but decided not to (not sure why).  Now I have to think of something else to do for my up-and-coming 1000th post...

If you have any ideas...leave a comment below...

Sorry, its long....I'll be fucking blown away with surprise if anyone reads it to the end...

Photo Credit

1. I was born in Kilmarnock in Scotland. Where they make the Johnny Walker whiskey. I detest whiskey.

2. I stabbed my sister with a pencil when I was about 7 years old and she still has the piece of lead in her arm.

3. I prefer cats to dogs. Dogs slobber and shite everywhere.

4. I own one, yes one, house plant that I've had for 18 years because I always fucking kill them.

5. I so wanted a puppy when I was growing up that I started behave like one and used to walk around on all fours barking at everyone.  I have a very convincing dog-bark.

6. I had to be rushed to the hospital on my very first day at school and 4 get stitches in my knee because I fell on a sharp stone.

7. I've been married to my Wonderful Boerewors for 11 years.

8. My Boerewors and I moved in together after only 3 months.

9. We got engaged 3 months after that and a year after that we were married.

10. I have two beautiful, incredibly different and active wee lassies.

11. Until I met my Boerewors I was NEVER going to get married or have children.

12. One of my school friends stood on my middle finger and broke it on my tenth birthday.

13. I bite my nails.

14. I always wanted to be a journalist or have a career in advertising.

15. I can speak fluent knit (K2tog, K1,P1)

16. I can't sew.

17. I fucking hate ironing and will avoid it at ALL costs.

18. I can read people pretty well and can generally tell when someone is fibbing.

19. I fart - loud - and I admit it.

20. I love the word FUCK - it is so expressive and I use it often.

21. When someone stands too close to me in a queque I want to freak the fuck out! It drives me insane. Its called Personal Space, asswipe!! Take a fucking step back!

22. I'm addicted to bidorbuy.co.za and love the bargains I get there.

23. Easter isn’t complete without Cadbury's Creme Eggs.

24. I have five tattoos.

25. I have my tongue and navel pierced.

26. I have a big-ass industrial-sized dish washer that I got for nothing from a friend and its the best and fucking ugliest thing in my kitchen.

27. I couldn't live without my friends. They are very dear to me and I tell them how I feel often.

28. I would rather go through natural childbirth WITHOUT drugs before I suffer toothache.

29. I hate men that pee in public places. Its just gross.

30. My favourite sandwich is chicken mayonaisse with crispy bacon and avo on Health Bread - toasted.

31. I craved strawberries and jam doughnuts with my first pregnancy and with my second it was beef crisps.

32. I turned into the Goodyear Blimp when I was pregnant (both times) and I looked like a walking Easter Egg. It wasn't fucking pretty.

33. The Wicked Witch of the West had NOTHING on me when I was preggies. I was the Biatch from hell on speed.  I released the flying monkeys daily.

34. When I was about 10 years old I lived in or is it on, my roller skates. You know the ones with the four wheels with the big stopper at the front?  I would put them on the minute I got home from school and not take them off until bed time.

35. I love to karaoke but can’t sing for shit.

36. I took typing at school because it was an easy and a "cop-out" subject. I was a lazy little git at school.

37. I am a natural red-head.

38. I believe in the death penalty.

39. I'm addicted to reality TV - if I don't get my dose of Grey's I get VERY pissy.

40. I want to die having known my grand-children.

41. I want a puppy for the girls but my hubby is kicking his heels in and refusing...

42. I still have my appendix.

43. I am interested in many subjects and it makes me appear fickle and flighty.

44. I secretly wish they celebrated Halloween here in South Africa so I could dress up more.

45. Camping is one of my favourite things to do. I love being outside, getting dirty and being away from the hussle and bussle.

46. I don't like cooking because of all the mess I have to clean up afterwards. I'd probably cook more if someone was washing up for me as I went along.

47. I yell out “Bless yYu!” when strangers sneeze in public.

48. I hate rodents. Vermin MUST be exterminated.

49. I love the smell of coffee but don't make me drink it. Yuk! I'm tea Jenny - no milk either.

50. My first car was a Ford Escort in baby blue with a white vinyl top and I named him Clifford. I loved that car and it was a 1.3 that only ever ran on three cylinders.

51. I am pro-choice.

52. I hate wearing knickers with pants.

53. My work is important to me. It keeps me sane and I get a lot of joy out of being efficient.

54. I enjoy skinny dipping.

55. I prefer my toilet roll to fold out over the top not from underneath - if its from underneath a someone else's house, I will change it just to piss them off.

