A Rough Day

Kaylin went for her first assessment with the Speech Therapist on Monday this week. Two hours and R950 poorer, my wee lassie was knackered. All the focus and concentrating took it out of her and she fell asleep on the way back to school on the back seat of the car.

I dropped her off and sped back to work, knowing that they’d been pissed at me for taking so long. My eyes were leaking from being told that my wee lassies needs lots of speech therapy at least once a week as her expressive vocab is on par with that of a 4½ year old. Her interpretive vocab is age appropriate, she just needs help verbalizing herself and learning to form correct and full sentences. 

Kaylin hides this very well, though. She hides behind her humour and dramatics or avoids you like the plague if you're pressing her.  She is not confident about speaking at all but rather uses facial expressions and sounds to get a laugh.

Kaylin is 6 and needs to go to “big school” next year.

I am doing everything in my power to get her “school ready”.  Her ADHD meds help but she also attends Occupational Therapy once a week (she needs more, but we can’t really afford it).   Kaylin is a happy wee lassie and oblivious to why she goes to “PLAY” at all these lady’s offices. She thinks we’re just visiting. I feel overwhelmed and forever rushing here and there with her. I can only trust that I'm doing the best for her as I'm not a professional in these areas.

Today at the OT, she suggested that I have the Neurologist do a cat scan on KK to make sure that she has no neurological nerve damage to her brain. Just to rule it out. This scared me. She said that she’s never seen a case this severe.   The fact that Kaylin battles to recall simple words, express herself in sentenses and follow simple instructions.   Kaylin gets extremely frustrated when she can’t do something or finds it difficult. She immediately gets extremely anxious, starts talking “baby talk” and pulls back. You can see the apprehension on her wee face. It breaks my heart.

It was a very emotional day yesterday.  I cried a lot.  Normally I just "get on with it" but yesterday I just broked down. I felt alone and helpless.

I'm praying we can out-rule it and with long-term treatment with the OT and speech therapist we can experience improvement. 

In the meantime we are still searching for a suitable primary school for my wee lass.

A Daft Scots Mum has leaky eyes

Yesterday, a girl-child and a boy-child made A Daft Scots Mum’s heart soar.

We have a regular Tuesday lunch-time appointment with my youngest, Kaylin’s new Occupational Therapist, and have been going to her for 2 months.  Most of you know, KK has many special needs including ADHD, OCD, ODD and heaps of Sensory issues.  One of the many things we struggle with, is that she hates large crowds, loud noises and doesn’t like to be touched by people she doesn’t know (including her OT).

It takes a while for KK to trust anyone and, with the help of this amazing woman, yesterday we had a colossal break-through. 

KK actually got into to the OTs over-sized material swing for the first time, after 8 weeks of coaxing.  She let the OT swing her for nearly 30 minutes.  Now that might now seem a lot to anyone else but for us it is massive   

Not only did she swing for what seemed like an eternity for me, but she giggled from the pit of her stomach at FULL volume.  I’d actually NEVER seen Kaylin that happy.  It was such a naturally joyful laugh and she kept saying “I’m soooo happy!”. 

My cheeks were sore from smiling (just watching her) and, by the end of the session, I had to excuse myself from the room to go and dry my leaky eyes (I think I may have had some dust in my eye). I couldn’t have been happier watching my wee lassie burst with happiness and delight. She was on a high for the rest of the day.

When I went to fetch her from school that afternoon, she was still in a fabulous mood and one of her little friends kept trying to get my attention while I was listening to KK tell me about her day.  He finally got my attention and beamed a massive smile at me and declared:

Wee Boy :  “Kaylin’s Mum, I love your hair – its gorgeous”.

My heart could’ve exploded.  This sweet wee boy spontaneously gave me such an awesome compliment just because he felt the urge to.  What person would NOT have been touched by such honey-covered words?

All-in-All a good day.

Have you voted for my blog yet? I've been nominated for SA's Best Mommy Blogger.

 

My Spirited Child Strikes Again...

Kaylin was on form this morning!!

She drew with crayons on my doors bedrooms and she got put in the Naughty Corner for that. Then I realised she'd taken a pencil and drawn nice little men on my dining room walls too. Another session in the Naughty Corner...

If that wasn't enough, she'd gotten into the car with her sister before me this morning and managed to shove a CD into the CD shutter (that was already full) and jammed it into the loading slot.

*sigh* all this before 8am this morning!!!

