Sex is like air. It's not important until you aren't getting any.

This is a re-post of a very old post that I drafted a couple days after I posted it.  I'm not sure why I drafted it so here it is again.

Are you ready to juice things up a little?  Are you an ‘aeroplane blonde’? Are you a fan of the ‘sixty-niner’? If these and other terms have mystified you, here’s a quick guide to the funny world of sexual slang.....

Booty call - a late night summons, often made via telephone, to arrange clandestine sexual liaisons on an ad hoc basis.

AC/DC - bisexual.

Dogging - having or observing exhibitionist sex in a public place, usually outdoors.

Sixty Niner - simultaneous oral sex with your partner, so called as the digits.  69 are a graphic representation of this configuration.

Around the world - the act of kissing your partner’s entire body as a prelude to nooky.


Back door - another term for butt, bum or backside; going in the ‘back door’ aka bottom sex.


Bagging it - wearing a condom during intercourse, as opposed to ...


Barebacking - unprotected sex.


Finger - to stimulate a woman’s genitals using the fingers.


Wet dream - an erotic dream that leads to ejaculation during sleep.


Necking - Making out involving heavy kissing of the neck or petting of that area.


Muff diving - giving a woman oral sex.


Load - semen or ejaculate (as in, to shoot one’s load).  The Money Shot.


Blue balls - an uncomfortable experience for a man who desperately needs to experience an orgasm but finds no relief.


Blow job/giving head - the act of giving a man fellatio or oral sex.


Hand job - stimulating a partner manually to orgasm.  Two bob for a hand job?


Shag - to have sexual intercourse.


Family jewels - his testicles.


Golden shower - urinating on a partner as part of sex play.


Jail bait - a sex partner who is under the age of 18.


S/M or S and M - sadism and masochism. Getting sexual pleasure from consensual sex
power play that involves either inflicting pain on a person or experiencing pain oneself.


Rimming - stimulating the anus externally with a tongue.

Swinging - arranging to have sex with other couples, either one-on-one or group sex.

Frottage - When two people rub their bodies together for sexual pleasure; also known as dry humping.

Aeroplane blonde - a woman with bleached blonde hair but who still has a wee ‘black box’ down under.

Getting Back in the Coitus Maximus Saddle. Yeeeeehaw!

After you’ve had a couple of kids it is quite common for your sex drive to take a nose dive. This can be remedied in various ways, so you needn’t despair. For example, you may want to consider an increasingly popular trend that is to invest in sex toys such as vibrating hand held devices or things slightly less adventurous such as flavoured lubricant. It is difficult to resist the temptation with some of the best sex toys almost guaranteeing The Big O. This is not sales speak either, they genuinely work!

Before kids, when the urge and opportunity arose, you were bonking like rabbits, but it’s hard to be spontaneous when there are more than two peoples’ timetables to consider and wee people's leering eyes peeping around every corner.

One of the most common bits of advice is to schedule time, but this is easier said than done because most women can’t just “turn it on” at a certain time. Men can become a pain in the arsky when you schedule a time for some romance and then their lover isn’t in the mood. They don’t understand that women can’t just get a hard on and go for it, and will be frustrated if they feel they have been promised something that then isn’t delivered.

One way to counteract this is to try getting into the mood by letting your imagination go wild before the anticipated event. Fantasy is a key part of foreplay and you can use your imagination at anytime. It also livens up the most boring tasks you end up having to do once you become a mother. Hanging out the washing whilst dreaming of what you and your lover will be getting up to later can turn a chore into a treat. This will also help you to ignore the temptation to get on top of all of the jobs you have been putting off rather than on top of your husband.

If you have small kids there is always the telly to “baby sit” them while you enjoy a quickie, but then you are listening with one ear for the pitter patter of feet down the hall or calls for "Muuuuuum!". This can be off putting, but as long as you have the door firmly shut and LOCKED and they are involved in their program you should be able to get away with it. Just make sure it is a quickie! It might be a good idea to use one of your quieter sex toys as it will be difficult to explain away the unusual sounds coming from mummy and daddy’s room!

However you organise or manage your time, make sure you don’t forget the importance of maintaining your sex life as it will solidify your and your partner’s relationship and you will both be stronger because of it.

Whats in Your Basket?

A challenge: The Princess has spoken and has issued an awesome challenge out to Bloggerville.
This one is a goodie so get yer arses over there and read all about it. Essentially it is this...

Not thinking, you rush through the store grabbing the items you need... only to find yourself standing at the back of the line holding a leather collar, a box of Trojans and a bottle of chocolate syrup. About halfway to the register, it hits you! "OMG! I look like a total sex freak!!"

What three things would be in your WTF basket?

If you join the challenge, don't forget to post your linky in my comments section below so I can also have a good giggle at all the answers.

How about?

*  Pool Acid
*  Dustbin Liners
*  Rubber Gloves