Howz Dem Apples?

G-Man was blethering on his blog the other day about things that you are prejudiced about and / or things that you just don't like for some strange reason.  You know that stuff I'm talking about, the specific something that you can't explain and makes no fucking sense to others.  The little something that you do or say that makes people pull up their one eyebrow and back away slowly...

Go read his Aversion Post HERE

G-Man has a colleague that detests Tom Cruise and won't watch a movie if he's in it, just because he's an avid Scientologist.  G-Man HATES mung beans, Corona beer and puke.  Now, I'm sure if you consumed the first two, it would result in the latter, but that's a whole different post...

Anyhoozer, his natterings got me thinking about my odd reaction to Fruit.

Yes, Fruit, Plonkers.

Now, promise not to laugh?  


Promise!

I get goosebumps when I see fruit, even pictures of fruit!  Hell, even if someone talks about fruit!  Even writing this post, I'm getting goosebumps and the tingles.  My skin literally crawls and when I bite into a piece of fruit, apples especially, the tingles go right up my spine into my head.  It's the strangest thing  (just typing and thinking about apples makes my skin tingle).  Och aye, I know, it's the fucking weirdest thing! 


I've googled it over and over but still have no answers.  I'm not sure why this happens to me.   I noticed it when I was a teenager because my mum used to buy Granny Smith apples.  Geezo I can't even say it without getting shivers.  Mention those Granny Smith cooking apples and I go through the roof!

You can well imagine....I don't tell too many people about this odd body function of mine.  Some of my colleagues at work think I'm fucking nuts because of this.  They say I've got a secret fruit fetish that turns me on, but its not like that.
 
I love fruit and I eat it but it gives me the heebie-jeebies.

It's just a body function or reaction that happens when I think about fruit.

Och I know I'm odd....I told you not to laugh, Plonkers!

You think I'm bad?!!? I have a friend who salivates when she talks and thinks about her children!!! 

I SHITE YOU NOT!!


What are your thoughts on this?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Fawk You Friday, Shoegasm Shizzle and a Fizzy 55

So it's Fawk You Friday again!  Can you believe it?  Well my lovelies, head on over to Boobies, Babies and a Blog and link up.  Have some stinky cheese with your whine and let it all hang oot!

My Fuck You's this week:

Fuck you to my car's clutch cable that snapped in the middle of a busy traffic circle during rush-hour at 4pm in the afternoon just about 500m from my daughter's school.  All those fuckers peeping and gesturing for me to get out the way.  Where the fuck must I go when my car doesn't have a clutch and I'm on an incline.  Do I crawl up my own arsehole? Piss off!  

However, My Knight-In-Shining-Boerewors came to my rescue with tow car and tow rope.  Smart man!  I was in tears on the way home because I didn't know how to keep the rope tight without my breaks smelling like they were going to explode or trying to view all this through streaming tears.  

Story not over.  It happened again yesterday!  It snapped off mid-busy intersection and my Knight-In-Shining-Boerewors had to come to my rescue again.  He deserves a medal for coming to the rescue again, even though his wife was screaming down the phone at him.  I'm deeply sorry for taking out my frustrations on you!  I would rather evacuate my bowels in a public place than go through that again.


Fuck You to my stupid scale.  It hasn't budged since I started gym two weeks ago.  I thought I'd have lost at least 1 fekkin kilogram by now.  Urgh!  Keep plodding along on that Orbitrek machine, gurl!

Head on over to G-Man and sign up for Flash Fiction Friday and write a complete story in 55 words.  Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.

Sugar Free and yet sweet

Dark and Lovely

500mls of soft,

carbonated black beauty

Caffeine and Phenylalanine  loaded

Nice constant Buzzzzz

4 kilojoules of yumminess

0 grams of guilt-free fat

40mg of Sodium that’s 2% of your GDA

GDA – Guideline Daily Amount

Recyclable Plastic Bottle

Chug it down

Aahhhh!

Coke Lite does it for me!