*groan*

Thank goodness we have an appointment with Kaylin's Play Therapist today so we can move on from here. Kaylin over the past week has developed a nervous twitch in her eyes and we want to get clarity on that too...

aye...being the parent of a Spirited Child ain't no walk in the park.

I think I need to rule out all the medical possibilities now.

Kaylin Update

It takes all my effort to understand my youngest child.

Kaylin is a complex little being with individual needs and I often forget that and throw both my girls “in one basket” so to speak and hope they’ll be okay. Its not so!

They are both so different and need different things from me. The guilt is huge.

Megan can entertain herself for ages playing with her toys, drawing pictures, playing Sims 2 or XBOX or even just watching telly or a DVD. Kaylin on the other hand, has never been a TV watcher and enjoying one-on-one play ALL THE TIME which can be exhausting. Especially when all you want to do is sit on the couch and have some quiet time.

There is no such thing as “quiet time” in our house. We are all quite a loud bunch and sometimes I forget that because I find myself telling Kaylin to “turn her volume down” and “sssssssssshhh”. How can I expect her to be a quiet little girl when we’re all so loud? I can be so unreasonable sometimes. Its just that her high-pitched voice seems louder and more piercing and irritating than everyone elses – she certainly can’t help that.

I feel incredibly guity because I don’t give her all the attention she wants (she is VERY demanding) – but I also need some “time out”…

Am I expecting too much of her when I wish she would play on her own for half an hour? Without my constant attention and encouragement?

Lately, at home, she’s been wetting herself too and I can’t understand why she does it. She’s been fully potty trained for over a year, never has accidents at school or when we’re out and about. I think she does it for attention – any attention – even when its negative.

I’ve tried to calmly talk to her about this, I’ve tried yelling, smacking, the naughty corner and I feel even more guilty for doing this because I know its NOT the way to go about it. I just don’t understand how she can stand there, look me in the eye, wet her pants and smile about it? It makes me so mad!! How can she do this? How can she want to get punished – and think it’s a big joke? I just don’t understand the mentality behind this. She has me confusseled. She knows its wrong, she knows exactly what to do and yet I must’ve changed her wet pants about 20 times this long weekend.

Things are heading down the wonky path again. Just when I thought I had my spirited little girl under control – she started pushing my buttons again and I don’t know why. She a complex little girl who doesn’t communicate her feelings or explain herself.

My heart is sore – I think another trip to Lynne might point me in the right direction??

Final Therapy Session Yesterday

KK and I had our last play therapy session yesterday afternoon for nearly an hour. Lynn (the therapist) gave us five tasks to complete while she sat on the other side of the room and observed and made frantic notes.

1. Hide the Baby Marshmallows

I first hid the marshmallows in my clothes for Kaylin to find and eat. I took the opportunity to ask her to share her sweeties with me. She did no problem – previously this would’ve been a stern and nippy “No!”. I hid them between my legs, up my sleeves, down my top (in my bra) which we giggled about. Then I told her I would close my eyes and she must hide some on herself too (which she did with a little assistance from Lynne). I started to look for the marshmallows and in the process gave her a little tickle here and there which made it fun and made KK laugh and beam. What a beautiful smile and giggle my little girl has.

2. Peel and feed each other apple

I showed her how to peel and apple with a peeler and put the skin in a container and then after I showed her how to hold it herself and I let her try it. Firstly, with me holding the apple for her to peel but soon she turned on “independent” on me and wanted to try it herself. I asked her to see how long she could peel a strip off.

She did so well, and with lots of praise and encouragement we finished peeling the apple. We then cut it up to get and took turns feeding each other bite sized pieces of apple. Yummy! She NEVER eats fruit at home. This was the first time I've seen her eat an apple. Silly hey?

3. Make up a game with the bean bag

I chose to start off throwing the bean bag to each other. It seemed like the easiest. I showed her how to hold her hands out properly to catch it and hold it to her chest so she doesn’t drop it once she's caught it. Then I told her that I was going to throw the bean bag high up into the sky, which I pretended to do and while she was looking up for it to come down, I hid it behind my back. I asked her “where it is?”, “I dunno” she replied and I told her it was magic – it had disappeared.

I then hid the bean bag in my hand and outstretched my arm towards Kaylin’s ear. I touch her ear with the bean bag as if it had magically appeared from her ear! She giggled so hard at my silly magic trick.

4. Put hand cream on each other

I took time with this one. I asked her firstly to put cream on my hands because they were very dry (which they are) and I asked her to help me rub it in. She wasn’t too comfortable with this at first – she preferred to rub it in on her own hands. So I followed her lead.

