Saturday, 20 November 2010

Best Hoaxes Eva!

The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest

1957: The respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees.
 
Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied, "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."
 
I guess they're still waiting for their spaghetti trees to grow, dooshbags.
  
Sidd Finch

1985: Sports Illustrated published a story about a new rookie pitcher who planned to play for the Mets. His name was Sidd Finch, and he could reportedly throw a baseball at 168 mph with pinpoint accuracy.
 
This was 65 mph faster than the previous record. Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never even played the game before. Instead, he had mastered the "art of the pitch" in a Tibetan monastery under the guidance of the "great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa."
 
Mets fans celebrated their teams' amazing luck at having found such a gifted player, and Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information. In reality this legendary player only existed in the imagination of the author of the article, George Plimpton.
 
Just as well...his over-sized sasquatch feet are kind of fucking Freaky! 
 
Instant Color Telly

1962: In 1962 there was only one TV channel in Sweden, and it broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert, Kjell Stensson, appeared on the news to announce that, thanks to a new technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to display color reception.
 
All they had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their tv screen. Stensson proceeded to demonstrate the process. Thousands of people were taken in. Regular color broadcasts only commenced in Sweden on April 1, 1970.
 
I always wondered why my dad stretched my mum's old tights over the telly on a weekly basis.  I suppose he didn't get the memo that it was all a joke.
 
The Taco Liberty Bell

1996: The Taco Bell Corporation announced it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell.
 
Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell was housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke.
 
The best line of the day came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale.
 
Thinking on his feet, he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold. It would now be known, he said, as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.
 
Ding.  Dong...
 
San Serriffe

1977: The British newspaper The Guardian published a special seven-page supplement devoted to San Serriffe, a small republic said to consist of several semi-colon-shaped islands located in the Indian Ocean.
 
A series of articles affectionately described the geography and culture of this obscure nation. Its two main islands were named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse. Its capital was Bodoni, and its leader was General Pica.
 
The Guardian's phones rang all day as readers sought more information about the idyllic holiday spot. Only a few noticed that everything about the island was named after printer's terminology.
 
The success of this hoax is widely credited with launching the enthusiasm for April Foolery that gripped the British tabloids in subsequent decades.
 
I wonder if the mock-up maps were printed in HD dpi on caliper, gosh thats enough to make anyone bleed.
 
Nixon for President

1992: National Public Radio's Talk of the Nation program announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for President again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." Accompanying this announcement were audio clips of Nixon delivering his candidacy speech.
 
Listeners responded viscerally to the announcement, flooding the show with calls expressing shock and outrage. Only during the second half of the show did the host John Hockenberry reveal that the announcement was a practical joke.
 
Nixon's voice was impersonated by comedian Rich Little
 
Have you ever played any hoaxes and got a good response?
"I played by the rules of politics as I found them."  - Richard M. Nixon

Alabama Changes the Value of Pi
The April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the 'Biblical value' of 3.0.
 
Soon the article made its way onto the internet, and then it rapidly spread around the world, forwarded by email. It only became apparent how far the article had spread when the Alabama legislature began receiving hundreds of calls from people protesting the legislation.
 
The original article, which was intended as a parody of legislative attempts to circumscribe the teaching of evolution, was written by physicist Mark Boslough.
 
Mark had his pi and ate it that day.
 
The Left-Handed Whopper

1998: Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans.
 
According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers.
 
The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, "many others requested their own 'right handed' version."
 
Some say the left handed version had 150 calories less.  Call it "Whopper Lite".
 
Hotheaded Naked Ice Borers

1995: Discover Magazine reported that the highly respected wildlife biologist Dr. Aprile Pazzo had found a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer.
 
These fascinating creatures had bony plates on their heads that, fed by numerous blood vessels, could become burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speeds. They used this ability to hunt penguins, melting the ice beneath the penguins and causing them to sink downwards into the resulting slush where the hotheads consumed them. After much research, Dr. Pazzo theorized that the hotheads might have been responsible for the mysterious disappearance of noted Antarctic explorer Philippe Poisson in 1837.
 
"To the ice borers, he would have looked like a penguin," the article quoted her as saying. Discover received more mail in response to this article than they had received for any other article in their history.
 
Just as well those ugly fuckers were fake.
 
Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity
1976: The British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes.
 
The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth's own gravity.
 
Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation.
 
When 9:47 AM arrived, BBC2 began to receive hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her eleven friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room.
 
Must've been all the fucking Jameson they sucked down awaiting the count-down on telly.  

Hop to it!

