Fawk You Friday, Shoegasm Shizzle and a Fizzy 55

So it's Fawk You Friday again!  Can you believe it?  Well my lovelies, head on over to Boobies, Babies and a Blog and link up.  Have some stinky cheese with your whine and let it all hang oot!

My Fuck You's this week:

Fuck you to my car's clutch cable that snapped in the middle of a busy traffic circle during rush-hour at 4pm in the afternoon just about 500m from my daughter's school.  All those fuckers peeping and gesturing for me to get out the way.  Where the fuck must I go when my car doesn't have a clutch and I'm on an incline.  Do I crawl up my own arsehole? Piss off!  

However, My Knight-In-Shining-Boerewors came to my rescue with tow car and tow rope.  Smart man!  I was in tears on the way home because I didn't know how to keep the rope tight without my breaks smelling like they were going to explode or trying to view all this through streaming tears.  

Story not over.  It happened again yesterday!  It snapped off mid-busy intersection and my Knight-In-Shining-Boerewors had to come to my rescue again.  He deserves a medal for coming to the rescue again, even though his wife was screaming down the phone at him.  I'm deeply sorry for taking out my frustrations on you!  I would rather evacuate my bowels in a public place than go through that again.


Fuck You to my stupid scale.  It hasn't budged since I started gym two weeks ago.  I thought I'd have lost at least 1 fekkin kilogram by now.  Urgh!  Keep plodding along on that Orbitrek machine, gurl!

Head on over to G-Man and sign up for Flash Fiction Friday and write a complete story in 55 words.  Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.

Sugar Free and yet sweet

Dark and Lovely

500mls of soft,

carbonated black beauty

Caffeine and Phenylalanine  loaded

Nice constant Buzzzzz

4 kilojoules of yumminess

0 grams of guilt-free fat

40mg of Sodium that’s 2% of your GDA

GDA – Guideline Daily Amount

Recyclable Plastic Bottle

Chug it down

Aahhhh!

Coke Lite does it for me!

Its Friday's Shoegasm over at  Peace Love Appelsauce

Go Link up and enjoy all the Heels



$669 at FabCrush

Orange (my favourite colour) Louboutin Knock-Offs $142

For the up-and-coming Royal Wedding  from Irregular Choice

Irregular Choice GBP79.99

Irregular Choice GBP129.99

I wish someone in the UK could send me a pair of Irregular Choice shoozies.  I'm a SA Size 4 if anyone wants to surprise me for my birthday in June.

I couldn't help but throw in a handbag because its so damn cute from Irregular Choice for GBP79.99.  Boy, do they have the most adorable accessories or what?. 

Have a BRILLIANT weekend and don't do anything I would do.  Bazinga!

April Fools!

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Day 20 - The 30 Day Blog Challenge and Freaky Fuck You Friday

Topic - The meaning behind your blog name

My Button



This one is pretty self-explanatory....  I'm definitely daft, some say demented and nutty.  I'm originally from Scotland and I'm a gurl so I'm A Daft Scots Lass.  The awesome louboutins aka pretty high heels in the header of my blog are used because of my love for high heeled shoes....

Some of you will remember that originally, my blog was called A Peek Into Our Lives but I changed the name early this year, when I gave my wee bloggy a bit of a "face lift".  I much prefer the new name and the way Daft Scots Lass is heading.  She doesn't censor herself at all -  its more suiting to who I am and what the blog is all about.

What is my blog all about?  

Me, of course, my thoughts, my opinionated rambling, my family, my children, my work, my life as a wife and a very busy working mum with a hectic social calendar.  It may be pretty boring for some, but blogging is a kind of therapy for me.  It is like talking to a friend and getting something "off your chest".  I know it sounds kinda cliché, but that is why I blog.  

I love reading other blogs - in fact I have a readers list of nearly 250 blogs now.  I try and read most of them but its simply impossible to read 250 blogs that generally post every day!  I read when I can, I comment when I can and especially now that our internet is being monitored at work.  I can't sit and have blogger open all day and read when I have a couple of moments.