Its Friday's Shoegasm over at  Peace Love Appelsauce

Go Link up and enjoy all the Heels



$669 at FabCrush

Orange (my favourite colour) Louboutin Knock-Offs $142

For the up-and-coming Royal Wedding  from Irregular Choice

Irregular Choice GBP79.99

Irregular Choice GBP129.99

I wish someone in the UK could send me a pair of Irregular Choice shoozies.  I'm a SA Size 4 if anyone wants to surprise me for my birthday in June.

I couldn't help but throw in a handbag because its so damn cute from Irregular Choice for GBP79.99.  Boy, do they have the most adorable accessories or what?. 

Have a BRILLIANT weekend and don't do anything I would do.  Bazinga!

April Fools!

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FFF55 and Fawk You Friday

Go give The G-Man some love and join hundreds of other bloggers playing Flash Fiction Friday 55.

Write a complete story in only 55 words. Its easier said that done.

Enjoy!

Don’t spend your precious time asking “What is happening to the world and why isn’t it a better place?”.  It’s only be time wasted.  The question to ask is: “How I can I make it better?”  To that there are plenty answers.  It sometimes takes minimal effort to make a huge impact on someone else.

Yay! Its Fawk You Friday hosted by Boobies

Ready! Steady! Vent!

I had ONE BIG thing that I want to vent about this week that I can't really vent about on my blog.  Yeah, I know I always say never censor yerself but this is about work and I don't really wanna splash things about work all over the interwebs and get fired for it.  I do enjoy my work, its just circumstances that I'm PISSED OFF about.  Its been a very emotional week at work and some major changes taking place...So, I'm taking the easy way out and just making a general Fuck You to that in general.

Fuck You to that freakazoid Lady Gaga who recently wore a dress made out of fucking sirloin steaks to the MTV Music Awards.  God, she's so fucking twisted you just can't look away.  Don't worry Vegans its FAKE!  But still only the Gaga would wear this in public, hell, only Gaga would wear this at ALL!

Lady Gaga meats MTV 

Fuck you to the fucking retarded Nicole Kidman who was once really pretty, actually quite the gorgeous gal around Hollywood.  Now that skank has had so much plastic surgery you could cut her waif frame with a knife.  She's gone from strikingly stunning to uglier than a bag full of fucking hairy arseholes!  Stoopid bitch.

Finally, a big Fawk You to My Boerewors who, more often than not, makes ME sleep in the wet spot.  I'll get you back...be on the look out for revenge...

Go FlogYoBlog Friday at Random Ramblings of a SAHM 

Flash Fiction Friday 55 and Fawk You Friday

Join me and The  G-Man and hundreds of other bloggers playing Flash Fiction Friday 55.  Write a complete story in only 55 words.  Its easier said that done. Enjoy!

Man, its so awesome to be back.

Incognito

Masked and disguised

Buried behind a dense dark cloak

Veiled and concealed

An enigma to world

Secretly Smirking behind the costume

Relishing the anonymity and secrecy

Taking delight in the mystery

My Halloween ensemble is complete

However, all is in vain

Completely pointless and futile

ADaftScotsLass is

“All dressed up and no-where to go”

Yay!  Its Fawk You Friday at Boobies.

It gives you a chance to vent your frustrations for the week, which I do a lot and LOVE it:

• Fuck You to our internal It department who are restricting our internet access to almost nothing.  When am I going to get to blog, demit?  Don't make me FUCK SHIT UP, people!  I'll crack your teeth your conceited Wanker.
• Fuck You to deplorable bank balance that is depressing, pitiful and pathetic.  I want to win the fucking lottery!  I guess I’ll need to play then, right?  I’m in abject financial misery at the moment.
• Fuck You to the local retailers that grossly overcharge me for basic food stuffs.  Geezo, even a rudimentary block of gouda these days is a fucking rip off!  35 bucks!  You gotta be shitting me?!
• Fuck you to the torrent monsoon that happened just as I was leaving for work yesterday morning.  Not only did my mascara run and my hair fell flatter than a pancake, but the bottom 6 inches of my pants got mud-splattered and saturated.   Hell, I know I should NOT be complaining about the rain – and I’m not – because we really need it.  I’m complaining about the occurrences that happen due to the rain?  I am rambling again…  I just detest looking like fucking shit at work.

