Sunday, 12 December 2010

Day 22 - The 30 Day Blog Challenge

Topic - A letter to someone who has hurt you.

Mum and Dad

It wasn’t easy having to grow up so fast.

Listening to my your constant fighting, the anxiety of not being able to predict your moods or know what I was coming home to after school or calculate how drunk you’d be.

I feel I missed out on a lot. 

I often had to drag you to bed - passed out, I often had to keep you from physically killing each other, I often had to clean up broken dishes and patch up your wounds. I often had to make sure you got to work the next day and help you cover up black eyes and cuts.

You weren't  there for me as a young teenager. Like when I had my first kiss, my first date or when I needed help with school work (which suffered because of the volatile circumstances). On my matric farewell (prom), Dad, you forgot to come and collect me and I nearly missed the entire evening, which meant everything to me at the time.

All these things made me sad, agressive and quick to move out of home at 17 years old and start my own life. Not really knowing what to do or where to go.  Its been a struggle to find my place in life, therapy and friends have helped. I can now express all these things without feeling ashamed and worried that I will be judged for YOUR behaviour and YOUR choices.

Growing up in a home with two alcholic parents was tough but its made me who I am today. I have forgiven you both for all you did. The neglect, the unstable environment, the physical and mental abuse.

I will not forget but I have forgiven.

14 comments:

Mike Smith said...

That's brought a lump to my throat...

Caren Gittleman said...

(((((((((((huge hugs))))))))))) this was beautiful.........

You are a strong woman, never forget that!

DCHY said...

Can empathize with you there...my dad was an alcoholic who would destroy relationships rather than to admit his mistakes. He did with me and he died 2 years later, conflict unresolved.

Dazee Dreamer said...

That was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Akelamalu said...

Oh honey no child should have to go through that, I'm sorry it happened to you. xxxx

G-Man said...

Jillie Bean....
You've rose above the dysfunction.
You are a great Wife
A Great Mom.
A great Friend.
You Just Plain Rock Baby!!!
You did Good!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

You are a very impressive woman. Thanks for sharing this letter. It's very powerful.
Happy holidays.
xoRobyn

Ryan said...

Beautifully written, my dad was an alkie who beat the shit out of mum, luckily for me I never knew him as he left us when I was a baby.

Matty said...

Oh my. So sorry, but it's nice to see that you learned through this and your children will reap the benefits.

Copyboy said...

Big hug to you. I think writing something that painful can sometimes be cathartic.

Jason, as himself said...

Wow. This is something that I'm surely only children of alcoholics can really understand. Good for you for moving onward and upward! I know some people have a terrible time doing that.

Boobies said...

This is so powerful....you certainly didn't let your upbringing define you...as you are a strong & amazing woman!! XOXO

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Thanx everyone for your warm comments.

Blasé said...

Even though mine were not drinkers, they were other things that have scarred me the rest of my life.

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