I took each finger and lovingly caressed it and told her how beautiful her hands were and we spoke a little about her “Eina’s” (cuts and sores) on her hands. We talked about a little blister she had on the end of her finger she got recently and she recalled the incident.

I asked her again if she would put some on my hands again and she agreed and mirrored what I did. She took each finger in hers and touched my hands so softly and gently. I fell in love with my little girl. Such a trivial act that we take for granted can turn into a special moment.

I then asked if I could put on her legs and she pulled up her long pants for me to rub cream on her legs. I asked if I should do her feet and Kaylin took her shoes off but when I took one of her socks off she said “No, it’s too cold”. We put her sock back on and she asked to eat her apple, so that game was over. She’d controlled that but in a good way. We need to respect their wishes too. It makes them feel they have some choices and power.

5. Tell Kaylin a story about when she was a baby

I took Kaylin in my arms on my lap and told her I was going to tell her a story about when she was a baby. (Kaylin never sit still when we read stories with her sister and she doesn’t sit still to listen to me - ever! She sat on my lap and listened for a little while I told her a brief story (I knew she wouldn't sit still for long but I was thinking "baby steps"). The story was about when Daddy met her for the first time ever and that he had said to mummy how beautiful she was. I told her that Daddy was so amazed at how we made such a special little girl. I cuddled her and told her she was still our special little girl and would always be. I gave her a hug and she got up looked at me and kissed me. I told her that I loved her and she got distracted by some Tigger and Pooh toys which she gently took down and began to play with on her own. She was so calm

I am so glad that I worked so hard over the last 3 months on our relationship because we were not happy with each other. I won’t say she’s a different child altogether but I have the sweet, loving, beautiful Kaylin back that I knew was always there.

I couldn’t thank Lynne enough for helping me get this gift back. And when Lynne told me how proud she is of me and what we’ve accomplished, I nearly lost it. Bubblin' Betty here.

Feedback session will be soon and she said she’d never witnessed such a natural play session with mother and her “previously troubled” little girl. She said “It’s as if I wasn’t even there” and that normally parents are a little nervous and “staged” when they are being observed. She praised me again for doing such a great job with our relationship in such a short time.

I can’t wait to hear what he has to say about us. Hopefully she has some good criticism for us that we can work on getting an even better relationship!

Response from the Principal

After KK's incident yesterday, this is the response I get from the Principal:

"Hi Gill
Yes, I was informed yesterday of the incident. I have also spoken to the Teacher and Assistant of her class, and hope that it is NOW sorted!!!!!! You are more than welcome to send Lynn [KK's therapist} to visit the school, if it will help Kaylin with her therapy. Believe me you are not the only parent whose child gets hurt, with 230 children in a school, accidents are bound to happen.
I will personally chat to the whole class to ensure that nobody babies or picks her up"

and my response was:

"I am very disappointed.

Please do not belittle this incident by saying you have over 200 pupils in your school and that accidents are bound to happen. I am well aware of this and understand that children get hurt all the time. I am talking to you about MY child - not everyone else’s.

I’m not trying to wrap Kaylin in cotton wool, but the issue is HOW she is being treated. She is not a baby and should not be treated like one by anyone, teachers, assistant, peers alike. And secondly, this is not a once-off incident and on all times I’ve communicated this with both teachers. I believe one of the teachers were on "tea time" when this happened. How can one person be supervising a class of nearly 30 children on their own (even if it is only for 15 minutes)?"

The Principals Further Response

"Gill
I think you misunderstood my mail, and I apologise if you think that I belittled the incident. That was not my intention at all!!!

I have spoken to the class and I can asure you that no one will pick Kailin up again. Just rememember, she is little (small in size) and it is natural for the children to 'faf' over her. [Teachers]will also monitor the situation and we will be in touch."

Yet Another Kaylin Update

I get the dreaded call from the School to say Kaylin has once again been hurt by another child in her class (this has happened now once too often!)

I am livid!

I got to school and she has one serious fat lip! One of the other children was "babying" her as usual (we've had this discussion before) and was carrying her around and dropped her. She scrapped her lip on the outside and cut her mouth on the inside and it was bleeding quite a bit. I sat with her for a while and her lunch came and she started eating. I tried to get hold of my doctor who is away for the day and will only be back tomorrow. Other other two doctors in the practise are also out for the day and will only be back later. I had made an appointment for this evening. However, I dont' think they'll stitch inside her mouth as it had stopped bleeding by the time I left her as school again.