Go FlogYoBlog Friday at Random Ramblings of a SAHM 

Flash Fiction Friday 55 and Fawk You Friday

I'm back!!!

Gosh, FFF55ers I couldn't stay away..

I got far too many withdrawal symptoms from not writing my weekly 55s.  

Don't judge me - please just forgive me and have me back, G-Man. 

I neglected my Friday 55 

Not my finest decision 

The void it left was unexpected 

More than my lack of prose precision 

So here I am, I return 

Pleading to be taken back 

Into the crowd of 55 writers

Who fulfilled my writer’s heart. 

Exonerate, punish, reprimand and chide 

FFF55 is where my spirits reside.

Sign up for Fawk You Friday at Boobies.

It gives you a chance to vent your frustrations for the week:

• Fuck you to the bad-ass gastro virus that attacked my Boerewors and had him flat on his back in bed all day yesterday.  Poor bugger suffered and the place stank like shite.
• Fuck you to the pityful spittles of rain we had this week.  You're just teasing us!  Didn't you hear my numerous loud requests for a true African thunderstorm downpour? Light rain is enough to just piss me the fuck off.  You know, just enough to make my fucking car dirty, not enough to really saturate the garden and settle all the dust that is making our sinuses dribble all over the damn place.
• Fuck you to the South African community that don't celebrate Halloween in any way shape or form.  Because of the customs of this country, I am unable to dess up in my hawt witches party costume and go trick-or-treating.  Most of you Fuckers know how much I adore chocolate and candy.  C'mon, give a girl a break!
• Fuck you to the corn snake that found its way into our garden and scared the living shite outta me.  I nearly had fucking heart failure, demmit.  I hope that slithery Fucker didn't lay its eggs somewhere in a dark corner because if I have to deal with your babies, I will have a fucking stroke for sure!

FlogYoBlog Friday at Random Ramblings of a SAHM and meet some awesome bloggers.

Flash Fiction Friday 55 - Episode 23

Aw-rite lads 'n lassies... 

I think my Flash Fiction Friday may be coming to an end.  Sometimes its easy to think of something to write about and sometimes I battle finding the inspiration.  I feel my 55FFF are not really on the same level as everyone else's and feel a wee bit embarrassed about them. 

But keep on heading on over to G-Man and hook up with him to join the bunch of REAL writers.  Here's possibly the last one I do:

Chandelier droplets pierce the sky,

like pendants of cut glass. 

I turn my face

towards the heavens

and fresh rain soaks my face

washing my salty tears way. 

Bathed and cleansed anew. 

It's time to follow

the multi-coloured rainbow. 

I dare say,

a make-up stained face and

puffy blood-shot eyes

does NOT become me.

Sign up for Fawk You Friday at Boobies.

My Fuck You's for the week:

• Fuck you to the Bitch colleague who thought she could back-stab me without a fight.  She's in for a big surprise because when you piss on my battery the claws come out and I don't back down.  Be afraid! Be very afraid, Crack Ass Whore!
• Insomnia fucking sucks donkey balls and I have no reason to not fall into a long blissful slumber.  Even the fucking Betasleep didn't work!
• Lists.  I'm tired of writing things down on pretty pink post-its because these days I have to (the mind ain't quite what it used to be) but then I keep loosing my fucking stoopid lists.  What's the point?
• The Bag 'O Shite pencil-neck eejit that stood behind me in the queue at the local supermarket.  If he got any closer in some small countries, we'd have to get married and I could actually smell what he had for breakfast.  Onions? Pickles?  You fucking freak me out!
• The fucknut postman who's been Cummin' the Cunt and puts our newspaper between the slats of our pallisade electric fence.  Who the fuck knows how to get a newspaper outta there without shocking the living crap out of yerself everytime?

Go FlogYoBlog Friday at Random Ramblings of a SAHM.

Blog Stalk Friday is hosted by Crazy Brunette Chick

Go and say hi to The Princess of Class, Trash and Sass.  Follow her rules or she'll go apeshite on yer wart-ridden arse!


