Go For Pinks, Daddy-O!

Grease.  

Not only was it a great movie, it had an amazing sound track and it took us back to fifties when it was all about diners, greasers, rockabilly, leather jackets, wide skirts and red lips.

When goody-two-shoes Olivia Newton John (Sandy) and greaser, John Travolta (Danny) have a summer romance and find themselves attending the same high school.  

All sorts of adventures happen...

My favourite scene is the dancing scene between Danny and Sandy "Born to Hand Jive"  It's pretty obvious who is the dancer and who is trying to keep up.  It's quite sweet...all those petticoats swishing and cheesy moves.  Travolta really shines on the dance floor and the fact that his sexy slicked back, black hair and his chin dimples are on display, will make any lass swoon.

"Tell me About it, Stud!"....Watch this and take a trip back to the fifties.




I adore this rockabilly version of Led Zeppelin's Whole Lotta Love.





This kinda dancing makes me want to get up to boogie woogie and jive.




Couldn't have a post about rockabilly and NOT include the King of Rock 'n Roll - Elvis!!!

Friday Update

Happy Friday, Pretty Plonkers. 

I seem to be spending more and more time on Twitter and Instagram and I know I'm neglecting my blog and my writing. I haven't written anything decent for months! 

I wish I could get out of my rut and write something good. 

I am even contemplating stopping blogging until I can blog properly again.

So, here's a bit of an update.

I am now officially on holiday from today for an entire month! Pretty damn fucking awesome if you ask me.  We had our work closing breakfast this morning at Moonrakers to say farewell to our work colleagues until the new year. The food and conversation was great, although the service was incredibly slow.


So last week, we had a busy one.  

It was my 14th wedding anniversary and I got my favourite perfume and my girls made me my favourite - tea in bed.  What more could a lass ask for?

Last week, my nephew, Dylan, was in a local singing talent competition and was the only boy to reach the finals (all the others were lassies).  He was gutted when he didn't win, but all the family went along to cheer him on and watch him sing Elvis' "All Shook Up".  He's a huge Bruno Mars fan but thought it would be a better choice singing Elvis when he found out all the judges were old farts. 

We also had our local CPF (Brackenhurst Community Policy Forum) year end braai at Jackson Dam.  Lots of fun in the sun and I got burnt to a crisp!  I have a very sexy flip flop tan to go along with my yoga pants tan.  I really have to sort that fucking shit out this holiday.  My legs resemble Cat In the Hat's hat.

We've put all our Christmas tree lights up and I'm convinced you can see us from fekking outer space.  It even tripped all the power the other night, but it looks incredibly festive and I'm dead chuffed. Christmas is my favourite holiday and it looks beautiful (even if Rudolf looks like a Fox).  What does the Fox say?
Tomorrow is my Boerewors' 40th birthday and because he didn't want a party, or to celebrate, we are going to a friend's 21st birthday party instead.  I have "cake for breakfast" planned and some nice prezzies for him.  Will share pix soon enough...

We have a new puppy in our family.  I have introduced her on Instagram and Twitter but not officially on my blog.  

She is a wee soft-natured Jack Russel and her name is Abby.  A friend for Penny and Emma.  They love her to bits.  Another wee playmate for them.

We went to Meg and KK's school Carols By Candlelight and it was a lovely night.  The choir and the musicians were well-rehearsed and I burnt my leg with candle wax at least half a dozen times.  Next year we're going to Carols By GlowStix.  I can't bear all the injuries.

Kaylin's face is almost completely healed after her high-speed face plant with a plastic chair. We had a HUGE scare that she'd broke her nose but it was just loads of soft tissue damage and tons of bruising and swelling.  My poor wee peanut looks like an alien for a while but its amazing how quickly kids heal and how resilient they are.  Bouncing Back is so much easier when you're only 7.

From this

and this

to this

On Monday, we are getting together with sister at her place for an early Christmas lunch.  I know it's over a week early, but it will be the last time that we can all be together with our six kids.  Lots of festive jollifications planned;  Christmas hats, plenty presents, Michael Bublé and Christmas crackers.

Have a weekend filled with love, laughter and awesomeness.

How to Fondle the Proxy Penis

Happy Wednezday, Plonkers...

Here are 12 things you may wish you didn't know....

You touch 15 Cocks a Day!

Indirectly, but still.  It's by touching things recently by someone who's just touched their junk.  We're pretty grossed out at the thought of indirectly groping someone's cock, let alone 15!  Every time you touch a doorknob just imagine how nmany knobs you're fondling!  Not too different from fiving out wristies on Oxford Road...


Porn Doesn't Pay

Ever thought about quitting your desk job for a bed job?  That in your next life you'd be making a killing mining for Marmite down the next Jenna Jameson's holiest of holeys?  Forget it, Plonkers!  Not only is it almost impossible for a straight bloke to get a break in the adult film industry, the slary male porn stars earn is positively pitiful.  Still, STDs and living on the breadline aside, there's something to be said for nailing your dream job.