I love to get comments and feedback on what you like and even what you don't like.  I enjoy hearing YOUR opinions and what YOU think.  That way I get to learn more about YOU.  Yes YOU - my Bloggerville Friends.

Join G-Man and write a complete story in 55 words.

Here's my Friday Flash Fiction 55

No more deadlines

No more stress

Just three weeks of holiday

Chillaxing and Rest

I can’t wait to do nothing

Kick back in my hammock

Chug exotic cocktails

And feel the sand on my feet

Hear the ocean’s waves crashing

My kids giggling and squealing

Permitted  to do anything we want

Are we there yet?

Now go and sign up for Fawk You Friday over at Boobies

My Fuck You's this week are:

Fuck You to the bastard toothache that I've been suffering for the last two weeks.  No fekking medical insurance left so it will have to wait until next year!  suffer baby suffer!

Fuck You to the rain that poured down last night during my 4 year old's Christmas Carol's By Candlelight mini-concert and ruined her debut performance.

Fuck You to my doctor who injected a VERY pointy, VERY sharp, VERY long needle into my face in order to remove all my moles this week.  I look like a fucking leper at the moment because I've still got stitches in my face and scabs where he Dr Shit Hole burned off the rest.  Everyone keeps asking me what happened.  I told them "I actually won the fight but you should see the other guy, He's fighting for his life in ICU, Fucker!"  Some actually believed me for about three seconds.

Go FlogYoBlog at Random Ramblings of a SAHM

FFF55 and Fawk You Friday

Go give The G-Man some love and join hundreds of other bloggers playing Flash Fiction Friday 55.

Write a complete story in only 55 words. Its easier said that done.

Enjoy!

Don’t spend your precious time asking “What is happening to the world and why isn’t it a better place?”.  It’s only be time wasted.  The question to ask is: “How I can I make it better?”  To that there are plenty answers.  It sometimes takes minimal effort to make a huge impact on someone else.

Yay! Its Fawk You Friday hosted by Boobies

Ready! Steady! Vent!

I had ONE BIG thing that I want to vent about this week that I can't really vent about on my blog.  Yeah, I know I always say never censor yerself but this is about work and I don't really wanna splash things about work all over the interwebs and get fired for it.  I do enjoy my work, its just circumstances that I'm PISSED OFF about.  Its been a very emotional week at work and some major changes taking place...So, I'm taking the easy way out and just making a general Fuck You to that in general.

Fuck You to that freakazoid Lady Gaga who recently wore a dress made out of fucking sirloin steaks to the MTV Music Awards.  God, she's so fucking twisted you just can't look away.  Don't worry Vegans its FAKE!  But still only the Gaga would wear this in public, hell, only Gaga would wear this at ALL!

Lady Gaga meats MTV 

Fuck you to the fucking retarded Nicole Kidman who was once really pretty, actually quite the gorgeous gal around Hollywood.  Now that skank has had so much plastic surgery you could cut her waif frame with a knife.  She's gone from strikingly stunning to uglier than a bag full of fucking hairy arseholes!  Stoopid bitch.

Finally, a big Fawk You to My Boerewors who, more often than not, makes ME sleep in the wet spot.  I'll get you back...be on the look out for revenge...

Go FlogYoBlog Friday at Random Ramblings of a SAHM 

Flash Fiction Friday 55 and Fawk You Friday

Join me and The  G-Man and hundreds of other bloggers playing Flash Fiction Friday 55.  Write a complete story in only 55 words.  Its easier said that done. Enjoy!

Man, its so awesome to be back.

Incognito

Masked and disguised

Buried behind a dense dark cloak

Veiled and concealed

An enigma to world

Secretly Smirking behind the costume

Relishing the anonymity and secrecy

Taking delight in the mystery

My Halloween ensemble is complete

However, all is in vain

Completely pointless and futile

ADaftScotsLass is

“All dressed up and no-where to go”

Yay!  Its Fawk You Friday at Boobies.

