Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Kaylin Update

It takes all my effort to understand my youngest child.

Kaylin is a complex little being with individual needs and I often forget that and throw both my girls “in one basket” so to speak and hope they’ll be okay. Its not so!

They are both so different and need different things from me. The guilt is huge.

Megan can entertain herself for ages playing with her toys, drawing pictures, playing Sims 2 or XBOX or even just watching telly or a DVD. Kaylin on the other hand, has never been a TV watcher and enjoying one-on-one play ALL THE TIME which can be exhausting. Especially when all you want to do is sit on the couch and have some quiet time.

There is no such thing as “quiet time” in our house. We are all quite a loud bunch and sometimes I forget that because I find myself telling Kaylin to “turn her volume down” and “sssssssssshhh”. How can I expect her to be a quiet little girl when we’re all so loud? I can be so unreasonable sometimes. Its just that her high-pitched voice seems louder and more piercing and irritating than everyone elses – she certainly can’t help that.

I feel incredibly guity because I don’t give her all the attention she wants (she is VERY demanding) – but I also need some “time out”…

Am I expecting too much of her when I wish she would play on her own for half an hour? Without my constant attention and encouragement?

Lately, at home, she’s been wetting herself too and I can’t understand why she does it. She’s been fully potty trained for over a year, never has accidents at school or when we’re out and about. I think she does it for attention – any attention – even when its negative.

I’ve tried to calmly talk to her about this, I’ve tried yelling, smacking, the naughty corner and I feel even more guilty for doing this because I know its NOT the way to go about it. I just don’t understand how she can stand there, look me in the eye, wet her pants and smile about it? It makes me so mad!! How can she do this? How can she want to get punished – and think it’s a big joke? I just don’t understand the mentality behind this. She has me confusseled. She knows its wrong, she knows exactly what to do and yet I must’ve changed her wet pants about 20 times this long weekend.

Things are heading down the wonky path again. Just when I thought I had my spirited little girl under control – she started pushing my buttons again and I don’t know why. She a complex little girl who doesn’t communicate her feelings or explain herself.

My heart is sore – I think another trip to Lynne might point me in the right direction??

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