The Floating Island of Crap

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch is almost half the size of South Africa!  The world's largest landfill is completely unregulated, an island of plastic bottles, busted computers, manky toothbrushes and used connies.  And its there to stay.  Blah!


The Interwebz Never Forgets

Everything you've ever posted online is still there, somewhere, in the formless cornucopia of bits, bytes and feeds on the net.  Google can rat you out if the authorities ask for your info!


You're Taxed to the Max

Up to 60% of what you earn goes to the government.  That's tax on your salary, 14% VAT, carbon tax, tax on petrol and the e-toll system, which could chow R1000 a month if you commute between Jozi and Tswane!  The NHI is coming and as if that isn't enough, a one per cent tax has also been propsed to keep your favourite state broadcaster afloat.  And that on top of a fucking recession!


What Polony is really made of

The manufactuerers claim there's nothing substandard about he meat they use but when you're munching on that slimy pink tube, you're eating everthing they can't use in other products, ears, eyes, snouts and even testicles - all minced together and set in a fatty jelly made by boiling a pig's head.  YUMMERZ!

Shite in yer Nose

You don't smell anything with
out molecules binding to your olfactory receptors, so next time you're exposed to anal acoustics in a crowded lift know that you're ingesting little particles of poop.  When you flush a toilet, faecal matter is flung up six meters from the bowl, so chips your toothbrush!  And all air freshener does is mask the methane - shite that smells like lavender is still shite - just more insidious.


I See Stupid People

A staggering 41% of Yanks believe the rapture will happen by 2050.  Yes, almost half the population of what's still Earth's most powerful country are convinced that soon the faithful will be spirited away while they're sleeping, stuck in traffic or molesting altar boys.  These are the same people who aren't sold on global warming, probably because they think they'll be gone before the fallout.


Piracy Police are Pending

You've been scavenging the interwebz for everything your cap allows since you first learnt an mp3 isn't a form you have to submit to SARS.  But soon you may have to settle for what you've already managed to plunder.  Copyright companies in the US and UK have teamed up with service providers to monitor usage and South Africa looks set ot join the piracy pooping.  Downloading the latest Dexter might have Big Brother knocking at yer door.


Childbirth is Horrific

The miracle of life is also on of its biggest horrors.  Most men just don't have the stomach to handle the lumpy, blood-soaked terror that emergest from your lady's lovely Love Garden after your baby comes out or the turd she's bound to let slip as she's pushing out your progeny.  Add to that vaginal tearing and the manky placenta and you'll have to work hard to view her as sexy again!


Planes carry minimal fuel

As if breathing the same air as that Asian couple wearing masks over their mouths for 12 hours isn't enough to make you want to bring  your own oxygen tank, aerooplanes carry just enough fuel to get your there.  next time you need to make a detour, hoe its not a major one.

Glee is more successful than The King

The tune-spouting troupe from Fox's hit TV show have had more Billboard Hot 100 hits than Elvis Presley!  I shite you not.  Now on in its third season and pumping out an average of five power-pop rehashes an episode, expect these adolescent dethroners to leave The King's previous record of 108 entries in a trite trail of synth and slick productions.

Put that in yer pipe 'n smoke it!  

Do you know of some other facts of life that are better left obsure?

Kaylin's School Concert

Its been a busy week for us with Megan's concert four nights this week.  

Kaylin had her opening night last night and I really wasn't expecting anything from my wee Aspies four year old.  The last two years in a row its been chronic stage fright, loads of sobbing tears and "I waaaant my Muuuuuummmy!". 

Last night was COMPLETELY different!  She was a Soopa Star and I couldn't have been prouder.

KK was front and centre and with a smile that went all the way around her head, she danced and sang her wee heart out.  I was beaming with pride and yes my eyes were welling up!  Shut up, don't judge me....

Anyhoo, their theme was Rock 'n Roll and they'd gone all out with the decor and props.  They even had some old classic cars parked out front.  What a show...

The Entrance

  

KK's Concert Artwork

The Opening Dancers

Kaylin shakin wot her Mama gave her to the song "Please, Mr Postman"

"Look and see...."

Sittin' here waitin' Mr Postman  - so patiently...

Wigglin' Bums

Oh yeaaaaaaaaaah....

The Hand Jive

I could've eaten her up!

The boys did Grease Lightning...in their jumpsuits

Elvis was also in the Building

My Boy Lollipop!

Some of them really got into Rock 'n Roll character

Hey! Big Spender....

What a sexy Philtrum you have!

Philtrum (pron. fil′trəm) n.  The vertical groove in the midline of the upper lip.  Also known as Cupid's Bow because it is said to resemble the bow of Cupid - the Roman god of erotic love.