56. I'm terribly short-sighted.

57. I did the ABSA Relay race for eight years in a row (even when I was pregnant both times) until it was "discontinued".  Cheap bastids!

58. I have baskets and bowls all around my house with general shit in. I know it annoys everyone but at least I know where to find things.

59. I spent an entire day in a string bikini playing volley ball without sun-screen. I got such bad sun stroke, I thought I was on my way out. Death would've been better looking than my lobster skin sitting below a ice-cold shower..

60. Chocoholic

61. I did drum majorettes for three years at school.

62. When I was little I wanted to be a ballerina but my mum couldn't afford dance lessons. I had a neighbour who went twice a week and I'd rush over to her house after she got back from her lessons and she'd teach me what she did that day. I'd squeeze my feet into her tiny ballet pumps (she was almost two years younger than I was) - it was very sad.

63. I get along with my in-laws and love them very much.

64. I love musicals and love watching Sound of Music and Wizard of Oz over and over.

65. My breasts were silicone-enhanced two years ago. I still love the twins.

66. I enjoy playing board games that involve general knowledge - I'm not a great player but I still love it.

67. I don't drink enough water.

68. I have a very keen sense of smell. I can smell onions from a mile away.

69. Naked handstands and cartwheels are fun!

70. I'm looking my age now. I see more and more wear and tear everyday. Crows feet and drooping.

71. I only drink beer for burping competitions, which I generally win.

72. My favourite colour is orange. I will buy anything if its orange just coz I love the colour. I wear it, I eat it, I drive it, I would have everything in orange if I could.

73. I prefer not to wear lipstick but ADORE heels.

74. Kiss me on my lower back and I'm yours forever.

75. I love crystals and gems. My favourite is amethist. I believe all crystals have healing powers and I have several books on the subject.

76. Music feeds my soul and I love everything from classic to heavy metal rock.

77. I hate my freckles and "ginger" looking skin. I secretly wished I had olive skin.

78. The Russian Ballet company came to South Africa and it is the best ballet performance I have ever seen. They were incredible and literally took my breath away.

79. I'm quite a good ice skater.

80. I own a Grammar book, a thesaurus and a dictionary and all three stand on my desk at work. I have never used them.

81. I can dance for hours on end. This "tannie" can "skut her biscuit".

82. I can peel potatoes at lightning speed but only with a potatoe peeler.

83. I cry at Dr Phil and Oprah. I cry at the movies a lot. I cry at some commercials for heaven's sake.  I'm a real blubber bucket.

84. I hope to someday visit Italy and Europe as I crave the architecture and history of the place.

85. I own a rubic cube and only my husband can solve the thing in less than two minutes.

86. Bono from U2 was my big fat crush when I was a teenager. I hoped someday to kiss Paul Hewson full on the mouth...

87. I have the ugliest feet. I have bunyons and my toe next to my pinkie toe is so badly bent it looks as if its turning the corner. Must've been all those pointy heels in the 80s.

88. I was never officially proposed to. We just decided mutually that it was a good idea. I secretly wish it could happen all over again so I could have ONE romantic moment.

89. I have NEVER been skinny, even though I'd love to be. Even in matric when I was 16, I had a good figure but never weighed less than 53kg (as an adult) and I'm only five foot.

90. Farting at work is not an issue for me. I have a special  spray on my desk for such occassions and everyone knows that when they smell my vanilla spray, that I've farted. Hey! What would you rather smell?

91. I had various moles removed from my body. I think they are totally disgusting and would love to have them all removed. The two on my face especially.

92. "Charlotte's Web" made me sob.

93. My parents have been married for nearly 45 years. Thats a fucking miracle.

94. I have a weakness for trendy colourful handbags, sunglasses and shoes. I must have a dozen pairs of sunglasses.  Accessories, gurls!

95. I love waterless hand cleaner and always keep some in my handbag.

96. I had a sympathectomy when I was 27 for hyperhidrosis. Are you googling yet?

97. I once killed a boyfriends hamster by mistake by leaving him out on a sunny balcony in his plastic ball for an entire afternoon. When I went to put him back in his cage he was stiff as a board. I felt like shit.

98. I think Billy connolly and Ray William Johnson are hysterical and they never fail to make me chuckle out loud.

99. I laugh VERY loud and when I get a giggling fit I can't stop myself...It happens often.

100. I consider South Africa my home even though I was born and stayed in Scotland for 10 years.