Flash Fiction Friday 55 - Episode 20

Yeah..... I know, Friday's are always hectic at A Daft Scots Lass' wee Blog.

Join the Blorgy of Flash Fiction Friday 55 writers.  The game is to write a complete story in 55 words.  So, head on over to The Blorgologist himself G-Man and hook up with him.  

I haven’t told you today 

How much you mean to me 

I haven’t told you today 

How much happiness you bring. 

I haven’t told you today 

That you mean the world to me 

I haven’t told you today 

You’re the best thing that has happened to me. 

I haven’t told you 

That I love you!

FlogYoBlog Friday hosted at 
Random Ramblings of a SAHM.

Fucked Up Friday Follow usually hosted by Crazy Brunette Chick  
who has taken a drunken sabatical this week. 

So head over to Blog Stalk Friday hosted by Gucci Mama this week

 Its also Fawk You Friday over at Boobies.

Here's this week's Fuck You's and they go out to:

• The Genius Fuckers at Ekhurleni Municipality for cutting my water and lights off for 24 hours even when we'd paid the over-priced bill and a wee bit more!  Urgh! 
• Fuck You to Avon and their liquid hand soaps.  I bought two this week and none of the fucking pumps work. Don't you just destest bad fucking workmanship?
• Fuck you to my lazy-ass colleage who's been off three fucking times this week and this bitch has had to do all her fucking work! 

Roger that - over and out.

How to tell if you're a Technophobe?

technophobe n. ( pron. ˈtek-nə-ˌfōb)

1. (Sociology) someone who fears the effects of technological development on society and the environment

2. someone who is afraid of using technological devices, such as computers

Do you suffer from Facebook Fear, Email Edginess, Internet Idiocy, Blackberry Bafflement, Twitter Twitchiness or just plain Computer Confusion?

Never fear, you are not alone and help is at hand.

There are plenty of technophobes in the world. Technophobia is an affliction, like acne, flatulence, yeast  infections and constipation, which most people don’t confess to in polite company. Whereas arachnophobia, hangover, sunburn, migraines and the flu are perfectly acceptable topics of conversation around the dinner table.

I suppose being technologically dysfunctional has more dire consequences than being afraid of spiders. Nevertheless, your response should be the same whether faced with an uncooperative computer or mobile phone or a big fucking hairy spider on the toilet seat.

Help is at hand for technophobes out there

You may use one of three lifelines: 50/50, ask the audience, or phone a friend:

“50/50” is quite simple

Believe the geek that tells you that you won’t break your computer or phone by pushing a button or hitting a key. Try something (like pounding your fists on the keyboard) and if it doesn’t work try something else (like side-swiping the side of your computer monitor). You have a 50/50 chance of getting the result you were hoping for (in the case of the spider either get yer boot out and tramp on him it or use the other bathroom).

“Ask the audience” is typical technophobe

A whining question like: “Does anyone know how I get my phone to spell check for me? Whatever it’s called I don’t know where to find it” is likely to get as many different answers as there are people in earshot.

The chances are that everyone knows how to do it on their phone but none of them can make it work on yours. You may get lucky though if someone has the same phone as you, or you may find a geek in the audience who can make it work on any phone (in the case of the spider the chances are everyone in the building suddenly has important business elsewhere).

“Phone a friend” refers to said geek who will be able to solve your problem for you

One thing with geeks and nerds is that they love the power that goes with their superior technological skills so there is no danger of an uninvited lesson in technology.

They will simply make the errant computer or cell phone do what you want it to do in two seconds flat without any explanation. Making you look like a complete Plonker!

Of course you will be obliged to phone a friend again next time, but your geeky, nerdy friend will be happy to oblige, like a mythical knight in shining armour (in the case of the spider you’d be looking for a real knight in shining armour).

Admit your technical shortcomings

The fact of the matter is that there are those who can and those who can’t. If you are one of those who can’t you need to face it, admit your shortcomings and ask for help...

“Hi, my name is Bob and I am a technophobe and I need help.” Altogether now "Hiiiii Bob!".

Those nerdy, geeky knights will leap to the rescue and you can remain in your blissful state of ignorance, safe in the knowledge that you are not alone and help is at hand.

The Smart, Creative and Developmental City?

I got home last night and Ekurheleni Metropolitan Municipality  had left me a little love letter in my gate.

Yip, you guessed it - a notice to say that our Water and Lights had been cut off with immediately effect coz we hadn’t paid the bill. 

WTF?? I mean, honestly! 

We paid this account two days ago, get your fucking records straight! 

So, I tried to phone their Customer Call Centre which is an automated answering service (which I detest).  I want to speak to a person - a body - not a machine.  

Anyhoo, I hang on  listening to the android speaking skank talking to me like I'm a toddler and telling me to press 1 for after hours Call Centre Service.  I follow her instructions and obediently press 1.  

I wait.  

I wait some more.  

Then I wait some fucking more.  

Nothing!  

No irritating plinky-plonk hold music on loop, no marketing voice promoting shit I don't need, just a dead line!

I did this several times before I gave up.

I'm sorry to say we ate MacDonalds by candle light (so romantic), we all bathed in one bath because we had no hot water and went to bed early without having my weekly dose of Idols.  I couldn't even make a cuppa tea!  I was in a major huff.

So, this morning I had to physically take my proof of payment down to the Ekurheleni Metropolitan Municipality  before they would agree to switch my power back on. 

WTF? 

Does it make sense to cut someone’s water and lights if they’ve paid? Shouldn’t we be given a few days’ grace (even though we DID pay ON TIME)? 

Now I’m fucking seriously irritated! 

They are very quick to switch your power off for an alleged unpaid bill but when you’ve accidentally overpaid them or if they’ve over-charged you in their error, you wait a thousands years before they either sort it out or die a long and slow death waiting for a refund. 

I detest bad service – can you tell its one of my pet hates? 

Standing in the neverending queue today, all I heard were mostly women bitching and moaning about errors and incorrect charges…I’m glad I wasn't the only one that felt this way, but fuck people where is your customer service? 

You claim to be "The Smart, Creative and Developmental City".  

Walk the Talk, Fuckers!

What a Lovely Melody....

She's one of my new musical favourites - Melody Gardot.  I'm not a fan of jazz but her stuff is also very bluesy so I love it.  Its a modern twist on the old-fashioned stuff.  I adore her voice and it doesn't hurt that she's soopa sexy hawt too.  She had a serious car accident 7 years ago and she was told she'd never walk again.  Then she discovered music, learned to play guitar and BANG!  a super star...

Take a lookie and enjoy

Just a Secretary, a cuppa tea and something peeping around the corner

The 1st of September celebrates both Spring Day and Secretary's Day in South Africa.

Spring is around the corner!

Someone awesome once said "As soon as you sit down to a cup o' tea and a fag, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until your cuppa is cold and you only took one drag of yer fag."   I wonder who that smart-ass was?

Anyhoo, this indeed is the life of Secretary or the Administrative Assistant.  The secretary is responsible for managing the every single thing in the office, running errands for the boss, correspondence, typing, filling forms and fulfilling many other dogs-body duties.  They take care of each and everything so that the office runs smoothly and the every work of their boss will be completed accurately in time. They are the wee hand which has a big role in the success of the company and aren't always appreciated as they should be.  

To all those Office Admin people out there - Happy Secretary's Day!

And finally Spring is on its way to South Africa.  The days are getting warmer and the shorts and t-shirts need to be washed and ironed.  

I've only been bitching about the winter for 5 months...roll on Summer!