Okay enough.  
Have a BRILLIANT weekend!
Its a long weekend here in good ol' South Africa.
They call it Heritage Day.
Now Piss Off and go write a 55

Flash Fiction Friday 55 - Episode 22

Writing is the name of this game.  The aim is to write a complete story in 55 words.  Sometimes its easy, sometimes you have no clue.  I don't claim to be a writer (at all) but what does come out is from the heart.

So, head on over and join the Blorgy of Writers - to G-Man (The Blorgologist) and hook up with him and write your 55.  Here's mine:

Lights, Camera, Action!

Heavy red velvet curtains slowly open

Excited twinkling-eyed 7 years olds enter Stage Left

Cue Music!

Dancing,

Singing,

Twirling and Bopping

Showcasing their carefully practised moves

Loud Applause from the thrilled Audience

But the spectators are only The Pparents

Waving mum’s and dad’s wearing goofy smiles and moist eyes

Beaming with Pride

FlogYoBlog Friday hosted at 
Random Ramblings of a SAHM.

Blog Stalk Friday is hosted by Crazy Brunette Chick

Head on over there to meet The Princess of Class, Trash and Sass.  Follow her rules or she'll go loco on yer ass!

Fawk you Friday over at  Boobies

 Here's mine for the week:

• The stubborn hangover I suffered on Monday, all day! I'm never fucking drinking again...
• The vicision South African sun that burnt my pearly white scottish skin toa  crisp over the weekend.  I love summer but my tender skin does NOT play along.
• F-F-Fuck you to the arsewipe that thought he was gonna cut me off in traffic on Wednesday morning.  My kilowatts are more than yours, Wanker!  Step aside..The  Orange ST Beast's turbo kicks in and nails your pathetic Loser arse to the wall.  Dipshit!
• My final Fuck You goes out to the two little piss-willies who tried to rob my Boerewors of his cellphone in the traffic yesterday.  Did you little Bastid Fuckers think you would get it right?

Flash Fiction Friday 55 - Episode 21

It's my 21st FFF55 Birthday, Y'all!  

Get out the Champers!!!!

Flash Fiction Friday 55 writers is the name of the game.  The aim is to write a complete story in 55 words.  Sometimes its easy, sometimes you have no clue.  I don't claim to be a writer (at all) but what does come out is from the heart.

So, head on over and join the Blorgy of Writers - to  G-Man The Blorgologist and hook up with him and write your 55.

Jump into my world

And read my soul

 Peruse the rooms

 Tell me what you feel

 Everyone would interpret it in a different way

 Not everyone can identify

 The proper view

 The colours

 The shades

 The mood

 The sensations

 There are no hidden meanings

 Look carefully

 Go with your gut

 Use your sixth sense

 Believe

FlogYoBlog Friday hosted at 
Random Ramblings of a SAHM.

Blog Stalk Friday is hosted by Crazy Brunette Chick

Head on over there to meet The Princess of Class, Trash & Sass

 Its also Fawk You Friday over at Boobies. 

 Here's my Fuck You's for this week:

• The fucking assbags at MTN cellular network who reactivated my OLD mobile number after waiting 5 days to get a NEW number.  Do you have to get everything wrong?
• The Motor Vehicle Licencing Department who are ripping us off by charging us nearly R1000 to renew our 2 cars and small trailer for a year and giving me the run-around with all the bloody paperwork.
• Fuck You to the Sprite Zero that exploded all over my desk and keyboard without prior notice.  Now everything is sticky!

Flash Fiction Friday 55 - Episode 20

Yeah..... I know, Friday's are always hectic at A Daft Scots Lass' wee Blog.

Join the Blorgy of Flash Fiction Friday 55 writers.  The game is to write a complete story in 55 words.  So, head on over to The Blorgologist himself G-Man and hook up with him.  

I haven’t told you today 

How much you mean to me 

I haven’t told you today 

How much happiness you bring. 

I haven’t told you today 

That you mean the world to me 

I haven’t told you today 

You’re the best thing that has happened to me. 

I haven’t told you 

That I love you!

FlogYoBlog Friday hosted at 
Random Ramblings of a SAHM.

Fucked Up Friday Follow usually hosted by Crazy Brunette Chick  
who has taken a drunken sabatical this week. 