It gives you a chance to vent your frustrations for the week, which I do a lot and LOVE it:

• Fuck You to our internal It department who are restricting our internet access to almost nothing.  When am I going to get to blog, demit?  Don't make me FUCK SHIT UP, people!  I'll crack your teeth your conceited Wanker.
• Fuck You to deplorable bank balance that is depressing, pitiful and pathetic.  I want to win the fucking lottery!  I guess I’ll need to play then, right?  I’m in abject financial misery at the moment.
• Fuck You to the local retailers that grossly overcharge me for basic food stuffs.  Geezo, even a rudimentary block of gouda these days is a fucking rip off!  35 bucks!  You gotta be shitting me?!
• Fuck you to the torrent monsoon that happened just as I was leaving for work yesterday morning.  Not only did my mascara run and my hair fell flatter than a pancake, but the bottom 6 inches of my pants got mud-splattered and saturated.   Hell, I know I should NOT be complaining about the rain – and I’m not – because we really need it.  I’m complaining about the occurrences that happen due to the rain?  I am rambling again…  I just detest looking like fucking shit at work.

Go FlogYoBlog Friday at Random Ramblings of a SAHM 

Flash Fiction Friday 55 and Fawk You Friday

I'm back!!!

Gosh, FFF55ers I couldn't stay away..

I got far too many withdrawal symptoms from not writing my weekly 55s.  

Don't judge me - please just forgive me and have me back, G-Man. 

I neglected my Friday 55 

Not my finest decision 

The void it left was unexpected 

More than my lack of prose precision 

So here I am, I return 

Pleading to be taken back 

Into the crowd of 55 writers

Who fulfilled my writer’s heart. 

Exonerate, punish, reprimand and chide 

FFF55 is where my spirits reside.

Sign up for Fawk You Friday at Boobies.

It gives you a chance to vent your frustrations for the week:

• Fuck you to the bad-ass gastro virus that attacked my Boerewors and had him flat on his back in bed all day yesterday.  Poor bugger suffered and the place stank like shite.
• Fuck you to the pityful spittles of rain we had this week.  You're just teasing us!  Didn't you hear my numerous loud requests for a true African thunderstorm downpour? Light rain is enough to just piss me the fuck off.  You know, just enough to make my fucking car dirty, not enough to really saturate the garden and settle all the dust that is making our sinuses dribble all over the damn place.
• Fuck you to the South African community that don't celebrate Halloween in any way shape or form.  Because of the customs of this country, I am unable to dess up in my hawt witches party costume and go trick-or-treating.  Most of you Fuckers know how much I adore chocolate and candy.  C'mon, give a girl a break!
• Fuck you to the corn snake that found its way into our garden and scared the living shite outta me.  I nearly had fucking heart failure, demmit.  I hope that slithery Fucker didn't lay its eggs somewhere in a dark corner because if I have to deal with your babies, I will have a fucking stroke for sure!

FlogYoBlog Friday at Random Ramblings of a SAHM and meet some awesome bloggers.

Fuck You Friday

Sign up for Fawk You Friday at Boobies.

This week's Fucker Features:

This week has been pretty fucking awesome actually so its been difficult for me to find some Fuck Yous (I'm sure I'll be able to squeeze in a couple). 

Anyhoo, the reason why its been so brilliant is that I left my mobile phone at a local pharmacy and by the time I realised it was gone, I just knew someone had swiped it.  It doesn't happen often that if you leave your phone somewhere, that you get it back (well not in South Africa anyway).

However, the following day I got wind that the guy from the pharmacy had been phoning people on my contact list trying to get hold of me.  He had kept my phone and wanted to return it to me.  Yip, my brand spanking new phone was safe!  I went to collect it and I couldn't have show the dude more gratitude...