Friday, 19 November 2010

55 Freaky Friday Shizzle - Office Christmas Parties

Join me and G-Man and hundreds of other bloggers playing Flash Fiction Friday 55. Try writing a complete story in only 55 words.  I did this one in exactly 5.5 minutes (it shows but I left my Friday post far too late)…





‘Tis almost the season to be jolly
Fa La La and all that folly

Christmas is full of prezzies and fun

Family, friends, dry Fruit Bun

We love the anticipation

We love the spirit

Eating ourselves silly on festive food, gerrit?

Santa, don’t give us junk we don’t want

Listen, and don’t be a cunt




BWS tips button
I'm venting again this week with Boobies' Fawk You Friday.


Fuck you to the allergies that have infected my children's bodies this week.  I have no Medical Aid (Medical Insurance) left until January and I have to pay the Doctor's fees cash upfront and its not frikken cheap!  Neither is the fucking meds that he prescribes.  Luckily, I can claim it all back from The Tax Man but only at the end of the tax year, Dipshit! 


This made me think of one of my favourite Beatles songs..enjoy!


 
 


Freaky Friday
Theme : Freaky Office Christmas Parties


Are your Office Christmas parties as Freaky mine?


I dreads the office Christmas Party at the end of the year because there's always one Fucker who drinks way too many bevvies and lands up trying to put his tongue in yer ear.  There's usually some Dooshbag who does a very unsexy strip-tease down to her nylon tights, flesh-coloured bra and parachute knickers.  Not attractive...


There is always The Freaky Voyeur who parks in the dark corner like a drip snapping pictures and taking video footage of all the inebriated activities and then thinks its hysterical to post the footage on You Tube and images on Facebook for all to see. 


There is always some sad Bitch who drinks too many margaritas and pours her heart to you - confessing her dark freaky secret and then you're supposed to look at her in the eye for the rest of the year.  All of a sudden, you've become her BFF just because she told you her Twisted Sex Secret that she loves to be covered from head to toe in cling wrap in the bedroom. 


Don't forget the asshole who requests Boney M from the DJ every half an hour.  Is Christmas the ONLY time of year we dust off our Boney M LP's?  Oh yeah, I know you've got one hiding in your collection too.  Oh, I can hear you singing Little Drummer Boy already....  Barruppa Pum-Pum...


What about the old hag from Accounts, who is ninety-in-the-shade, who insist on wearing the most ridiculous and embarrassing home-made Christmas outfits complete with jingling bauble earings and living up to her "jolly" name?  Ho Ho HO!


Are your office Christmas Parties like this?


Or is it just me that works for a bunch of fucking weirdos and freaks?





Slobbering Boss trying to tongue fuck your ear
Wanna suck on Rudolf's Red Bits?



Forget the Tree. 
Why don't you all gather around me this year?





Thursday, 18 November 2010

Half-Nekkid Thursday - Billboard HNT (Sexual Tic Tac Toe)

Half-Nekkid Thursday otherwise known as HNT is hosted by Osbasso so go give him some lovin' and check out the guidelines and sign up.


Some of us choose to keep things above the belt, others don't and I LOVE visiting all of them.   

Happy HNT!!!

This may not be my background but its DEFINITELY my cleavage.



And just because I think this is soopa sexy.

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

What's that Smell? Oh yeah, its the Stench of Tyranny




.
Get a farting guy!



This FART Chart is also damn funny.







Smell-O-Vision

In 1965, BBC TV played an April Fool's Day joke on their viewers. The network aired an "interview" with a man who had invented a new technology called "Smellovision" that allowed viewers at home to experience aromas produced in the television studio.

To demonstrate, the man chopped some onions and brewed a pot of coffee.  Viewers called in to confirm that they had smelled the aromas that were "transmitted" through their television set.  Oh the Tyranny of it all...

Aren't you glad they haven't invented Smellivision? Epsecially in the case of the Farting Idol.

Remember to pop in and visit The Daft Scots Lass for Half-Nekkid Thursday tomorrow.  

See you then!

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Kulula.com

One of our local airlines in South Africa is Kulula Airlines and they have such a brilliant advertising and marketing campaign with a great  sense of local humour. 

Their new planes even have brilliant branding "Flying 101" giving passengers a chance to obtain basic flying and aircraft knowledge.  With these types of clued-up passengers, who needs a Pilot, right?

Very clever and educational...now everyone will know where the black box on an aircraft is.

Some of you "foreign" visitors might not "get" the silly South African humour as it is pretty much situationation stuff complete with "koogal accent". 

This is an REAL recording of a Flight Demo with them.  Excellent stuff!

 

This is a recording of their automated answering service when you call their
Customer Services line.




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