Why am I always the one that gets the call that my child has been hurt? I've had this discussion with her Teacher and Principal before that they need to stop "babying" Kaylin because thats why she behaves like one. Yes, she might be petite and cute but thats no reason to treat her like a baby. The psychologist said the same thing and is planning on a visit to the school to see what goes on. This is unacceptable! How can you allow a 4 year old to pick up another child and carry her around!!! I don't allow Megan to do it. I let them have it.

I'm sick of getting the calls that KK is hurt and by her peers. I said that they should have a chat with the children and their parents about it (the specific few that do this constantly to her) and I said if they don't talk to the parents - I will call them. I said the next thing, Kaylin will arrive home with a nappy and bottle! Just because she's so little does not give them the right to treat her like a baby and after I've spoken to them about it.

The teacher is aware that KK is in therapy for her delayed speech and lack of independence. This is NOT helping!!! I'm doing my best and they are not assisting with this.

What would you say to the teachers and school? What would you do differently? I'm so angry I can't think straight! Am I over-reacting?

I'm thinking about changing her class.

Kaylin Update

Kaylin and I went to the therapist again yesterday and it was brilliant news! Over the last three to four weeks we've turned our little baby monster into a sweet little girl. Tantrums have almost stopped and her ears are back in working order!

The "naughty corner" with the egg timer has worked a charm and giving her tasks to do to become more independent and feel more "in control" of her own behaviour e.g going to the toilet by herself, dressing herself, eating properly at the table, packing away her toys, etc.

The therapist said yesterday that when we walked in she noticed a calm mommy and a happy child. Our session was so successful and she is over the moon with our progess. She wants one more 40 minute session in which she'll give us various fun play tasks to do together while she observes. Then she'll have a feedback session with me and send us on our merry way.

We only really have to go back when (and if) we slip back into old ways and we need her help. She said "My work here is done - Well done mummy!".

The power of positive reinforcement is beyond my expectations. KK has thrived with it and loves being praised for being "a big girl". I still can't believe we turned this around in such a SHORT time. Its unbelievable how we under-estimate our toddlers. They want to be good, they want to thrive, they want to please - all they want in return is your unconditional love and respect!

I am still reading "Taming your Spirited Child without Breaking their spirit" and I'm enjoying putting the discpline tools into practise and changing how I word things to my child. Its not a chore anymore - its fun - because I see the results.

Its hasn't been easy. OH NO! I've had to be consistent and determined to stick to my guns and the rules and make it all work for all of us. I've had to ignore piercing screams and constant whining, ignore wobbles and tantrums (the iPod helped).

I couldn't have done it without the support of Riaan. He's been great to encourage me to ignore (he's the one who's good at that). I was a quitter when it came to ignoring the bad behaviour. I felt that I was neglecting her by doing this but they say even negative attention, is attention. Don't give her fuel for her raging fire.

I want to give myself and my wonderful, incredibly smart, sweet daughter a gold star with a cherry on top.

It will all continue of course...she will challenge me a times and push my buttons but we now have the tools and know how to handle it. I'm not frustrated anymore and I can ignore the bellows from a toddler.

*beaming*

Another Kaylin Update

Naughty corner is definitely working. I have to just warn her about my egg timer and that she’ll go straight to the naughty corner. We even had one WHOLE day on Tuesday that we didn’t use the naughty corner at all. We will have good days and bad days.

My extra hours put in playing one-one-one with Kaylin is improving her speech (yes, even if it has only been two weeks since we saw the psychologist for the first time). No more baby talk and praising her for new words and at least trying to verbalise herself.

I’m really trying hard with her. Trying hard to stay calm, ignore the whining and crying, which has become less and less since I’ve started putting my ipod in my ears when she cries and whines for nothing. I’m reinforcing all the time that she’s a big girl and she’s stated doing more things for herself. Dressing, choosing her clothes, brushing her own teeth, washing her own body and hair in the bath, etc.

I’m trying hard to remain consistent with her all the time and I must say she’s kicking back less and less. I just need to continue with it all.

Only one down side, so far, and that’s her purposely wetting herself at home. She doesn’t do this at school or when we are out and about - she only does it when we are at home. She’ll just stand there or sit there and look at me and wet herself. It gets me so mad! I know I need to stay calm but you can clearly see she’s doing it just to wind me up. She’s a expert manipulator.

We only go back to see the psychologist when we are back from holiday on the 3rd of May so I’ll chat to Lynne about that then.

In the mean time we’re off on holiday to Uvongo and I can’t wait to see my mum down there and play on the beach with the girls and stare at the ocean.