So head over to Blog Stalk Friday hosted by Gucci Mama this week

 Its also Fawk You Friday over at Boobies.

Here's this week's Fuck You's and they go out to:

• The Genius Fuckers at Ekhurleni Municipality for cutting my water and lights off for 24 hours even when we'd paid the over-priced bill and a wee bit more!  Urgh! 
• Fuck You to Avon and their liquid hand soaps.  I bought two this week and none of the fucking pumps work. Don't you just destest bad fucking workmanship?
• Fuck you to my lazy-ass colleage who's been off three fucking times this week and this bitch has had to do all her fucking work! 

Roger that - over and out.

55 FFF - Episode 19

Join the Blorgy of 55 Flash Fiction Friday writers.  The game is to write a complete story in 55 words.  So, head on over to The Blorgologist himself G-Man and hook up with him.

Made only in South Africa 

and usually by hand 

Juicy, Succulent, Spicy and Tender 

Curled up to create a reel of zesty flavour 

Carefully prepared with unique seasonings 

Skinny or Stout with top quality fat 

Arranged in a spiral and braaied to perfection 

Sizzling on the grill, meaty aroma roasting the air 

My Boerewors…

Boerewors aka South African sausage

FlogYoBlog Friday over at Random Ramblings of a SAHM.  

Go check it out

Its also Fawk You Friday over at Boobies. and Blog Stalk Friday  hosted by Rockin' Mami this week

My Fuck Yous for this week:

• A huge FUCK YOU to the skanky deslexic tattoo artist who misspelled my daughters name on my wrist.  Now I'm gonna have to go back and get something I really didn't want.  A fix up - probably with a different colour ink?!?!  Stoopid Whore!
• Fuck you to the change of season at the moment which causes my lips to erupted with sexy crusty sores.  Its totally repulsive.  Just call me fucking Leper Lip! No smooching for me for a while.
•  South African school teachers have been on strike forever and its time those arsewipes get back to work and stop disrupting my wee lassies life.  Stoning the schools will NOT bring you wage increases, morons.
• Fuck you to Facebook that takes up too much of my time and therefore I havedeactivated my account.  Read my blog rather, assbags.

Have an awesome weekend!

55 FFF - Episode 18

So many things happen on a Friday over at Daft Scots Lass' house...I'm exhausted just thinking about it!

Firstly, 55 Flash Fiction Friday.  This is a game some of us bloggers who like to write play.  We have to write a complete story in 55 words.  Hundreds of bloggers are doing it now.  Its like an orgie of Bloggy Writers - Blorgy!  My new word - donchya just lurve it?  So, peeps, head on over to G-Man who I have offitically dubbed The Blorgologist and hook up with him.

Jenna wept. Her heavy tears stained her silk blouse. She didn’t care. Her teardrops drizzled on to the baby booties she was holding in her lap. The nursery was silent except for her wrenching sobs. Part of her spirit had been stolen. She could not go on. Then she plunged the blade into her chest.

Secondly, I have a hawt date with my Boerewors (aka Hubby) tongiht and he's suprising me.  Venue and details and a huge secret.  Another trip to Teasers perhaps?  We're probably getting our matching tattoos done over the weekend too.  Yayness!

Thirdly, head over to One Crazy Brunette Chick for Blog Stalk Friday
 

Follow the rules or she'll go apeshit on yer ass!


Lastly, its Fawk You Friday over at Boobies.

This week's Fuck Yous from me go out to the following:

• Fuck You to The Gauteng Department of Education (who are in the office block opposite ours) for causing a fucking riot in our parking lot!  I love my music, but when hundreds of angry teachers and office workers holler into a fucking crappy PA system all fucking day, its rather irritating.  You see they're pissed off because the government doesn't pay them enough so they feel its their constitutional right to march into schools and wreck the joint!  Tipping over dustbins, valdalising cars and intimidating the students.  Protest if you must, Skanks but leave our kids alone, Fuckers!
• Fuck You to the virus that hit my Wee Button aka Megan.  It flattened her and she's still trying to reocver.
• Fuck You to the moths that fly outta my purse everytime I open it.  I so broke I can't even pay attention!  Roll on Pay Day!

Have an awesome weekend Readers!