I was once told, when I was younger by a woman who owned a modelling agency, that I had beautiful high cheek bones and the most perfect philtrum.  WTF???  I was only 14 at the time and I had no fucking clue what she was talking about!  

The Story goes like this....

Friends of mine had made an appointment to sign up with a modelling agency, and I went along for the ride.  The two sisters who wanted to sign up, wanted it so badly.  It was their dream!  They wanted to glide down the runways in designer clothes and ridiculously high heels.  They wanted the so-called glamorous lifestyle of the Supermodels and have make-up artists and hair stylists faff over them and ooo and aaah at their every pose.

Anyhoo, the day in question, off we went to the modelling agency with the over-protective mother in tow, I tagged along for the day as I was spending the weekend at their house on a sleep-over.  

When their dreams were crushed before their eyes and mine, I felt so sorry for them.  Then again, what DID they expect??  Lets just say they weren't your typical "model" types.  Average looks, mousey brown hair, average height, nothing "Heidi Klum" about them.

The woman who owned the model agency spent more time talking about my bone structure, my sexy philtrum and my ginger hair.  I was fucking mortified.  I was supposed to be the 5 foot nothing wall flower in the corner going along for the ride.  I said nothing!  The glares and grimaces from the sisters was enough to turn me instantly to ice!  

The trip home was agonisingly quiet and awkward.  The mother tried to "console" her girls and I sat in silence looking out the window not knowing what to say.  I could feel their penetrating stares drill into the back of my skull.

Friendship Over!

14 year old girls are so fucking fickle.  The next week I had a fist fight on the playground at school with the younger sister and got suspended for giving her a black eye and a bloody nose.   Yeah, those were the days, Bitches!   I may be 5 foot nothing but I'll kick yer skinny arses!

I still wondered what the fuck a philtrum was.

I had a dream about this the other night which reminded me a lot of that day and I thought I'd Google and find out what a philtrum was.  I had no idea the wee groove in yer face even had a name.  

There you have it, Peeps.  I have a perfect philtrum!

Here are a few other celebrity types who are also considered to have the perfect philtrum.

Jim Sex-On-Legs Morrison

Enrique "Rough 'n Rugged" Iglesias

Anna "Cum to Bed Eyes" Kournikova

Elvis Presley "The King"

Someone with NO philtrum.  Quite possibly my friend's sister.
 
I guess you don't quite notice what's missing until its not there!

Some people even pierce their Philtrum!

Who else do you think has a sexy philtrum??

Elvis Presley at Prestwick Airport in Scotland.

Elvis was only ever in Scotland in 1960.

My Uncle Robert Ghee shaking hands with The King

My Uncle Ian and Uncle Robert got to meet The King in person for the only hour that he was ever in Scotland (or on British soil for that matter)

My Uncle Ian worked at Prestwick airport at the time and got wind that a VIP was going to be visiting on the 3rd of March 1960.

It was Elvis Presley.

Elvis’ plane was stopping over to refuel on his way back to the US after being in the Germany Army for two years.

My Uncle Ian, being a photographer, grabbed the opportunity and phoned my mum (who was, and still is a HUGE Elvis fan) to be the one to pose as the person who was to carry his photographic accessories to get through security.

My mum said she had a date with my dad and turned him down!!!
 
Can you frikken believe it?
 

Uncle Robert with Elvis

Love is truly blind.
 
I’ll bet she’ll regret that for the rest of her life.
 
My Uncle Robert went instead.
 
However, my Mum has some awesome portrait shots of The King shaking my Uncle Robert's hand and some of just Elvis looking dashingly handsome in his military uniform.
 
Uncle Robert still has the piece of paper that Elvis autographed for him.
 
They’re probably worth a small fortune to Elvis memorabilia collectors and the photos worth even more to my mum. 

It will be forever  "The day she missed out on meeting Elvis" without his protective manager and all the paparazzi and fans swarming him.
 
Some press were there too that day, but my Uncle Ian was the only photographer to make it to the airport in time to snap The King.
 
How's that for awesome??
 
True story...
 

Elvis Presley.  All the photos are scans of the originals.

Another Amazing Dream

I had a date with Elvis last night!!! 

The young, handsome 50's Elvis.  I was in my bobby socks and wide skirt with pony tails in my hair and we went to the drive-in movies in his Cadallac with the top down.  I was so excited and I couldn't believe I was with "The King"!

I remember rubbing mosquito repelant on my arms and saying to Elvis "I don't want to get chowed by the mozzies".  He smiled his sexy crooked smile and said to me "But where will I kiss ya now?".  I grinned and winked.  He laughed his irrisistible laugh and I fell in lurrrrve.

Elvis even gave me his jacket to wear later in the evening when I got cold!  What a gentleman.

Another awesome adventure and I woke with a smile on my face.