• 
  
  Fuck you to the wee baw-bag bacteria that invaded my larynx  causing me to sound like a complete eejit for most of the fuckin week.  Yeah, I lost my voice so I couldn't even yell at my kids!  It was frustrating and exhausting.  Each word I uttered took so much energy and I still sounded like a loony tweenie shitter who voice is in the process of breaking.
• 
  
  Fuck you to the nimbus clouds that floated in and mocked us.  We're all dyin' for the rain.  The wind blew a gale and we heard a rumble or two but absa lootly FUCK ALL.  We need the rain demmit, its been a long dry winter.  Just fucking rain already!

FlogYoBlog Friday at Random Ramblings of a SAHM and meet some awesome bloggers.

Blog Stalk Friday is hosted by The Princess of Class, Trash and Sass. Follow this mouthy Crazy Brunette Chick's rules or she'll fuck you Bitches up!

Awah and fuck yerselz and have a brilliant weekend!
Will be over soon to read all  yer FFF55s 

 

55 Flash Fiction Friday - Episode 9

Join me in playing this writing game with hundreds of other bloggers including G-Man on Fridays, called 55 Flash Fiction Fridays.




Warning!
If someone knocks on your front door
Saying they are from the Health and Safety Board
checking for ticks due to the warm weather
They'll ask you to take your clothes off
and dance around with your arms up

Do not do it!

This is a scam!

They only want to see you nekkid.

FlogYoBlog Friday over at MummyTime.  Go check it out!

55 Flash Fiction Friday - Episode 8

Join me in playing this writing game with hundreds of other bloggers including G-Man on Fridays, called 55 /Flash Fiction Fridays.

I opened the door
and let you in
All the way in
I normally leave
the door slightly ajar
Just in case
Its my safety device


I opened the door
and let you in
Walking around
Freely inside
Proudly strutting
Fondling my belongings
Peering at my inner-most
Feelings and thoughts


Making me tingle
And smile

Head over to Mummy Time to FlogYoBlog Friday

55 Flash Fiction Friday - Episode 7

Join me in playing this writing game with hundreds of other bloggers including G-Man on Fridays, called 55 Fiction Fridays, or 55 Fridays.  The idea is to write a complete story in only 55 words.

So, get your pen poised and either write a 55 word story on your own blog, or you can post it in my comments below. Its all good and I do it for fun.  Give it a go!

Hold it firmly

Not too tight

Never Squeeze

Moisten your lips

Cover the tip with your mouth, gently suck

Slowly trail your tongue around the rim

Then lazily lick up the sides

Don’t mess a single drop

Hmmmmmmmm

Never bite

Like an angel

Dancing in

your mouth

Ice-cream

cones

Is

One

Of

My

Favourite

treats

Over at MummyTime

55 Flash Fiction Friday - Episode 6 - Flog Yo Blog

Join me in playing this writing game with hundreds of other bloggers including G-Man on Fridays, called 55 Fiction Fridays, or 55 Fridays.

The idea is to write a complete story in only 55 words.

So, get your pen poised and either write a 55 word story on your own blog, or you can post it in my comments below. Its all good.

I counted from one to ten

I clasped my hands together, closed my eyes and prayed

I locked myself in the bathroom

I hid out where no one could find me

I wished to be invisible

projected to blend in

But I'm very close to giving up

don't make me have to fuck shit up

Mummy Time - Flog Yo Blog Friday is about passing it forward.  Go check it out.  Happy Friday!

55 Flash Fiction Friday - Episode 5

Join me in playing this writing game with hundreds of other bloggers including G-Man  on Fridays, called 55 Fiction Fridays, or 55 Fridays. The idea is to write a complete story in only 55 words.

So, get your pen poised and either write a 55 word story on your own blog, or you can post it in my comments below.  Its all good.





They're not love handles!
No.
I've got love impact protection barriers.
And they’re all mine!
I have proudly cultivated them
over many years
And proud to say
they cost me a small fortune
KFC
Pizza
Nandos
Maccie D’s
It doesn’t come cheap anymore.
Having two kids did contribute.
The price you pay for awesomeness...