Monday, 13 September 2010

How To Offend Just About Everyone!

Oh Yes, today someone WILL be offended!  Take THAT MONDAY!

Subtle or What?
  • I'm living next door to a muslim couple at the moment. They have 3 little kids and they've challenged me to a water fight in the back yard, so I'm just writing to you while the kettle boils! 
  • Can you spare just R2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Zambia . He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just R2.00, we will send you the video - its fucking hilarious. 
  • I've caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, "good morning you ugly prick." It's not yours is it? 
  • I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful. 
  • Been to the optometrist today - he told me I was color blind. I'm fucking worried now that some of my buddies could be black. If you are, can you delete my e-mail address? 
  • There's a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market: Trycoxagain. 
  • In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one damn point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa.
  • One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Nigerians and Zimbabweans is not the correct answer 
  • George Clooney is to star in a new film about Gary Glitter, called "Oh, She's Eleven."
  • There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Durban but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.  
  • You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools!
  • A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair." 
  • A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a moustache."


Copyboy said...

Wow. you certainly nailed every offensive topic. Cheers!

Brian Miller said...

i dont think you left anyone out...

Ami said...

The last one made me spew.

Blasé said...

I think I'm offended. At which one, I'm not sure...

Matty said...

I have a sense of humor, so I'm not the least bit offended. Anyone who is needs to get a life.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

What did you spew, Ami?


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